


Rynna

by Janewyck



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 09:40:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 102,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13074192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janewyck/pseuds/Janewyck
Summary: My take on how Katie Janeway and Justin Tighe got together.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Let me say this up front - I'm not into Justin/Kathryn stories... just never had an interest. This story grew out of a quick sketch of their relationship as backstory to one of my J/C works. It took on a life of its own and demanded to be flushed out into its own standalone. I hope that I've done their relationship justice.  
> Special notes  
> \- Although never depicted or described (beyond a sketchy mention in a nightmare sequence), one of the main themes of this story centers around sexual assault. If you prefer to avoid content of this nature altogether, this is not the story for you.  
> \- I am among the lucky who have neither experienced sexual assault nor had a friend share with me that they had been the victim of it. How I've written the recovery is how I hope I would be able to do it if I was ever faced with the situation. I pray that I have managed to avoid minimizing the trauma involved, and that her road to recovery is feasible as I've written it.

Katie Janeway stood against the wall of the Icarus sickbay, listening to the hubbub around her as the Rangers worked out the rest of their adrenaline. Once aboard the relative safety of the ship, the Ensign Janeway that had stood up to the Gul and participated in her own escape abandoned her, leaving a terrified young woman in her wake.

Unable to admit what had happened during her captivity, she had simply answered “no” to the doctor’s assistant when he asked if she had been implanted with the torture device. He'd received another “no” when he asked if she had any other injuries beyond the visible cuts and bruises. Inexperienced in the ways of triage, he had simply nodded and directed her to stand with the others who had what he thought were similar minor injuries.

The problem was that her injuries were not minor. As much as she had wanted to disappear into the group of bumps and bruises, she was beginning to feel very sick. Shaking with the depletion of her own adrenaline rush, pain radiated from every area of her body, and she could feel a fever coming on. Still, she said nothing, while her body became weaker by the moment...

 

As a science vessel, the Icarus was unprepared for multiple trauma patients and had only two biobeds. One was occupied by Admiral Paris, where the doctor was busy discussing the various options for removing the device the Cardassians had implanted. The other was occupied by Lt Tighe. His broken ankle had been set by the doctor’s assistant. His wounds from the Toskanar Dog’s claws were currently being healed by the Ranger team’s medic, Rabbit. Trench was leaning her hip against the bed, waiting for Rabbit to finish with Justin so she could have her shoulder reset.

“It was strangely easy to retrieve Admiral Paris. His guards weren’t really paying attention to him at the time.”

“Oh?” Justin feigned disinterest in hopes that she would not continue down the road she was on. He needed time to process what he’d seen and heard before he was able to rescue the young Ensign.

Nodding her head toward where Katie stood against the wall, she tried a different tactic. “I guess it turned out that she needed the clothes you brought her.”

“It did. She lost her shoes.” Justin tried again to deflect speculation. He wanted to save the young and - he was pretty sure - innocent young woman’s privacy as much as he could. Although no one was probably listening, having this kind of conversation in a public area would risk that privacy.

“You know we heard her screaming as we were getting into position, Tina.”

“I guess _losing your shoes_ can be upsetting, Trench.” He knew he could get nothing by her, but he also knew that she would accept his response. The entire team was probably well aware of what had happened in that prison. There was no need to talk about it - especially in public.

Trench let the speculation drop. “Quick question, though. Why isn’t she in the fast lane with us?”

“I’ve been wondering the same thing.” He turned to the medic. “Rabbit, why is Ensign Janeway at the end of the line?”

“I’m not sure… I didn’t triage. Jenkins! What’s the deal with Janeway?”

“She’s fine. A few bumps and bruises, but that's it.”

Justin was now watching Katie intently. “Rabbit, get the doc. I have a feeling she’s sicker than she looks.”

Rabbit glanced up from working on Justin’s wounds and took a good look at her. “You're right. Doc Tillman! We need you to look at Janeway immediately.”

“I’m rather busy, here. Jenkins?”

“They are exaggerating, doctor. She only has a few surface injuries.”

Admiral Paris joined the conversation. “I’d hardly call a Cardassian torture device a ‘surface injury’. She really should be included in the plans to remove the devices.”

“She said she didn’t have an implant, Sir, so I put her in the secondary line.”

“She _said_. But did you check?”

“I figured she would have told me if she did.”

Justin was ready to smack the shrug out of the assistant’s shoulders. “Doctor, she’s sicker than she looks.”

“Wait - she has no implant? Then why did I hear her screaming? They took turns with us…”

Justin, eyes still on Katie, saw her slump and begin to pitch forward. “Spider! Catch her!” The big man lunged across the room, catching Katie just before she landed headfirst in a heap on the floor.

Justin stood up on his good leg. “That’s it! Everybody OUT! Rabbit - grab your medic case and take Jeans and Polly out of here! Take over the conference room or somewhere else and heal their booboos then send them home!”

“On it...”

“Trench - how are you feeling? Can I send you with Rabbit?”

“I’ll make it.” She stood up from where she had been leaning against the biobed and headed out the door with the rest of the Ranger crew.

Spider laid Katie on the bed that Justin had just vacated. “Typical. When will civilians understand that trying to be strong just makes things worse?”

“That's not strength, Spider, it’s denial. But for the record, she is a lot stronger than she looks. Now get out of here and catch up with the rest of them.”

“Yes boss.” He headed out of sickbay, but paused in the doorway and looked back at Justin. “Tina... I’m sorry.”

“I know, Spider. We’ll talk later.”

 

Katie woke up with a start. Confused, she looked around. It was dark, but this wasn’t her quarters... she was in a sickbay… the Icarus’ sickbay. Why? Then it hit her. The Cardassians - beatings and tortured screams. Then Justin - escape, the swamp, Toskanar dog. Finally...

“You’re in sickbay, dear.” A gentle voice came from the darkness as the light level slowly rose. “You passed out shortly after you arrived.” An older woman with a kind face came into view.

“I don’t feel very good.”

“Well, I should say not! Really, dear, you should have told the doctor about your injuries. Massive infections, tearing and cuts, bruised kidneys - not to mention borderline hypothermia. For heaven’s sake, it’s a wonder you’re still alive!”

“I… I… didn’t know it was that bad.” She laid back on the bed, suddenly feeling very weak.

“Now you do.”

“Who are you?”

“I’m the nurse, Sarah. Now, you must be hungry.” Sarah adjusted the biobed to support Katie while she sat upright, then placed a tray on her lap. “Something light to start out with. I hope you like chicken broth. I made the bread myself, but don't tell the doctor. He disagrees with me giving patients homemade food.”

Katie didn’t feel very hungry, but she obediently ate the bread and broth. She looked around the quiet sickbay “How long have I been in here?”

“It’s been about 12 hours since Lieutenant Tighe threw everyone out.”

“Threw them out?”

“Yes. He seemed to think you needed privacy.” She gave Katie a caring look. “He’s a nice boy, Justin.”

“I guess so. He hasn’t been very friendly to me… up until now.”

“Yes, well, intense situations can bring about a change in attitude. Or, perhaps, reveal an already existing one.”

“What?”

“Never mind, dear. Now lay back down and get some more rest. Your body is still fighting off that nasty infection. Mighty smart of you to hide in that swamp, but that murky, muddy mess hid plenty of nasty little things.”

Sarah settled Katie back down into the blankets and ordered the computer to bring the lights back to night level. “I’ll be here when you wake up, again.”

Katie woke several times more and always found Sarah nearby with another small meal or something to drink. At one point, she even offered Katie a cloth and warm water to she could wash off the worst of the sweat that had poured off her while her body fought the fever.

 

Katie was released from sickbay the next day and, for some reason she couldn’t understand, was issued private quarters. Still feeling weak, she didn’t have the strength to unpack the bags of her things someone had packed up and moved over. Such was the state of her quarters when her door chimed later in the day.

“Good afternoon, Ensign. I doubt if you remember me, but we met when you came aboard.” He stuck out his hand to shake hers. “Lieutenant Martin Sellers - Ship’s Counselor.”

_Damn. I was hoping someone would overlook the mandatory counseling_. She sighed. “Come in. Please excuse the mess. I’m afraid I haven’t had the strength to get settled.”

“Quite all right. It’s a lot of work that you might not be up for at the moment.” He tipped his head to the side. “Aside from being weak, how are you doing?”

“Oh, I’m fine. All healed up and anxious to get back to work.” She headed toward her replicator. “Coffee?”

“I don't drink the stuff, but I'll have some water, if you don't mind.”

No coffee? He slipped a little in her estimation of him. “I do remember you, by the way. We met briefly at the launching party.”

“That was a two-second meeting. You have a good memory.” He accepted the glass of water, and they sat down facing each other.

“Not for everything, but, yes, I can usually remember most things.” She looked down and stared at her coffee cup - cradled in her hands. She knew where he was going with this line of conversation.

“It’s usually better if you share your memories.”

She sighed and sat back against the couch, then looked him straight on. “And what good would that do? Sharing a memory doesn’t make you forget it. It doesn’t lessen the burden, it actually makes it worse. Who wants to have that memory dragged out again by someone else?”

He sat back against his chair. “It does lessen the burden, because talking about it makes it easier to face.”

She leveled another steady look at him. “I doubt it.” She leaned forward in her seat again. “Once I get back to work, I’ll be fine. I’m looking forward to what Lieutenant Tighe may have been able to determine while I’ve been out.”

“You won’t be going back anytime soon.”

Katie was dismayed. She _needed_ the work - the distraction - to put this behind her and get on with her life. “Why not?”

“You won’t be any good until you have healed both physically and emotionally. Until that happens, I won’t release you for active duty.”

“What criteria would you follow to make that determination?”

“You need to get over this continuing weakness, for one. Dr. Tillman says you’re free of the virus and, although some of your injuries will take additional time to be completely healed, you’re physically ready for duty.”

“So all I have to do is unpack and be able to run a few kilometers, and you’ll let me go?”

“Nice try, Ensign. It’s more than that. I need to be able to see that you can focus appropriately, that you will not experience flashbacks, and that you can build and maintain friendships.”

_He’s kidding, right? I can focus and haven’t had any flashbacks. But friendships? I don’t really have any on board_!

Significantly younger than many of her colleagues, she had only developed professional acquaintances among them. Although she had socially interacted with crewmembers who were in her age group, her studious ways had precluded much chance of developing something deeper.

She knew her roommate even less. Although Sally Rhodes was a part of the science team and near to her in age, the other scientist also had a boyfriend on the ship with private quarters. Katie almost never saw her.

“You’re not looking for me to be something more than I was before all this, are you?”  

The confusion in his face clinched the deal for her. The man knew nothing about her - hadn’t even bothered to find out anything before he came here.

She stood. “If you will excuse me, I’m suddenly full of energy, and have some unpacking to do.”

He stood also. “Very well. I’ll be back to see you later.”

 

The following afternoon, she had completely unpacked and decorated her new quarters, been to the workout center for some exercise, and eaten breakfast in the mess hall. She’d even sat with some of the crew she’d been friendly with before.

When the counselor returned to visit her, she was reading a book and listening to music. She put a smile on her face and called for him to enter. “Good afternoon, Lieutenant.”

Sellers looked around at her spotless quarters and cheerful smile. “Good afternoon, Ensign. I see you’ve been busy.”

“Yes, well, I slept very well last night - privacy and a comfortable bed will do that for you - so I took advantage of the space and was able to put out all of the things I brought with me.”

“I see.” He began to wander around, looking at her pictures and discreetly studying her demeanor as he did so. “You’re feeling better, it seems.”

“Like I said - a good night’s sleep will do wonders. Have a seat. Would you like another glass of water? Or something else this time? I’m having coffee.”

“Water is fine.” He accepted the glass she offered him. “You seem to have made a miraculous turnaround.”

“Like I said a…”

“...good night’s sleep will do that for you.” He finished for her. “You don’t think I see through this act?”

“It’s no act Lieutenant, I really do feel much better.”

They spent another hour bantering back and forth. He tried to slip her up, while she maintained the air of being back to her old self. She surprised herself at how easy it was for her to slip into that mindset - to the point where she began to believe it herself.

 

During his visit the following day, he informed her that he was releasing her for limited duty. “As a Ranger, Lieutenant Tighe is equipped to handle any… difficulties… you may experience. There will be no working outside of normal duty hours, though, and you will not work on your own.”

She accepted his limits without argument. She’d been so bored she was beginning to get on her own nerves.

“It’s Saturday, and the science team is officially off duty. You will start work when they resume on Monday. In the meantime, I will ask the Lieutenant to forward you a summary of what he’s been working on.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“Wait until you see the amount of catching up you will need to do before you thank me.”

“The longer you kept me out, the more catching up I would have had to do.”

 

A few hours later, she was on her way back from Admiral Paris’ office. When the Admiral’s summons had come, she’d found herself relieved. She had been expecting it and hadn’t realized how apprehensive she’d been about it until then.

She hadn’t seen him since she had passed out in sickbay, and had no idea what to expect. Although they never saw each other while they were there, she was sure he had heard her screaming, just as she had heard _him_.

He had admitted to her how awful his experience was, but had, thankfully, not asked about hers. She was still reeling about the rest of their conversation, though.

_Abandon the science that has been my passion for as long as I can remember? Switch to Command? Is he crazy?_

He could be considered crazy after what had happened to him. The sparkle had gone out of his eyes and she wondered if it would ever come back. She hoped so. His wry sense of humor was part of what made her love him.

The revelation about Justin’s experience with the Cardassians had sent her mind reeling even more than the suggestion of Command. _Three days_? Crickets! No wonder he was so insular… so withdrawn.

But it was more than that. Admiral Paris had insinuated that Justin’s motivation had been about _her_ . That he had risked himself, and his sanity, to make sure that _she_ was safe. She found it hard to believe. He’d been so distant from her - so dismissive - that the mere idea…

She found herself outside of his quarters. She needed to thank him… and to see if what Paris said was true.

He laughed when she stood there like a mute... frozen… unable to process what she would say to this man. “You remind me of my little sister…”

It was the first time she had seen him laugh - had seen him show any emotion at all, really. She found herself responding to it… feeling more comfortable speaking to him.

“I wanted to thank you for rescuing us… for rescuing _me_. The Admiral told me about your own history with the Cardassians. Why would you do something like this? Risk yourself again?”

There was a long silence as he considered her question, then looked directly at her. “I just knew I wasn't going to let them hurt you.” He looked away. “I’m sorry I was too late.”

She’d prepared herself to show no response to what he had to say, so her face remained impassive. In her mind, however, her jaw had dropped open wide. Then the pieces began to fit together: Paris assigning her to Justin’s protective side… Justin’s dismissive attitude toward her… her own resistance to force him into a closer working relationship.

She’d felt the electricity when she first met Justin. Paris must have seen it, then encouraged it by putting the two of them together - thus ensuring Katie’s safety. Justin had felt it, too, and avoided her to keep from exposing the vulnerability that she was to him. She had run from it - just like she ran from Will Riker - afraid of any distractions from her ambition… afraid he would undermine her like Chet.

Here they were, in the privacy of his quarters, and he had just apologized for taking too long to rescue her. He, of all people, knew what had happened… the state she had been in when he found her. Yes, the medical staff knew because they had had to heal her wounds, but he had _seen_ it. In her mind, that was different. She couldn’t hide it from him… couldn’t pretend that those things had ever happened to her.

_Does his apology mean that I’m no longer appealing? Many men would probably think that. Why would he be any different? He’s telling me I’m too damaged, now and he can’t be with me._

She stood. “Well, thank you for your honesty. I really must be going, now. I have to go over your summary so I’m ready on Monday.” She moved toward the door. She had to get out of here and back to the privacy of her quarters before she broke down.

“I understand... you can’t forgive me. I’ll see if the Admiral can re-assign us so you don’t have to see me.”

His words stopped her. “Forgive you? You got me out of that hellhole - your timing doesn’t really matter. If you hadn’t bothered, I’d probably still be there… still going through what I went through there… or maybe, even worse, what Admiral Paris went through! It’s me who has to apologize. I should never have brought this up at all.”

She began moving toward the door again. “You’re right. We probably shouldn’t try to work together. I’ll get the Admiral to put me with someone who doesn’t know what happened.”

She had her back to him and didn’t see him jump from his seat to go after her. What she knew was that someone suddenly grabbed her arm from behind. She gave a small yelp in surprise and swung around, ripping her arm from the assailant’s grasp and using the force of her turn to add power to the punch she landed on his face. Keeping up her momentum, she placed her other foot down and pivoted away from him, then took up a defensive stance.

Justin lost his balance and ran into his end table, sending a lamp crashing to the floor. Only then did Katie realize what had happened. “I’m so sorry, Lieutenant! Are you OK?”

He stood up, holding his rapidly-swelling chin. “Damn! Where did you learn how to check hook?”

“I--I--paid attention in my self defense courses? Are you OK? I didn’t mean to hit you! _Please_ don’t call security!” She stood by his door, shaking in terror. She’d just punched a superior officer! She could be put in the brig… lose her commission… be dishonorably discharged! All sorts of dire consequences ran through her head at warp ten.

“Ensign… Kathryn. Please don’t be worried. _You_ have more right to call security on _me_. I should have known better than to touch you, especially when you couldn’t see me.”

Still shaking, Katie nodded. “I’m really very sorry.”

“Like I said… I should have known better. Come, sit back down. We both need some ice… and an _honest_ talk.”

“Ice?” Still out of sorts, she hadn’t calmed down enough to realize she’d injured herself, too.

“I think you might have broken your hand on my jaw.”

It was then that she noticed that her right hand was in excruciating pain. Looking down at it, she realized it was swelling even faster than his jaw. “Maybe we should go to sickbay.” She said absently.

“If you’re OK with it, I’d rather wait until we have a moment to talk.”

“Won’t that make it worse?”

“It just needs to be iced… If you’re alright with this?”

Katie sat down, holding her hand out in front of her, still a little dazed. “It really is swollen, isn’t it?”

After inputting a few commands into the replicator, Justin turned and knelt down in front of her. “Is it okay if I touch you to put this on your hand? I can hand it to you and talk you through how to apply it, but it would be much easier if I did it.”

She looked at the bundle of ties and strips of cloth that he held in his hand. If she was thinking properly, she might have enjoyed the challenge of figuring it out for herself, but her hand was throbbing so much it was overpowering her ability to think clearly. “I think it’s better if you do it.”

Taking her hand gently, he began to wrap the individual straps around her fingers and hand. She could feel the cold from it, but there was also something else going on.

“What is that thing?”

“It’s stasis ice. It’s used in the field when immediate medical attention isn’t available. This will keep your hand immobilized. It also keeps it iced to hold off the worst of the swelling and dull the pain.”

“It’s working. Thank you.” She watched the top of his head for a moment. “Why did you ask if you could touch me?”

“After what just happened, I think it would be rather obvious.”

“I didn’t know you were there, Lieutenant. I reacted instinctively. This time, you were right in front of me. You could have simply said you were going to tie this thing on.”

He finished the application, and sat back on his heels. “You’ve been through a lot recently. I should have known better.”

“But…”

“But, nothing. Did you realize you flinched when I started to put on the stasis bandage?”

“My hand hurts.”

“Perhaps. How many people have touched you since we got back?”

“The entire medical staff, for one.”

“Expected. Their position assumes the necessity for touch. Anyone else?”

Katie had to think about that. There had been no hugs, no handholding, not even anyone to offer those things. “I shook Counselor Sellers’ hand.”

“On your terms. You could have declined. Did you hesitate?”

“I’m not sure - I didn’t think about it.”

“So, the fact remains that you may be sensitive to other people touching you without your permission. Me, more so than most.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I may be part of the memory that makes you so sensitive.”

“What?!? You were the one who saved me! I should think that would be the opposite.”

“It’s hard to say… I was there with you. It may get jumbled in your memory. I just have to be careful for now.”

“What do you mean _for now_?”

Justin sat in a chair across from her and propped his own ice pack against his jaw. “I think it’s time for our talk.”

“You can start by answering my question.”

“First, Kathryn…”

“Katie… people call me Katie.”

“Katie seems to young for you.”

“But Kathryn is too old.”

“Okay… Katie-Kathryn, I want you to know that whatever has happened  - or may happen in the future - has not and will not ever change the way I look at you or feel about you.”

“Which is…”

There was a long silence as Justin gathered the courage to speak his feelings. “I’m very fond of you Katie-Kathryn. I think I could become… _more_ … fond of you if given the chance. I would like to know if you feel similarly.”

Katie-Kathryn smiled inwardly at the formality of his statement. “I think that we should spend some time together outside of the lab. It’s probably safe to say that each of us could become _more fond_ of each other.”

A wide grin spread across his face. “Then let’s do it.”

She sat back in her chair, thinking how handsome his smile was. “So, is your little sister as annoying as mine?”

They spent some time getting to know each other personally, sharing family details and childhood memories. Katie-Kathryn was fascinated about how different Justin’s upbringing had been. On Earth, although there was differentiation in income levels, there was little struggle for food or necessities. Everyone had leftover income for some type of entertainment, travel, or some other desire.

Justin’s childhood on a poor mining colony had been much different. Although there was no struggle for food, per se, additional credits had been all but unavailable. She understood why he had been eager to leave Klatus Prime and make his way in Starfleet.

After a while, her hand began to throb again. “I think it’s time we headed for sickbay. Your stasis ice is losing its effectiveness.”

He glanced at the time. “You’re right. They do have a maximum time, and we’re almost at it.”

She sighed as she stood up. “Not that I really have any desire to visit Dr Tillman. He’s a little… stuffy.”

“His assistant might be on duty.”

She rolled her eyes. “He’s even worse. What an imbecile!”

Justin laughed, then got a thoughtful look on his face. “I could ask Rabbit to take care of your hand.”

“Rabbit?”

“He’s our team medic. I could ask him to bring his bag and repair the bones. You might end up with a few bruises he won’t have the equipment to fix, but other than that…”

She sat back down. “Comm him.”

“Tighe to Rabbit.”

*Go ahead.*

“Got a minute? I need you and your magic bag to come by for a visit.”

*Um… sure. Can I ask why?*

“Let’s just say I goofed and I need you to help me fix up the result.”

*This sounds like a hell of a story. I’m on my way.*

A couple of minutes later, the chime to Justin’s quarters rang. “Crickets, Tina! What the hell did you do to your face?”

Katie-Kathryn burst out laughing. “ _Tina_?”

Rabbit looked around Justin to see her sitting in the chair. “It's his nickname. He calls me Rabbit, I call him Tina.” Rabbit looked between the two of them. “So, what’s up Ensign Janeway?”

“I punched him and ended up breaking my hand.” She held it up to illustrate her point.

“Which is how I ended up with a swollen jaw.”

Rabbit got a suspicious look on his face. “Why did you have to punch him… and why am I here instead of you being in sickbay?”

“We were… arguing, I guess you would say… I turned to leave and…”

“...and I touched her.”

“You touched her.”

“Yes, I grabbed her elbow. I was behind her. She didn’t see me.”

“Tina! You know better than that! Of all people!”

“I know.  Like I said to you over the comm… I made a mistake and I need your help to fix it.”

Rabbit looked at Katie-Kathryn again. “I’ll ask you, again. Why are you still here instead of being in sickbay?”

She was confused. Why did he look so suspicious? “I don’t want to go back to sickbay. I don’t like it there.”

He continued to stare at her, as if studying her. Justin wasn’t speaking, either. Suddenly, it hit her. He wanted to know if Justin was forcing her to stay there! To hide what had happened!

She stood and put the uninjured hand on her hip. “Do you really think that I wouldn’t leave if I actually wanted to? Look at him!”

Rabbit visibly relaxed, then smiled. “You’ve got a point. I had to check, though. Now… tell me how Tina, of all people, ended up with what I suspect is a broken jaw?”

“With the best check-hook I’ve ever seen.”

“You’re kidding me. A _check hook_?”

“Textbook perfect.”

Rabbit looked back at Katie-Kathryn. “You’re right. You could have left any time you wanted to.”

“Do you think we can stop with all this chit-chat? I'm in more than a little pain, here,”

Rabbit set to work on her hand, “Damn! You really did a number on this, Ensign. I certainly hope Tina’s jaw _is_ broken. Although… the story is great, regardless of the severity of his injury.”

Justin groaned. “Just go easy on me. OK? Spider will never let me live this down.”

It turned out that Justin’s jaw was broken. Rabbit had a bit of fun with it while he healed the bone. “You're getting old and slow, Tina. A civilian?”

“Hey! She's stronger than she looks! It was a check hook. I didn't really have any options for defending myself.”

“Maybe we should have her teach you a few moves _old man_.”

“Maybe I should teach _all_ of you.”

“Ooooohhhh!!! Way to go, Katie-Kathryn!”

“Ensign Janeway, you just might be in trouble.”

 

It was almost 2400 when Katie-Kathryn returned to her quarters. Her hand, although completely healed, ached considerably.

Getting to know Justin was worth it, she decided. Seeing him laugh was a fascinating experience. His face lit up and some of the ever-present shadows cleared. He was much more handsome than she'd originally thought.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Justin appeared at her door to invite her to lunch. Now that they had been ‘outed' by the rescue mission, the team was able to socialize with each other without arousing suspicion. They had commandeered one of the conference rooms to hang out in a space where they could speak freely. 

“Rabbit insisted that you were to be invited. The others don't believe you broke my jaw.”

“And he thinks they'll believe  _ me _ ? What would keep me from simply going along, even if it wasn't the truth?”

“It seems that Ensign Janeway doesn't exaggerate. At least that's her reputation.”

“I have a reputation? I'm not sure how I feel about that.”

“You feel good. Your reputation is all good things. And no - I’m not telling you.”

“I guess you can count me in for lunch. What time?”

“Actually, I was hoping you'd join me on the holodeck. We can take a walk… or whatever you want to do. Then we can head to lunch from there.”

“A walk sounds nice. Where will we be walking?”

“That’s up to you.”

They spent a few minutes dancing around a decision, until Katie-Kathryn got fed up. “Where is the first place you fell in love with when you arrived on Earth for the Academy?”

“The beach.”

“Then that’s where we’re going. Wait here while I get changed.” 

Five minutes later, they stood in the plain grid of the holodeck, programming in the parameters of their beach. A long beach with shallow waves beating the shore appeared around them.

They started out walking along in silence. Initially, she thought it was an uncomfortable one. Then she realized that, to him, the silence was welcoming. So she accepted the quiet and allowed the warm sun and rhythm of the waves to soothe her still-frazzled mind.

The tide started coming in. “Take off your shoes. Let's wade our feet.”

“Umm… I'd rather not.”

She almost acquiesced, but memories of her relationship with Chet sprang to mind. She’d allowed him to subjugate her and undermine her confidence. Katie-Kathryn had made herself a promise that something like that would never happen again.

“Come on. It's bare feet on sand… on the holodeck, no less. It's not going to hurt you. In fact having your feet in the water will cool you off.”

Justin gave in and took off his shoes. “You're right. I was getting a little hot from the sun.”

Katie-Kathryn breathed a sigh of relief. If his work behavior was anything like his personal life, he was a rather inflexible man - very set in his ways. She soon discovered that Justin was not inclined to ‘frolic’, though. 

After a few moments with his feet in the water, he took up a spot on a dune and quietly watched her search for seashells. She briefly considered bringing a shell-full of water over and dumping it on his head, then realized he would not appreciate it. There was only so far she would be able to push him.

After a while she came and sat down next to him.

“Did your feet get cold?”

“No. It got boring. Next time I will kick water at you to entertain myself.” She wouldn't push, but she wasn't going to back down, either.

She scooted down the dune until she could lay back against it like a backrest. “Come down here with me. You can look up at the sky or out over the horizon. It makes you feel very small.”

After a moment’s thought, he slid down next to her. “Why would you  _ want _ to feel small?”

“Sometimes it's nice to think of yourself as not that important to the universe. Planets will still turn around their suns. Moons will turn around their planets. The tides will ebb and flow. It's a relief in a way.”

He sighed. “That makes a lot of sense.”

“I have to be honest with you. I'm not really a fan of the beach.”

“Then why did you agree to it?”

“Because you like it. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why people love the shore. The beach flows into the water, which goes on seemingly forever until it disappears around the edge of the Earth. It's open and bright…”

“...and clean.”

“Yes.”

“But you don't like that?”

“I grew up on the plains of Indiana. If I wanted to see a horizon that disappeared around the curve of the Earth, I'd look out my window.”

“I guess that would make sense. We can change the program if you want to.”

“Actually, I found that I need some time in an open and bright - and clean - place.”

“I'm sorry, Katie-Kathryn.”

“Don't be. Things happen. You move on.”

“I understand that all too well.”

There was a moment of silence as they each allowed their thoughts to settle.

“Tell me about the first time you knew you wanted to leave Klatus Prime and enter Starfleet.”

“I already told you. I was ten.”

“You told me how old you were. What happened that made you decide to leave?”

He paused. She didn’t have to look at him to know that he was gathering his thoughts before he spoke.

“There was a mining accident. My dad was injured and my friend’s dad was killed. I knew then that I didn’t want my children to have to go through that.”

“So you went to Starfleet and joined the Rangers?”

“Oh, the irony isn't lost on me. It’s just that I found I was best suited for this work. I can’t describe why. It’s just what I’m supposed to be doing. ”

“I can understand that. All I ever wanted to do was be a science officer in Starfleet. Now… I don’t know.”

“You want to leave?”

“No. Admiral Paris suggested that I should go the Command route. It’s got me thinking in an entirely different way.”

“You’d be good at it.”

“I’m not really sure I want to be a leader, Justin. I just want to explore and study the galaxy.”

“Still. It’s something to think about.”

“So, you want children?”

“I did when I was young, but now… like you said… I’m a Ranger. I traded one danger for another.”

“It’s difficult, isn’t it? Children are something I’ve thought about, but it’s difficult at best when you’re in Starfleet. Science vessels like the Icarus don’t travel with families like the Galaxy classes.”

“You could get a posting on a Galaxy class, though. Some of them have excellent science departments.”

“True… I have time before I make a final decision, though.”

The conversation became deeper. The previous night, they’d talked about families and funny stories of childhood. Perhaps because they were not facing each other - or perhaps because the meditative sounds of the ocean brought about a peace that allowed them to open up more than they normally would - perhaps both of them together - this time they they spoke of more personal things. 

She told him about her relationship with her father - how they had been so close when she was a child, and how distant he had become over the past several years. He didn't offer the usual platitudes that usually came with an admission like that. Instead, he let the story hang with no comment. Most people would have been upset with his lack of response, but she found it somehow comforting.

*Rabbit to Tina.*

Justin tapped his comm badge. “Go ahead.”

*It’s 1210. Weren’t you and the jawbreaker planning on joining us for lunch?*

“Yes, sorry. We lost track of time. We’ll be there in a few minutes. Tina out.”

“I guess it’s time to go.” She stood and began slapping sand off of her clothes. “I’d hoped to go back to my quarters to change, but this will have to do.”

“Katie-Kathryn, you would look beautiful in a coal sack with your hair ratted in knots. After you…” He waved her out the holodeck ahead of him.

She fell into step beside him while they walked quickly toward the conference room. A little taken aback at his statement about her being beautiful, she was the one who was silent.

As they neared the conference room, she became nervous. These were Rangers. Justin’s friends. The people who had helped save her from the Cardassians. She was sweaty and windblown from the holo-beach, and didn't have the time to even brush her hair.

Katie-Kathryn slipped her hand into Justin's. He made no response except to give her hand a comforting squeeze. He’d done the same thing while they hid in the swamp… and she felt just as comforted by it now.

When they reached the entrance she hesitated, running her fingers through her hair in an attempt to get it into some semblance of order. He gave her hand another squeeze, then whispered in her ear. “Remember, they've seen you covered in swamp muck, taking out a Toskanar dog. Windblown hair will not faze them.” 

With that, he moved her forward just enough to trip the door sensor, meaning that the first look they had of her was her laughing.

“So you're the one who broke Tina’s jaw. Ensign Janeway, right?” A tall, thin man who looked to be built like a string bean appeared in front of her, “I'm Jeff Birdo - otherwise known as Polly.”

“Which name should I use?”

“Polly will get you more of a response than anything else.”

“Then, it's nice to meet you, Polly. You can call me Katie…”

“...Kathryn. Call her Katie-Kathryn.”

“Before I do, I must ask the lady if that is truly how she would like to be addressed.”

“Katie-Kathryn is fine with me, but thank you for checking, Polly. I might have been forced to break your jaw, too.”

The string bean man stared at her for a minute, the broke out in a roar of laughter. “Rabbit! She's a lot more fun than you said!”

“Hey! Her hand was broken. She probably wasn't at her best!” Rabbit made it across the room to join them. “Hi, Katie-Kathryn. How is your hand doing? May I take a look?”

“Hi Rabbit. My hand - and the rest of me - is doing well.” She held her hand out to him. “You're welcome to take a look, though.”

Rabbit took her hand gently and smoothed his fingers over the back of it. “Hmm, the bones look healed, but the bruising has settled in. I bet it hurts.”

“It does a bit, but it's ok.”

“It's also ok to admit that it hurts like a horntail gnat bite, then take an analgesic to relieve it.” An impossibly huge man joined the conversation. “I'm Spider. I must say you look a hell of a lot better than the last time I saw you.”

“Spider is the one who caught you when you decided to fall on your face in sickbay.”

“I hope it would be difficult to look worse than I did that night.”

“Don't try. Ok?”

“Gentlemen! Do you think we can fawn all over Katie-Kathryn while we eat? I'm starving.”

“I don't know. Whaddaya say, Polly?”

“That works for me. Rabbit?”

“Ok, but I get to sit next to her.”

“No way! You got to spend time with her last night! I get to sit next to her!”

“Oh, for heaven's sake! None of you will be sitting next to her! Tina will be on one side, while I get the other. Now, go sit down before I have to assign the rest of your seats.”

A blonde woman about half a head taller than Katie-Kathryn came into view. “I'm Trench. Normally, I would tell someone to not let them intimidate you, but I think it's safe to say that you can hold your own.”

“I don't know about that. I think I might get a little nervous if I ran into Spider in a dark alley somewhere.”

“Spider? He's a pussycat. If you can get the uptake on Tina, here, you'll be fine. Come, sit. I really am starving.”

Katie-Kathryn glanced to her left, where Justin was standing quietly, still holding her hand. He gave it another squeeze then let it go. “I told you not to worry.”

“I guess I should just be happy that Trench assigned me to the seat next to you.”

“I'm just glad that that makes you happy.”

The team was a friendly bunch, incorporating Katie-Kathryn into the fold without comment. Each of them came from a different background and had their own story. Most of them had shadows in their eyes like Justin - although his were the deepest.

Across the board, however, she noticed their refusal to view their experiences as completely negative. They regularly mentioned previous missions, but only in the context of humorous actions. Even though she could tell that the circumstances surrounding them were sometimes harrowing, the dark side of what they had seen did not enter their stories.

“Admit it, Trench. That was no phaser blast. You slipped and fell on your butt!”

“That would explain the third-degree burn on my hip, Polly.”

“Whiner - it was  _ one _ blister! You could have easily gotten that by landing in a campfire!”

“You’re impossible. I suppose my dislocated shoulder this last time was from me swinging through the trees?”

“Hey, you said it - I didn’t.”

“The fact remains, Trench. You really do get injured a lot.”

“I can’t help it, Rabbit. I go all-in, trusting your amazing ability to patch me up every time.”

Smiling at their teasing, Justin remained silent, simply content to listen to the conversation. Not knowing any of the stories, Katie-Kathryn laughed along, but had no input into their conversation. Suddenly, the attention turned to her.

“How’s your dad?”

“What?”

“Admiral Janeway - how is he doing?”

“Er… uh… He was fine when I said goodbye before we left.”

“You haven’t talked to him while we’ve been out here?”

“I’ve sent my mom a few messages, but no. Not directly. Why?”

Jeans opened his mouth to respond, when Katie-Kathryn felt a movement from Justin. Turning to look at him, she was in just enough time to see him shake his head at Jeans. 

“Er… I've run into him a few times. He seems like a great guy.”

“I guess so. He's my dad, so I don't think of him the same way as other people.”

“That would make sense.”

The conversation ground to an uncomfortable halt. Finally, Trench saved them.

“So, tell me Katie-Kathryn, how exactly did Tina’s jaw get broken?”

“I think he called it a check hook? I'm not really sure what that is. I just know I punched him and he went down.”

“You mean you didn't know what you were doing when you hit me?”

“What do you mean? I knew I was hitting you…”

“Tina means that you weren't trained in the actual move you made when you hit him. If what he's saying is true, you pivoted away from him on your other foot.”

Katie-Kathryn stopped to think for a moment. Is that what she had done? It had been so instinctive, so unplanned, that she really wasn't sure. “I guess so.”

“You mean to tell me that you took out Tina with a complicated maneuver you didn't even know how to do? Oh, Tina… this is looking worse for you by the minute!”

“You didn't see her in action, Spider. I'm telling you if it hadn't been me that her fist had just connected with, I would have been cheering!”

“Katie-Kathryn, do you think you could give us a replay?” 

“Um… I'm not sure.”

Polly checked the time. “How about we all head to the training holodeck and see what she can do. We're about to lose the room, anyway.”

They argued all the way to the holodeck.

“You are NOT going to let her break her hand again!”

“We can't just program a replica of Tina. It’s not going to work - she knows him, now.”

“She's expecting it, too.”

“We don’t have to use Tina - just someone with the same height and build.”

“Why does it have to be reminiscent of him?”

They were still arguing as they reached the holodeck and activated the training program. Katie-Kathryn stood to the side of the group. 

_ Jeans is right - this is not going to work. When that happened, I barely knew Justin as a person. I’ve spent the better part of the last 24 hours with him - I know him, now. _

Slowly, she tuned out the conversation around her as her thoughts veered away from the topic of how to set up a demonstration of a maneuver she didn’t even know she had done. The voices around her droned on, but she didn’t notice the people move around the room.

“It’s time we talked, Ensign Janeway.” An unfamiliar voice came from behind her as someone grabbed her arm forcefully.

Having been lost so deeply in thought, she wasn’t prepared for it. The pivot, punch, and twist out of the way from the previous night resurfaced, and she found herself once again crouched in a defensive position. But her focus was broken by the horrible pain in her hand. She’d broken it again.

The witnesses around her were stunned into silence, and no one noticed the holo-character move. Unlike Justin, he had no end table to stumble over, nor did he have the immediate dismay of scaring someone he cared about. Instead, he carried the programming of a training room holo-character. The character recovered his balance, and advanced toward her, again. 

With the entire room distracted, no one noticed his movements until he was right in front of her. Again, Katie-Kathryn reacted instinctively. Her left hand shot out and her fist connected with his throat. The holo-character dropped immediately, clutching his throat and making gurgling noises in a desperate attempt to get air into his holographic lungs. 

The Rangers were, again, shocked into silence. After a moment, Justin began to laugh. The looks on his teammate’s faces and Katie-Kathryn’s reactions to the scenario vindicated his assertion of her abilities. 

Polly’s voice brought him up short. “Tina! She doesn't know us. Everyone else stand down!”

Katie-Kathryn was breathing heavily from her fight with her attacker. Who was he? Where was she? She looked around. Who were these people?

Laughter welled up behind her. The sound of the voice was vaguely familiar. Was it the Gul? He’d laughed at her. She’d seen him. Laughing from the window of his office as his guards abused her, defiling her body and nearly breaking her spirit.

The people around her were staring. Were they other guards, come to abuse her as well? She scanned the space around her, looking for an escape. But they were everywhere. Both of her hands throbbed with pain, but she deepened her stance. This time, they would not take her. She would die fighting before they abused her again.

Suddenly a person appeared in her vision. Male. Human. He was vaguely familiar. His eyes were dark and piercing - a predator in search of prey. She knew instinctively that she was not it. His prey was the darkness - the ones who caused pain and fear - not her. Never her.

“Katie-Kathryn, do you know me? You're safe here. We're on board the Icarus, in the training program on the holodeck. You were showing us how you broke my jaw. Do you remember?”

She shook her head, trying to clear the confusion from her brain. This person was familiar. He would not hurt her. He would not let others hurt her, either. He was  _ Safe _ . 

“J..Jus..Justin?”

The person nodded. “That's right, Katie-Kathryn. I'm Justin. Your friend. My friends -  _ our _ friends - are the other people around us. We won't hurt you. We're here to help you.”

Tears began to roll down her face as she relaxed out of her stance. “Justin…” She moved closer to him, and dropped her forehead to his chest. “Justin… I...”

“Shhh, Katie-Kathryn. I know. Can I put my arms around you?”

She thought for a moment. He was offering a hug. To comfort her. She wanted comfort - needed it. She nodded her head against his chest. 

But as his arms slowly came around her body, she panicked. She felt trapped. Her broken hands flew up to his chest and pushed him away. “No!” She nearly dropped to her knees from the pain in her hands.

Justin’s hands immediately dropped away from her and back to his sides. “It’s ok, Katie-Kathryn. I understand.” One hand moved slowly toward her, palm out. “It seems that your hands are badly injured. Can I see them?”

Trembling from the additional rush of adrenaline, and still partially lost in the daze caused by the flashback, she simply held out her hands for him to see. “They hurt.”

“I bet they do - they're already badly swollen. Is it ok if Rabbit comes over to see?”

Rabbit… the team's medic. She nodded her assent.

“Rabbit! Come take a look at her hands! I think we're in trouble.”

A light-haired man about Katie-Kathryn’s height, with shoulders just as wide as he was tall, came into view.

“Hi Katie-Kathryn. Do you remember me?”

She nodded. “You fixed my hand last night.”

The man gave a sigh of relief and looked at Justin. “That's a good sign. She's starting to come back.” He turned back to Katie-Kathryn and held out one hand “Will you place your hand in mine?”

Dutifully, she placed it in his.

Without moving or touching it in any other way, he looked at it for a moment. “Damn. It's worse. Katie-Kathryn, I want to get a look at your other hand. Can you put that one in my hand?”

Again, dutifully, she replaced her right hand with her left.

He looked at it closely. “I think they might both be at least fractured. It looks like she might have shattered the knuckle on her middle finger.” He looked at Justin. “This is beyond my ability to heal. She needs to go to sickbay.”

While they were talking, Katie-Kathryn felt herself getting cold and the trembling in her body morphed into shivering. Even through the fogginess of her mind, she had picked up that the injuries to her hands were severe. She also knew the symptoms of the onset of shock.

She opened her mouth to speak, but the shivers running through her body made it difficult to form words. “R-rabbit… sh-sh-shock … s-sickbay…”

Without another word, he slapped his comm badge and ordered an emergency transport to sickbay for Katie-Kathryn and Justin. 

 

There was a moment of silence in the holodeck, then a soft whistle came from Jeans. “That was amazing.”

“Which part? The one where she killed the hologram? Or broke bones in both her hands doing it? Or that Tina brought her out of that flashback so quickly?”

“All of them.”

“Do you think she’d be interested in joining us?”

“She’d have to get past those flashbacks.”

“We've all done that. From the looks of it, she'll be able to do it, too.”

“Paris wants her on Command track.”

“Damn! Can you imagine her on the bridge during a battle?”

“We have to teach her how to keep control. Otherwise, she might break the ship.”

“You've got a point!”

“Can you imagine? She’d probably fly the whole thing between two binary pulsars!”

“Teaching her some control is not a bad idea in general. If she's going to react like this in the future, she needs to know how to do it safely.”

“True. Let's reserve some time in here next week. She should be fully healed by then.”

 

Katie-Kathryn sat on the couch in her quarters, both hands wrapped in bandages, and her head resting on Justin’s shoulder. As Rabbit had predicted, the barely-healed fractures in her right hand had become compound breaks and her knuckle was damaged. The left hand also sported a fracture in the metacarpal of her middle finger.

Dr. Tillman had been beside himself when he saw the damages and had treated her with condescension, as if she was a child who had tried to perform a dangerous trick on her hoverbike. His attitude had changed to near fury when he discovered that she had asked Rabbit to fix it the first time. 

“You didn't have to cover for me when Tillman asked how the original injury happened.”

“I didn't want it on either of our records. A very personal conversation would have been posted there. And if we skipped the fact that it was personal, my record would state that I hit a superior officer. It was easier to let him believe that we’d been practicing in the self defense program both times.”

“Ah, so it was merely a selfish decision on your part.”

“Let's just say that my dislike of Tillman and his sickbay was not the only reason I avoided it last night.” There was a silent pause as she considered her next thought. “Do you think he bandaged them to punish me for asking Rabbit?”

“I wouldn't be surprised if that was part of it, but I'm pretty sure Rabbit would agree in principle with what he did. That's a lot of damage and it's going to take time to heal properly. The splints and daily healing treatments are the best bet to make sure everything ends up in proper working order.”

“I know you're right, but it's still a pain in the neck. I won't even be able to clean my teeth!”

“...or work.”

“There's no way you are keeping me out of the lab! I'm already stir crazy.” She shook her head. “You can talk to me while you work - I still need to get caught up on what you've done while I was out.”

“You know I can't work like that.”

“Learn. You're not keeping me out of the loop anymore.”

He had no response. Katie-Kathryn knew how incredibly difficult it would be for him. She also knew that she would never go back to the working relationship they’d had. It was time for  _ him _ to make some concessions to  _ her _ .

The silence stretched on, and her thoughts roamed back to what had happened on the holodeck. Her memories of it were vague and spotty, especially after the second punch. She did remember seeing the hologram go down … hard.

“I killed him, didn't I?”

“You can't kill a hologram, Katie-Kathryn.”

“But if he’d been an actual person, he would be dead. Wouldn't he?”

There was a sigh. “Yes.”

Katie-Kathryn thought for a moment, trying to get the feeling to settle within her. She couldn't. “Is this what happens?”

“What do you mean?”

“When you kill someone - is this what happens? You just react … defending yourself … and the person dies … and you feel empty.”

There was a long pause as Justin considered his answer. “It’s easiest to deal with when you were just defending yourself. It’s harder when you set out to kill them in the first place.” He shifted to look down at her. “It was an accident Katie-Kathryn. Nothing more.”

“It could have been you.”

“No, it couldn’t. I stopped when I realized what had happened - and I would have defended myself a little better. That was a beginner-level trainer.”

“Who was that, anyway?”

This got a small chuckle from him. “Trench’s Advanced Warp Mechanics professor.”

“Warp mechanics? But she’s a scientist - a developmental biologist.”

“She couldn't pass his final, so she switched to science. He’s her punching bag when she’s had a bad day. I bet she was secretly thrilled when she saw you take him down.”

“I’d have taken his class until I passed. Just to piss him off.”

“Trench wasn’t a fighter back then. Besides, she says she is happy with her choice. Sometimes life sends you in a direction you didn’t expect, Katie-Kathryn. You go that direction and discover that you’re much happier with it than the one you originally tried.”

“Like you with the Rangers.”

“And you with Command - if you decide to go that route.”

“You sound like Admiral Paris.”

“You’d be good at it, Katie-Kathryn. Don’t dismiss the idea just yet.”

“I’ll consider it, but I really don’t think it’s something I want to do.”

 

After a great deal of struggling with getting dressed and cleaning her teeth, she finally admitted that she would have to ask for assistance. Having no close female friends on board, she finally called Sarah - the nurse who had been so kind to her while she was in sickbay.

Sarah got her situated in no time, but her delay in asking for help caused her to be late for duty, anyway. She scurried into the lab breathlessly. “I’m sorry, Jus...Lieutenant. I had some trouble with the bandages this morning.”

“Make time for them tomorrow, or don’t bother wasting my time by coming in at all.”

She was stung by his callous response, then realized she would have received a similar rebuke from any other superior officer. “Yes, Sir. It won’t happen again.”

“Good.” He turned to her and considered her for a moment. “It seems that Sarah did a good job. Even your pip is in the right position.”

“How did you know it was Sarah?”

“Who else would you call? I’m pretty sure there’s no one else on board you would trust to see you helpless.” Before she could respond, he threw his padd on the worktable. “Let’s get you up to speed.”

They spent the rest of the morning going over the work he had done in her absence. Katie-Kathryn was surprised at how little he had accomplished.

“I… um… had to do the readings, too. It took me longer than it would have if you’d been here.”

It took every ounce of her self-restraint to keep from pointing out that he’d just admitted that he needed her help. “Well, I’m here, now. Let’s figure out how I can make this go more smoothly while I’m wrapped in these bandages.”

He put down the padd. “Lunch first. You need to get nutrients to help your body heal.”

“Ummm…” She’d been dreading this. The bandages on her hands meant that she couldn’t hold a fork or other utensil. There was no way he was going to feed her! “I’ll just have a cup of bouillon.” She could hold the cup between her hands and drink it - like she had been doing with her coffee all morning.

“That’s not nearly enough nutrient to help you. I realize you’re not a big eater, but…” He turned from the replicator to finish his reprimand, and caught sight of the panicked look on her face and her bandaged hands resting on the table. “I see… Two glasses of kale smoothies coming up. What flavor would you like? My favorite is strawberry-banana, but you can get it with pineapple or mango … there’s even one with a benti-fruit in it.”

“Strawberry-banana is fine, I guess.” She’d never heard of these smoothies, but was willing to try anything to avoid the alternative of being fed. Perhaps Sarah would be willing to help her eat dinner...

He placed a large glass with a straw in front of her, then sat down with his own. “We’ll figure out something for dinner. Maybe a sandwich would work.”

It turned out that the smoothie was delicious. She decided that she would probably continue with them even after her hands were free. While they ate, they discussed what she could do to help with the work. He also shared some of the problems he had encountered during her absence.

“Trench is dying to get her hands on the bacterial readings we were able to gather, but I can’t pull the readings I made the modifications for.”

“Did you recalibrate for biological instead of cosmological?”

“That was the first thing I tried, Ensign.” His tone was closer to the disdain he’d used with her before everything happened. Once again, she was stung by it and had to force herself to keep her subordinate officer persona.

“Perhaps it’s a problem with how you are looking at the readings. May I see a sample of what you are pulling?”

He handed her the padd. “You see… these are not biological. I’m actually not sure what they are.”

She studied the padd for a moment. “These are a combination of both types of matter. Show me the calibrations you’re using.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon working on the readout. By the end of their duty shift, they managed to get a good sample and forwarded it to Trench.

Afterwards, he escorted her to sickbay for her daily treatment. As they moved down the corridors, his officer persona faded away and he once again became Justin. “I want you to understand that I have to separate our working hours. If you had arrived late for dinner with the same excuse, I would have blown it off. But on duty…”

Unable to hold his hand, she looped her arm through his elbow. “I do understand, Justin. It goes back to what you said that first night in your quarters. On duty, you’re my superior officer. If I was working with someone else, I would have expected the same response you gave me. Off duty…”

He stopped and looked her in the eyes. “Thank you. It means a lot to me that you understand.”

When they arrived at the entrance to sickbay, he took his leave of her. “I expect to see you for dinner when you’re finished here and changed out of your uniform. While you’re here, maybe you can set something up in advance with Sarah, so you don’t have your  _ superior officer _ reprimanding you tomorrow morning.” He leaned a little closer to her. “He might have to put you on report.” 

She gave him a lopsided grin. “Understood, Sir.”

He touched her lightly on her arm before he let it go. “I’ll see you at 1830 in the mess hall.”

 

She arrived at 1835 to find Justin sitting with Rabbit. She put her hand on Justin's shoulder. “Sorry I'm late. Tillman decided to double-wrap me this time.”

“You're kidding me.”

“Nope. I think he saw you when you dropped me off and decided to make me pay for continuing my affiliation with you.”

“Let me see that.” She held out her hands to Rabbit for his inspection. “Hmph. He's well within his rights, but I agree that it's a little overkill.”

She sat down next to Justin. “Well, it's a good thing I liked that smoothie you got me for lunch. It looks like I'll be living on them for a while.”

“The smoothies are good nutrition, but there's no need for you to be on a liquid diet.”

“There is a very important need if you don't want to be hand-fed, Rabbit.”

“Tina, get her a sandwich. I'm going to show you how to eat without fingers, young lady.”

Justin stood to head to the bank of replicators. “What do you want on it?”

“Turkey with mayonnaise?”

“Coming right up. Rabbit do you want anything?”

“No, thanks. I have to head out as soon as we've got Katie-Kathryn eating a proper meal.”

When Justin returned with the sandwich, Rabbit showed her how she could hold it on her own. Both hands flat with palms facing down, the sandwich was laid on the back of one while the other laid on top of it, holding it down.

“It's a little awkward, and you'll have to have Tina place it on your hand, but you can at least feed yourself.”

Katie-Kathryn’s stomach rumbled. “Thanks Rabbit. I owe you.”

“You owe me nothing. Seeing how you broke Tina’s jaw will have you running on credit with me for a very long time.” He gave her a grin and hurried out.

Katie-Kathryn set to working on her sandwich. Unable to bend her wrists, both arms had to be held out to her sides, bent at the elbow. “This is ridiculously awkward Justin. I look like a chicken trying to flap my wings, and my shoulders are getting tired. I think it would just be easier if I had a smoothie.”

“Tomorrow we'll have you eat your sandwich for lunch. The lab is a little more private than this. In the meantime, would it help if you put one elbow on my shoulder?”

Spider came over and sat with them. “She can put the other on mine...it will look like she's just hanging out, goofing around.” 

There was a slight burn of tears to her eyes as the two men helped her get situated so she could eat her sandwich with as much dignity as possible. She had just finished when a voice came booming across the mess hall.

“Ensign Janeway! You have  _ no _ idea how happy I am that you are back on duty!” Trench reached the table. “A week! One  _ full week  _ I’ve been waiting for Tina to get my data straight, and he hasn’t even gotten close. One  _ day _ and I have exactly what I need!”

“It was more like half a day. We spent the morning going over what I’d worked on so far.”

“Oh, Tina. This is  _ really _ not looking good for you.” Spider shook his head. “She’s showing you up all over the place!”

A need to defend Justin rose in her. “He’s not a cosmologist or a developmental biologist. The data was so entwined, you had to be one in order to be able to separate it.”

“Well, I’m the developmental biologist and I couldn’t do it, either. I guess that shows me up, too!” Trench moved toward her. “I’m so excited, I could kiss you! In fact, I think I will.”

Without further warning, she bent over Katie-Kathryn’s shoulder and planted a loud kiss on her cheek. Spider burst out laughing.

“Careful, Katie-Kathryn. She’ll think you’re her girlfriend, now.”

Trench plopped herself in a seat at the table. “Oh, I have no illusions about that. She’s already taken by our fearless leader, here. Despite his inability to defend himself against  _ her _ I’m pretty sure he would take  _ me  _ down in less than a second!”

“You’re right, Trench. Leave her alone before you face my wrath.” Justin's voice was quiet and teasing, but Katie-Kathryn caught a hint of possessiveness in it. It gave her an unexpected thrill.

Another quick change of topic - which seemed to be Trench’s specialty. “So, what have you been doing while you waited for me to grace you all with my presence?”

“They were helping me eat.”

“Helping you  _ eat _ ?”

Katie-Kathryn held up her bandaged hands. “It seems Dr. Tillman has a penchant for revenge.”

“Wow.” She shook her head and gave a small whistle. “You’ve paid him back nicely with all that mayo.”

“What?” She looked at the bandages and saw that the mayonnaise from her sandwich had soaked into them. “Ohhh. That will smell  _ wonderful _ by the time I get to sickbay tomorrow after duty shift!”

“No worries. I’ve got a handheld sonic cleaner that will take care of that in no time at all. Just let me get a bite to eat and we’ll head to my quarters.”

“Do I need to bring Justin along to protect me from your advances?” The question slipped out before Katie-Kathryn had a chance to think it through.

There was a heartbeat of silence as the others tried to figure out if she was joking. Spider was the first to laugh. “Oh, that was  _ rich _ ! You’ll have to be careful with this one around, Trench!” He turned to Katie-Kathryn. “You  _ are _ staying around, aren’t you?”

Taken aback by his bold question, it took her a minute to respond. Spider and Trench looked hopeful, but Justin’s face was a mask and she couldn’t decipher what he hoped her answer would be. She was forced to be completely honest, so she looked Justin square in the eyes and spoke softly. “I have no plans to leave.”

A look of relief passed over Justin’s face and a small sigh told her he had been holding his breath. Still sitting rather close to him from using his shoulder, she leaned into his side and gave her own small sigh of relief.

“Well, then  _ that’s _ settled.” Trench got up and turned toward the replicator banks. “Anyone want anything?”

“Coffee, please. If you don’t mind.”

“Not at all Katie-Kathryn.” She smiled at her and headed away, but threw her next topic of conversation over her shoulder. “We need to come up with a name for her.”

Spider laughed again, but looked thoughtful. “You know, Tina, I think we should. She’s earned her own.”

“You could just call me Katie, you know.”

“No, no, no… You misunderstand us. Katie-Kathryn is your real-world name. We’re talking about you needing a  _ team _ name.”

“But I’m not a member of the team…”

A large mug of coffee appeared in front of her. “You’ve been a member of this team from the moment you dragged Tina into that swamp.” For once, Trench was quiet when she spoke. 

Justin was the first to throw out an idea. “How about Swamp, then?”

“She’s too much a lady for something like that. How about Hook?”

“And I’m not  _ too much a lady _ for Trench? Thanks, Spider!” She rolled her eyes and considered Katie-Kathryn for a moment. “I don’t like either name. Check, maybe? No… I don’t like that, either.”

“How about something from her name, like we did with Jeans?”

“And what are you going to make out of Kathryn that hasn’t already been done?”

“Hmmn… True. How about personality, like Rabbit’s?”

Katie-Kathryn and Justin sat quietly while Trench and Spider went through several more options, each one rejected by the other, until they came to a dead halt. “We’re going to have to ask the rest of the team. I’m out of ideas.”

Justin finally spoke up. “Mark this day down in history, folks. Spider is out of ideas!”

“It does happen every once in awhile.”

“How about Dash?” Katie-Kathryn spoke quietly.

“ _ Dash _ ?”

“You all keep telling me that you call me Katie-Kathryn because I’m somewhere between the two names, right?”

They all nodded. 

“OK, well, what lies between Katie and Kathryn?” They all looked at each other, confusion written all over their faces. “The  _ dash _ is between them… Katie  _ dash _ Kathryn.”

The confused looks morphed into thoughtful ones. “That just might work.”

“Like her and Tina’s  _ dash _ through the forest to get to the beam-out site.”

“Ooh! You’re right! That makes it even better!

Justin sat up straight. “It’s official. Katie-Kathryn will henceforth be addressed as  _ Dash _ .” He looked down at her and spoke softly, a hint of light in his obsidian eyes. “Welcome to the team, Dash.”

 

It was well after 2100 when Trench and Dash headed to Trench’s quarters for the handheld sonic cleaner. Jeans and Polly had joined them in the mess hall, and the conversation had gone on seemingly without end. 

Trench finally called a halt and ordered the newly-dubbed Dash to come along so they could get her bandages cleaned.

“You weren't really interested in joining me, were you?”

“It's not that I don't want to spend time with you…”

“It's that you wanted to spend the rest of the evening with Justin.”

Dash gave a shy smile. “It's ridiculous, really. I mean, we spent all day together.”

“Correction. You spent all day with Lt. Tighe. You only saw Justin for a few hours.” She gave Dash a playful grin. “I've worked with him for over a year. I know how he keeps work totally separate from private. All of us do, really. We spend most of our time undercover so it's difficult to blend the two.” 

“Was he always like that, or has it just been since his abduction?”

They’d reached Trench's quarters and she waited until they were safely inside before she answered Dash’s question.

“I didn't know him before. Only Rabbit did, and he won't talk about it. Not even about what happened - and I'm pretty sure he knows  _ something _ about what truly happened.”

“That sounds like it was more than a simple escape.”

“We have questions about how he finally managed to get free and how he got off the planet.  _ No one _ ever mentions it. All I know is that his flashbacks are severe, and he'll disappear for days after he has one.”

“Disappear? Does anyone know where he goes?”

“I suspect he goes back to the hospital.”

“Hospital?” Dash sat down with a thump. “Can you please start at the beginning?”

Trench disappeared into her bedroom and came back with a handheld sonic cleaner. She pulled a chair in front of Dash and began working on cleaning up the bandages.

“All I know is that he disappeared during a mission. Three days later, he reappeared on a planet - I don't know which one - filthy, injured, and nearly mad.”

She finished with one hand and began working on the next.

“They whisked him away to the hospital and he wasn't seen again until they assigned him to this mission.”

“He was immediately assigned to a mission that put him directly back into the proximity of Cardassians? Why the hell would they do that? I'd think they would put him on desk duty or something like that first.”

Trench finished with the second hand and sat back. She gave Dash a long look.

“They did - or should I say, they tried. At first, he was assigned to the team for planning purposes only. A few weeks later, he was on full active duty with Rabbit by his side.”

She studied Dash for a moment. “We're not sure, but we think your father had something to do with it.”

“My  _ father _ ? How the hell is he involved?”

“Dash, this is classified information. I’ll continue as long as you understand that, if this conversation ever comes out, we're both in trouble.”

“I know how to keep a secret, Trench.”

“Admiral Paris is only in charge of the scientific part of this mission. Your father is in charge of the surveillance part. He's in charge of _ us _ .”

Dash's jaw dropped. She’d never thought about it. “I knew my dad was involved with plans to defend ourselves against the Cardassians, but…”

“...you didn't know he was involved with  _ this _ .”

“No.” Dash shook her head. “Now I understand why he showed up to see me off. He barely made it to my graduation, but he was already at the ship when I got there.”

Trench nodded. “He knew what you were getting into. He couldn't tell you about it, but he wanted to see you before you left.”

“I'm a little surprised he let me go.”

“He tried to keep you off the science team - I understand he and Paris fought about it for weeks. The fighting stopped when Justin was put on active duty.”

Trench paused for a moment, giving Dash some time to let everything process in her mind. 

Dash’s head popped up and she stared at Trench, open-mouthed. “You mean…?”

“You must understand. Justin was -  _ is _ \- the best of us. We're not sure, but we think Paris and your dad made a deal that Justin would be put on active duty to protect you.”

Suddenly, Dash disappeared and Katie resurfaced. Tears came to her eyes. “So all this time…”

“Don't even think it. He fell for you almost the moment he met you - possibly even before. I think he was given a file to study so he knew how you would respond to stressful situations. What I can tell you is that when we discovered you and Paris were kidnapped, he was like a madman. It was everything Rabbit could do to keep him from stealing a shuttle to go after you.”

“That explains why he was so…”  Katie stopped. The conversation between her and Justin was private. She didn’t want others to know all that was said - how upset he was that he had not gotten there earlier.

“Our original orders were that he would not leave the ship. He insisted on being part of the away team, then planned the raid so that he would be the one to get you. Those are not the actions of a Ranger simply doing their duty.”

Dash reasserted herself. “I hate to say it, but I'm glad he did.”

“So am I. He has a wonderful smile.”

The two women were silent for a moment then, true to form, Trench changed the subject.

“If you can't even feed yourself, how on Earth are you getting dressed?”

Dash blushed. “I have to have Sarah - the nurse - help me.”

“I could do it, if you don't want to bother her.”

Dash became uncomfortable. “Oh… no… it's fine. She's really very sweet about it.”

“It's because I slept with your roommate, isn't it?”

“What? Considering I thought she was sleeping with Williams, that really has nothing to do with it. I'm not really very… comfortable with the whole thing. You can ask Sally - I tend to change in the bathroom on the odd chance she’s around.”

“But Sarah is ok?”

“She's better than someone else. She helped me when I was in sickbay, so it's kind of something she's already done.”

“Gotcha. You're not a fan of being seen as weak. Justin must have realized that. I couldn't figure out why he would cause the delay of having you get changed.”

Dash ducked her head. “The running shoes were a great help.”

“I'm sure they were.” Trench stood up. “It's getting really late. Did you set a time with Sarah to help you tonight?”

Barely able to keep up with Trench’s constant changes if subject - helpful as they were - it took Dash a moment to realize what was being said.

“What? Oh! I'd better be going. She's probably waiting for me.” She stood to go, but stopped at the doorway. “Trench, thank you for your honesty.”

“I hope it helps you to understand where everyone is coming from. We really  _ are _ very grateful for you saving his life. You have  _ earned _ your place on this team - and your name.”

Dash headed down the corridor thinking that she’d just made her first close female friend. It felt good. 


	3. Chapter 3

Ensign Janeway arrived in the lab a 0755 to find Lt. Tighe already working. 

“Good morning, Ensign. I trust you have ironed out your difficulties from yesterday?”

“Good morning Sir. Yes, I was able to set up a plan to get things taken care of in a more timely manner.”

“Good.” He turned and motioned to the worktable. “Please join me.”

Confused, she sat down and waited for him to speak.

“Yesterday, we were able to get a few things accomplished, but there will be some ongoing difficulties while you are healing.”

“I promise to make myself as useful as I can, Sir.”

She thought she saw a hint if a smile. “I'm sure you will. But I have something I think will help make it easier for you.” 

He placed a pair of odd looking items on the table between them. One had two straps attached to a metal post, which had a rubber tip at the end. The other seemed to be a bundle of straps by themselves.

“What in the world is that?” 

The corner of his mouth twitched. “You see, I had some time on my hands last night and I got to thinking about your predicament.”

He picked up the item with the post and held it out to her. “It's a stylus - so you can push the buttons on a tricorder.” He held up the bundle of straps. “This will keep the tricorder stable against your other hand.”

She looked at him in surprise. His idea just might work.

Lt Tighe shrugged. “You can at least use a tricorder for the time being. When you have full use of your hands, we can work on expanding your role.”

Ensign Janeway’s heart beat faster. He was going to include her in the work! She could finally be useful!

He started fidgeting with the straps. “Your input yesterday was invaluable. I think your different perspective might bring some additional depth to what I have been trying to do.”

“Thank you, Sir. I hope I am able to prove myself useful.” She held out her hands to him. “Shall we try your invention and see if it works?”

It was awkward at first, but once she got accustomed to the setup, she was able to function as if she was working with both her hands normally.

When lunchtime came around, he had another invention for her.

“It's a spork. We pack them in mess kits - it can function as either a spoon…”

“...or a fork. I get the idea. But how am I supposed to hold onto it?”

He held up another set of straps. “The same way you hold onto the stylus. Let's try it out on something simple so you can get used to how it will work without an entire mess hall watching you.”

He replaced the stylus still strapped to her hand with the spork and placed a bowl of applesauce in front of her. “It's consistency is close to a liquid so it’ll be more difficult than something more solid - which will make the more solid items easy by comparison… And applesauce won't stain your uniform.”

After a couple of attempts, she managed to get a bite completely into her mouth. It took the entire bowl until she was comfortable with it. “I'm not sure this is worth the trouble, Lieutenant. Did you happen to come up with a way for me to eat a sandwich without having to rest my elbows on your shoulders?”

“I want you to try this. Rumor has it that Jeans is working on a batch of his famous chili. I'd like if you were able to at least try it - without being hand-fed by someone else.”

“Thank you, Sir. That's very thoughtful. I do like chili, and a home-cooked meal is always nice when you've been off planet this long.”

“Don't get your hopes up too far. His cornbread could make a Vulcan run in terror.”

“Do you mind if I take a short break? I think I have a solution.”

He gave her a hard look. “I'm not giving you the day off so you can bake cornbread.”

Her laughter pealed through the lab. “You don't want to eat anything I cook! You’d all end up in sickbay! I know someone who might be able to help, but I want it to be a surprise.”

There was a pause as he considered her request. “I'll let you go for 20 minutes, then we really need to get back to work. We've already wasted nearly half an hour.”

 

Dash strolled into the conference room at 1840, new bandages, fresh casual clothes, and carrying a steaming basket of homemade cornbread. The team had once again commandeered the room so they could eat their chili in peace.

Rabbit came running over to her. “Let me carry that. You shouldn't be carrying anything for awhile.” Taking hold of the basket, he got a whiff of the contents.

“Cornbread! Hey guys! Dash made cornbread for our feast!”

Tina appeared at her side. “Trying to poison us?”

“Not in the slightest. This was made by Sarah. She wants a bowl of the chili in exchange, though.”

“Well if it's as good as it smells, she's welcome to as much as she wants! Come on, let's eat. I’m starving!”

“You're always starving, Trench. Do you eat at all when you're not with the team?”

“Trust me. She eats  _ all the time _ .”

“Can I help it if I have a good appetite? You sit next to me, Dash. I want to see Tina's contraption in action.” Trench took her arm and led her to the table with Tina in tow.

Once they were seated, Tina turned to her with his bundle of straps attached to the spork. “I hope you don't mind that I told them about this thing. Can I put it on?”

“By all means. I’m starving, too.”

When he took her hand, he did a double take. “He changed your bandages!”

“I know...I've got opposable thumbs!”

Trench looked over her shoulder. “How on Earth did you get Tillman to ease up like that?”

“I spent my entire visit to sickbay talking about all the workarounds you guys showed me. I paid special attention to how much mayo got into the bandages, and that Sarah had been spending so much time away from duty helping me.”

Spider burst out laughing. “So, between knowing that his punishment wasn't working like he planned and losing his nurse several times during the day, he gave up?”

“Something like that.”

“You're devious, Dash. I gotta remember that.”

The chili was fabulous...the added cornbread taking it over the top. Dash decided the company was even better than the food, though. Especially when she felt Justin's arm around her chair, nearly touching her shoulders. It felt good - and didn't bring up any of the sensitivity to touch that they’d been worried about.

When he walked her back to her quarters, she decided to test it. “Put your arm around my shoulder.”

“I'm not sure that's the best idea.” His mouth twitched. “I'd rather not end up in sickbay.”

“I think it's the best place to try. We're in a public place with lots of avenues for me to escape. I won't feel trapped. And I was perfectly fine during dinner when you had your arm over my chair.”

“You noticed that, huh? Ok, we'll try it.”

They stopped walking so they could concentrate. Justin moved his arm to rest along the back of her shoulders. Dash quietly searched herself for any feelings of discomfort or of being trapped. 

“That feels nice.” She smiled up at him. “You don't suppose you could leave it there until we get to my quarters?”

His grin went wide across his face. “I think I can manage that.”

Dash leaned into him as they walked. Gods, it felt good to be held! So much had happened. Hugging her would have been her mother's initial reaction, but there had been no one here to provide that kind of comfort. Until now.

 

Ensign Janeway smiled to herself. It was Friday, and she was looking forward to a nice weekend with Justin. Dr. Tillman had finally removed her splints last night so she had full use of her hands once more. After spending a good deal of time lecturing her about taking it easy for the next few weeks, he let her go.

Justin had hugged her goodnight, too. Being in his arms was wonderful and she hadn't wanted to let go. Tonight she planned to kiss him. 

She’d realized at some point that he would not initiate it. It was either his chivalrous side or his extreme caution - she wasn't sure which. What she was sure of is that it was up to her to make that first move. 

They spent a pleasant morning and lunch, going over new readings just received from a new sensitivity pattern they had created together. It was shortly after lunch that Lt Tighe gasped.

“What the hell? Damn! I gotta…” He stared down at the padd he was holding and started mumbling, a habit which had almost vanished in the past week. Looking back up at the control panel, he pushed buttons and tapped the screen to get different readouts. 

“Damn!” He began downloading data onto a padd.

“What's wrong? Did I mess something up?”

He looked up, seemingly surprised that she was there. “What? Oh… no… that’s not it. It's just…” His voice trailed off again as his attention returned to the instruments.

“Ensign, I have to go. Clean up our tools and take the rest of the day off.”

“What's going on?”

“I can't explain. Just… take the day. Ok?” He punched several commands into the console, then gathered up a few more padds and turned to leave.

Utterly confused at the look in his eyes and his sudden haste, she broke the parameters they had set. “Justin, what's wrong?”

He stopped and turned to look at her, then put his hand on her shoulder. “Dash, I really can't tell you. I need you to trust me, ok?”

She looked into his obsidian eyes - they glinted like the edge of a blade. Hunter’s eyes. The panther was prowling again. But the light that glowed in the back of them was for her. That light would comfort and protect her.

She placed her hand over his where it rested on her shoulder. “Always.” she pulled his hand down from her shoulder and held it gently in both of hers. “I'll hang out here for a bit. Let me know if you need anything… more data… adjustments… ok?”

The smile was genuine, with the smallest touch of humor. “Thank you for the offer, but… ah… you're locked out of the system. I'm serious about this. Clean up and take the rest of the day off.” He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and disappeared into the corridor.

Ensign Janeway stood in the center of the lab, hands on her hips. “What the hell just happened?” She moved over to the control panel and tried entering a few commands. 

“I really  _ am _ locked out. So is everyone else.” The sensors were still scanning and collecting data, but no one with a clearance level of 11 or below could access it. “That even excludes the captain! How the hell is he supposed to keep us in one place without access to navigation?” 

Her question was answered a moment later when she felt both the warp and impulse engines shut down, then the slight pull as the ship settled into orbit. They must have gone into a gravitational orbit. She dropped onto one of the stools at the table. 

The look on Justin’s face worried her. His actions outright scared her. “Why would he lock the  _ entire ship _ out of sensors? How did he even have the power to  _ do _ something like that?”

She shook her head and began to clean up and organize the various padds and tools lying around. “I'll look for Trench when I'm done. Maybe she can tell me at least how Justin has the ability to control the entire ship with only a couple of commands.”

 

It turned out that Trench wasn't available. In fact, none of the team was anywhere to be found. The computer would only tell her that they were in a meeting and could not be disturbed. She headed to her quarters to change, wondering if she should still wear the outfit she had planned.

It was then that she realized she had no one else to talk to. The team had been her only companions since she’d returned from her captivity. Although there were others on the ship, her time with the team made her feel somehow  _ other _ . As if she no longer fit in with regular society.

Was this how the team felt all the time? It would certainly explain part of Justin's detached manner when she first met him. It made her wonder how it was that they had taken her into their group so freely. Perhaps Trench really was telling the truth about her being part of the team…

These were questions for later. Right now she had to figure out what to do with all this time to herself. She could take a bath and mull over all the questions rolling through her head, then catch up on the reading she hadn't been doing. 

She was too wound up with questions to be able to sit still - even in the tub. She might have gone to the training room and worked out some energy that way, but she had promised the doctor that she would take it easy on her hands. She didn't relish the idea of seeing him if something happened.

 

She was sitting on the edge of a small sailboat anchored a few meters away from the dock, swinging her legs in the water. After some thought, she had decided that swimming would be an excellent way of blowing off nervous energy. Her family’s cabin on Lake George had been the obvious choice.

The past few hours had been spent swimming lazily around the lake, enjoying feel of the trees and hills around her. She hadn't told Justin, but one of the other reasons she didn't like the beach was that she always felt  _ exposed _ , somehow. Being surrounded by mountains and trees gave her the feeling of being cradled. 

Finally, she’d grown bored with swimming and changed out of her swimsuit, settling on the small boat with a book and a cup of coffee.

“Permission to come aboard, Captain?”

She didn't look at him. “I don't know… are you going to tell me the truth about what happened today?”

His voice got soft. “Dash, you know there are going to be times when I can't tell you things.”

This time she looked at him. “I know, Justin. Can you just let me have a moment of petulant whining?”

The obsidian eyes glinted at her in amusement. “Only if you let me come aboard.”

Without a word, she pulled the anchor and moved the boat to the dock where Justin was standing.

He climbed aboard and smiled at her. “Thank you. Feel free to whine away.”

“Oh, I'm finished.” She sat back down at the edge of the boat and motioned for him to join her.

He looked at her in surprise. “You mean that's it? Whew! I've spent the day with a bunch of admirals who whined more than that. Keleetha is the worst of them all!”

“Fleet Admiral Keleetha whines?”

Justin groaned. “He's made an art of it.” Justin gave her a sideways glance. “Your father doesn't.”

Dash put on her innocent face. “My father? How do you know him?”

“It's ok to be honest with me. Trench told me about your conversation.”

“What conversation? What did she tell you?”

Her continued feigned innocence earned her a chuckle. “Oh, you  _ are _ good… The conversation involved the fact that your father is in charge of my team's part in this mission. He says 'Hi’, by the way.”

“Justin… what does he know about… what happened?”

“He knows you and Admiral Paris were abducted. He has access to our reports, but mine only states that you had lost your shoes and I had brought some that you changed into before we left your cell.”

There was a moment of silence as she took in the information. “Thank you for that, but I suppose he'll have access to the medical reports, too.”

“Those are classified. All that has been reported by Dr Tillman is the process he used to remove the torture device from Admiral Paris. It’s new, and he’s more than a little proud of it.”

Dash breathed a sigh of relief. Since Trench had told her that her father was involved with the mission, she had been worried about the idea of him knowing everything that had happened to her.

She scooted closer to Justin and put her head on his shoulder. “So the only people that know are your team and the medical staff.”

He put his arm around her. “Technically, the medical staff knows about your injuries, but that's it. The rest of us can guess, but there are no witnesses to say for sure. Even Counselor Sellers only knows that you were abducted.”

“I didn't realize the extent you guys went to, but you can't tell me that they are really that stupid.”

“On the team? No. But you need to realize that they've each been there in one way or another. They don't ask and they don't judge. What did you tell me on the beach?”

“Things happen. You move on.”

“Exactly” Justin pulled her in closer and held her tight, saying nothing else. For once, she fully appreciated his silent nature.

They sat quietly, watching the simulated sunset until her stomach rumbled. 

“I think it's time I fed you. You're going to sound like Trench in a minute.”

“I brought some food with me.” She lifted her head from his shoulder. “I'm willing to share as long as you're interested in tuna fritters and my mom's famous coleslaw.”

“Tuna  _ fritters _ ?”

“Think crab cakes, but a little thinner and made with tuna. They're really good with the coleslaw.” She reached into a small stasis unit and began pulling out containers.

“That's a lot of food for just you, especially considering how little you eat.”

“To be honest, I was hoping you would end up joining me.”

“Then I'm glad I did.” 

His response to her mother's coleslaw was what she’d both expected and hoped.

“Pineapple? It's beyond delicious, but who would ever think of putting pineapple in coleslaw?”

“I have no idea, but Gretchen Janeway’s coleslaw is famous throughout Bloomington. Any time there's a picnic, it's expected that she bring a large bowl of it.”

“I can see why. Don't feed this to Trench. She's likely to follow you home!”

It slipped out before she had a chance to stop herself. “That's fine with me - as long as she brings you with her.”

Justin stared at her for a brief second. His voice was soft when he responded. “I doubt anyone would be able to keep me away.” Then he shook himself. “Although your father might stop me.”

“Why would he do that?”

“For not protecting you. For letting you go out with Admiral Paris. I'm expecting to be called out on the carpet at any moment.” Justin sighed and looked at her. “He seems to be waiting until everything else is taken care of. It might not happen until we get back to Earth.”

“Why would he blame it all on you? It's not like you could have stopped Admiral Paris from taking me out in that shuttle.”

He shot her a look. “Do you realize that I have the authority to overrule  _ anyone _ when it comes to security concerns? That's especially true out here.”

She was flabbergasted. “You could have stopped  _ Admiral _ Paris from taking me out in the shuttle? What made you say it was ok?”

“I figured you needed a break from me.” He ducked his head a little. “I'm not the easiest person to work with. Quite frankly, I was surprised that he never called me in to tell me to ease up.”

“It's true - you were a nightmare to work with. Paris did ask me several times if everything was going ok, but I'm not a whiner. I also felt…”

“...you had something to prove.” He shook his head. “You didn't. But I understand some of what I was told about you, now.”

“So you  _ were _ sent on this mission to protect me.”

“It seems Trench has told you more than she let on. Alright, it's true that your dad and Paris agreed that I would be assigned to work with you. The expectation was that if the ship was attacked, I would be with you and be able to get you to a safe place. But they had already agreed that I needed to be on board in order to be effective.”

“Justin? Did you come straight here from the hospital?”

Startled by her question, he gave her a hard look. She watched him as he gathered his thoughts.

“You and Trench had  _ more _ than a little chat, didn’t you?.”

“She felt it was important that I understood better where you were coming from. I agree with her.” 

He looked down at his hands, unable to meet her eyes. “They were ready to release me when the orders came down for me to work with the team. The decision was to keep me there on a day-release program in case I experienced any flashbacks.”

“And did you?”

Another sharp look, then his head went back down to avoid her eyes. “Yes - one. It was bad enough to take me out of commission for a few days.”

She reached for his hand over their now-forgotten meal. “You seem to be handling it pretty good, now.”

“I'm ok. I've been distracted by worrying about you. Rabbit keeps an eye on me to make sure I stay on track.” He raised his head to look her in the eye again.

“That's why he was so worried about what happened the night you broke my jaw. And why I even suggested that he be the one to heal your hand.”

“I don't understand.”

“If you had gone to sickbay, a report would have been filed that there was an altercation between us  _ in my quarters _ . Alarms would have been set off all over the place. But, even if Rabbit had ordered you to sickbay…”

“...He would have seen the situation between us firsthand.”

“Yes. I'm sure he filed his own report within our systems, but it obviously includes what he saw since nothing has come back against me.”

“It's also why he told everyone about what happened, isn't it?”

“Ha! I'm sure that was part of it, but he really likes the idea that you bested me so easily!”

“Rabbit knew you  _ before _ , didn't he? That's why you're more relaxed with him.”

“What do you mean?”

“You joke and tease with him. When someone else is there, you tend to sit back. You don't really engage as much.”

“Mike is one of my closest friends - even  _ before. _ So, yes, I do feel more comfortable with him. He knows Tie as well as Tina. He's actually the one that re-named me.”

“Tie?”

“That's how I was known  _ before _ . Tie, as in tie the group together. When I came back, I insisted that I wasn't that person anymore. His response was ‘What the hell am I supposed to call you now... _ Tina _ ?’ It stuck.”

Not as gifted as Trench at changing the subject, she stood to begin cleaning up their dinner.

“Did Tie have the power to overrule anyone like Tina does?”

“Even more so. Tie wouldn't have had to run straight to Admiral Paris to explain his actions.”

“His actions of shutting down the entire ship with only a few commands?”

“You've been doing some digging.” He gave her a sly but amused look. “Yes. I can - and I _ did _ \- shut the entire ship out of sensor data. I had good reason, which was supported by everyone who saw the data.”

“It took all afternoon to determine that?”

Her question earned her another sly grin. “Nosy, aren't you? It took only minutes for them to agree. The delay was only because setting up the secure line to Keleetha is more complicated than inputting a few commands.”

“So - what - you all decided on a party to celebrate the fact that you can now make sound decisions?”

“I wish! The rest of the day was spent trying to figure out what to do about it.”

“And did you?”

“Sadly, no. I'm afraid I'm going to be tied up most of the day tomorrow.”

“So, in the meantime, we float in a gravitational orbit without any sensor data to make sure we keep in line?”

“I put us in orbit by looking out the viewports - kudos, by the way, for even realizing our position. The sensors will blip a quick report at random intervals so the pilot will be able to verify our position.”

“So what is wrong with the sensors?”

“I can't tell you that.”

“It's serious enough that you basically shut down the entire ship, but  _ not _ serious enough to figure out what to do about it as soon as possible? That doesn't sound like my dad.”

“It wasn't your dad who decided it. Remember that whiny admiral? It was past his dinnertime, and he was getting a bit peckish.”

“ _ Peckish?” _

“Keleetha’s wife is a human woman of British heritage. Translation - he was hungry and his dinner was getting cold.”

“You're _ kidding _ me! And my dad didn't fight him?”

“Ummm… I think he was a little… ah… anxious to be off, too.”

She caught on to his hesitancy and became suspicious. “Why?”

Justin looked like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Wellll… he was actually at home… for Phoebe’s birthday.”

She felt like she’d been punched in the gut.  _ He's leaving me stranded out here with no sensors, at the edge of Cardassian space, for Phoebe’s  _ birthday? I _ can't even remember the last time he showed up for my birthday! _ All she could manage for a response was a quiet “Oh.”

“We're safe. He knows that. He pushed to set the meeting for 0500 so there wasn't too much delay.”

She turned around and began arranging the leftover food in the stasis unit. “It's fine, Justin. Honestly, I'd forgotten it was her birthday. I hope they have fun.”

Justin stood and gathered her into his arms. Once again, his quiet nature was welcomed. As they stood quietly together, a silent tear ran down her face and soaked itself into his shirt.

Finally, she lifted her head off his shoulder. “This is really not what I had planned to do tonight.”

He let her go and ran the back of his finger down the tear stain on her cheek. “What did you have planned?”

She hesitated, gathering her nerve. “This.” She drew her hand up and curled her fingers around the back of his head, then pulled his face down for a kiss. Light and sweet, it was as much as she had the nerve to do.  

“I like your plan.” He murmured into her lips before catching them up into his own kiss.

The kiss deepened, his tongue asking for entrance. She opened for him and their tongues began to dance around each other.

It was intoxicating.  _ He _ was intoxicating. One arm wrapped tightly around her waist, the other cradling her head, he was devouring her. 

Justin. There was only Justin. She was swimming in his essence. She was drowning in him.

Drowning. She was drowning. She needed air. She couldn't breathe...

She pushed away, panting, trying desperately to catch her breath.

He let her go, then clasped her hands lightly. “Are you ok? I scared you, didn't I?”

Finally she caught her breath. “I'm ok. I was just… that was really intense.”

“I'm so sorry, Rynna. It's just… Crickets! What you do to me…”

She relaxed back into his arms. “Really, I'm ok.” After a moment, she realized what he had said - what he had called her. “Rynna? Who's that?”

She felt him smile. “It's you. It's what I'm going to call you, now… Unless you don't like it.”

“I love it. Rynna Janeway. Yes, it will work just fine.”

 

Rynna woke and stretched lazily in her bed. After that first kiss, she and Justin had resumed their spots on the edge of the boat. They’d stayed there for quite a bit longer, alternately talking, sitting quietly, and kissing. Oh, his kisses!

Once she got over the intensity of that first kiss, she discovered just how good a kisser he was. His lips were soft, his touch was firm… every time he kissed her, she melted.

He’d walked her back to her quarters and given her one final good night kiss. It was commanding… powerful. She’d never wanted it to end. When he broke the kiss, they’d stayed there for a few more moments, clinging to each other.

She touched her lips. She swore they were still tingling.

“Oh, listen to me!” She threw the covers off and swung out of the bed. “I sound like one of those women in those ridiculous romance novels!”

As she got dressed and ready for the day, she contemplated what to do with it. “The whole team is going to be tied up in that meeting for goodness knows how long. How the hell am I going to fill the time?”

Staring out the port window, drinking yet another cup of coffee, she was contemplating how nice it was to  _ have _ a window when her comm badge went off. 

*Lt Tighe to Ensign Janeway*

Titles - they were on duty. “Janeway here.”

*Ensign, we need you to go to the lab and analyse some data.*

“I'd be happy to, Sir, but I'm locked out of the system.”

*I'm setting up a login so you can access everything you need.*

“The login code?”

*I've been directed to tell you ‘tennis in the rain’. Does this make sense to you?*

_ Tennis in the rain? What the hell is that supposed to… _ “Yes and no, sir. I recognize the reference, but am unsure of the meaning.”

She was startled to hear her father's voice in the background. *Katie, what had you just figured out when I found you?*

_ What had I figured out? Well, I discovered that walking several kilometers in the pouring rain is not the best idea. But what else… oh! _ “Yes, Sir. I understand the meaning. Would you like the equation, or the solution?”

She could hear the smile in his voice. *The solution, of course.*

She smiled back. “Yes sir.”

Lt Tighe’s voice returned. *We need you to pull all of the sensor data we have received since I locked out the system, then analyze the raw data for repeating patterns. If you find a pattern, we need the length of the cycle and exactly what systems are affected.*

“Understood, Sir. Do you have a time frame for the results?”

There was a pause. *Not specifically - I don't want you to feel you have to rush through it, but sooner rather than later.*

“Yes, Sir. Understood, Sir. I'm heading to the lab, now.”

*Ensign. One more thing. I must stress that it's the  _ raw _ data we are looking for.*

She was annoyed. “Of course, Sir.”

She could hear the smile in his voice. *Ensign, you have a tendency to analyze the data on the fly, as it's being downloaded. In regular circumstances, it's a wonderful attribute, but I need you to curb that habit for this.*

_ Do I really do that? _ “Understood, Sir.”

*Good. Tighe, out.*

She almost raced out the door, then realized that she would feel more  _ on duty _ if she was in uniform. She took the time to change quickly, then hurried to the lab.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Five hours later, she had the solution to a massive puzzle in her hands. “Ensign Janeway to Lt Tighe.”  
*Go ahead, Ensign.*  
“Sir, I have your results. There is a pattern, the cycle lasts about 30 minutes each time, but it's… sporadic.”  
*Sporadic?*  
“Yes, sir. It affects every system, but rotates through them instead of hitting them all at once.”  
*So, when a particular system is not in the pattern…*  
“...I believe it's true data.”  
*Thank you, Ensign. Please have your full report sent up to us by padd. Nothing is to be left in the computer.*  
“Of course, sir. I did all of my work offline.”  
She thought she heard a chuckle in the background. *Of course you did, Ensign. I should have known you would see the necessity without being told.*  
“Sir? There's one more thing.”  
*Go ahead.*  
‘Well, there seems to be a feedback loop in the rotation.” This was the part if her report that made her nervous. The reason it had been delayed for an extra hour.  
*What do you mean?*  
She took a deep breath. “The data… changes.”  
*Changes?*  
“Yes, sir. The earliest data I pulled had a more frequent repeating pattern, then after about three hours, the pattern stretches out and becomes more erratic. Once the system was reactivated when I began pulling it, the pattern all but disappeared.”  
There was an extended silence on the other end of the comm. Her nerves went through the roof.  
*Ensign, we think it's best that you join us so we can discuss your results in person.*  
Her heart stopped. Join a highly-classified meeting with the Fleet Admiral? Thank the gods that I took the time to change into uniform! Then she stopped - she had no idea where they were!  
“Um… I'm… unaware… of your current position, sir.”  
*My apologies, Ensign. Quite honestly, we forget about being on security lockdown when we're in here. You'll find us in the conference room off the Ready Room.*  
“Thank you, sir. I'll be there momentarily. Janeway out.”   
She almost ran out the door before remembering that she needed to re-lock the system and clean up the padds she had used for her calculations. As a last-minute thought, she decided she should bring them along so she could reference her ‘raw data’ if necessary. Padds gathered, she raced to the turbolift, thinking she really shouldn't have skipped lunch.  
What felt like a mere two seconds later, she found herself outside the door to the conference room. The security guards posted outside the door had obviously been apprised of her pending arrival. When she gave them her name, they merely nodded and stepped aside.  
She took a deep breath and rang the door chime. The doors slid open immediately to show a room situated with a table in the shape of a half moon, facing a viewscreen. Justin was seated at the head of the half-moon, flanked on either side by Admiral Paris and the ship's captain. The rest of the Rangers filled in the seats on either side. The viewscreen showed her father, a well-decorated Admiral who she guessed was Keleetha, and none other than Admiral Patterson.  
“Good afternoon, Ensign. Please join us.” Justin seemed to be running the entire show.  
Apparently the ability to override higher ranks extends to meetings. “Thank you, sir.”  
“I believe you know everyone seated here, as well as two of the three on the viewscreen. As for the third, I'd like to introduce you to Fleet Admiral Keleetha.”  
“Good afternoon, Ensign. I'm pleased to finally meet you.” The man tried to smile, but he looked like his face would crack if he actually managed to complete the expression.  
“The pleasure is mine, sir.”   
“Please take a seat.” Justin motioned to an open spot situated next to Trench.  
“Thank you, sir.” She arrived at the chair to find a monitor with a keyboard and what looked to be a turkey sandwich with mayonnaise. Confused, she looked around.  
Justin caught her eyes and gave her a mischievous grin. “We broke for lunch a little while ago. But most of us here suspected you probably worked right through.”  
She blushed, “Thank you for thinking of me, sir. You're correct. I haven't eaten.” She moved to put down the padds she was carrying and discovered her hands were shaking.  
Trench came to her rescue. “Here, Dash, let me take them so you can sit.” She turned to Justin. “Shall I upload her report, Lieutenant?”  
“Yes, Ensign. Thank you.”  
“I take it the other padds are your notes, Katie?”  
“Yes, Admiral Patterson.”  
He glanced toward Trench. “Send them over as well.” He looked back and winked at her. “I love seeing how you think.”  
It took a few moments for the data to pass through the secure line to Earth, then a few more for everyone to go through it. She took the opportunity to wolf down a few bites of the sandwich.  
The monitor in front of her lit up, alerting her to a message. She glanced at Trench, who smiled and nodded. The computer - and the message - was for her.  
She opened it to find: Don't let him intimidate you. As long as you keep him fed, he's a bigger pussycat than Spider.  
Her snort of laughter was turned into a cough to cover it.  
“Are you alright, Ensign?” Justin's eyes were dancing with humor.  
“Yes, Lieutenant. My sandwich just tried to go down the wrong way.” She gave him a subtle half-smirk in response.  
“Well, then. Now that we've all had a chance to review the Ensign’s report, let's get down to business.” The Fleet Admiral focused his attention on her. “Why don't you walk us through what you've found.”  
Her heart jumped into her throat. Before she could think any further, her message light blinked again: Just like you did in my class, Katie. She smiled gratefully at Patterson.  
“Well, sir. I located a repeating pattern within the sensor data gathered while the system was locked out. Initially, the pattern cycled randomly through the systems with little to no intervals. During the time when a system was not experiencing the cycle, it seems to have been gathering true data.”  
She took a breath and continued on. “A few hours into the lockdown, the intervals between the pattern cycles increased, therefore decreasing the number of cycles. When I accessed and began downloading the data, I seem to have ‘woken up’ the sensor system. Shortly after that, the new data gathered while the system was active showed a further decline in the number of cycles and the pattern began to skip certain systems altogether.”  
She glanced around the room as she finished her final point. “As I was finishing my analysis, the pattern began to unravel completely.”  
Admiral Paris’ face was beaming. Her monitor flashed again: Well done, Katie.  
There was silence in the room as the others processed her report. Fleet Admiral Keleetha spoke up again.  
“I'm told you're a very smart young lady. Tell me - do you have a theory surrounding these readings?”  
Bristling at his condescending tone, she squared her shoulders and looked him in the eyes. “I have a hypothesis, sir.”  
Keleetha sat back in his chair. “Then, by all means… enlighten us.”  
There was challenge in his unkind eyes. He had full intentions of making her look like a childish fool. He was the fool, though, trying to take her down in front of a room full of people who cared for her and trusted her judgement. What's more - she knew she was right.   
Her shoulders square, and her back ramrod straight, she enlightened him.   
“I believe the disruptive patterns of erroneous data are being caused by the Cardassians; that they know where we are - and have known almost since we settled at these coordinates; and that they are now aware that we have discovered their intervention.”  
There was another long silence in the room, then her father spoke up. “And I believe that you are correct.” His smile of pride warmed her from the inside.  
“Now hold on just a minute. How do you know they’ve been doing this the entire time you’ve been there?” Keleetha was not going down quietly.  
“Well, sir…”  
“Because she went back to the very beginning and checked the data.” Admiral Patterson looked up from the monitor in front of him. “Nice idea, Katie,”  
“Then why is that not part of her report?”  
“Because it isn’t raw data, as Lt Tighe had requested. The data I had available was the cosmological readings that I had already ‘analyzed on the fly’. It isn’t pure, so until I had the time to pull it in its raw form, it had to be left out.”  
“Yet, it’s pure enough to spout a theory partially based on it.”  
“On the contrary, sir. I said I had a hypothesis, which, to a scientist, means that unverified evidence can be included.” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Spider press his hand across his mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Jeans’ face was getting red from holding in his own laughter.  
But she knew she’d pushed the envelope. Caution settled into her father’s and Admiral Patterson’s eyes. Her monitor blinked another message: Easy Rynna…  
She had to reply to his message or she was liable to burst with annoyance at the buffon on the screen. Would someone please get him a sandwich?  
Justin’s cough made her feel a little better.  
“Admiral Keleetha, if I may?” Keleetha waved at Admiral Paris to continue. “Ensign, based on your hypothesis, what would you recommend we do?”  
She gaped at him. What the hell is he doing? I’m not a tactician! The problem was that she did have an idea.   
She allowed herself a moment to gather her thoughts and study Paris’ face. He wasn’t frowning caution at her. In fact, she thought she detected a little of the sparkle his eyes had been missing the last time she saw him. At that moment, she knew she would do anything to make that sparkle glow stronger - even if it meant she stuck her neck out too far.  
“We do nothing.”  
Admiral Paris’ eyebrows rose, Justin’s jaw dropped, Trench gasped, and Keleetha sputtered.  
“Do nothing? Are you mad?”  
“Will you allow me to explain, sir?”  
Admiral Keleetha sat back against his chair and waved her on. “I can’t wait to hear this.”  
“All they’ve done is play with our scientific data - even though they know exactly where we are. This implies that they are not currently interested in interacting with us in any way.”  
Rabbit gave her an incredulous look. “The Cardassians will quite often fool someone into thinking they are harmless.”   
“True, but since they have already hosted two of us as guests, they know that kind of ploy will not work.”  
“So, if they’re going to leave us alone, why are they bothering to do anything at all?” She’d never seen her father befuddled.  
“Perhaps they enjoy playing with us - another form of torture. Perhaps they are hoping to egg us into making the first move, so we look like the aggressors. I cannot speak to their motives - only their actions. Although I am not fully briefed on our history with their race, I am aware of several incidents involving them. Based on those - and my own experience - I believe this to be the circumstance here.”  
Trench had too many questions to save her this time. “While we sit here doing nothing, what do you suppose the Cardassians will do?”  
“The best way to beat a bully is to ignore them, Trench. After a day or two of silence from us, they’ll get bored and wander off to find someone else to pick on. In the meantime, we run new scans and compare them to our previous ones. Jus… Lt Tighe and I can work on some algorithms to separate the erroneous data from the true readings. We’ll be able to salvage at least some of what we’ve done.”  
“And beat the Cardassians at their own game while doing it.” Justin had finally managed to pick his jaw up off the floor and the pride had returned to his voice. “Spider, do you think we can backtrack the erroneous readings to find their location?”  
“I’m not sure. I’d want to see the data myself.” He looked at her almost apologetically. “The way you read it for this report is not the way I need to see it, Dash.”  
“Of course, Spider. I’ll give you my original notes, too.” She glanced at her father. “Some of them are from more of an engineering perspective. In the meantime, I can work on getting all of our previous data compiled back into some semblance of a raw state. Then Lt Tighe and I can get those algorithms working on separating the wheat from the chaff.”  
She suddenly realized that she’d completely overstepped her bounds. It was up to Justin and the Admirals to make plans like that. She gave Justin an apologetic look. “As long as that’s alright with you, Lieutenant.”  
He responded with an indulgent smile. “It sounds like an excellent plan, Dash. Let’s do it.” He began stacking padds in preparation to leave. “Let’s allow Spider some time to see if what we want to do is possible, then we’ll reconvene tomorrow around…?” He looked at Spider for an estimate.  
“I’ll need several hours, and the day is almost done. How about we make it a lunch date, so we can all make sure Dash eats a square meal.”  
Unwilling to open her mouth again, she crossed her arms and wagged her finger as if she was scolding him.   
“Very well, it’s a date. 1200 hours back here in this room. Dash - you bring the tuna fritters and coleslaw.”  
Admiral Janeway burst into laughter. “Giving away your mother’s secrets Katie? Wait until she hears about this!”  
“You know I can’t cook, Dad. I got her to program her recipes into the replicator. It’s not exact, but it comes close enough when you’ve been away long enough.”  
“Ahem, well… I will have my assistant add the meeting to my schedule. I will see you all tomorrow.” With that, Fleet Admiral Keleetha all but stormed off the viewscreen.  
Admiral Patterson and her father looked at each other. “I think that’s my cue to leave, as well.” Patterson shook his hand, then turned to the room. “Thank you, Lieutenant. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Katie - it was just wonderful to see you.”  
“It was wonderful to see you, too Uncle Teddy. Thank you, by the way, for all your instruction. What you taught us in class has come in rather handy.”  
He winked at her. “I’m glad to hear it.”   
“Well, I think our Dash has earned a couple of private minutes with her father. Let’s get going before we end up getting roped into Spider’s all-night project.”  
While the rest of the team gathered their things and began filing out the door, Justin came over to her. “I’ll be outside waiting for you, Rynna. Enjoy your time.” He brushed a lock of hair that had escaped her hastily-twisted bun behind her ear, then turned back to the screen.  
“Admiral, thank you for your continued input and support. I’ll draw up a summary for you this evening and have it ready for you tomorrow.”  
“Take your time, Lieutenant. It’s not like I wasn’t here for the entire… show.” He gave Rynna a wicked grin.  
“Thank you, sir.” With a last look at Rynna, he turned to leave. “Admiral Paris, I trust you will be able to make tomorrow’s meeting? I should have checked with you before I finalized the time. Although… I guess with the captain also included in the guest list, your luncheon would have been cancelled anyway.”  
Paris gave a quiet chuckle. “No worries. Fred and I usually just spend the time chatting about nothing. We can do that anytime. I wouldn’t miss this meeting for an all-expenses-paid week on Risa - with my wife, of course.”  
“Very well, sir. I’ll see you at 1200 hours tomorrow.” Justin picked up his padds and headed out the door.  
“Nice work, Katie. I believe all your late nights cramming to meet my deadlines paid off.” Paris smiled and leaned into her. “Keleetha didn’t expect to see you until at least 1900 hours.” He turned to the screen. “Ed, thank you for your wonderful daughter, here. You have a good night.”  
“You can’t have her forever, Owen! You will eventually have to give her back!” Edward called after Paris’ retreating back. Then he settled back into his chair and focused his attention on Rynna.  
“Katie, I can’t tell you how good it is to see you. I’ve been so worried…” His voice choked and tears came to his eyes.  
“It’s alright, Daddy. I’m alright - really. Justin and the other Rangers have been really nice to me.”  
“So I see, Dash. How on Earth did they come up with that?”  
“It’s a convoluted story. Let’s just say it’s indicative of my dash through the swamp with Justin.”  
“Ah… Justin.” He looked down at her. “It seems that Owen was right about the two of you. I’m not sure it’s the best idea, Katie. Lt Tighe is… complicated.”  
“Not complicated enough to keep you from assigning him as my personal bodyguard.”  
Edward winced. “I was trying to protect you, Katie.”  
“I appreciate that, Daddy, but you can’t protect me from life. If I was not Admiral Janeway’s daughter, this idea of special protection would never have come up. Besides - it didn’t really work, did it?”  
Tears came back to her father’s eyes. “No… it didn’t… I’m so sorry, Katie. It must have been terrifying.”  
“It was, Daddy. But I’m alright. Most of my injuries have healed, and I’ve got a whole new group of friends. People who understand and appreciate me for me. You know I’ve never really had that.”  
He sighed. “I know, Katie. It’s just so difficult being so far away. I can’t even tell your mother, which makes it just that much harder.”  
“Speaking of which. How was Phoebe’s birthday party.”   
The poorly-concealed bitterness in her voice did not escape him and his voice became soft. “I was already on Earth, Katie, meeting with Keleetha about you and Owen. Your mother moved up the party so it would happen while she knew I would be here. As it was, I was only able to make an appearance.”  
“You were meeting with Keleetha about me? Why?”  
“We were discussing whether or not we should bring you home.”  
“Why the hell would you do that? I’m fine.” Then it hit her - she wasn’t the only one kidnapped. “Is Admiral Paris alright?”  
He was silent for a moment as he considered what to say. “He’s been through a lot, Katie. He’s holding his own for the moment. Still, some of us think it’s best if he was home, away from the vicinity of the Cardassians. I’d prefer it if you both came home now.”  
“No! We can’t leave now!”  
“If we follow your plan, you won’t… Nice work, by the way. I’m beginning to think Owen is right about you.”  
“About what?”  
“About you considering a Command track.”  
She rolled her eyes. “Not you, too! My interest lies in the sciences, Dad. I’d even look into Engineering before Command.”  
“Sometimes life tells you that those passions are only part of you. Perhaps you’re meant for something more than a blue uniform.” He leaned forward in his chair, and looked her straight in the eye.   
“How long did it take you to come up with your plan? Did you know what you would do as soon as you reached your conclusions and built your hypothesis? Were you mulling it over on your way here? Did it just pop into your head as you were talking? Or - Ted’s personal favorite - you only said it to piss off Keleetha?”  
“Let’s see… When I first saw the data results, I realized they were playing with us. But, if I’m going to be truly honest, it was Admiral Keleetha who gave me the idea to stay.”  
“Why? So you could avoid him?”  
“He’s a bully, Dad. What did I say to Trench about bullies?”  
“Ignore them and they’ll eventually go away.”  
“Exactly. I still want my research data, and I want it fixed so I can trust it. And I refuse to back down to a bully. So… I recommend we stay.”  
“It’s still a brilliant piece of tactics. You really know how to read your enemies, Katie…. Except for Keleetha. You need to control your temper a little.”  
“I was in trouble even before I walked in. I think my mere presence pissed him off - although I have no idea why.”  
“I’m afraid that’s the fault of everyone else in the room. I think we spent a bit too much time talking about you.”  
“About me?”  
“When it was decided that we really needed a full analysis of the data, Lt Tighe suggested that we bring you in. It seems it was your joint work on the specialized enhancement that brought out the pattern.”  
“He didn't tell me that part.”  
“Probably because he couldn't without telling you anything else. Anyway, you could tell that the rest of his team wanted you read into the situation. Keleetha was adamantly opposed to bringing in a junior ensign on such a sensitive situation. When Paris, Patterson, and I agreed that you should be included, he was left without support. As Fleet Admiral, he expects everyone to agree with him. It seems he decided to take it out on you. I'm sorry. If we had realized…”  
“I'm a big girl, Dad. I can take care of myself.”  
“So it seems. Just be careful, Katie. You don't want the Fleet Admiral as an enemy.”  
“I think it's a little too late for that.”  
“Just… keep yourself in check tomorrow.”  
“I'm not going to hide under the table just because he's threatened by my presence.”  
“I know better than to tell you to that. All I’m saying is to keep in mind that he outranks you… a lot.”  
“Yes, sir.”  
“That's more like it!” His look changed to one of concern. “Katie, I'm not trying to tell you who you can spend time with, but Lt Tighe is…”  
“Dad, please don't. I know who he is… and what he's been through. Quite honestly, it's been nice to have someone who understands.”  
“Just… don't let that be all that you have. It's not a good foundation. Not to mention… Katie, I saw him… it wasn't… just be careful, ok?”  
“I've already broken his jaw, Dad. I'll be fine.” She brought it up intentionally. She needed her dad to back off and leave her relationship with Justin alone.  
“You what?”  
She shrugged. “He startled me. I hit him. His jaw broke.”   
“Alright Katie, I'll leave it alone for now. But I'm going to ask Paris about it on a regular basis.”  
She rolled her eyes. “Fine, Dad. And don't bug Justin about letting me go out in that shuttle. He's angry enough at himself. He doesn't need you making it worse.”  
“Will you let me be overprotective in some way, please?”  
“You raised me to think for myself. Trust that you did a good job, ok?”  
“I'll try, Katie. I love you.”  
“I love you, too, Dad. I wish you could tell Mom I said hi.”  
“I'll come up with something. I'll see you tomorrow.”  
The screen went black, and she sat for a moment. That had been the most honest conversation she’d ever had with him. It felt good. She slapped her thighs and stood up. “It's time to go. Justin is waiting for me.”  
He was right outside the door, leaning against a wall, when the doors swished open. Immediately he smiled and stood up straight. “How'd it go?”  
“It was nice to talk to him. I know you said it wouldn’t be fair to the rest of the crew, but… thank you for overlooking that.”  
He shrugged. “Like I said, you earned it.”  
While they were speaking, he had moved in closer to her. Now, he put his hands on her waist and began gently propelling her back into the conference room.  
“Justin? What are you doing?” A thrill of fear ran down her spine.  
He leaned in closer so he could whisper in her ear. “I am going to kiss you, Ensign Janeway. Since we are still in our uniforms, I think it’s necessary to move someplace more private.”  
Once the door swished closed behind them, he gathered her completely into his arms and leaned in close. “You were brilliant today.” Then his mouth captured hers.  
The intensity was back, but this time she didn’t drown. This time she returned the intensity with her own. It had been a stressful day, and her emotional adrenaline was still riding high. She put it all into the kiss - poured it all in until it was everything each of them could do to stand up.  
Panting when then they broke for air, they stared into each other’s eyes, knowing they had just passed a step deeper into what was growing between them. They were still panting when they joined their mouths once more.  
Finally, they broke apart completely, unable to continue without passing out. He held her tightly, while she rested her forehead against his shoulder. He rested his cheek against the top of her head.  
When she finally caught her breath, she turned her head to the side and tucked it up under his chin. “I can’t believe I smart-mouthed the Fleet Admiral.”  
“You certainly made the meeting more interesting.”  
“Dad said I made an enemy out of him.”  
He lifted his head and, moving them toward the conference table, perched against it so they could see more eye to eye. He pulled her in close again. “I don’t think he’s quite there. I will say that it’s probably a good idea if you let us do most of the talking tomorrow.”  
“I can’t even believe they’re going to let me come back.”  
“They don’t have an option. It’s my show - I decide who comes or goes.”  
She lifted her head from his shoulder. “Justin - I know you said you can outrank anyone in SF when it came to security, but the Fleet Admiral?”  
“He gets the final decision, but it’s my meeting… my research… my team. You’re a part of that. It’s your research and your proposal that we’re seriously considering. You need to be there to help us develop it into a full strategy.”  
“That’s just it, Justin - I’m a scientist, not a strategist. I really don’t think I have anything else to contribute.”  
“You’re better at strategy than you think. If Spider can locate the Cardassians and track them, we can follow your plan and stay where we are.” He grinned. “And piss them off for once.”  
She put her head back down on his shoulder. “I’d love nothing more than to piss them off, but I still don’t think I can help.”  
He sighed. “At minimum, you can help with the information that you left out of the report. I understand why you didn't think it was necessary to include it, but the impressions you got from what you saw can mean all the difference.”  
Needing a change of subject, she moved on to part of her conversation with her father. “I told my dad to lay off you about letting me go on the shuttle with Admiral Paris.”  
“You didn’t have to do that, but thank you anyway.”  
“I told him you were beating yourself up enough. You really need to let it go, Justin. Keeping me a prisoner won’t necessarily make me safe.”  
“I saw his face when I told you I’d be outside. He’s worried, isn’t he?”  
She lifted her head again and put a hand on either side of his face. “I told him to trust my judgement.”  
“I doubt if that really worked. He was there when I…”  
“I trust you. You would never hurt me. That’s all that’s important.” She leaned in for another kiss. Potent and powerful, neither one of them were willing to answer Spider’s hail when it came through.  
*Spider to Tina.*  
After a pause. *Rabbit to Tina.*  
Another pause. *Trench to Dash. Let go of his face long enough to answer!*  
Laughing, Justin tapped her comm badge. “What the hell do you guys want?”  
*I knew it! You’re close enough to answer her badge!*  
“Trench…” The warning tone in Rynna’s voice stopped Trench from continuing.  
*Oh, very well… Look - I’m starving. Are you guys planning to meet us for dinner or what? You’ve only had a couple bites of a sandwich, Dash.*  
Rabbit’s voice came on in the background. *You didn’t eat much more than that, either, Tina. Come join us - we took over the big conference room again.. You can get back to what you were doing when your bellies are full.*  
At that moment, both Justin and Rynna’s stomachs grumbled. They burst into laughter, which made it impossible to respond. Finally, Rynna managed to get herself together enough to speak. “We’ll be there in a few minutes, Trench. Save me a seat. Dash out.” She tapped her hadge and looked at Justin.  
Tears of laughter still in his eyes, he pulled her close again. “I guess we’d better get going or Spider will come looking for us.”  
“You’re probably right.” She kissed him lightly again. “But then we get back to what we were doing.”  
“That’s fine with me.” He kissed her softly, then stood. “C’mon. We need to go before I lock the door and pretend that conversation never happened.”  
The doors to the large conference room swished open to a cacophony of sound from the Rangers’ banter and the delicious odor of tomato sauce.  
Justin sniffed the air. “Uh, oh. It smells like Jeans has been cooking again.”  
“I had plenty of time waiting for you two!”  
“She was talking to her father! It’s not like you can tell Admiral Janeway to shut up and sign off.”  
Rynna burst out laughing. “Only if you’re looking for a dishonorable discharge! Not even I would dare to do something like that!”  
“Why is it that you two are always late? Come sit down - even I’m starving.” Spider directed Rynna to a seat next to him. “I hope you don’t mind - I want to pick your brain while we eat. I looked over your notes and I have a few questions.”  
“Of course I don't mind, Spider.”  
Jeans began serving out what turned out to be meatballs and spaghetti. “I figured we could all use some comfort food after today’s meeting.”  
“Jeans, where do you cook all this food? Did you pack along a kitchen when you came on board?”  
“My quarters aren't even large enough to hold a hot-plate. The captain lets me use the kitchen in his private dining room. All I have to do is leave a heaping portion for him and Admiral Paris.”  
“I didn’t even know there was a kitchen in there.”  
“They keep one in case the ship is hosting a race whose food is not programmed into the replicators - or for those that refuse replicated food.”   
Jeans turned Polly. “Can you grab the basket on the counter over there? I almost forgot - I ran into Sarah while I was there and traded some spaghetti and meatballs for a few loaves of her fresh French bread.”  
While they ate, Spider and Dash spoke about her research notes. “Your notes say all the cycles were found on the same frequency. Is that true?”  
“Yes. I double-checked - especially when I noticed that the signal was degrading. I was afraid they had moved to another frequency. I only found it on that one, though.”  
“Why didn’t you put it in your report?”  
“It didn’t seem to me that it was relevant.”  
“I’m willing to bet that your assessment of their attitude had that in mind.”  
“Yes. If they really wanted to hide from us completely, they would have sent the false data on a modulation frequency. It would have been all that much harder to recognize.”  
Spider gave her a pointed look, but said nothing. She studied him quizzically, then it hit her.  
“It was relevant. Very relevant.” She hung her head.  
“Yes. It also puts you in a bad light. Keleetha already hates you. He might think you hid this from him so you could look smarter.”  
“But…” Rynna hid her face in her hands. “It’s official - I’ve made an enemy of the Fleet Admiral. I might as well resign.”  
“You’re inexperienced. Most Ensigns wouldn’t even be trusted with studying the data. I’ll come up with something to deflect the situation, without actually outright lying.”  
Justin spoke up. “In the future, note anything you found outside of the parameters you were given - even if it’s unsupported. Let the person in charge determine if it’s necessary to delve deeper.”  
“You mean I also should have reported that I think it went all the way back to the beginning.”  
“Just add a few footnotes to the report. Something like ‘Although not completely verified, it seems that this recurring pattern might have begun as early as…’ and ‘The recurring data only appears on this frequency.’ That will protect you and give the others a heads-up if they need to delve into something deeper.”  
“Spider, I'm so sorry to put you in this position. You should just be honest tomorrow. I'll take whatever it is that Keleetha wants to hand out.”  
“Dash, it really isn't that big a deal for me… Think of it as me laying down cover fire so you can dodge a bullet. It's what teammates do for each other.”  
“Still… You shouldn't have to cover my mistakes.”  
Spider looked over head at Justin. What the hell?  
Justin gave him a quiet nod and moved his head to one side a little. You get going. I'll take care of this.  
Spider pushed back his chair. “I need to head back to my station. Even though you already did half of my work, Dash, I still need to do the rest of it before lunch tomorrow.”  
When he was gone, Justin turned his whole attention to Rynna. “You need to relax, Rynna. It's not a mistake. It's a learning experience.”  
“It's a mistake, Justin. A big one.”  
Justin gently grasped her hand and held it gently between both of his.   
“Rynna, you're a junior ensign, fresh from the Academy, with the ink still wet on your degree. You were asked to perform highly-classified research and provide a report for the Fleet Admiral. Not only did you do that efficiently and effectively, you provided high-level insight to a sensitive situation that may save an entire ship from a very dangerous outcome.”  
He leaned his elbow against the table and tugged on her hand so she turned toward him. “Look at me. This is a completely atypical situation. No one in your position would ever be asked to do what we asked you to do. That request would have gone to the senior officer or chief of the department. You should have had several years of experience and mentoring before you got to where we shoved you today.”  
“Then why didn't you ask one of them? Why did you shove me into this situation?”  
“Because there was no one else who would understand what was needed without too much explanation. Because you were involved in creating the scan that unburied the interference. Because we all knew you could do it, regardless of whatever department was affected.”  
“So, why didn’t you ask that person?”  
He chuckled. “That person is me. We could have broken the meeting while I went to the lab, but I didn’t want to delay any further. You were the only other person who would even know what you were looking at.” His look became downcast. “I’m sorry, Rynna. I should have been mentoring you all along. Instead, I was ignoring you. It’s really my fault you’re in this situation.”  
“It’s not like I’ve been in a bubble, Justin. I should have realized it when Keleetha asked about why I hadn’t put the background research into my report. I really hope Spider just lets me hang tomorrow. I deserve it.”  
“Crickets! You’re even harder on yourself than I was told! You’re part of a team - no one ever truly works alone - no one succeeds in any operation without backup. Perhaps that’s the lesson you really should take away from this whole thing.”  
She spoke quietly so the others couldn’t hear. “You worked alone when you escaped from the Cardassians.”   
A deep shadow passed over his face and his eyes turned black as night. He leaned closer to her and spoke barely loud enough for her to hear him. “I wasn’t alone, Rynna. Even then, I had a partner. Let your team support you, or there is no reason to be part of one. Being without a team or partner makes it impossible to succeed.”  
Inwardly, her jaw dropped. He wasn’t alone? Who was there, and why did everyone think he arrived alone? “Justin…”  
He shook his head. “Some other time, Rynna. Not here. Not now.”  
“I’m holding you to that.” She took a cleansing breath and let it out. “In the meantime, I’ll work on allowing myself to trust my team.”  
“Thank you.” He gently ran the back of his finger down her cheek and gave her a soft kiss.   
“Alright, you two! Break it up!” Trench broke the quiet bubble that had formed around them. “When Rabbit told you that your could resume your previous activity, he didn’t mean right here!”  
“Well, then, he should have been more specific!”  
“Perhaps it’s time for us to leave, Rynna.”  
“Don’t you two dare! We have questions for Dash.”  
“Um, what about?”  
Polly put on a mock-investigator face. “Just exactly how do you know Admiral Patterson?”  
“He was my Quantum Calculus professor.”  
“Uh, uh. Not good enough. We heard you call him Uncle Teddy. You just don’t call your professor something like that.”  
“Yeah - Patterson is even more difficult to crack than Paris. You call Paris ‘Admiral’. There’s something more with Patterson.”  
Rynna sighed. Her relationships with other people in SF was something she tried to keep to herself - people treated her differently when they knew. She should have known the Rangers would pick up on her slip.  
There was no way out of this. She glanced at Justin briefly, but he looked as curious as the rest of them. Resigned, she spoke quietly. “Admiral Patterson is my Godfather. I figured you knew, Justin.”  
“No, I didn’t know. How did he get to be your godfather?”  
She could hear the surprise in his voice - and see it on the others’ faces. It was best to get the whole story out, then take the hits as they came.  
“Obviously, you all know my dad is an admiral, but there are others in my family. My mother’s side is littered with admirals and other well-decorated officers. During the party celebrating her stepfather’s promotion to admiral, he introduced my mother to Lieutenants Edward Janeway and Theoderich Patterson. My mother and father started dating, but the two of them also became close friends with Teddy. When I was born, they asked him to be my godfather.”  
“So, basically, we’re in the midst of SF royalty.”  
“Shut up, Polly! She’s the same Dash you knew ten minutes ago!”  
“Easy, Trench. I was just teasing. SF royalty definitely does not act the way she does.”  
“All that pedigree does is put her in a room full of Admirals calling her Katie instead of Ensign in the middle of a meeting with the Fleet Admiral. Would you want that?”  
“I thought he treated you like a daughter!”  
“Crickets, it’s probably half the reason Keleetha hated her before she walked in the room! Match that pedigree with her brain and she’s a force to be reckoned with!”  
One by one, each of the Rangers chimed in a thought or opinion. Rynna was relieved and touched to hear that they were not speaking about her any differently than they had a few minutes ago. In fact, they were more focused on the difficulties her heritage brought her. Tears began to burn in the backs of her eyes.  
Justin finally spoke up. “Alright everyone, that’s enough. Dash has a few more friends in high places than we realized, but it’s not like it gives any of us - including her - the keys to the kingdom. You have five minutes to ask whatever follow up questions you think you need answers to. After that, the topic is dead - forever - unless she brings it up. Got it?”  
“Got it, Boss.”  
“Maybe her nickname should be Princess instead of Dash.”  
“Don’t you dare Polly! I will break both your kneecaps if you try.”  
“Hey Dash! Do you think you could get a few things wiped off my record?”  
Rabbit smacked him in the back of the head. “Shut it, Jeans. I doubt she could get her own record wiped - or that she would even try.”  
“Thanks, Rabbit. You’re right, I couldn’t - and wouldn’t - do something like that…. And thank you all for taking this so well. Most people don’t.”  
Justin stood. “My friends, your time is up. It’s been a long day and we all need to be on our toes again tomorrow. I think it’s time I took Princess Rynna home.”  
“Aww! The fun was just getting started!”  
“We can have our fun tomorrow, Trench, when the decisions are made and the admirals fade back into the woodwork. No offense, Dash - your father’s a great guy but…”  
“No offense taken, Polly. He is an admiral - and ‘difficult to crack’. I wouldn’t mind having him fade into the woodwork sometimes.” She stood and took Justin’s proffered hand.  
“I’m going to let everyone sleep in a bit - hopefully Spider will get a chance, too. We’ll meet at 0900 tomorrow in the conference room to go over what he was able to do, and get our plans lined up.” With that, he led Rynna out the door and into the corridor.  
“Well, that went better than I expected.”  
“What did you think they were going to do? Bow before you?”  
“Something like that. People who know act differently around me. I had classmates - even professors - who treated me like glass because they were afraid to… I don’t know… alienate? … the Admiralty.”  
“Well, I think we know that you’re not breakable. And we got away with letting you out of our sight a little longer than we should have. If that didn’t bring down the wrath of the Admiralty, I doubt if we have anything to worry about, my princess.”  
“One more thing, Justin. Don’t ever call me Princess, again. I don’t care if you’re joking.”  
“I wouldn’t have even joked if I’d known how much you hated it. Come along Evil Queen, you have a big day tomorrow.” She laughed most of the way back to her quarters.  
When they arrived at her door, she took his hands and pulled him inside her quarters. “Come inside for a moment. I’m going to kiss you and, since we are still in our uniforms, it’s better that we go someplace more private.”  
A smile grew on his face. “I think that might be the best bet.” As before, the minute the doors slid shut behind them, he gathered her into his arms and captured her lips in a searing kiss.   
When they broke for air, she rested her head on his shoulder. Justin didn’t rest his cheek on the top of her head, as he had been doing, though. Instead, he pressed his lips against her neck in a gentle kiss. She tensed and jumped away.  
He responded as he normally did when she had a bad reaction. He dropped his hands from her, then held one out, palm up. “Are you okay? I’m sorry - I had no idea you would react like that.”  
Breathing heavily from the shock, she took his hand and moved back in close to him. “I didn’t, either. I don’t know why - it’s not like that was ever a part of what happened.”  
“Maybe it was just a little too intimate for you. We’ll take things a little slower, ok?”  
“Gods, Justin, am I ever going to be normal again?”  
There was a slight chuckle. “I don't think you've ever really been ‘normal’, Rynna. But, yes, I think you’ll be fine eventually.”  
“And if I’m not?”  
“It won’t change the fact that I am very fond of you, Rynna. You can’t scare me away.”  
She pressed herself back into his arms and they tightened around her. “Please don’t give up on me.”  
“Never, Rynna… Never.” He kissed her softly, then let go. “I really must be going. I was up late last night, then much too early this morning. I have to get enough rest that I can run tomorrow’s meeting with my eyes open.”  
She laughed, then touched his cheek. “Whiner. Are you going to start cancelling meetings because you’re peckish?”  
He laughed back at her. “Stop me if I do.” He pulled her into his arms again and gave her another searing kiss. When it was over, he rested his lips on the top of her head. “Crickets, what you do to me! I have to go… now.”  
She let go of him and began gently pushing him towards the door. “Goodnight, Justin. I’ll see you at 0900 tomorrow morning. You bring the coffee.” The door shut to the sounds of his laughter in the corridor.  
She turned around and spoke into the room. “What I do to you? How about what you do to me? I just wish you could touch me without alarm bells going off!” She sighed and headed for the bedroom. It had been a tumultuous day, and she was exhausted. A long bath and a good night’s sleep was in order.  
A couple of hours later, though, she finally discovered why she had been issued her own private quarters. She woke up to the sound of her own screaming. The nightmare so real, she thought she was back in that metal box in the ground. The cold in her body so real that she finally got out of bed shakily and retrieved an extra blanket from the closet.  
The rest of the night was spent in much the same way. Visions of ugly faces doing horrible things to her. Snakes slithering through the corridors of the Icarus, set loose when her idea of the Cardassians’ plan was proven wrong. Justin returned to his captivity and tortured back into madness. Her father and Uncle Teddy massacred when they came to rescue her.   
On and on it went. Screaming herself awake, then writhing and moaning in remembered fear and pain. She screamed herself hoarse, then kept right on. Finally, in the small hours of the morning, she fell into an exhausted and fitful sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

*Tighe to Janeway* 

*Tina to Dash*

Justin’s hails finally pulled her from sleep.

*Justin to Rynna* She could hear the concern in his voice - and the sound of his breathing as he hurried toward her quarters to check on her.

Fumbling for her commbadge, she located it on the floor where it had been knocked off her nightstand somewhere during the night. “Janeway here.” Her voice was barely a croak, worn by the night’s screaming.

*Are you okay, Rynna?*

“I’m fine Justin. A little under the weather this morning.”

*I was expecting you 20 minutes ago.*

She’d overslept. Damn. What’s more - she didn’t feel like getting out of bed and dealing with anyone just yet. “Lieutenant, would it be alright with you if I arrived a little later?”

There was a pause. She knew he was processing her use of his title. She’d done it to make it clear that she wasn’t asking for a special favor because of their relationship. The meeting was too important for that, and she needed her  _ superior officer’s _ approval for her tardiness.

*No later than 1130, Ensign.*

“Understood sir. Thank you, sir.”

*I’m serious, Ensign - no later than 1130. Tighe out.*

She moaned and dragged herself out of bed. Perhaps a steaming hot shower would soothe her overtaxed vocal cords. 

 

Ensign Janeway stepped into the conference room at 1125 hours, uniform crisp, pip perfectly centered, hair coiffed neatly in regulation format. The only telltale signs of her sleepless night were the additional makeup around her eyes to cover the deep circles beneath them and the slight tremor of her hands because of the liters of coffee she had ingested.

Justin, who had been leaning over her seat at the table speaking to Trench, immediately motioned her behind the viewscreen where there was a small alcove. “Are you okay?” The deep concern in his eyes nearly brought her to tears.

She lowered her eyes so he couldn’t see how her sleepless night had allowed her emotions to come so close to the surface. “I-I’m fine - Just a little under the weather today. Thank you for letting me come in late. I needed the time.”

“I would have done the same thing for anyone on the team, Rynna.” He took her hand to reassure her. Her wince at his touch brought him up short. He almost let go as he normally did, when he caught sight of it. Her hand was criss-crossed with scratches and cuts. “What the hell!”

“It’s fine, Justin. I knocked over a picture frame in my sleep and the glass broke.” She hadn’t noticed the cuts until the hot water from her shower hit them. It had taken her some time and searching until she realized that her picture of her family was across the room - glass front shattered, frame twisted. She realized she must have thrown it - hard - across the room at some point in the night.  

Justin gave her a long, serious look, attempting to catch her eyes. She kept them averted so he couldn’t see what was hidden there. She knew that he suspected something more than a typical poor night’s sleep and scratchy throat. Keeping him out was the only was she was going to get through this day. Finally, she heard him sigh in resignation.

“Why haven’t you healed them?”

“I couldn’t get a dermal regenerator. Dr Tillman has me locked out of the medical replication system. There wasn’t even an analgesic available for me to replicate.” 

There was a heartbeat's silence. “Rabbit, can you join us for a moment?” Her eyes flew to Justin’s face - intent on refusing Rabbit’s assistance. But she was met with a stern look of refusal - she would not get out of this.

“What’s up, Tina?” Rabbit came around the corner of the alcove.

“Ensign Janeway’s hands are giving her a little trouble today - they’re sore and achy. Tillman locked her out of the system, so I was hoping you would be able to give her something.” Justin had been speaking in low tones when speaking with Rynna. Now he spoke at a more regular volume. While he did so, he held her damaged hand out for Rabbit to see.

Rabbit’s eyebrows rose, but he said nothing about her injuries. “Let me see if I can get something for her.” He turned and headed for the replicator.

He soon returned with a hypospray and small dermal regenerator. “Let's start with this.” He gave her the analgesic, then set to work on her hand. “You really need to find something other than your hands to injure, Dash. They’re too elegant for this.”

“I’ll keep that in mind the next time I decide to break a picture frame. Should I kick it? Walking here would have been an adventure.” All she could manage was a whisper.

Rabbit shot a look at Justin, but said nothing. When he was finished with her hand, he headed back to the replicator. “Wait here.” He returned with a cup of what looked like tea. “Drink this while it’s as hot as you can handle.” He handed her the cup, shot another look at Justin, then left them alone again.

Justin took her hand. “Rynna, you really don’t  _ need _ to be here. We can manage without you.”

“After what went down yesterday, I think it’s better if I was here. I’ll just keep the talking to a minimum - isn’t that what you told me to do, anyway?”

“I still think you should go back to your quarters and get some rest. You look exhausted.”

“I’m fine - really.” She tilted her head and gave him a pointed look. “If I hadn’t kissed you last night, would you be suggesting this?” 

There was a pause as he considered her question. “I can’t answer that.”

“Then I stay. End of story.”

He moved to hug her. As much as she wanted to just melt into his arms, she needed to stay focused. She needed to be Ensign Janeway for now - it was the only way to get through the meeting.

She put her hand up to stop him. “Justin, please don’t. Not right now.”

“Rynna…”

“Lieutenant, I believe it’s almost time for the meeting to start. Perhaps we should both be seated.”

He squared his shoulders. “You’re right, Ensign. Take your seat. Trench can message you if you need to be filled in on anything that comes up. Drink your tea. It will help.”

They moved out of the alcove and took their respective seats. “Listen up, everyone. Dash is a little under the weather today. I’m sure we’ve all had one of those mornings.” He sent a pointed look around the room watching as each face moved from curiosity to understanding - yes, they had all had ‘one of those mornings’.

Justin nodded and moved on. “Her voice is a little scratchy, so we’re going to keep her from speaking. Ensign, you will use the messaging system. If there is anything you feel you need to contribute, message me. I will determine if it needs to be said, and who should say it.”

She nodded her acknowledgement at him. Unwilling to showcase just how bad her voice was, she messaged him.  _ What if I’m asked a direct question? _

“You will message me your response. I will inform Admirals Keleetha, Janeway, and Patterson of the workaround ahead of time so there will be no questions about the arrangement. Admiral Paris, do you have any questions or any changes to the plan?”

Paris was watching Rynna, looking to see if ‘Katie’ was alright. “No, Lieutenant, I think it’s probably the best way to handle it.”

Justin clapped his hands together. “Good. You should all have your lunch in front of you - there won’t be much chance to pop up and get something more. Jeans, how are we going with the secure line?”

“It’s just coming up now, Tina.” A moment after he finished speaking, the viewscreen came to life. As before, the three admirals sat next to each other with Keleetha in the middle, flanked by Janeway and Patterson.

“Good afternoon, gentlemen. Thank you for joining our long-distance luncheon. I trust you have your favorite dishes and are ready to begin?”

“My lunch is satisfactory. Let’s get on with it, Lieutenant.” Obviously annoyed at the timing of the meeting, Keleetha’s face was set in a scowl.

Indifferent to the Fleet Admiral’s mood, Justin went on with his opening words. “Before we get started, I need to inform you of a special consideration we are providing today. Ensign Janeway is a little under the weather and her throat is sore and swollen. We feel it necessary for her to be present in case there are any further questions for her - or if she would like to provide any additional input.”

Rynna watched silently as her father and Uncle Teddy both shot her worried looks and Admiral Keleetha’s frown deepened. 

Again unperturbed by Keleetha’s expression, Justin went on. “In order to save her vocal cords, we have decided that she will communicate only via the messaging system. Therefore, any input or answers she has will be forwarded to me. I will either share her words with you, or forward them to the appropriate expert. Are there any questions? No? Then let’s begin. Spider, I believe you have an update for us.”

“Yes, sir. I was able to confirm that all of the erroneous data was transmitted along the same frequency. This made tracking it back to its source simple, and supports Ensign Janeway’s hypothesis that the Cardassians are simply playing with us.”

“Why is that?”

“Because if they really wanted to hide from us, they would have at least sent the false readings on a modulated frequency. 

“So, will you be able to locate the ship that’s sending the false data?” Admiral Patterson looked excited.

“I can - and I have.” Spider paused a moment to enjoy the surprised reaction from the Fleet Admiral.

Keleetha did not seem to be in the mood for dramatic pauses. “Explain.”

“The use of only one frequency was so evident, I realized that they probably hadn’t shielded it from us at all. It was relatively easy to come up with a feedback loop of our own and send it back on their frequency. The ship was located in no time.”

“So they are just hanging there in space, letting us scan them?”

“Unfortunately, no. About the only precaution they took was to ensure that their shields blocked any scan of their ship. All we were able to do was detect where they were at the time.”

“At the time?”

“Yes. A few minutes after what I calculated was the amount of time they would be aware of our response, they began moving at what I would call a leisurely pace around the edge of the nebula.”

“A leisurely pace? They just strolled away?”

“They were moving at approximately ¼ impulse power - what I would call a leisurely pace when someone has detected your hiding place.” He glanced at Rynna. “I see this as further proof of Ensign Janeway’s hypothesis - enough to move it into a theory, at least.”

Rynna breathed a small sigh of relief. Rabbit had just added strength to her idea. She’d stuck her neck out, for sure, but it had been a sound idea.

“So, where are they, now?”

“It’s impossible to tell, but my  _ hypothesis _ is that they are hiding on the other side of the nebula, waiting for us to come find them.”

“You don’t think they continued on and left the vicinity?”

“I think it’s a good bet that they  _ are _ playing with us.”

The conversation droned on as the room debated theories about the Cardassians’ possible movements. Rynna was so tired that she began to lose focus. After Trench had nudged her back into focus a second time, she decided she needed some caffeine.

Unwilling to disturb Justin with a personal question, she messaged Trench:  _ I know Tina said we shouldn’t be jumping up and down to the replicators, but I’m in need of some caffeine. Do you think it would be alright if I got some coffee? _

She saw Trench consider the idea for a moment.  _ Hang on… _

A moment later, when there was a pause in the conversation, Justin spoke up. “Admirals, I believe we should all take a moment to consider the ideas we’ve been knocking back and forth. Let’s take a 5-minute break. Everyone can recycle their lunch plates and get a cup of coffee.” He looked directly at Rynna as he said the last part.

Everyone moved to pick up their plates and head to the replicators. Justin was at Rynna’s chair almost before she had a chance to stand. “Here, let me take this for you.”

She shook her head and gently pulled the plate from his outstretched hand. “ _ I need to move around and get my blood pumping _ .” She tried to whisper it, but he stopped her by placing his hand on her cheek.”

“I understand. Why don’t you get yourself a full pot of coffee so you have some extra.” He stroked the back of his hand down her cheek. “As soon as we’re done here, I’m taking you to sickbay. No arguments - you need to get that throat taken care of.”

She gave him a nasty look and mouthed her response. “ _ Yes, sir. _ ” 

Pot of coffee - plus another full cup - in hand, she returned to her seat to find messages from both her father and Uncle Teddy:  _ Are you alright, Katie? …. You need to take care of yourself - why did you even attend? _

Their concern, although greatly appreciated, threatened to destabilize the walls she had constructed around herself to keep going.  _ I’m fine, Uncle Teddy - really. Just tired. …. I had to be here Daddy, you know that. I am taking care of myself - and what I wouldn't have been doing, Justin is doing for me. _ She added that last part to point out how much Justin cared for her.

The debate picked up where it had left off, but this time she was in a much better state to follow it. Then an idea came to her. It was time for her to light up Justin's message board.

_ If we simply ignore them, do you think they might come back to see why? _

_ It’s possible, but we’ll be watching for them so we could get out quickly before they were any real threat. _

_ No, that’s not what I mean. I truly don’t think they’ll come after us. It wouldn’t look good for them to fire on a non-combat science research vessel. _

_ So, why do you want to know? _

_ Ask Spider how soon they would be able to detect a scan after they get back around the nebula. _

Justin looked at her quizzically. At her emphatic nod, her turned to Spider. “Ensign Janeway would like to know how quickly they would be able to detect our scans if they come back around the nebula.”

Spider looked at Rynna. “ _ Our _ scans?” She nodded. “They were very close to the edge of the nebula - almost inside - when they moved behind it. If they follow approximately the same path to return, the nebula would obscure their sensors for several minutes.”

She looked at Justin excitedly.  _ We could direct a scan to that edge of the nebula. You and I could create a sensor sequence that would look like it was gathering simple scientific data. But it would also scan the ship as it came around the side. We’d get data on them before they even realized we were scanning for it. _

Justin burst out laughing and looked a her. “Spider was right - you  _ are _ devious! Unfortunately, it won’t work.”

True to is negative persona, Keleetha scowled. “Lieutenant! What in the world are you going on about?”

“Ensign Janeway has suggested that we can more than beat the Cardassians at their own game. She says we should create a double-layered scan - one to appear as if it is one of our normal studies of the nebula, the other to keep an eye out for their ship. The idea is that if the Cardassians come back around the edge of the nebula, we could get several minutes - possibly more if they didn’t realize what we were doing right away - of scans of their ship before they were even aware we were doing it. 

“Can you really do that, Katie? Make a double-layer scan like that?”

She shook her head, then sent what she would have said to Justin.  _ I can't, but Justin can. _

Justin shot her a look, then shook his head. “Rynna…”

She nodded emphatically to him and pointed at his terminal. Then pointed to the others and looked back at him.

There was silence as the others watched the exchange. Finally Admiral Paris looked over Justin's shoulder and read her message out loud.

“Ensign Janeway says she can't do it, but Lt Tighe can.”

“Lieutenant, it seems that Katie has more belief in you than you do. Would you mind telling me what is going on, here?”

“It was an idea I was… doodling… about while she was in sickbay. It never came to anything. It seems Ryn...Ensign Janeway found my notes.”

“But you think it was an idea that needs to be brought back out.” Admiral Paris looked at her with the same searching stare he had given her when she asked him to be her thesis mentor.

Rynna nodded.  _ I think there’s a really good chance that it will. _

Resigning himself to the curiosity of the others in the room, Justin reluctantly read her words.

“But you don’t think it will work, even though it was your idea.”

“I couldn’t find a way to focus the band enough to make the readings worthwhile.”

_ Spider could help - maybe a feedback like he did to find their ship. _

Justin’s eyebrows shot up and he stared at her. “I hadn’t thought of that…” The telltale mumbling sound that signified deep thinking began.

Saving people seemed to be Trench’s specialty. “Tina! It sounds like the two of you have come up with an approach that might make your idea work. Is this the case?”

“Hmn? Oh… yes… possibly.”

“Spider, what would be the chances of a regular scan being identified before we could get any real info?”

“Maybe a couple of minutes? Something that direct will set off all kinds of alarms the minute they were clear of the nebula’s interference. It’s possible they’ll even pick it up when they are still obscured.”

“Either way - we might be able to get something useful.” Admiral Janeway looked hopeful. “How about you hold where you are and try to develop this specialized scan. I, for one, would absolutely love to see if it works.”

“We’re going to try this?”

“I don’t see why not, Ted. Owen and Lt Tighe can keep their security forces on yellow alert at minimum. I expect they’ll be safe, especially now that they know what they’re looking for.”

“I don’t know… Owen, you’re the one facing this. What do you think about it?”

“I trust Katie. If she says it can be done… it  _ can _ be done.”

Rynna thought Justin looked uncomfortable while listening to the exchange between the three admirals. He leaned into Admiral Paris and whispered, then typed in a message. Two of the three on the screen nodded, while the third one scowled.

“We’re putting an entire ship in danger based on the ideas of a  _ Junior Ensign _ . I hope you know what you’re doing. Lieutenant, lay out the timeline.”

“Operating under the idea that the Cardassians have simply been playing with us, and that they may come back to see why we haven’t followed them, we do the following: Repeal the sensor blackout and resume activities as normal; Begin re-scanning the nebula for fresh data, while going back through our old data to cull out the erroneous readings; Format a new ‘double-scan’ in order to trap the Cardassian ship when it comes back around the edge of the nebula.”

He paused to look around the room. “While we remain here, the Icarus security team, augmented by the Rangers, will remain at yellow alert. Is this acceptable to you, Fleet Admiral Keleetha?”

“Hmph. I still think you are all crazy to follow the lead of one young lady. However, the data we might retrieve from the Cardassian ship would be invaluable. We’ll follow the plan for now. Ed, you keep in touch with the lieutenant and his _mastermind_ _assistant_. If they determine that the double-layer scan is impossible to format, get them out of there and on their way home.” 

The disdain in his voice toward Rynna caused several people to stiffen in annoyance. On the other hand, Rynna crumbled into herself.  _ Why the hell did I open my mouth? They were going to stay, anyway! _

“Understood, Admiral. Now, if no one else has anything to add… This meeting is adjourned.”

Keleetha got up and left the screen. The other two admirals remained.

“He wasn’t too happy.”

“Can you blame him, Owen? We’re leaving a  _ science vessel _ out there by themselves to deal with  _ Cardassians _ . He may seem gruff, but he really does care.”

“He needs to trust the Ranger team and Katie more. I wouldn’t have supported this if I didn’t believe in them. It’s my daughter out there facing that danger.”

Rynna wanted to scream. They had this entire plan resting on her head! What if it didn’t work? Visions from her nightmares began dancing through her head… snakes roaming the corridors… Justin tortured… She put her face in her hands.  _ What have I done? _

Suddenly, Justin was standing next to her. His hand ran gently down her back. “I think it’s time I got Ensign Janeway to sickbay. I think we’ve drained her energy stores.” He pulled one hand away from her face and ran the back of his finger down it - surreptitiously checking for tears. She’d managed to hold them in, so he simply tugged on her hand.

Standing, she mouthed a thank you at him, then turned to the screen. The worried looks on the faces of her father and godfather nearly broke her. With a quick wave goodbye, she turned her back. Justin guided her out of the room to a chorus of “Feel better!”

As soon as they got into the corridor, out of sight of others, Justin put his arm around her and pulled her into his side. Much as she wanted to simply melt into him, she couldn’t. If she allowed that to happen, she would fall apart in the corridor.

Instead, she backed off and took his hand, giving him an apologetic smile. He squeezed her hand and looked at her softly. “Come on, then... let’s get Ensign Janeway’s throat healed, so we can  _ finally _ take care of Rynna.”

They were in the turbolift when he spoke again. “Once we get your voice back, will you tell me why you got so upset in there?”

She glanced at him, then looked away. When he pulled her face back toward him there were tears in her eyes. “My fault.” All she could do was whisper.

“What’s your fault?”

“My idea... my plan… my fault if something goes wrong.”

“Your  _ idea _ , yes, but not your  _ decision _ . That makes it  _ my _ fault… or your father’s fault… ultimately Fleet Admiral Keleetha’s fault. You had an idea that you shared. Several people had other ideas before you even got to the meeting yesterday. None of them were acted upon because we found one that we think is better. If the one that was chosen fails, the fault goes to the decision-makers -  _ not _ the idea-makers.”

Rynna shook her head and lapsed into silence again.

“I want you to know that I appreciate your faith in me. I had abandoned the whole idea of the double-scan because I couldn’t see the end result - what a reading would look like and how it would be read. But you did.”

She smiled and waved her hand between them. “Good team.”

“Yes. A very good team. And here we are! The favorite place of both Rynna and Ensign Janeway.” He smirked at her.

“Dash’s favorite, too.” She countered with a smirk of her own.

Rather than leaving her at the door like he had when she was receiving daily bone regeneration treatments, he walked in with her. “Dr Tillman, Ensign Janeway needs your assistance.”

“And what has she done this time?”

The doctor’s condescending attitude grated on her nerves. She opened her mouth to respond, but Justin beat her to it.

“She hasn’t  _ done _ anything, doctor. She’s  _ been affected _ by something. I’d appreciate it if you would treat her with the respect due to a SF officer.”

“Very well, what is it the you have been  _ affected by _ young lady.”

Justin’s presence made her feel bold. “That would be  _ Ensign _ , and I think you can figure that out for yourself.” It wasn’t possible to yell when whispering, but she damn well wanted to.

“Lovely voice you’ve got there,  _ Ensign _ . Care to explain how it disappeared?”

“A little too much cheering, for starters.” Again, Justin jumped in. 

Tillman picked up a medical tricorder and began scanning her. “When did it start?”

“When I spoke to her at 0900 she could barely talk. Since then, we haven’t really allowed her to speak.”

“Why did she not come to sickbay at 0900 when she first realized it?”

“We needed her for an important meeting. So we set up a messaging system for her to be able to communicate. I can safely say that she hasn’t spoken a word until we were on our way here - and that was only in the whisper she’s using now.”

“And did she take any analgesics that would help with swelling?”

“She has been locked out of the system, doctor. Rabbit was able to get her a simple pain reliever, but that’s all she’s had.”

Dr Tillman had the decency to look abashed when he was reminded of his actions toward her replicator access. “Yes… well… I’ll look into that. In the meantime, she’s done a lot of damage here. Let me get the tissue regenerator.”

Rynna sat quietly while the two men talked about her as if she was not in the room. As much as it irked her, she knew she couldn’t really talk and that Justin was looking out for her - with the strength of rank and position she did not have. 

“You know I’m going to have to report this to Counselor Sellers.”

“And just what do you have to report? That Ensign Janeway shouldn’t cheer as much when she watches a spirited game?”

“That’s a little more damage than cheering on your favorite athlete.”

“I guess you haven’t seen her watch parisses squares, then.”

Dr Tillman sighed. “OK, we’re even. No report on either side.”

“Agreed.”

“As for your vocal cords, young… Ensign. You’ve done some serious damage. I’ve done what I can, and you should refrain from speaking for at least the next 24 hours.”

“What do you mean  _ what you can _ ?”

“I mean that she did a  _ lot _ of serious damage. Enough that I’m not sure it will ever completely heal.”

Rynna shot a look at the doctor and mouthed “ _ What? _ ”

“You will be able to speak without pain, and the cords will do their job protecting your trachea, but your voice will never be clear again. It will always have a bit of a raspy or husky quality.”

Rynna slumped. Who knew that one night - one horrible night - would have such far-reaching consequences?

“Thank you, doctor. I appreciate your candor. I’d better get Ensign Janeway home for some rest.”

“Sleep would be a wonderful idea. Your system is showing all the symptoms of extreme fatigue.” He gave Justin a pointed look. “Have a good night… and no talking!”

Justin took her hand and walked her to her quarters. “Go inside and get changed out of your uniform into something comfortable, wash the makeup off your face and take your hair down. I’ll be back in 15 minutes.” He gave her a light kiss on the cheek and headed down the corridor.

She headed toward her bedroom to check her closet for something that would fit his parameters. After a few minutes she found a pair of comfortable stretchy pants and an old shirt of her father’s that she wore sometimes when she was missing him. 

Washing the makeup off her face was a lesson in horror.  _ I look worse now than I did this morning! _ Taking her hair down was a pleasure, though. It was thick and heavy - and there was always at least one hairpin that dug into her scalp.

She was just coming out of the bedroom when her door chimed. Justin was on the other side, dressed comfortably and holding a large soup tureen.

He put the tureen down, turned and pulled her into his arms.

This time she let him. This time she allowed herself to melt into his arms. This time she accepted the comfort he'd been offering since he first heard her voice over the comm that morning.

They stayed that way, standing together in her quarters, wrapped in each other's arms, for what seemed like an eternity.

Finally, he let her go. “I brought my grandmother's potato soup. Let's eat before it gets cold.”

When they were finished, she had to allow herself a confession. “If you ever say anything, I'll deny it, but that was even better than my mom’s.”

“I'll consider it classified information, then.” He stood and recycled the remains, then sat on her couch and patted the spot next to him. “Come here.”

When she sat , he put his arm around her and pulled her in close.

“Justin, please don't make me…” Her raspy voice sounded foreign to her.

“I wasn't going to ask, Rynna. Sharing won't make it go away. What makes it go away is realizing that dreams are your mind’s way of tricking you into being afraid. Once you can recognize that  _ while _ you're dreaming, they no longer hold power and simply fade away.”

“What’s that old saying? You have nothing to fear…”

“...But fear itself. Fear can be a good thing, Rynna. It warns us to be careful and watch out for ourselves. But we can’t let it rule us - especially out here.”

“Are you saying that you’ve conquered fear?”

“I like to think so. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel fear - quite a bit at times. I’m usually able to recognize when it is trying to rule me and get it under control.

“And when you don’t?”

There was a long pause. “I end up in the hospital… I keep trying - that’s the most important part. I got out when I managed to take away its power again.”

“How often do you end up there?”

A longer pause. “I don’t want you be afraid of me, Rynna.”

“I’m not afraid of you. You would never hurt me - every part of me knows that. But I need to know what happens… what triggers you? What do you do?”

There was a sigh. “Your trust in me is… wonderful… unbelievable… What triggers me? It’s only truly happened once, so that’s all I can tell you about. I’d been working with the team for a few weeks and everything was Cardassian… Strategies to spy on them and get away from them if they caught us. How to increase the ship’s capabilities to give us a better edge than typical science vessels would have.” 

“It was stressful. A concentrated focus on Cardassians. You were barely over what they did to you, an experienced Ranger, and here you were trying to figure out how to protect a bunch of guileless and vulnerable scientists who didn’t even know what they were getting into.”

“I think that about sums it up.”

“So, what happened?”

“Rynna, I don’t know if this is really the best time to be talking about this.”

“There’s never a  _ best time _ for this kind of conversation, Justin. We’re in it now and we’re going to finish it. Tell me what happened.”

There was the silence that always came when he gathered his thoughts. “I was trying to convince your father and Admiral Paris that they needed to tell the crew about the secondary part of the mission, and give you specialized training on how to deal with it.”

“How to deal with being tortured, you mean.”

“Yes... but they wouldn’t listen. They wouldn’t think past the idea that all of our enhancements would work and we would be able to defend ourselves and outrun them. My memories get very vague, but I recall ranting about what they did to prisoners, how it felt, what the ramifications were. The next clear memory I have is waking up in the hospital.”

“Dad said he saw you - that it wasn’t pretty. It’s one of the reasons he’s worried about us being together.”

“Rabbit says I never hurt anyone but myself. I think your dad is more worried about you witnessing it than anything else. I imagine it would be terrifying.”

“I think I would only be worried about you… feeling the pain of what you went through. I have my own memories, you know.”

“And would those memories trigger your own flashback while you’re witnessing mine?”

That gave her pause - the idea had never crossed her mind. Obviously, it had crossed Justin’s, though. “I guess we both need to work on conquering fear.”

“I guess so…” He spoke quietly, almost to himself. After a pause, he spoke again. “OK, enough talking. This was supposed to be about you saving your voice.” He cuddled her in closer and laid a gentle, lingering kiss on the top of her head.

A welcoming silence filled the room. Her thoughts roamed from what she had just learned... to her dad’s involvement in the planning of this mission.. to her own experience… to her reaction when she had killed the hologram… and, finally, off course altogether. Slowly, the exhaustion from the horrors of the previous night took over and she fell asleep.

 

Rynna woke slowly. Almost immediately, she realized that she wasn’t in her bed. Oddly, it didn’t bother or confuse her. Memories of the night came back to her one by one. All the demons from the previous night had visited her again. All the darkness and fear had once again assaulted her. 

Yet, there had also been Justin’s voice. It had cut through the darkness to remind her that those demons weren’t real - that they were formed by the part of her that was still afraid. The comfort his voice and its message provided had helped her settle back into sleep before the fear became the terror of the night before.

She settled back into the pillow, then realized it was resting on Justin’s lap. His elbow was resting on her side, with his hand settled under her breasts, thumb resting between them. She smiled - she doubted he realized where his hand was. No one else had ever had their hand there - Chet would have been the only one to ever get close enough, but she’d never allowed it. But it didn’t bother her at all, now. She liked the intimacy it suggested. 

When she moved her hand to join his, he stirred. The soft hum she hadn’t quite registered stopped, and she realized it had been Justin snoring. He yawned and stretched - the movement tightening his hold around her chest. She felt the moment when he realized where his hand was, and caught it before he moved it away.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning, Rynna. I trust you got enough rest?”

“Enough to wake up on my own… Thank you for staying last night.”

“You needed to be able to sleep - without doing more damage to your vocal cords.”

“Did you get any sleep? You’re going to look like I did yesterday.” She rolled to her back, letting go of his hand and thrilling at the feeling his thumb slid over her breast while she moved.

“I’ll be alright. I got a good night’s sleep the night before.” He brushed a few stray hairs from her face and ran his fingers lightly down her cheek, then took a breath. “Come on, we need to clean our teeth.”

She stretched, again luxuriating in the feeling of his hand moving along her body. “Right now? I’m rather comfortable, here.”

“Yes, right now. I want to kiss you, but neither of us cleaned our teeth last night, and a morning-breath kiss like that isn’t much fun.”

Her hand shot out to cover her mouth. “Oh, good point. Meet you back here when our teeth are clean?”

“It’s a date.”

Reluctantly, she relinquished her spot on the sofa and stood up. She really had been comfortable. The prospect of a kiss was enough to get her moving, though.

“No fair leaving just to clean your teeth. Replicate a cleaning unit for yourself and join me in the bathroom.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

When they were finished, Justin moved to gather her in his arms. She put her fingers over his mouth. “Uh-uh. We have a date back on the sofa. Come on.”

She was glad to find that her spot was still warm when she laid down, and curled up back on her side. Placing Justin’s hand underneath her breasts as it had been when she woke up, she snuggled in.

“Uh, Rynna?”

“Hmn?”

“I can’t kiss you while your back is turned away from me.”

Smiling, she let go of his hand and rolled over to face him, thrilling again at the feel of his thumb as it grazed over her breast.

“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

“What?”

He shook his head in amusement. “Come here.” One hand slid around her shoulders while the other tightened on her back as he lifted her up to him. The kiss he gave her made her toes curl. She sat up a little and wrapped her arms around his neck, taking her weight off his arms. His hand moved to cradle her head and, letting go of her lips, trailed small kisses down her neck.

Her breath caught as her body began tingling. Instinctively, her back arched toward him and he pulled her in closer, his tongue finding the hollow between her collarbones. “Oh!” The surprise in her voice signalling the jolt of electricity that shot through her body.

She felt the smile on his face as his tongue followed the line of her collarbone back up to her neck. He gave it a light nip, then soothed it with his tongue, which then continued on its journey to a spot just behind her ear. Her nipples pebbled, pushing against her clothes in an effort to join the party going on above them.

His lips moved on, following their original trail of kisses back to her lips, then capturing them in a passionate kiss. When neither one of them could breathe, his lips released hers and he drew her into him.

Rynna clung to him, struggling to catch her breath.  _ This is what I was missing all these years? It was a very good thing I didn't know. I would never have accomplished all the things I did with this kind of distraction! _

“Rynna, are you alright?” She could hear the concern in his voice.

_ Damn! Did I overreact? _ Just as she opened her mouth to respond, both of their commbadges went off.

*Spider to Tina*

*Rabbit to Dash*

Justin reached to the end table where both of their badges sat and handed her one. She laid back down with her head in Justin's lap, and tapped the badge. “Dash here. What can I do for you?”

There was laughter on the other end. *Well, for starters, you can give Tina back his commbadge.*

*The same goes for you, Tina.*

Rynna felt herself flush with embarrassment.

*At least they're in the same room, Spider.*

*I would hope so, I've never pegged Tina as a love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of guy.*

*You never know. It could be Dash who would do the ‘leaving' part.*

*Do you really think so?*

“Gentlemen! As entertaining as this commbadge-to-commbadge conversation is, I believe each of you had a reason for hailing one of us?”

*Oh! Yeah! Rabbit, why don't you go first.*

*I was just checking in on you, Dash. I wanted to make sure Tillman took proper care of you.*

“Thank you, Rabbit. He did. Tina made sure of it.” She gave Justin a soft smile.

*You still sound scratchy, though.*

Justin chimed in. “Tillman says there might be some permanent damage.”

There was a heartbeat of silence, then Spider spoke up. *Does that mean you get to keep the sexy voice you've got going on right now? No wonder Tina is there trading commbadges with you!*

“Trust me. Her voice is not the only reason I'm here.” Justin leaned over and gave her a soft kiss.

*Alright, you two. Get a room!*

“I already have one.”

“So do I.” Rynna sat up and kissed him back.

*Ahem! And would the both of you be in one of your rooms instead of your lab?*

“Why would that matter, Spider?” Justin returned her kiss, this time with a little more behind it. Starting at the hollow of her collarbone, where he had run his tongue just a few moments earlier, he ran his fingers down her front, tracing the exposed outline of her breasts. 

Rynna laid back down and closed her eyes, back arched with pleasure once more.  _ Thank goodness my part of the conversation is over. I don't think I can concentrate. _

*It matters because it's almost 0900 and neither one of you is here working on those sensor adjustments.*

Rynna looked into Justin's eyes. They were black with desire. Suddenly, she was unnerved. Sensory overload set in and the things that had been pleasurable just a moment earlier now terrified her. Her stomach turned. She had to stop -  _ he _ had to stop. It was too much.

Justin's hand was still traveling along her chest. She caught it to stop its movement and held onto it.

“I'm sorry Spider. I lost track of time. I'll be there in a few minutes.” As he spoke, he looked at her quizzically, then his eyes went soft. “Will there be anything else, gentlemen?”

*Nope. I'm good here. Rynna, if you need anything just let me know.*

She pulled herself back together enough to respond. “Thank you, Rabbit. I'll keep that in mind.”

*How much longer are you going to be, Tina? Should I get started without you two?*

“I'll be along in just a couple of minutes, Spider, but I’m giving Rynna the day off.”

“Don't you dare!  It's my fault you're late, and you need me to fill in the idea that I had when I first saw your notes! I'll be there as soon as I can, Spider.”

“Then I guess we’ll both be along shortly. My original notes are in a padd on top of the small table by the door if you want to go over them while you wait.”

*Gotcha. Spider out.*

Justin tapped both badges, effectively cutting the connection with each of the men they had been speaking with.

Rynna sat up awkwardly, the sexual tension still in the air between them making her uncomfortable.

“Are you alright?”

“I'm fine, Justin. We both need to get dressed and down to the lab as soon as possible.” She got up and moved toward her bedroom.

“Wait. Come here.” When she turned back around, he pulled her into his arms and gave her a gentle kiss on top of her head. “I'll meet you down there.” He let her go and walked out the door.

She watched him go with a sigh.  _ Will I ever be normal? _ She headed back toward her bathroom. It was time to get dressed. At least Ensign Janeway knew what she was doing. 


	6. Chapter 6

Justin was just getting out of the shower when his door chimed. He knew who it was without checking. “Come in, Rabbit. It took you long enough.”

“I wanted to leave you enough time to get your shower.” He sat down on Justin’s bed so they could speak while Justin dressed. “So, you know why I’m here.” It was a statement, not a question.

“Of course. I broke my own rule about not letting my personal life affect my professional life.” 

“There’s more to it than that, Tina. She’s  _ very _ young… and  _ very _ emotionally delicate right now.”

“I know that, Rabbit. I’m taking it slow.”

“ _ Taking it slow _ does not include being in her quarters  _ trading commbadges _ .”

“She slept on her couch with her head in my lap, Rabbit.”

Rabbit sighed and shook his head. “You know you can’t make them stop, don’t you? They’ll just start up again when you’re not there. That’s avoidance - not healing.”

“She was beyond exhausted. She needed a good night’s sleep - and to rest her voice. I tried to talk her through it - to give her some tools to help her find control over them.”

“Has it fully hit her, yet?”

“I don’t think so… Did you ever think the spoonheads looked like snakes?”

“It hadn’t really occurred to me, but I can see it.”

“She sees it, too. Snakes slithering down the corridors of the Icarus… cobras attacking and poisoning everyone on board… anacondas dragging me and Admiral Paris back to Cardassian prisons… her father and Patterson strangled by boa constrictors when they come looking for us.” He shuddered. “I was terrified just listening to her!”

“The fact remains that you can’t fix it.”

“It was just one night, Rabbit. Give me some credit. It’s tempting to do it again, but I know it won’t really help in the long run.”

“Just make sure you remember that… and understand that I’ll be watching to make sure you do.”

“I want you to, Rabbit. Please keep an eye on us - make sure I don’t screw up.”

“What does she know about…”

“I’ve answered every question she has asked me honestly and completely.”

Rabbit’s eyebrows rose. 

“I don’t want her to be afraid or blindsided by anything.”

“And the questions she doesn’t even know to ask?”

“She’s a smart woman, Rabbit. There are others that she wants to ask. She’s biding her time.”

“And you are?”

“Working on building the nerve to answer fully and honestly when she does ask.”

“She’s a special one, Justin. I want you to be careful - for both your sakes.”

“I know who and what she is, Mike.” He dropped his head for a moment, then looked at his friend. “Do you think seeing me go into a flashback would kick off one for her?”

“I’m a medic and a transporter tech, Justin, not a psychiatrist. That said, I would think it’s a possibility on either side. Who’s to say that seeing her won’t trigger you? It did almost happen.”

“That’s what I’m most afraid of, Mike. Everything else can be worked out with time and patience. I don’t know how to work that out.”

“I don’t either, my friend. Maybe you both just accept it… prepare for it. Who knows? The two of you just might shield each other.”

“Maybe… I hope you’re right.”

Rabbit stood to leave. “You’d better get dressed, Lieutenant. Ensign Janeway is bound to beat you to the lab and that wouldn’t look good for her superior officer.” Rabbit left with a laugh.

Justin stared at the door as it closed. “ _ Please _ make sure I don’t screw this up, Rabbit. I’m depending on you - I’m not really sure I can keep a clear head when it comes to her…” 

 

Rabbit had been right - Ensign Janeway beat Lieutenant Tighe by at least 10 minutes.

“So nice of you to join us!” Spider and Ensign Janeway were sitting together at the large table in the lab, padds strewn around them.

“I figured it was time to make an appearance. So, have you two solved everything so I can go back home?”

“Not in the slightest, Lieutenant. In fact, I think we’re more lost than we were when we started.”

“I doubt that, but why don’t you two take me through what you’ve done so far…”

They worked through lunch then finally gave up around 1900. “Face it, this is going nowhere. We’re all braindead.”

Spider tossed down the padd he had been holding. “You’re right. I think we need to regroup. Hopefully, someone will come up with the solution while they’re cleaning their teeth or something. Game of pool, anyone? I could teach you how to play, Dash.”

“Thanks Spider, but no. I’ve never really been interested in pool. Besides, I was thinking of something a little bit more active. I’ve sat entirely too much in the past week.”

Justin piped in another option. “Skiing, maybe? That should get your blood racing.”

She ducked her head and spoke so softly she was almost whispering to herself. “I think I might have had a little too much heart-racing activity for one day.”

“Lady’s choice, Dash. What did you have in mind?”

“Windsurfing.”

“ _ Wind _ surfing?”

“I’ve never tried it, but I always thought it looked like fun.”

“Oh, it is fun. As long as you don’t mind ending up in the water more often than you’re on the board!”

“If that’s the plan, I will have to bow out. Those floaty things always make me nervous. I can’t help but feeling I’m just too big for them.”

“ _Those_ _floaty things_?”

“You know - surfboards, water skis, kayaks. Things that float!”

After the events of the morning, Rynna was feeling nervous about being alone with Justin. “Maybe we should invite the rest of the team.”

“Feel free, but I doubt they’d come along.”

“Are you saying they don’t want to spend any more time with me, Spider?”

“Absolutely not, my dear Dash. I’m saying that Rabbit feels pretty much the same way as I do about  _ floaty things _ , Trench doesn't enjoy water sports, and I’m willing to bet that Jeans and Polly are already playing pool.”

“Then I guess it’s just you and me, Rynna. I’ll meet you on the holodeck, swimsuit in hand, in about 15 minutes.”

_ Damn! Why did I pick something that required swimsuits? _ She did her best to put on a confident look. “Sounds like a plan, Justin. Should we race again?”

“I don’t think that would be wise.” He fingered the collar of her uniform. “Having a pip out of place is one thing, but a swimsuit can be tricky.”

She went red with embarrassment. She had rushed to get the the lab before him so she could have some time to get settled into the work before she saw him again. In her haste she had apparently put her pip on improperly.

“That  _ would  _ be tricky. OK - no race… I’ll see you there in a few minutes. It’s a shame you won’t be there, Spider. I’d love to see you fall off one of those _ floaty things _ .”

“I’m never going to live that down, am I? Tina, you tell me how many times she falls in, OK? I’ll lay bets with the guys - we can split the winnings.” 

Justin watched him go, then turned to Rynna. “We don’t have to go windsurfing. You can pick something else if you’d rather.”

“No, Justin - thank you. I really  _ have _ always wanted to try it, so if you can teach me, I’m all for it.”

He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you there, then.”

 

Two hours later he was helping her out of the water... again. She’d lost count of the number of times she had fallen off the board.

“You’re not really keeping track of this for Spider, are you?”

“Definitely not. He and Polly will tease you endlessly.”

“They can tease me about sore muscles, though. You just don’t think about the amount of work it requires from your arms and back. I don’t think I’ll even be able to lift a padd tomorrow!”

“Why don’t we take a break. This isn't the easiest thing to learn. It will take a while until you get the hang of it - even for you, Miss I-won’t-allow-myself-to-fail.”

They moved back to the shore, where he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. She was still having trouble relaxing… this time he noticed.

“What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, Rynna. If you don’t want to be here with me, you don’t have to.”

“I want to be here with you. It’s just…”

“Just that I went too far this morning?”

“Um… I guess so.” She couldn’t meet his eyes.

“You need to stop me if you ever feel uncomfortable.”

“I didn’t… at first… but…”

“Come here and sit down. It’s time we talked.”

She sat down on one of the towels they had laid out on the sand and pulled her knees up to her chest. “What about?”

He sat next to her and mirrored her pose. “You asked me some difficult questions last night.”

“Justin, if I upset you…”

“Relax. You didn’t upset me. They were valid questions and you needed honest answers so you could understand what you are getting into with me. I have my own questions about  _ you _ .”

“Such as?”

He looked her straight in the eye and spoke softly. “You’re a virgin, aren’t you?”

Shocked and embarrassed, she looked away. This was the moment of truth - there was no more hiding it. Tears came to her eyes and she spoke so softly he could barely hear her.

“I  _ was _ .”

“Correction… You  _ are _ .”

“You were there, Justin. What would  _ you _ call it?”

“Torture of a different kind. They gave me and Admiral Paris one type, they gave you a different type. Either way, it’s torture - nothing else.”

“That’s a nice sentiment, but…”

“It’s not a sentiment, Rynna, it’s an actuality. What you experienced is nothing like sex or making love. It’s just… torture. I'm sure it haunts you in much the same way as my experience does to me.”

“Your experience doesn’t make you run from someone you care about.”

“I changed my name, Rynna. You're the one who pointed out that I tend to keep people at a distance - even teammates - people who hold my life in their hands.  With regards to you, I’m not really sure how much of what you’re running from is Cardassian and how much is you - your lack of experience.”

“Why do you say that?”

“This morning you let me touch you intimately and seemed to enjoy it - even went looking for it at one point. Whatever changed came after the fact. If it had been the Cardassians, you would never have let me touch you at all - like the night I tried to kiss your neck and you jumped away…. What did change, by the way? It was like a switch was flipped.”

She laid her forehead on her knees. “Your eyes. The look in them. It just… It was too much.”

The silence stretched out between them as wide as the Grand Canyon. Rynna wondered if it would ever close again.

Justin’s voice came softly into the void. “I need to know just how much experience you have.”

“Do we really need to talk about this?”

“If you can’t talk about it, you shouldn’t be doing it, Rynna.”

She sighed deeply. There was no way around it if she wanted to be with him. “Okay… I went on a few dates when I was younger - dances and that kind of thing. Nothing ever really happened with any of them - maybe a kiss goodnight. The last two years of high school I had a boyfriend, Chet.” She shifted uncomfortably.

“We messed around a bit. Typical high school stuff. Nothing really serious. We broke up when he found out I got into the Academy and he didn’t.”

“He broke up with you because he was jealous of your achievement?”

“I guess… maybe… We fought a lot after the announcements came out. It didn’t even last the first month of summer.”

“And after that?”

“After that, I began studying and preparing for the future full time. I didn’t have time to fight with another Chet. I didn’t want the distraction.”

“So, after Chet… nothing? No one?”

She shook her head.

He took a deep breath and blew it out. “I guess the question now is where do you want to go from here?”

“I don’t want to be afraid anymore, Justin. I want to be like other women and look forward to being with someone they care about.”

“In general, that’s a good sentiment, but that’s not what I asked. I’m asking where do  _ we _ go from here?”

“Can you deal with me being afraid of being with you?”

“I can work with you on  _ not _ being afraid. Understand that I will  _ never _ touch you when you are afraid of what is happening. There will be no ‘pushing through the fear’.”

“That’s the only thing I can think of doing.”

“You need to be comfortable with what is happening. We’re going to back up and start over. We’ll move at your pace, and grow together.”

“Justin… I’m not sure I want you to back up.” She gave him a shy look.

He laughed out loud. “Then how about this… I’ll stay where I am until you catch up with me.”

“I think I like that plan better.”

He pulled her to face him. “But you have to talk to me. You have to be willing to try. Understand that there are no mistakes - there’s nothing you can do that will change how I feel. All you need to do is touch my arm and I want you.”

Comfortable with him once again, she leaned against his shoulder. He pulled her in closer to him and laid his cheek on the top of her head. They sat in silence for a while, watching and listening to the waves as they softly lapped at the shore.

“I'm sorry, Justin. I doubt you were expecting to have to drag me along into maturity.”

“This is not about  _ dragging you into maturity _ , Rynna. What we're talking about has nothing to do with how old or mature you are. Many people wait until they are married. Some cultures and races forbid contact of any kind before they are presented for marriage.”

“And some cultures and races expect a woman to be a well-practiced expert by the time they are married.”

“Rynna, we don't belong to any of those cultures or races. We are free to make whatever decisions we want.” He turned her to face him and gently cupped her cheek. “I want to be with you - to make love with you. If that’s what you want, too, we'll work toward it at whatever pace you need.”

She looked away. “That's a lot of patience for a grown man.”

“Rynna, I will wait for you until a star yet to be born in that nebula outside grows old and goes supernova.”

This time she met his eyes. They glittered black again. Like their first kiss and earlier in the day, they threatened to overwhelm her… to drown her in their intensity. She knew better, now. There was deep fire and passion there, but the fire that burned in their depths was contained. It would be up to her to release it. If that took a millennia, it would still burn for her.

The comfort that gave her was enough to not just allow her to let go of her fear, but also to bring back her own passion. She wanted him. She wanted him to kiss her until she couldn't breathe. She wanted to feel his kisses on her neck. She wanted to feel his hands caress her body.

For the first time, she wanted to touch him, too. The skin on his bare chest was crisscrossed with scars - most varying sizes of welts, but one was thin and long, wrapping about his chest as if it was a belt. She wanted to touch them...to feel the smooth transitions from scar to normal skin then back again...to run her fingers along the one wrapped around his chest, tracing it as it wound its way around his body.

She reached her hand out and ran a finger along one of the large welts, delighting in the immediate flush of gooseflesh that prickled in its wake. “Why don't you have these healed?”

“They're too deep… too old.”

She moved to the thin scar, watching his skin twitch in response to her touch. “And this one? It's not too deep. Is it too old?”

“It's a reminder.”

“Of what?”

“To not get caught.”

“You need a reminder for that?”

“Consider it a memorial, then… for those who didn't get the reminder.”

So the scars on his body were memories - at least some of them - and not good ones. The marks took on a touch of sadness to her. Mesmerized by watching her own hand glide across his chest, tracing the long thin marks as far as she could see around him, she didn't notice the effect her movements were having on him. She leaned forward and placed a light kiss in the center where it crossed his breastbone.

His sharp intake of breath stopped her and she jumped, snatching her hand off his chest as if it was on fire. “I'm so sorry!”

He caught her hand. “I'm fine, Rynna. Remember I told you a moment ago that all you had to do was touch me on my arm and I would want you? You just  _ kissed _ me on my  _ chest _ . I'm going to react.”

She blushed and looked at him. His obsidian eyes still crackled with desire, but there was a tenderness there that she hadn't seen before. The fire in their center glowed softly.

He gently placed her hand back on his chest, then cupped her cheek and pulled her in for a kiss. Justin was an intense person. It showed in everything he did - kisses included. This time was no exception, but the tenderness that had been in his eyes transferred into his kiss.

She found herself responding to it. She broke the kiss and, mirroring his previous actions, she placed a trail of smaller kisses along his jawline. This time she paid attention and took note of his sigh of pleasure.

Her trail of kisses moved past his jawbone to his neck, but instead of copying his entire pattern, she moved up to his ear and gently sucked the lobe into her mouth. The corresponding tightening of his arm around her told her she had found something that he specifically enjoyed. Another note went into her file.

Her confidence grew.  _ This _ she could do. She was a scientist. Testing something and noting the reaction was second nature to her. Now the question was what test should she perform next. 

Still fascinated with the scars on his body, she moved to the one on his shoulder. A gentle caress led into a kiss. But she still wanted to feel the transition from smooth scar to the texture of regular skin. Her tongue darted out and marked a pathway across the spot. Again, he responded with a tightening of his hold.

Fascinated with the smoothness of the scar, she circled it with her tongue then ran it along the length of the smooth surface. With a gasp, his shoulder twitched away from her. She was about to ask him if she had hurt him when he captured her mouth in a searing kiss.

Electricity blazed through her body at the ferocity of it. No longer able to sit up, she laid back down on the towel, pulling him with her. The movement broke the kiss, but Justin had already moved on. His lips descended on her neck, gently sucking and nipping then soothing with his tongue. 

As it had in the morning, her back arched toward him, giving him further access. But she was more involved, now. Her hands ran down his chest, gliding over the scars and leaving more gooseflesh in their wake. Her knee came up and cradled his hip. She could feel him growing hard where he rested against her thigh.

Leaving her neck, his lips once again captured hers in a searing kiss. She pulled him closer to her, the sensations from his touch beginning to take over her actions.

The kiss broke so they could breathe, and her mouth found its way down his collarbone to his chest. Hands still caressing it, her mouth followed them, spreading the gooseflesh across his entire chest. 

She ran her tongue around one hardened nipple. With a quick intake of breath, he pulled her closer. Without thinking about it, she gently pulled the nipple between her teeth, lightly flicking her tongue over the captured tip. 

There was a sharp intake of breath, then he moaned. “Crickets, Rynna!” He grasped her face and pulled it up to his. “What you do to me!” His mouth seized hers.

She met him with her own intensity. Never had she felt anything like this. Moisture pooled between her legs and every nerve felt like it was on fire. The leg that had been cradling his hip wrapped itself around his leg, pulling it in until it laid between hers. Grasping his shoulder, she pulled him closer until he was halfway on top of her.

The strap of her swimsuit slipped off her shoulder, exposing the expanse of skin between her neck and shoulder and part of her breast. His lips met the newly-exposed skin, sending new bolts of lightning through her body.

His hand stroked up her side, the form-fitting nature of her swimsuit making her hypersensitive to his caress. She moaned when his thumb grazed gently across her nipple and began circling the pebbled tip. 

Justin's mouth began the journey down from her shoulder, licking, nipping, kissing, and sucking as it went. Her heart raced. Her breathing grew heavier until she was nearly panting. 

She moaned again as his tongue wound its way down her body.  _ Oh gods _ ! Sensory overload began to set in again.

She’d caught the look in his eyes when he’d kissed her this time. They glittered with desire, and what had been the soft glow inside was growing into a wildfire.

Her mind began to fight with her body. She knew she should stop him, but the sensations he was creating in her kept winning the battle. It was too much, too soon - she knew it - her brain knew it.

On the other side, her body wrapped herself around him, moaning and panting, pulling him in closer. His lips arrived at the exposed swell of her breast and lingered, gently nipping and sucking it. The hand whose thumb had been circling her nipple left it and smoothed down her side and her thigh, pulling it up and wrapping it more closely over his hip.

She could feel his swollen member pulsing against her, as if begging for entrance and completion. The tide turned on the battle between her mind and body. 

When his tongue flicked to the underside of her breast and moved under the edge of her swimsuit on its way to the abandoned nipple, her mind won the battle.

Breathless and panting, her hand that had been pulling him closer suddenly switched sides and pushed slightly. “Justin.” 

He stopped mid-movement and looked up into her eyes. “Too much?”

“Yes… and no…”

He smiled gently. “Then it’s just enough.” He moved back up next to her, gave her a soft kiss, then curled her up into his arms and tucked her head up under his chin.

She relaxed into him and willed her breathing to slow down. _Crickets!_ She may not be experienced, but she was no fool - sex was Biology 101. The textbooks, and everyone else, all said that it was pleasurable. They never mentioned just _how_ _pleasurable_ it was.

His hand was still stroking up and down her back. It tingled, but was more comforting than stimulating. Slowly her body calmed down and her breathing leveled out. 

She remained in her place, wrapped in his arms, legs still intertwined with his. His body was warm and solid around her.  Here was  _ Safe _ . Here nothing could hurt her. Here was the defense against the horrors of her memories. 

She was almost asleep when the holodeck doors opened and familiar footsteps clumped along the boardwalk.

Without moving, she spoke. “Hello, Trench.”

“This doesn't look like windsurfing.”

“You're right. This is napping.”

“What happened to windsurfing?”

“I got worn out, so we took a break.”

“Hmph. I'm sure you are  _ worn out _ . How much of that was actually due to windsurfing?”

“Trench, I really  _ was _ taking a nap.” She still hadn't moved from her spot in Justin’s arms.

“Well, now you're awake, talking to me.”

She sighed. Trench was not going to leave. She started to move out of Justin’s arms, but he caught her up before she got very far. Obviously trying to tell her something, he was moving his eyes between her face and her chest. 

She almost burst out laughing when she saw what he was trying to tell her. The front of her swimsuit was askew. Surreptitiously, she adjusted it back into place, then he let her go completely.

He’d been silent so far, but now Justin joined the conversation. “What exactly is it you want, Trench?”

“Originally, I was just coming to see Dash fall into the water, but now I'm enjoying the… scenery. This is a nice place you programmed.”

“Yes, it is. Quiet, too… until a few minutes ago.”

“Sorry to interrupt you, but I think it's probably time for Dash to be in bed…  _ sleeping _ .”

“What makes you the expert on my bedtime?”

“Let's see… Perhaps the fact that you were napping a moment ago? Or perhaps because it's nearly 2300.”

Justin sat up. “Is it really that late? Damn. It's past bedtime for  _ all _ of us.”

Rynna sighed. She’d been comfortable and  _ Safe _ in Justin's arms. She wasn't looking forward to being in her bed alone. 

The three of them got up. While Trench shook out the towels, Justin and Rynna put clothes on over their swimsuits. Trench followed them out of the holodeck and to Rynna’s quarters.

“I'll see you both bright and early for breakfast tomorrow. No more sleeping in.” She gave both of them a pointed look and strode down the hallway.

Rynna huffed a breath as they entered her quarters. “Why do I feel like I've just been chaperoned?”

“Probably because you have. They're worried about us.”

“I thought they were happy for us! Trench told me…”

Justin touched her face tenderly. “Relax. They  _ are _ happy for us. They're just worried about…”

“...what everyone else is worried about. I already have three admirals breathing down my neck. I think that's enough, don't you?”

“Yes and no. Of those  _ three admirals _ , only one is actually on board the ship. And he doesn't necessarily have the time to watch you.”

“So they're being my friends so they can  _ spy _ on us?”

“Rynna, relax. They're your friends because they like you. It's just that you're so young, they're worried about their _ friend _ .”

“So  _ young _ ? Trench isn't that much older than I am!”

“She's about three years older - the last two of them working with us. It makes a difference.”

She crossed her arms in front of her and began to pace. “I'm not really sure how I feel about this. I think I'm old enough to make decisions on my own - especially about who I want to spend time with.” She looked at him pointedly. “And what to do when I'm with them.”

Justin dropped down on her sofa. “I suppose it just makes it worse when I tell you that I've encouraged it.”

She stopped pacing. “You're kidding me.”

“I'm not kidding. I'm scared that I'll hurt you… That I'll make a mistake or hurt your feelings at a time when you're not really in the position to take any more pain… That I'll get in the way of your healing process because I care too much.”

“Get in the…? Justin, I don't think you realize just how much being with you is helping me. You stayed last night and I slept better than I have since I got back. You're  _ Safe _ .”

“I'm safe? Not a lot of people would agree with you. Most of them think I'm dangerously unbalanced.”

“You don't understand what I mean by  _ Safe _ . I mean that you, as an... entity… your _ … existence _ is  _ Safe _ .”

“I'm glad you feel that way, but you need to understand how important it is that you make your own  _ Safe _ . You can't always depend on me to create it for you. I'm not always going to be right next to you.”

She moved to stand in front the viewport and spoke softly. “You're still helping me.”

He stood and moved behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “I'm glad to hear that.”

She put her arms over his and leaned into him. “Will you stay with me tonight? I meant it when I said I slept better last night.”

He sighed and kissed her neck. “I'd love nothing more, but this is exactly what I've been talking about. I care so much that I want to shield you from the pain, but I know that I can't. You have to be able to deal with this on your own - to make your own  _ Safe _ . If you don't, you'll be dependent on me for the rest of your life. Something like that would change the very nature of who you are.”

Tears stung her eyes. She wasn't quite sure she understood exactly everything he’d said, but she knew that she didn't want to be _ dependent _ on anyone. As much as she enjoyed - even craved - his presence, she needed to be able to function as an individual.

She pulled his arms around her more tightly and tried to gather as much warmth from him as she could. After a moment, she let him go.

“You’d better go now, before I throw myself on your mercy and beg you to stay.”

He loosened his hold but held his arm around her waist as he walked to her door. He stopped just inside the trigger sensor and turned her to face him, cupping her face in his hands. 

“I need you to understand that I'm doing this because of how much I care about you. And that  _ our _ friends are watching out for us because of how much they care, too.”

“It doesn't change the fact that I still want you to stay with me, Justin.” She kissed him lightly on the lips and gently pushed him past the trigger sensor and out her door. “I'll see you  _ bright and early _ at breakfast tomorrow morning.”

 

She woke with a start. It was pitch black and cold in her quarters.  Had the environmental controls gone offline? “Computer, lights slow to 30 percent.” Nothing happened - not even a beep to show that the computer had registered her request. 

“What the hell?” Then she realized she couldn't even feel the engines humming below her. She sat up to investigate but was stopped short when her head bumped against something hard. 

Putting her hands out to investigate, she discovered that it was a metal plate above her head, and compacted dirt on either side of her.

She was in her box. 

The rescue.. her blossoming relationship with Justin… her friendships with the Rangers… It had all been a dream. Probably brought about with the hypothermia she knew was settling into her system.

What she had thought was her blanket covering her legs began moving. As she was trying to figure out what it was, something cold and smooth slithered across her torso.

Snakes. 

The Cardassians had filled her box with snakes. They were slithering everywhere, wrapping themselves around her body. One moved across her throat and tightened around it, constricting her air supply and making it impossible for her to scream or even cry out.

Now they were biting her. She could feel their fangs sinking into her skin, releasing their venom into her body and immobilizing her with their toxins. She could almost feel her organs begin to necrotize and shut down.

All she could do was grunt in pain and fear. Tears began rolling down her cheeks. 

_ Please let the venom work fast. I can't handle this. I can't live with this... _

She felt the snakes begin to enter her body. One by one, every opening in her body was assaulted. In her mouth...between her legs...even her nose was filled with their writhing slithering bodies. 

She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. All she could do was pray that it would be over soon. That she could die quickly…

 

Rynna woke with a start, gagging and coughing, desperately trying to catch her breath. 

“Computer, lights slow to 30 percent.” There was a small beep, then a gradual lightening until a soft glow filled her bedroom. She looked around. Had that been a dream? Or was this the dream? Was she dead?

She looked around again. It was still too dark. There were too many shadows. “Computer, lights 100 percent.” The room went blindingly bright. Like a summer day in the desert.

Rattlesnakes lived in the desert, hiding under rocks until prey came by. The extra light wasn't helping. She needed something else. Something that would tell her what was real.

She grabbed her commbadge from her nightstand and tapped it on.

“Rynna to Justin.”

There was no answer. She held back her panic with a different hail.

“Dash to Tina.”

The response was almost immediate. *Rynna? What's wrong?* 

“I… I… just needed to hear your voice.”

There was a small pause, then the sound of sheets rustling as he got out of bed. *Hang on. I'll be there in a minute.*

“No! I don't want…” How could she explain that her skin was still crawling with the feeling of a thousand snakes slithering all over it?

*You don't need to be  _ that _ strong, Rynna. It's ok to ask for help.*

“No… you don't understand… I… I don't want to be touched… Please, just talk to me. Tell me that I did actually escape… That I'm really back on the Icarus… That you're really… you.” She could hear the desperation and tears in her own voice.

She heard him sigh. *A waking dream? This is the real world, Rynna, but you’re not going to really believe that until you convince  _ yourself _ .*

“Just please tell me that I'm not dead, then.”

His gentle voice came through the comm and straight to her heart. *Please let me come over. I won't touch you. I just need to see you.*

The worry in his voice almost did her in, but she couldn't let him come over. She couldn't face him. Not right now. “No, Justin. Please… just talk to me.”

She heard him take a deep breath, then blow it out. *Where were they this time?*

“They?”

*The snakes… Where were they? Who were they after?*

“How did…”

*You talked in your sleep last night, Rynna.*

Should she tell him? She didn't know if she could handle saying anything out loud. Then she realized that he wouldn't ask for details. That he would understand enough that she wouldn't need to say much more than simple answers to the questions he’d just asked.

“My box… in the ground… me..” The tears came ripping out of her body. She could no longer hold them back.

*Rynna…*

“Please, Justin… just talk to me.” 

He spent the rest of the night talking to her over the comm. He told her funny stories of the wild things he had done as a child. He described the plot of his favorite book in detail. He went over the roster of his academy classmates to see if they knew anyone in common.

She sobbed through the first half, but finally caught her breath and began to believe again that _this_ _was_ the real world.

Around the time of ship's dawn, he ran out of things to say. Silence fell over the comm.

“I wanted to die, Justin. I prayed that I would.”

*I know, Rynna. I know.*

She had calmed down enough that the tenderness in his voice should have warmed a path straight to her heart. The resigned understanding that overrode the tenderness nearly broke it, instead.  _ He prayed for death, too. _

“Meet me for coffee at the back booth of the lounge in 20 minutes, Justin. I think we could both do with a little face-to-face time.”

 

The lounge was a room off the mess hall. Although it contained a pool table and a small bar, at this hour it was more often used by the crew as a coffee shop-type gathering place. 

Justin was already at the table when she arrived, so she grabbed a cup of fresh coffee and headed over. When he saw her he stood and held out his hand with the palm up and facing toward her - like he always did when she got jumpy.

Still uncomfortable with being touched, she simply grasped his hand and laced their fingers together, then sat down next to him.

“Thank you for staying up with me all night.”

“I'm just happy that you called me. It's next to impossible to wipe out one of those dreams. They mess with your grasp on reality. How are you doing with that part?”

“I've decided that this is what I want to be reality, so it is. The other is just too horrible to be true.”

A dark shadow crossed his face and he squeezed her hand. “That's probably the best idea. If it happens again you'll be prepared.”

“I hadn't thought of it that way, but you're right.” They sat silently for a moment.

“Rynna, you refused to see me all night. Why now?”

“Ironically, because I was worried about you.”

“About  _ me _ ?”

“You didn't just feel bad for me… you  _ understood _ .” She touched his cheek softly and turned his face toward hers. “That level of understanding can only be reached in one way. I was worried about you.”

He pressed her hand more tightly to his cheek. “I want to kiss you. Will you let me?”

“You know when you find a spider in your room and end up feeling creepy-crawly for the rest of the day? Imagine having a thousand snakes slithering all over your body for what felt like hours. How long do you think it will take to wear that off?”

“Point taken.” He took the hand she had rested on his face and kissed the palm.

The kiss tickled her palm, sending little tingles up her arm… which rapidly turned into slippery snakes wrapping themselves around it. She snatched her hand away from him.

“Justin, I…”

“When Trench told you bright and early for breakfast, she didn't mean you had to be up before dawn.”

“Good morning to you, too, Rabbit. What is it that brings you out so early? Did Trench threaten you, too?”

“I heard a rumor that Sarah has been baking muffins and I wanted to get here early, before they were all gone.” He put a plate containing a large muffin down on the table.

“Muffins?” Rynna jumped up from her seat and began moving toward the mess hall. “Did she make banana nut?”

“Get me a blueberry!” Justin shook his head. “Normally you have to talk her into eating. Put homemade food, especially baked sweets, in front of her and you can't get her away.”

“So, exactly why  _ are _ the two of you up this early? And what the hell was happening when I arrived?” Rabbit took no time with preamble, sitting down next to Justin.

“We've been up half the night talking. She finally decided to meet up for coffee.”

“ _ Meet up? _

“We were talking over the comm.”

“Why?”

“She wouldn't let me come over.”

“You’d better start at the beginning.”

“She commed me at some point - I have no idea what time it was - I was dead asleep. She had the sense to realize that a Ranger…”

“...is always on duty...she commed for Tina.”

“Scared me half to death.”

“What happened? What did she want?”

“She needed to talk… She needed a reality check. We've all taken those midnight calls at one point or another…”

“A reality check? Waking dream… damn. Those usually result in an immediate face-to-face. But she didn't want to see you?”

“She didn't want to be touched - you just saw that - so she begged me to stay on the comm.”

“Why didn't she want to be touched? Especially by you? She usually calms down the minute you touch her.”

“I'll paraphrase what she said just before the actions you witnessed when you arrived… You know that creepy-crawly feeling you can't brush off after you see a spider? Imagine spending what seemed like hours being covered in snakes.”

“So, it’s hit her.”

“Yes.” Justin stared down at his coffee cup.

“What made her finally agree to see you?”

“She's the one that finally asked  _ me _ . She was worried about me.”

“Why?”

He looked looked up from his coffee and met Rabbit's eyes. “Because I  _ understood _ .”

Rabbit held his eyes for a long moment. “Damn.”

“Yeah… damn is right, although you could go with several stronger words than that. I know I have.”

Rabbit huffed a small ironic laugh. “Well, we've at least got one question answered. You're not going to send each other into flashbacks. You'll pull each other out because you're so worried about the other one.”

Justin’s mouth twitched in an ironic smile of his own. “That's Mike… always looking at the bright side.”

Trench arrived and plunked a plate containing a blueberry muffin in front of Justin. “Compliments of Admiral Paris. It seems he has confiscated your girlfriend as a breakfast date.”

“Uh, oh. Did she look alright?”

“Fine, aside from looking as exhausted as you do. I thought I told you to leave her alone and get some sleep last night?”

“Believe me, I tried, Trench.”

“And failed, it seems.” She gave him an exasperated look. “You’ve really got to let her make it through this on her own.”

“He had to give her a reality check last night, Trench. It took a while.”

“Damn… Is she alright, now?”

“For now, yes. She has decided that this is the real world because the other one is just too horrible to be true. It still hasn’t completely let go of her, though.”

“So, what are we doing, then?”

“Just don’t touch her.”

Trench looked between the two men. “Damn.”

Justin pushed the blueberry muffin away and resumed staring at his coffee. “Pretty much.” 


	7. Chapter 7

Rynna was standing in the line that had formed in front of the table holding the platters of muffins when a familiar voice came from behind her.

“Good morning Katie. I see you also heard the rumor.”

“Good morning, Admiral Paris. I see Sarah makes you wait in line with the rest of us.”

“Yes, well, she feels that the muffins are popular enough that it should be first-come-first-served for everyone, including captains and admirals.”

“Ahh, the power of homemade food! Being a cook on a starship can override rank, it seems.”

“You’d better believe it. Not to mention that her muffins rival your mother’s.”

“Don't tell my mother that. I’m already in trouble for sharing her tuna fritters and coleslaw… and for thinking that Justin’s grandmother’s potato soup is better.”

“She’s never going to let you back in the house, Katie.”

“Can we just consider  _ everything _ classified? Including what we ate?”

“I’ll talk to your dad about it. I think he might be perfectly happy with keeping a hangnail classified if it means not facing your mother’s wrath about this whole trip.”

“I’m not really interested in my mother knowing anything about this mission, either.”

“Even about a certain dark-eyed lieutenant who covers for you?”

“Covers?”

“Katie, you do  _ not _ just wake up with a throat so sore you can’t even speak. Just about the only person in that meeting who accepted that story was Keleetha - and that’s only because he really wasn’t interested in listening.”

“That lieutenant is also skilled in covering for rescheduled doctor appointments, isn’t he?”

“Touche, Katie… How  _ are _ you doing, anyway?”

“Probably as good as you are, although that lieutenant has been very helpful in that respect.”

“I’m glad to hear it - that’s what I keep telling your father, anyway.”

“He really is asking you for updates? Thank you for sticking up for us.”

“If you’ll remember, I had a hand in that ‘us’. It’s in my best interest that it goes well.”

They had arrived at the muffins. She grabbed a banana nut for herself and a blueberry for Justin while Admiral Paris took two cranberry. 

“Isn’t it supposed to be only one per person?” She held up the plate containing the blueberry muffin. “This is for that lieutenant we’ve been talking about.”

“My second one is for the captain. We’re at yellow alert - he’s nervous and won't leave the bridge.”

“Admiral Paris… I’m sorry if my plan is keeping you from your family.”

Paris looked around them for a moment. “Ensign Pole, you will find Lt Tighe in the lounge. Please take this to him.” He handed Trench the blueberry muffin that Rynna had been holding.

“Of course, sir. I’ll let him know that Ensign Janeway is eating breakfast with you.”

“Thank you, Trench. Tell him I’ll meet him in the lab as soon as I can.”

“Will do. Enjoy your muffin!”

“How about we eat our muffins in the captain's dining room so we can talk?” Admiral Paris steered Rynna out of the mess hall and down the two doors to the captain’s private dining room.

“Wait here a moment while I deliver this to Fred.”

She took a moment to look around. It was a relatively small space. Large enough to hold a table that seated six, but small enough to feel comfortable to only one or two people. The attached kitchen, however, was larger and better-equipped than her mother’s.

The doors slid open and Admiral Paris entered. “Now, let’s have a seat and talk.” After they got themselves situated, he spoke again. “You know that returning to Earth does not necessarily mean returning home.”

“What do you mean?”

“You and I would probably end up in the hospital, pending further observation.”

“What? Why? We’re on duty, here - why would that be any different on Earth?”

“We may be ‘on duty’, but we’re still under observation.” He leaned back in his chair. “You might as well look at the Icarus as a hospital, with us on day-release programs.”

Rynna stared at him in shock. “When Counselor Sellers let me go back on duty, I thought I was free. Now you’re telling me that I’m being  _ watched _ ?”

“They prefer to refer to it as  _ observed _ , but it’s pretty much the same thing. I realized pretty early on that you would never work with Counselor Sellers, so I told him to release you for duty. He still keeps tabs on you, though.”

“I had no idea.” She felt like she was going to be sick. “Does Justin know?”

“He knows that he is under observation. I’m pretty sure he expects that you are, too… and doesn't realize that you don’t. I know I didn’t.”

“So, now,  _ everyone _ is watching me. I think I’d rather be back in that damn box. At least the Cardassians were obvious about it.”

“Katie, the best I can tell you is that people  _ care _ about you. Be happy you are here, with freedom to move about as you wish. On Earth, you’d be locked up and still unable to see your mother.”

A thought occurred to her. “Admiral... I have Justin and the Rangers to keep me company and hold my hand. Who do you spend time with?”

“I spend a lot of time by myself, Katie. I talk to Sellers a little bit. I see Tillman regularly to work on repairing the nerves that were damaged by the device.”

“ _ Nerve damage? _ I didn't realize there were any aftereffects.”

“Both the use of it and the removal cause damage, Katie.”

“Does it hurt?”

“For the most part, it's just numb. They didn't get much chance to get things going with me, so the damage was minimal. The part that actually hurts is where Dr Tillman had to take part of the nerve with it when he transported it out. Lt Tighe had a much more difficult healing process. I suspect it still gives him trouble.”

“Because they used it so much more?”

“That's part of it, but the other part is that he dug it out in order to escape.”

“ _ Dug it out _ ?”

“The Cardassians don't just have the direct controls to the devices. There's also a perimeter that activates them if you try to cross it. In order to get out, he had to remove it before he crossed that line.”

Rynna was dumbfounded. “The pain must have been excruciating! How could he even move?”

“I have no idea. Most of the report is classified beyond even your father’s level. All I know is that he removed it before escaping, but had the presence of mind to bring it - and one of the controllers - with him.”

“Wait - if you can't cross the perimeter without activating it, how did you get out?”

“Your father's department has been studying the set that Justin brought back with him. They figured how to deactivate it in the field, which is what they did for me.”

“I'm sorry, Admiral. I hadn't thought about what you were dealing with.”

“You've had your own things to deal with. I never expected you to think beyond that.”

“You have, though.”

“True, but I also have your father and Patterson breathing down my neck.”

“ _ Both _ of them? Can't they just pass the word between them?”

“They're looking at different things. Patterson has no idea of Justin's history. He's only worried about the Cardassians. Your father knows all of it, so he's all over the place. I spend a lot of time talking him down.”

Her gut clenched. “ _ Everything _ ?”

Paris sighed and looked down. “As Commanding Officer of the Rangers, he has access to all of their reports. He hasn't read them, though.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because of the questions he asks me. I have daughters, too Katie. It's hard enough for me to deal with the idea that you were abducted. I can only imagine how he feels. He wants the filtered, watered-down version, not the details. I made sure to read up on Lt Tighe’s report so what I said was in line with it.”

“What do you mean  _ in line _ ?”

Admiral Paris leaned back in his seat. “I’m sure you’ve spent enough time with the Rangers to realize that they see a lot - they’re trained to observe  _ everything _ . What makes it into their reports, though, is a completely different story.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“Believe it. All they report on is the basic information that they were sent to retrieve. In the case of our abduction, their requirement was to supply inside information on what they saw while they were there, our status when they located each of us, and the avenue of escape taken to return to the ship.”

He stopped to take a swig of his coffee - as if bolstering himself. “In your case, Justin also had to account for a delay in the timing of the escape.”

“He said his report mentioned that I had lost my shoes.”

“It’s a common practice among the Cardassians to remove the shoes of their prisoners. This makes it more difficult for them to run in the off chance that they figure out a way to escape.”

“Wouldn’t the torture device perimeters pretty much take care of that?”

“They… ah… don’t necessarily use them on some prisoners. Of the few people we have managed to extract, a good number of the women had not received the implants.”

“Oh.” She couldn’t think of anything else to say without making the conversation even more uncomfortable.

“So… his report reads that you were housed in a metal box half-buried in the ground, that you were not in it when he arrived because you were with the Gul, and that when you were returned to your box he discovered that you had lost your shoes. In order to ensure the best possible chance of escape, he had anticipated the situation and brought you “appropriate gear”. The delay was the time he allowed you to put it on.”

“What does it say about the rest of the escape?”

His uncomfortable look was replaced with a humorous smile. “Oh, that reads like a true action-adventure novel. A dash through the forest... a broken ankle... the refusal of the ‘damsel in distress’ to leave the hero behind. Your dad likes the part about you hiding in the swamp, but my personal favorite is how you took out the Toskanar dog. I wish I could have seen that.”

“I’m glad to hear that Dad’s favorite part is  _ not _ the fact that I was in the process of crushing that guard’s skull with my foot when Rabbit transported us out.”

Paris gave her a sharp look. “Probably because that was  _ not _ in his report. Do yourself a favor and don’t put it in yours, either.” He sat forward again and gave her a pointed look. “By the way - that report is long past due. I suggest that you also read Justin’s before you record anything. You’ll also want to keep in line with him.”

Rynna felt like an idiot. She’d been so focused on everything else that the idea that a report of her experience would also be required. “I'm sorry, Admiral. I forgot. I'll write it up today and send it right over to you.”

“Don't worry too much about it, Katie. To be honest, mine was late, too. Even a seasoned admiral needs time to let something like this sink in before figuring out what details actually have to be included.”

“Maybe I should have Justin help me boil it down to the bare facts.”

“Read his report first. All you need to do is fill in the blanks. What Starfleet needs to know is your view of what happened when we were captured and any impressions you were able to gain from what you saw while you were there. You should also include the conversation between you and the Gul, since Justin mentioned it in his report.”

“That's it?”

“Like the Rangers, you took in a great deal of detail, but very little of that is important to Starfleet operations. All you need to do is boil down your report to the bare facts. The rest is extraneous data, as far as they are concerned.”

Something about what Admiral Paris said struck a chord. “Admiral, do you mind if I cut our breakfast short?”

Paris smiled. “I'd know that look anywhere. An idea has just popped into your head and you have to test it out. Go ahead. I hope it's about solving your sensor issues!”

Rynna was halfway out the door by the time he finished his last sentence. As she rode down the turbolift, she gave herself a moment to reflect on what Admiral Paris had told her. It was a lot to take in, so she pushed it aside for later. She had a problem to solve and there was no time for personal issues.

 

Justin and Spider were engaged in a debate over what direction to take when she came bursting into the lab announcing her news.

“I've got it! I've got the solution!”

“Thank the gods! What have you got?”

“Up until now we've been working on ways to tighten up the sensors so they only capture the specific data we're looking for, right?”

Both men nodded. “That’s how we've been able to get such accurate readings for the science teams.”

“Yes, but we can't figure out how to hide that kind of detail from the Cardassians.”

The debate between the two men had depleted Justin’s patience. “Rynna, please get to your point.”

“What if we threw out all of the detail in the actual scan and told the sensors to simply record  _ everything _ they picked up? We could break it all out on the back end… like we did when the data between my and Trench’s scans got wrapped together.”

“It took us a full day to separate that data, Rynna. I don't think we have that kind of time.”

“Now that we know what we want to do ahead of time, we can teach the computer how to separate it on its own.”

“That’s a lot of work that we don't have the time to do.”

Spider chimed in. “Not if we have the different science teams do it.” 

Rynna jumped on it. “Yes! We could realign the sensors now, get a sample of what we’d pull in, then have each team separate out what they want!”

“We have no idea what data to tell the computer to look for from the Cardassians.” Justin’s contrary mood continued.

“We don't need to… Anything left over after the scientific data is separated out would be Cardassian.”

“So, you're talking about a process of elimination.”

“She might be onto something, Tina. It would be like a negative image.”

“Exactly… observe  _ everything _ , take out the extraneous parts - in this case it would be all of the scientific data - and boil it down to the bare facts.”

Justin finally got on board. “That just might work… We still don't have much time, though. We need to get moving.”

It was Spider’s turn to be negative. “The fact that we're trying to collect data on the Cardassians is classified. We can't tell the entire science team what we're doing.”

“We don't have to. All they need to know is that we are trying a new way of scanning. None of them is going to realize that we're trying to weed out their data from what we really want. All they'll know is that they won't have to wait for their turn on the sensors.”

Spider stood. “We need to get Admiral Janeway’s approval right away. I'll get Jeans to set up the connection now.”

“Rynna and I will get started realigning the sensors. Let me know when you've got him and I'll run up and give him the report.”

 

When he heard that the new approach had been suggested by his daughter, Admiral Janeway approved it with asking for details. Within an hour of the approval, they had deprogrammed all of the modifications they had spent the past six months developing. 

“Is the ship aware that we're going to unlock the sensors? Admiral Paris gave me the impression this morning that the captain is very nervous about this whole situation. Can you imagine his reaction if things just started beeping out of the blue?”

“You've got a point, Rynna… Ok, I'll head up to see Paris now. While I'm gone, you and Spider work on resetting the sensors to the full sweep we're going for.”

When he was gone, Rynna picked up the tricorder. “Let's get going,  Spider. I'll follow along behind you.”

Spider took the tricorder out of her hands. “You take the lead on this one, Dash. I can work sensors, but you know exactly what we're looking for.”

Having worked for so long with Justin, who took the lead on everything, she was a little taken aback. Once again, her work would be front and center - the ship depending on her actions to ensure a positive outcome. “Um… ok. Just… back me up? Make sure I've got this right?”

Spider looked at her quizzically. “You haven't taken a single step wrong since this whole thing started.”

“I've taken a lot of steps wrong, Spider. For most of them, you had to cover for me after the fact. Can we do it up front this time?”

He gave her a gentle smile. “That’s what teamwork is all about, Dash. Now work your magic while I stand behind you and constantly point out that you're doing exactly what you should be doing.”

 

By the time Justin returned, she and Spider had finished the realignment and were laughing at her description of her windsurfing lesson.

“I thought you didn't want the others to know about your amazing ability to fall into the water.”

“It's about time you got back. Did you have to hold the captain’s hand?”

“I had to wait my turn for an audience with Admiral Paris. It seems he had an appointment.”

Rynna was worried. Had their conversation this morning caused him a relapse? “Is he alright?”

Justin placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “He's fine, Rynna, don't worry.”

“Have you ever noticed that when someone tells you not to worry, you do anyway?”

“Well, try your best not to. When I saw him he looked just fine… Now tell me where you are in the plan.”

“We're all set - just waiting for your go-ahead.”

“Consider it given. Activate everything, and we'll see what we've got.”

The amount of data that came in threatened to overload the lab computer and it took some time to get everything set up properly. In the end, they had to reroute some of it through stellar cartography.

“Spider, would we be able to have the sensors separate out their data before it hits the lab computer? If we can have that data be what's funneled there it would ease the stress across the board.”

“I should be able to work that out. Let's see what we can get and we’ll go from there.”

“Then are we ready to get our sample read for the science teams to process?”

“Do it.”

 

When the request for the research teams’ involvement went out, Trench almost immediately appeared in the lab.

“I thought the idea was to narrow down the readings and hide the one inside the other. What the hell are you planning to do with all that information?”

“We can't figure out how to hide it, and we're not even sure what to tell the sensors to look for in the first place.”

“So you scan for  _ everything _ ?”

“And have the computer cut out what we don't want - which is the scientific data.”

“Then what's left over is Cardassian. Excellent idea, Dash.”

“How did you know it was my idea?”

“You seriously have to ask me that? You have a quick mind and you can think outside the box much better than these two lackeys.”

“Hey! I've had a lot of good ideas in the past!” Spider's tone made it sound like he was offended, but the grin on his face said otherwise. “Still… it  _ was _ a stroke of genius.”

“I hate to cut short this love-fest for Rynna’s mind - beautiful as it is - but we have a very limited amount of time, here.”

“Oh, very well, Tina. Give me my data and I'll get it cleaned up.”

Rynna handed her a padd. “I've been trying to pull out the majority of what I think each team will need, but you still have the whole data set in case there's something I missed.”

“Is this what Tina mentioned about you analyzing data  _ on the fly _ ? Why do you need the rest of us?”

“I'm not perfect Trench. Besides, now that you have  _ all _ that information at your hands, you might see something else that you want.”

“Ooohhh… true.” Trench immediately delved into the data. Forgetting where she was, she began mumbling as Justin did so often.

Rynna shook her head. “Do all Rangers mumble?”

 

As Rynna had predicted, most other members of the research teams didn't question the new sensor approach. There were multiple questions about how the readouts would be supplied. There were also a few about whether they could have some of the data typically funneled into a different team. Spider spent a great deal of time writing protocols into the system to provide duplicate data to several different substreams.

Rynna also fielded a difficult visit from Commander T’Por, who didn't see the logic in all but crippling the science department’s computer for their new approach. Unable to simply open up about the true nature of their actions, Rynna was forced into debating the Vulcan on the finer details of an idea that, technically, didn't exist. The debate ended when T’Por’s research partner hailed with the exciting news that she’d found data supporting their hypothesis within a different team’s set.

They worked through the day and late into the evening getting the data separated. It was around 2200 when Justin set his stylus down.

“I think that's it. Does anyone see something else we may have missed?”

Dash rubbed her forehead, her nearly sleepless night was catching up to her. “I'm not sure I can even see my hand in front of my face right now.”

“I'm in the same situation as you, Dash. We should let this run overnight, then have the teams check their readings in the morning.” Spider stretched and stood up. “I'll see you both in the morning. Please… try to get some real rest.”

“Here's hoping…” A mixture of desperation and sarcasm radiated from her voice.

“Come on, Rynna.” Justin held out his hand to help her out of her seat. “You'll never know until you try.”

They all left together. Spider split off from them when they reached the corridor that led to his quarters. “Dash… he’s not the only one you can call on if you need something. Just remember that, ok?”

Tears came to her eyes. “Thank you, Spider. I will try to keep that in mind.”

When Spider had disappeared around the corner, Justin squeezed her hand. “You see? I told you they were your friends because they like you.”

“That was really sweet of him to offer... Although I'm not really sure that I'd take him up on it.”

“Never say never, Rynna. There might be a time when you do. You could probably call on any of them. They’d understand more than you think.”

“I get that, Justin. It doesn't mean that I'm comfortable with sharing it with anyone.”

They had arrived at her quarters. “I'm going to say goodnight here. I'm afraid if I come in, I won't be willing to leave.”

“It’s a good thing I'm still jumpy, or I might force you.” She gave him a light kiss on the cheek. “Good night, Justin.”

He gently ran the back of his finger down her cheek. “Sweet dreams, Rynna. Comm me if you need me.” He took a deep breath, as if needing to bolster himself to leave her, then turned on his heel and strode down the corridor.

She turned and entered her quarters, heading straight for her bedroom. The prospect of more nightmares weighed heavily on her mind. “I hope I'm tired enough that I'll skip the dreaming part altogether.”

 

She couldn't have been more wrong. Her night was filled with varying horrors - both a compilation of the previous ones, and a whole new set. Visions of her mother’s grief when she didn't return from the mission at all morphed into an unexpected pregnancy with a half-Cardassian baby haunted her at every turn.

If anything, her exhaustion made her body all the more reluctant to let her wake up. By the time the computer signalled her wakeup call, she was emotionally strung out and exhausted.

Rynna dragged herself out of bed and headed for the replicator. A double dose of espresso was in order, followed by an invigorating sonic shower. She had discovered while working on her thesis that turning the unit to the highest setting would make her skin tingle and set her heart racing. Combined with the espresso, it helped jolt her awake.

Donning her uniform further bolstered the illusion. By the time Ensign Janeway arrived at the lab, she was alert and in control. Exhausted, overwrought Rynna was left hiding in her quarters, ready to reappear when the uniform came off at the end of the day.

She was already hard at work when Justin and Spider arrived from breakfast.

“I should have known you’d already be nose-deep in data.”

“Good morning, Lieutenant. I wanted to get a jump on the data we took in overnight. It would be pointless to ask for reports from each of the research teams if we crashed the computer.”

There was a slight pause as Justin took in her use of his title. Their working style the previous day had been very relaxed. Returning to the more rigid command structure was a jolt.

“Good thinking,  _ Ensign _ . I'm sure  _ Chief Webb _ would agree.” He shot a quick look at Spider.  _ Follow her lead. _

“Er… Good morning, Ensign.”

Ensign Janeway finally looked up from the padd she’d been working on. “You know… I don't believe I know anyone else’s real world names and ranks. Good morning, Chief.” She gave him a soft smile, then turned back to her work.

The two men exchanged glances. They had both caught sight of the darkening circles under her eyes. Justin sighed. If her actions during the meeting with Keleetha were any indication, it would do no good to try pulling her out of her shell while they were on duty. He settled himself into a stiff, formal day of pure work.

Chief Webb sat down in front of one of the computer consoles. “So what's the verdict? Are we a go?”

“We didn't crash the computer, but it should be a few minutes more before the data reports come in.”

“I suspect you're already taking a look at your cosmological data. Did it come out right?” 

Justin sat down across from her, where there was another computer station and logged in. Almost immediately, a message popped up from Spider. 

_ What the hell is going on? _

_ I suspect more nightmares, but she won't say a thing about it as long as she’s in uniform. At the moment,  _ Ensign Janeway _ is  _ fine _. _

Spider looked up at Justin and rolled his eyes.  _ I'm not sure I can handle being called  _ Chief _ all day. _

_ You'll be fine. Remember it took me a long time to address any of you by anything other than your positions. _

Any additional conversation they may have had was interrupted when the reports started coming in from the research teams. Several strings of data had become intertwined like what had happened with Trench and Dash’s readings. Lt Tighe, Ensign Janeway, and Chief Webb each took a string at a time and went through the time-consuming process of separating them.

The process took a great deal of concentration, so there was very little conversation. Finally, the lieutenant stood up from his computer. “It's time to break for lunch.”

“That's an excellent idea! My brain could use a break, and my stomach is about to sound like Trench’s.” The Chief stood as well.

“You two go ahead. I still have this one to complete.” Ensign Janeway kept her head down, still studying data.

Lt Tighe walked over and shut her computer. “I'm almost positive that you skipped breakfast, Ensign. You won't be any good to us if you pass out from lack of nutrition. Consider eating lunch an order if you must, but you are taking a break.”

Janeway sighed. Burying herself in work was helping her keep going. A social lunch with the two men threatened to undermine her self control. Unfortunately, the Lieutenant had just made it an order - she could not refuse.

“Yes, sir. I suppose I could have a sandwich.”

They each chose a meal from the replicator and sat back down at the work table.

While they were getting their meals, Ensign Janeway had come up with an idea of how to keep the conversation work-related.

“Tell me, Chief…”

“Before you continue, Ensign, can I make a request for you to address me as either Spider or Tyrone? I'm not accustomed to being called Chief by my friends and teammates.”

“Er… ok  _ Spider _ … I was wondering if the adjustments you are working on also originated from the data streams we duplicated for multiple teams.”

Spider was silent for a moment as he considered her question. “I think you might be onto something, Ensign. Tina, what do you think?”

“I think I agree. Ensign, why don't you take a look at Spider’s algorithms and see if you can find the missing piece causing that data to lose its integrity.”

Damn… She’d stuck her neck out again and was being tasked with the plan that saved the day. “Umm… I figured that Spider would be the one to do that. He would know his program better than I.”

Spider looked at her quizzically. “I figured that you should do it, since you're the one who identified the problem in the first place. It's a better idea that someone else should look. If I missed it the first time, I'll probably miss it again. Teammates back each other up, right?”

She sighed. He was right… on both counts. “I guess I could take a stab at it.” She looked down at her half-finished sandwich. Stomach churning with anxiety, it no longer looked appealing. “Hopefully, it won't be too far down. I might miss it.”

Spider looked at Tina over her bowed head.  _ What the  _ hell _ is going on, here? _

Lt Tighe sighed. “Ensign, you're the best option. You have an amazing ability to zero in on something. I believe you'll find it no matter where it is in the program.”

“Yes, sir.”

An uncomfortable silence fell over the lab. Ensign Janeway kept her head down, toying with the leftover half of her sandwich. Tina and Spider held a silent conversation over her head and through the messaging system.

_ I've never known her back down from a challenge. She thrives on them! _

_ These dreams are getting to her. This has to stop. It's one thing for them to make  _ Dash _ nervous, but  _ Ensign Janeway _ never backs down. _

_ I don't know what to do, Spider. Even if I stay with her every night, they'll eventually come back and she'll be right back here. _

_ Let me think about it for a bit. For the time being, you deal with her. I may have to bring in the team, though. _

_ Just do what you can. I can't watch her this way anymore. _

Suddenly, Ensign Janeway looked up and tilted her head. “Hmn... Tyrone  _ Webb _ . That wouldn't be where you picked up the name Spider, would it?”

Inordinately glad for the complete change of topic, Lt Tighe laughed. “His name was the basis for which creature to use, but it wasn't the actual concept.”

“What is the  _ concept _ , then?”

“Don't let his build deceive you. He’s the fastest person I've ever met. When you decided to fall on your face in sickbay, Polly was standing right next to you and Spider was at the other end of the room. I called Spider to catch you because I knew he would get there before Polly even had a chance to react.”

“Yeah, Jeans wanted call me Rabbit, but that was already taken…”

“So, he went with Spider… as reference to  _ Webb _ .”

“Exactly.”

“I always thought that Rabbit was named that because he's fast. What's the story there?”

The two men looked at each other and laughed like two young boys who had just been caught being naughty.

“Lieutenant Labbity isn't fast in the same sense as Spider.”

“So it's just based on a rhyme with  _ Labbity _ ?”

“Ah… no… well you could say that's the basis for which creature to reference, but…” Spider burst back into laughter and couldn't complete his sentence.

Ensign Janeway looked between the two men. Annoyed at their lack of real response, her hands found their way to her hips. “Gentlemen! Would one of you  _ please _ explain to me what is so funny?”

Justin pulled himself together enough to respond. “I think it's better if you ask him directly.”

“Hmph. I guess I'll have to have a talk with him at dinner tonight.”

The two men burst out in laughter. Spider managed to spit out one last sentence. “Just… ask him in front of Trench, ok?”

Ensign Janeway turned back to her sandwich, mumbling to herself about the two men acting like children.

“Well, I guess that answers that question.”

“And which question would that be?” Still annoyed at their demeanor, she glared at Justin.

“All Rangers  _ do _ mumble!” Both men lost themselves again in fits of laughter. Even the corner of Ensign Janeway’s mouth twitched into a crooked smile.

The hilarity lightened the mood for the rest of the afternoon. As expected, Ensign Janeway located the problem in record time. 

Fixing it took a little bit longer, though. When Justin realized that she would be working through dinner, he replicated her a smoothie and placed it in front of her.

“I know you won't break for dinner, Ensign. You can drink this while you work.”

By the time she was finished, it was nearly 2000 hours. Ensign Janeway was starting to lose her hold. Rynna began to rise back to the surface, and she wasn't quite sure how she would make it back to her quarters.

Justin saw what was happening. Standing up, he held out his hand to her. “Let this run overnight again, Ensign. We'll see what we have in the morning. How about I walk you home so you can get out of your uniform.”

She knew if she looked at him, she would lose what self-control she had left. An idea came to her.

“Spider, last night you offered to help me out if I needed it. Would it be possible for me to cash in on that?”

With a quick look at Justin, he replied in a soft voice. “Of course… what do you need?”

“First, please contact Rabbit and ask him to transport me and Tina directly to my quarters.”

“Consider it done. What's second?”

“Please forget what you are about to see.” With that, she slid off her stool and right into Justin's arms… then began to cry. By the time Rabbit got the transport set and activated, she was sobbing.

 

When they rematerialized in her quarters, they remained where they were while she continued to sob. Finally, she was able to calm down enough to speak.

“I'm sorry, Justin. I…”

“You're exhausted, Rynna. It's been a long day… after what I'm pretty sure was a short night.” He led her into her bedroom and sat her down on the bed. Finding the nightgown she had tossed there in the morning, he handed it to her.

“Get changed and brush your teeth. I'm going to contact Rabbit and have him send over something for me.” He moved into the other room and as far away from her bedroom as he could get, minimizing the chance that she would be able to overhear his conversation.

“Tina to Rabbit.”

*Rabbit here… how's it going?*

“Not good. I'm staying here tonight. Go to my quarters and get me something to sleep in. Don't come here, just beam it over. Tomorrow, I want a plan in place. This can't continue.”

*We're already working on it, Tina. We'll figure something out. I'll send you something in a minute.*

“Thank you, Rabbit. I owe you.”

There was soft laughter on the other end. *If I ever cashed in on what you owe me, you’d be paying for the rest of your life, Tina. In this case, though, you owe me nothing. We take care of our own.*

Tears came to Justin's eyes. “Thank you, Mike.”

*Sleep tight, Justin. Hold onto her. Rabbit out.*

A few moments later, a pair of loose pants and shirt appeared on the sofa. He grabbed them and returned to her bedroom, knocking on the door to make sure she was finished changing her clothes.

“Come in, Justin.” She was sitting listlessly on the edge of her bed. 

“I'm going to get changed, then we're going to bed.”

“Aren't I supposed to be figuring this out on my own?” He didn't miss the slightly bitter tone to her words.

“You need sleep, Rynna. You won't be able to figure out anything in this state. Besides, I think this is one of those times when  _ on your own _ is not going to work.”

He headed toward her bathroom to change. “Pick a side and get under the covers. I'll be back in a minute.”

When he returned, he found her sitting in the middle of the bed. “I… I don't know what side to chose… I… never had to…”

He smiled softly. “Then stay in the middle. Now, lay down.” He called for lights out, then climbed in on his favorite side.

When he was situated, he pulled her towards him and gave her a deep but gentle kiss. “Sleep, Rynna. I’m not going anywhere.”

She snuggled into him and he tucked her head under his chin. He could feel her tears soaking into his shirt.

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

She was warm… warmer than she’d been in a long time. She was  _ Safe _ … a feeling that had been all too fleeting in the past weeks.  _ Justin _ . She’d know him anywhere. He was curled up behind her, body matching her position, in a pose she remembered being called  _ spooning _ . She understood why people liked it. It felt…  _ Safe _ . She sighed deeply and burrowed deeper into him. 

“Careful Rynna, or you’ll wake up more than you bargained for.” His voice whispered softly in her ear.

“Oh!” Surprised by the unexpected sound of his voice, she jumped. He pulled her in tighter, stopping her from moving away.

She relaxed back into his arms. “Did I wake you up?”

“No. I was just lying here with you in my arms... listening to you snore,”

“I snore? Is it loud? I hope it’s not the reason you’re awake.”

He chuckled into her hair. “Rynna, you are about the only person I know who didn’t automatically deny snoring.”

She shrugged. “What’s the point in denying it? I’m just worried I kept you awake.”

“I've been awake for a while… and you snore softly, so don't worry.” He placed a gentle kiss on her neck.

She sighed and moved her head so he could have more access to her neck. “Hmm… I could wake up like this every morning.”

Another chuckle sent warm breath across her neck, spreading gooseflesh along its path. 

“So could I.” He began placing more gentle kisses along the exposed skin, spreading the gooseflesh further.

“Justin, do you realize this is the second time we have slept together, even though we've never  _ slept together _ ?”

He spoke between kisses. “Any way I can be close to you is fine with me.” 

His kisses were now joined by his tongue. It marked a path up her neck, arriving at the sensitive spot behind her ear. With a quick inhalation of breath, her back arched and her nipples pebbled.

She felt his hand move up her body. The feel of it caressing her through the silky material of her nightgown sent her panting. 

Then she realized what nightgown she was wearing. With thin shoulder straps, it was simple and silky… and very short - barely touching her knees. She’d been so tired and out of sorts last night, she hadn't even thought about it.

Now she did. It had ridden up while she was sleeping and the hem was around her hips. He would have plenty of access to her body if he chose to slip his hand underneath the edge. The realization that she didn't care - was actually looking forward to it - spurred her on.

“Justin..”

He stopped immediately. “Are you alright?” The worry in his voice made her smile.

“I'm fine, Justin. It's just that I want to kiss you but I _ really _ don't want to get out of this bed to clean my teeth.”

His hand stroked up her body again, and he nuzzled her neck. “We both cleaned our teeth before we went to bed last night, Rynna. I'm willing to chance it if you are.”

“Gods, yes!” She rolled over and grabbed his face, crashing their lips together in a passionate kiss.

His response was just as ferocious, pulling her body into his until they were lined up completely. As she had done on the beach, she slipped her leg around his and pulled it between hers, wrapping their lower bodies together. Her hands moved down to his chest. 

Expecting to feel his skin, she was stopped short when she realized he was wearing a shirt. Grasping the hem of it, she attempted to pull it upward, over his head. “Take this off.”

“What?”

“I want to feel you. Take it off.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Justin raised his arms over his head so she could pull it free.

Tossing it aside, she ran her hands along his skin, then placed a kiss in the center of his chest. “That's much better.”

“I'm glad you think so.”

Justin's hands found their way under the raised hem of her nightgown. The feel of them gliding along her bare skin made her gasp with pleasure. He kissed her deeply while he explored her skin.

When his hand cupped her breast and thumb began circling and stroking the nipple, she broke the kiss with a gasp. His mouth began the journey down her neck, on its way to meet up with the hand at her her breast. She moaned and pulled him closer until he was almost completely on top of her.

Suddenly, his hand moved away from her breast and he lifted his head. “We need to stop, Rynna.”

“Why?”

Unable to completely control himself, his hand smoothed down her side. “Because we do. It's too soon. You're not ready for this.”

“I'm not uncomfortable, Justin.” She began kissing his neck. “It's fine.”

He raised himself on one elbow. “It's not fine, Rynna. You may think you're alright now, but very soon, you won't be. We need to stop here before you get too far in.”

She stopped kissing him. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

He sighed deeply and rolled off of her, taking her with him so they ended up lying face to face. Raising himself up on his elbow again, he lightly stroked her cheek. 

“It means that there isn't too much further to go before we… don't have anywhere else to go. We need to stop, now. While it's still pleasurable - still alright. I can already feel it in you. You're about to hit a point when it isn't alright… and you're going to try to push through.” 

He touched her cheek again. “I need to be completely honest… I want you so badly that it's entirely possible that I will  _ let _ you push through. That would ruin it… ruin everything… and we'll never be able to go back and undo it.”

She moved away from him and sat up. “I really don't understand what you're talking about, Justin. I'm perfectly fine. I'm comfortable with what is happening… and with what I _ thought _ might end up happening.” 

“Look, Rynna, I'm sorry if I misread how you were feeling. It doesn't change the fact that it's still too soon for you. We need to slow down.”

“Why is everybody suddenly so concerned about what I'm doing - what choices I'm making _ for myself _ ?” She stood up and began pacing, arms swinging widely to illustrate each point.

“Apparently, everyone looked at each other and said ‘Poor Katie Janeway. She got herself kidnapped and raped by Cardassians, which has rendered her an imbecile and completely incapable of making a decision.’ Who led the charge? Was it you? My dad?”

“Now, hang on a minute, Rynna! I have championed and supported you in every…!”

*Rabbit to Tina. Anyone awake yet?*

Justin sighed and reached for his badge on the nightstand. “We're awake, Rabbit.”

*I hope everyone slept well?*

“We're _ fine _ , Rabbit. What do you want?” Still furious, Rynna didn't have enough patience available to be nice.

*Er... it's nearly 1000 hours. We wanted to let you sleep as long as we could, but Spider is running out of excuses for you, Tina.*

Justin slid to the edge of the bed and stood up. “I'm sorry, Rabbit, I didn't realize it was so late. We'll be there as soon as we can.”

*Well… ah…*

“What's wrong, Rabbit?”

*They're only expecting you, Tina. Dash is officially off duty today.*

“ _ Off duty _ ? What the hell for? We're in the middle of a sensitive operation. This is  _ not _ the time for me to be taking a day off to twiddle my thumbs!”

*You would think that, wouldn't you, Dash? Unfortunately, it seems that Simmons got wind of the extra time you've been putting in. Since you're still technically under his medical orders to not work outside of regular duty shifts - or without Tina in the lab - he threw a fit. He went straight to Admiral Paris.*

“Paris backed him up?”

*Um… yeah, he did.*

Justin groaned. “Here we go…”

“You have _ got _ to be kidding me! Now I'm not even capable of deciding when I can  _ work _ ? Argh!” The picture of her family, whose frame she had so carefully mended, found its way across the room again. Glass flew everywhere and she stormed out of the room. “I need coffee…”

 

*Tina! What the hell just happened? Are you guys alright?*

“We're fine, Rabbit. Or I guess I should say that we're not physically harmed. Someone is going to need to talk her down before she takes out all of Starfleet, though.”

*We could probably come up with a few more excuses for you…*

“Oh, no, it will not be me! That hellcat is as much out for me as she is for Paris and Simmons!”

Rynna appeared at the door, holding a uniform which she threw on the bed next to where he was standing. “This was on the sofa. Rabbit must have sent it over. Get dressed and get out. Or am I not capable of making _ that _ decision, either?” She turned on her heel and headed back into the outer room.

“Rynna…”

“And, by the way,  _ never _ call me a cat.”

Justin flopped back on the bed and groaned.

*I'm going to see if Trench has anything going that she can't push off on her research partner.*

“She's probably our best hope, Rabbit. Let Spider know I'll be at the lab in as few minutes as possible?”

*Are you going to fill him in when you get there?*

“I'll talk to you about it later,  _ Mike _ .”

*Understood,  _ Justin _ . Rabbit out.*

Justin took a quick sonic shower, trying not to think about the idea of Rynna sharing it with him. He cleaned his teeth, trying not to think about the circumstances around the other times he had done so in her bathroom - or about the circumstances where most people did something like that in another person's space. He dressed in his uniform, trying not to think about how they could have lined up each other’s pips with gentle smiles and a soft kiss.

Finished, he took a deep breath and headed to the outer room. He hadn't heard a sound since she'd stormed out earlier, and he wasn't quite sure what state she was in. 

He found her standing at her viewport, coffee in hand, staring out into space.

“Rynna, I wish you could understand how much I care about you. And how my feelings for you affect _ everything _ I do.”

She turned to look at him. “I know you care about me, Justin. I just wish you could trust me to know myself. That the decisions I make about my body and my mind are what  _ I _ want. A lifetime of freedom to think and study as I choose, and now my judgement on  _ everything _ to do with my life is questioned!” She turned her back on him and looked out the viewport again.

His voice was quiet when he responded. “Starfleet has questioned every decision I have made for over a year, Rynna.” He moved toward the door. “I hope your afternoon goes better than your morning.”

 

She rested her forehead on the viewport window. “My morning started out wonderfully."

Sighing, she stood up straight and headed to her bedroom. She may not be allowed on duty, but that was no reason to mope around in her pajamas all day.

She took a quick sonic shower, trying not to think about how it might have felt if Justin had been in there with her. She cleaned her teeth, trying not to think about the time she and Justin had stood next to each other doing the same thing - and about what that situation signified in a typical relationship. She dressed in comfortable pants and top, trying not to think about how much fun they could have had adjusting each other’s pips while he teased her about the day she'd raced him to the lab.

Heading back to her outer room for another cup of coffee, she decided her next order of business was to contact Admiral Paris. It was time to get some answers… and to give him a piece of her mind… 

 

“Don't even start, Katie. I've already had a visit from Lt Tighe. I'll tell you the same thing I told him.”

“Which is?”

“My hands are tied. Simmons went over my head and I'm simply following orders. I will also tell you that Lt Tighe and I are both taking quite a lot of heat for this whole situation.”

“Admiral Paris, as my CO, I can understand why Starfleet would see you as being culpable - although I don't agree. But why would they pull Justin into it? He’s just my lab partner!”

“Well… yes and no. He was aware of Simmons’ orders because he was an integral part of them. Also, he is a superior officer and would have the right - or obligation - to order you into compliance.”

“But, still…”

“He's also the Rangers’ squadron leader, and in charge of the operation you are working on. He could be considered your de facto CO - much like I am with them because your father is not present on the ship.”

“And as my CO, he not only  _ allowed _ me to disobey Simmons’ orders, involving me in the operation actually  _ countermanded _ Simmons.”

“Exactly.”

“Is he being censured?” Rynna was worried. The situation could cause serious trouble for Justin - just when he needed it the least.

“Your father and Admiral Patterson are trying to keep reactions in check. They’re vouching for him - that he was keeping an eye out for your well-being and wouldn't have allowed you to continue if you were getting overwhelmed.”

“ _ Allowed _ ?”

Paris smiled indulgently. “I'm sure there's a bit of the idea that you can be rather headstrong when you want to be. Admiral Keleetha can attest to that part.”

“It’s not headstrong, Admiral, it’s simply knowing myself and what I’m capable of! Why can’t anybody see that?”

“Those who know you  _ can _ see that, Katie. That’s how this situation came about in the first place. Lt Tighe and I both allowed - even encouraged - you to disregard Simmons’ orders. That said, your behavior has been somewhat unlike you.”

“How so?”

“For starters, you would never have been so brazen with Keleetha. You’ve also been consistently wavering between absolute confidence and absolute uncertainty. I’m accustomed to your confident nature, but it’s become extreme, and the uncertainty is completely foreign to your character.”

“I’ve been given a great deal of responsibility, Sir. I think that would come with a little bit of uncertainty.”

“It would in most people. But you’ve always risen to the occasion - forced yourself through any uncertainty you might have felt - thrived on the challenge. While you were working on your thesis, I pushed you -  _ hard _ . You never waivered… met my nearly-ridiculous deadlines… found viewpoints I hadn’t considered... submitted exemplary work in every case.  _ That’s _ Kathryn Janeway.”

“Still… it doesn't give everyone the right to treat me like a child!”

He huffed a small laugh. “Unfortunately for you, there are four people in positions of authority who care very deeply for you. Three of them can have the tendency to look upon you as a child in even normal circumstances.”

“The fourth one could be put in that same category, on occasion.”

“That fourth person is operating from a position of abject concern for your well-being, Katie.” He gave her a pointed look. “Both professionally and personally. He knows that his actions toward you could possibly have detrimental effects for you - and that his own... lack of well-being… could be the cause of them.”

She crossed her arms in front of her. “All the more reason to trust my own judgement.”

“Is it, really? Considering the atypical behavior you have shown recently?”

She opened her mouth to respond… then realized she didn’t have one.

Admiral Paris leaned toward the screen. “Cut him - and everyone else - some slack, Katie. We all have your best interests at heart, so let us coddle you for a little while. Take advantage of the space that gives you and find your true self, again. We’ll leave you alone when we see it.”

She sighed deeply. “I’ll try, sir.”

“There is no  _ try  _ when you are involved, Katie, there has only ever been  _ do _ . Why don’t you make that your first step?” He moved to cut the connection, then stopped himself. “One more thing, Katie. Why don’t you take advantage of this spirited mood and write that report you promised me? It would give the report the proper… edge… it needs.”

“I’ll do that, sir. Thank you… for everything. I appreciate your candor.”

He gave her an indulgent smile. “I’m glad I was able to help. Now, go and enjoy your day off!” 

Rynna sat back in her seat and considered what she had learned. Was Paris right? Should she cut everyone some slack? Was she behaving abnormally? 

True, she had all but smart-mouthed the Fleet Admiral, but he’d been acting like a jerk. Admiral Paris had even egged her on. Then she realized that several others had said something about her behavior… Justin had messaged her to back down… Uncle Teddy had cautioned her with a look he usually reserved for unruly cadets. Admiral Paris could also be acting atypically due to his own experience with the Cardassians. She had always curtailed her desire to shoot down the jerks she encountered, but she hadn’t been able to keep herself in check with the  _ Fleet Admiral _ . That was a problem with  _ her  _ \- not anyone else.

It was also true that she’d been somewhat unsure of her abilities. As always, when something she considered a sound idea came to her, she had put it out for consideration. The difference now was that when the idea was approved, she lost faith in it - in her ability to carry it out.

The idea of everyone watching her had been grating on her nerves, but when had it ever bothered her in the past? Academically, she’d always performed at the top of her classes - a situation that automatically came with a certain amount of attention. She didn’t want anyone looking at her, now… because she was afraid they might see something other than her typical self?

Justin had told her point blank that he was terrified of hurting her. He had his own demons - was that what he was worried about? That his demons would cause her harm? He’d said this morning that he was worried he wouldn’t be able to stop himself if she needed him to, but she’d refused to listen. She’d been too wrapped up in herself to realize that he had his own concerns - ones that went beyond her.

She hung her head, guilt and dismay over her recent attitude and behavior battling for supremacy. The anger she’d felt at everyone else turned inward. She was a complete and total ass. There were a lot of apologies she had to give out - most importantly to Justin. He’d taken the brunt of it while, at the same time, tenderly and lovingly supporting her.

She sat there for a few moments while the uncomfortable emotions swirled around inside her. Then she stood. It was too much to sit down for. She needed movement - action - to work through this - to get all the anger and frustration out of her system.

But what to do? Swimming? No, it was too gentle. She needed to hit something. Boxing? She laughed at that - she’d never been interested in boxing, and the last thing she wanted to do was end up in sickbay with yet another injury to her hands. Tennis? Yes, tennis would do what she needed - plenty of movement, plus the feel of hitting something. She could spend some of the time imagining that the ball was the Toskanar dog.

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

“Game. Set. Match!” The voice of the holographic announcer rang out over the court. Rynna headed to the net to shake the hand of her holographic opponent, then over to the side to retrieve a towel from her bag. Sitting down to drink some water, she took a moment to register just how tired she was.

Having worked out the worst of her anxiety over the morning’s drama, she spoke out loud to herself. “It was worth it, though. Maybe I’ll actually sleep tonight. I doubt if Justin will stay, again. Not after the way I treated him this morning.”

“He’d sleep with you even if your claws were still out, Hellcat. Although the claws might lead to further… exercise… and lack of sleep.”

The unexpected sound of Trench’s voice caused her to jump, although the other woman’s presence didn't surprise her at all.  “It’s about time you got here, Trench. Weren’t you supposed to foist off your work on your partner so you could ‘talk me down’?”

Trench sat beside her. “That was the hope. Unfortunately, my lab partner was already out sick, so I had to stay and work.”

“And they couldn’t find anyone else willing to babysit me?” Rynna had calmed down quite a bit, but she still hadn’t been able to completely shake off her frustration.

“Not really, no. The guys weren’t sure if you were only mad at Tina, Admiral Paris, and Simmons, or if it was just  _ men _ in general.”

“Just because the people in question were all men, it doesn’t mean that I couldn’t simply be mad at  _ people _ in general.”

“Then I guess I’m the only one who actually has the balls to face you when you’re that angry, Dash.”

Rynna’s voice became quiet and she looked down at the water bottle in her hands. “I’m not angry anymore, Trench.”

“So it seems. What happened that calmed you down? Watching you play tennis was a sight to see, but you’d already calmed down when you started.”

“How do you know I was calm when I started the match? Just how long have you been here?”

“I saw most of the match. It was glorious, by the way, watching you move around the court. Are you really committed to only men? You wouldn’t take a walk on the wild side with me?” Trench sounded serious, but Rynna could see the twinkle of humor in her eyes.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t face up to Tina.”

Trench gave a mock shiver. “That was before I saw you on the court. Those thighs…!”

“You can look, but don’t touch, Trench. I’d rather have your friendship than a quick roll in the hay. Deal?”

Rynna was sure she saw a mist of tears in the brash young woman’s eyes. The response came out in a quiet voice and a softer expression than Rynna had ever seen on Trench’s face. “Deal.”

Rynna wondered how many women ran from Trench’s overt homosexuality.  _ Does she even  _ have _ female friends? _

True to her nature, Trench quickly changed the subject. “I’m starving - how about some dinner? I doubt if you ate lunch. Unless someone puts food in front of you - or forces you to take a break - you don’t eat”

“Well, then, what do you want to eat? I don’t suppose we could get Jeans to whip up something for us?”

Trench shook her head. “It’s too late to wait for real food. Besides, he pulled a late duty shift, so he won’t be able to swing by the kitchen any time soon. How about French food? We’re on the holodeck - we could find a program of Paris and pick a restaurant.”

“Sounds perfect.” Rynna stood and grabbed her bag and headed for the locker room. “You find a program and choose a restaurant while I get showered… And no, permission to  _ look _ does  _ not _ include watching me shower!”

Trench’s laughter followed her. “Spoilsport!”

Rynna had planned on a long hot water shower to ease her tired muscles, but didn’t want to keep Trench waiting. She settled on a  _ quick  _ hot water shower with plans for an analgesic later on. She was just tucking in her shirt when there was a knock on the locker room door.

“Are you decent?”

“I’m never  _ truly _ decent, Trench, but I’m dressed enough for you to come keep me company while I do my hair.”

Trench’s face appeared around the edge of the row of lockers. “Damn! I was hoping ‘dressed enough’ meant bra and panties.”

Rynna laughed heartily, the light hearted banter with Trench doing wonders for her mood. “You are incorrigible! Now come here and tell me what you have picked out for our ladies’ night out. Should I wear my hair up or down?”

“Down, no makeup. We’re going to eat from a street vendor and sit by the water.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“Nope. I didn’t like any of the restaurants listed - too stuffy for me - so I thought we’d go really casual.” Suddenly, she was uncharacteristically hesitant. “As long as that’s alright with you? I mean, if you’d rather eat in a restaurant, we can find one you like.”

Concerned, she sat down next to Trench on one of the benches along the row of lockers and touched her arm gently. “That sounds like a wonderful idea. Besides, I think we’re a bit too rowdy for a stuffy restaurant!” Rynna nudged Trench's shoulder with her own.

The jaunty grin reappeared on Trench's face and she stood. “Then leave your hair to air-dry. I’m starving! Computer, change program to ‘Promenade des Berges de la Seine’.”

Still sitting on the locker room bench, Rynna almost fell over as the setup changed to a waterfront park in Paris - therefore deleting the bench underneath her.

“Ohmygosh! Rynna! I’m so sorry, I didn’t think!” Trench grabbed her arm to help her get her balance.

_ Again with the insecurity… Is this what I sound like to Justin and Admiral Paris? _

“Trench, I’m alright - really.” Then she realized what Trench had said. “You called me Rynna…”

Trench’s hand shot over her mouth. “I did! I’m sorry! That’s Justin’s name for you!”

Trench’s unusual attitude was getting annoying. “That’s enough, Trench! Rynna is my real world name, now - Justin might have come up with it for me, but he doesn’t have sole rights over it. Tell me your real world name and we’ll use them when it’s just us.”

“It’s Judy… Judy Pole. But… call me DeeDee, OK?”

“How did you get DeeDee as a nickname?” Rynna steered her new friend down the walkway.

“Umm… my brother. He… it’s a long story.”

“We’ve got plenty of time, DeeDee. If you’re alright with sharing it, please tell me.”

There was silence for a few minutes. Rynna was just beginning to think that DeeDee wouldn’t tell her story, but then she began to speak.

“He - my brother - was about two when my father took him to work with him one day. He worked at the volcanoes on Demetrius V. He thought that Dennis would like the fiery sights of the liquid metal splashing out of the mountains.”

“I always wanted to see them. I hear they really  _ are _ spectacular.”

DeeDee nodded. “They are… Because my dad worked there, he was able to get much closer than the tourists. He took my brother all the way to the edge of the volcano.”

“That’s really dangerous, DeeDee. How the hell did he get permission?”

“It was the weekend, so there was only a skeleton crew working. Plus, he was the foreman - there was no one on the site to stop him. There… there was an accident - no one would ever tell me exactly what happened. My father died, and my brother was horribly burnt around his face and head.”

Rynna took DeeDee’s hand and squeezed it. She hadn’t been prepared for such a painful story. She’d honestly thought the nickname had resulted from some kind of embarrassing situation.

DeeDee squeezed back, then continued. “Regenerators were able to fix most of the damage. They grew cartilage for the ear that he’d lost and stimulated the follicles for his eyebrows and eyelashes… that kind of thing. But… the extreme heat had caused the small bones in his ears to fuse together. Trying to remove them to make way for replacements would have been just as damaging, so they left it as it was. He was deaf, and there wasn’t anything they could do about it.

Rynna stopped her long enough to get drinks from one of the vendors, then steered them further down the walking path.

“My brother had just been starting to talk… learning how sounds become words, you know? He would still try to make them, even though he could no longer hear what he was saying. A ‘J’ sound is difficult to learn, even if you can hear it. My brother couldn’t, but he had a memory of what the word was supposed to feel like when he formed it with his mouth. He substituted a ‘D’ for the ‘J’.”

“That gives you DooDee.” Rynna tried to lighten the mood.

She was rewarded with a smile. “I can’t tell you how long it took me to get him moved over to  _ Dee _ Dee!

Glad that the mood was lightened, Rynna tugged on DeeDee’s hand. “Come on. I believe that you promised me food.”

DeeDee looped arms with her. “I'm starving.  Let's see what we can find.”

They found a small cart under a tree offering baguette sandwiches. Heading off to find a good spot to eat, Rynna again broached the topic of DeeDee’s brother.

“I'm sorry if I upset you. I had no idea the story would be so painful.”

“It’s fine, Rynna. I didn't have to tell you the whole story. I wanted you to know it.” She looked over at Rynna shyly. “After all, that's what friends do, right? Share their stories?”

They arrived at a shady spot and took a seat on the grass. Rynna reached over and squeezed her hand. “I’ve never really had a close friend as an adult, but I'm pretty sure that's the idea.”

They sat quietly for a while, munching on the crusty bread. Finally, Rynna’s curiosity got the best of her. “You taught him sign language, didn't you?”

“How did you know?”

“Sometimes when you're talking, you move your hands purposefully. Now that I know about Dennis, I realized what you've been doing.”

“Do I really do that? I didn't even realize it.”

“It's probably automatic for you… Will you teach me?”

“Um, sure. Why do you want to know it?”

“It looks like a really graceful language. We could talk to each other right in front of the guys and they would have no idea!”

DeeDee put down the last bit of her sandwich. “It's best to start with the letters.” In between putting Rynna’s fingers in the proper positions, she moved onto the original reason for her visit.

“So, what happened this morning? … This is a ‘D'.”

“I got fed up with being treated like a child. I took it out on Justin.”

“I've never seen him treat you that way.  He treats you as if you were much older than you really are. … ... This is an ‘E’.”

“In public he does, but I hadn't realized that until this afternoon. … … This is a lot like an ‘A'. How do you tell the difference?”

“When you're practicing, make sure you're really obvious about the difference. Once you get really fluent, you just pick up automatically which one it's supposed to be. … ... But in private he's different?”

“Yes. I try to remind myself that it's for my own good, but it gets… frustrating. … ... How on Earth did they come up with this for an ‘F'?”

“It's like an abstract version. If you study it closely, you can see it. … ... So, he stops and leaves you hanging?”

“Oh, I see it, now. That's really clever. … ... I guess you could say it that way. Up until this morning, I've been the one who asks him to stop.”

“Be prepared, ‘G' is as abstract as ‘F' is. ... … He stopped before you wanted him to. You know he did it for your own good, don't you?”

“Now I do, but at the time I wasn't ready… I think it was partly him, though. Like  _ he _ was the one who wasn't ready to move forward. … ... You're right, ‘G' is abstract. Now that I'm looking for it, I can see it.”

“This is a ‘K'. … … Interesting, you think he's scared about hurting you?”

“Yes… and no. I think he's nervous in his own right. I'm not sure why, though. It's not like he's… inexperienced. He’s too good at… what he does.”

“Ha! It’s not like you have any frame of reference! … ... This is an ‘I’.”

“Are there differences between the capital and lowercase letters? … … How do you know I have no frame of reference?”

“C’mon, Rynna. You're as pure as the driven snow. At least you  _ were _ until Justin got hold of you. And don't even try to include the Cardassians! … … There's no such thing as capital and lowercase in sign language. This is a ‘J'.”

“Really? I guess there's no punctuation, either. … ... Justin says what they did to me was just torture.”

“That's an excellent way of describing it. … ... Nope. No punctuation. Like spoken languages, it's understood by pauses and other proper nouns. For the most part, though, letters are just used for names and proper nouns. There's a sign for just about everything else. This is a ‘K'.”

“Either way, he's just too confident. Even when he stopped this morning, it wasn't like he didn't know what to do next. He just kept saying something about pushing myself, and that it was a line that couldn't be uncrossed. … … The ‘K' isn't as abstract as the others.”

“I think you're just starting to get the hang of it. … ... He's right, you know. There's no re-do for a first time. I wish there was. … … The ‘L' is blatantly obvious.”

“You didn't have a good experience? … ... I think ‘M' is obvious, too.”

“You're definitely getting the hang of it, then. … … My first time is a story for a different day. Let's just say that you should listen to him. So… the way I heard it, you were entirely too angry this morning to have calmed down enough to figure this out on your own. What happened?”

“I had an interesting conversation with Admiral Paris. ... … I was expecting the ‘N' to be that. Is the ‘O' as blatantly obvious as the ‘L'?”

“You talked to Admiral Paris about  _ sex _ ? Are you  _ nuts _ ? … … Yes the ‘O' is obvious. Let's see what you think about the ‘P'.”

“I can vaguely see how the ‘P' came about. … ... I most definitely did  _ not _ talk to him about sex. We talked about other things that got me thinking about everything else in a different way.”

“Don't ask me how they came up with the ‘Q' or the ‘R'. I think they ran out of ideas. … … What are you thinking about differently?” 

“Paris told me that I haven't been acting like myself… that I need to cut everyone a little slack until I can get back to it. ... … You're right, those two letters are beyond abstract.”

“The ‘S' and ‘T' can easily be confused with the ‘A' and ‘E', too. … ... I didn't really know you before this, but from what the guys are saying, I'd say you are different… and erratic.”

“ _ Erratic _ ? … ... Wow, you need to be really careful between those four letters.”

“Spider says that one minute you're all certain about something, but when it comes time to act on it, you either try to get someone else to do it, or you lose faith in it altogether. Like you did when we decided to go with your idea to stay here. I was pretty sure you were on your way to a nervous breakdown when Justin intervened. … ... “This is a ‘U'.”

“You guys are talking about me? I'm trying really hard not to be too upset about that. Spider is right, though. That's part of what Admiral Paris was saying. … ... Let me see if I can guess the ‘V'.”

“The ‘V' is too easy. Tell me what you think the rest of the letters are and I'll grade you on that. … … Don't be upset with us. We're worried about you. Justin said you lost your audacity. We got together to see if we could come up with a way for you to find it again.”

“And did you? … ... The ‘W' is easy, but the ‘X' is a mystery. If I didn't know what ‘R' was, I'd guess it for this.”

“We decided that you needed to feel confident again. Since it was loss of control over your personal  _ self _ , we decided that self defense training would be a good place to start. … ... This is the ‘X'.”

“That's as illogical as the ‘Q'! … ... Killing a hologram and breaking Justin’s jaw isn't good enough?”

“That was so instinctive it almost doesn't count. Let's say it's a good starting point. You need to learn some control… and a few moves that won't necessarily end in death. I think that probably scared you just as much. … … I'm hoping you can guess the ‘Y'.”

“That's just as obvious as the ‘L'. … ... Knowing I can kill someone with just two moves  _ is _ unsettling - especially when I don't know who I'm killing.”

“You draw the ‘Z', just like you do the ‘J'. … ... Then it's settled. Tomorrow after your duty shift, we'll start working on how to  _ not _ kill someone… or break your hands trying.”

“Sounds like a solid plan. Can we go through the alphabet again? I want to see if I can remember them all.”

“Be my guest. You let me know if you want me to remind you of one. Otherwise, I'm going to let you sit there and ponder.”

“DeeDee, did you know that they're trying to censure Justin because he let me work alone and for too long? … ... Damn, that was supposed to be an ‘E'.”

“I know there's some talk about it, but that your dad is fighting it. … ... Just exaggerate finger position for now. It'll get easier to make the difference show once your fingers are accustomed to the positions.”

“Admiral Paris says it’s both my dad and Uncle Teddy. Do you think this constitutes as special treatment? … … What's the ‘F'?”

“Here, put your finger this way. … ... The special treatment happened when they assigned Justin to you… and then later when they used their personal knowledge of you to make decisions about whether to follow the counselor’s orders. What's happening now is just them cleaning up their mess.”

“Couldn't the inventors of this alphabet have come up with a set of finger positions that were a little easier? … ... Why is this such an issue? I mean,  _ three admirals _ are supporting his actions!”

“I'm surprised you're having trouble with this, Rynna. Your fingers seem pretty nimble. ... … Admiral Paris let it slip to Justin that Simmons has his own line of Starfleet royalty - which he actually uses.”

“Forgive me, DeeDee, I'm going to sound like a snob for a minute… I would have recognized his name if he was - as you put it - royalty. I don't know him at all, which means he shouldn't be high enough to outrank the combination of my dad and Uncle Teddy. ... … And my fingers  _ are _ nimble. It's these letters that aren't!”

“Hmph. I'll check with Justin to see just  _ how _ nimble they are. ... … Simmons’ mom is some kind of high level department head at Starfleet Medical, but she doesn't have the same last name. Let's see… Grayner? Granger?”

Rynna stopped trying to form an ‘X' and grabbed DeeDee’s hand. “Granier?  _ Marcia Granier _ ?’

“That sounds about right. What's wrong?”

Rynna began fumbling for her communicator, which she had left wrapped in her sweaty tennis outfit when she got changed. “I know his half-brother. Ah! There it is!”

“Rynna...what on earth….?”

“Give me a minute and I'll explain. Dash to Jeans.”

*Hey there! You sound a bit better than I was led to believe.*

“Oh, I was every bit as bad as they told you.” She gave DeeDee’s arm a light squeeze. “It just took a little help from my friend to get me back on track.”

*I'm glad to hear our plan worked. Now tell me what I can do for you?*

“You can get hold of my dad.”

*Umm… I can try… You do realize that we're not supposed to be communicating with Earth right now.*

“Don't even try, Jeans. We all know that Paris has been back and forth with Command all day. One little comm to my dad is all I’m asking for. It’s really important if we want to get Tina out of the jamb he's in.”

*You just said the magic words. I can't get you looped in directly, but I should be able to get a few minutes for myself. What do you need to tell him?*

“Tell him this: When I was a sophomore, I went to the senior prom. Ask Mom if you don't remember my date’s name.”

*You need to tell him who you went to the  _ prom _ with?*

“I know it sounds crazy, Jeans, but it's completely relevant and  _ very _ important. Just pass it on as I told you, ok?”

*You got it, Dash.*

“Thanks, Jeans. I owe you one.”

*Hey, if it gets our fearless leader out of this pickle, consider us even. Jeans out.*

“How about you fill me in on the fun?”

Rynna began to laugh. “My date that night was Craig  _ Granier _ . Son of  _ Marcia Granier _ , half-brother of…”

“Counselor Simmons? That's interesting, but why is that important enough for Polly to risk getting in touch with your dad?”

“Because of what happened that night.”

DeeDee’s face got serious. “What happened?”

“Relax. It's more funny than anything else… Except, of course, to my dad and his mom. He just wasn't the smartest guy that night.

“Go on…”

“He got himself more than a little drunk -  _ not _ on synthehol. When I realized that he was spiking my punch in an effort to get  _ me _ drunk, I poured him into his mom's hovercar and drove it back to my house.”

“As a sophomore? You weren't old enough to drive!”

“It wasn't too much different from a tractor - which I _ had _ driven at my grandfather's farm a few times.”

“But, still, why didn't you just call for a ride?”

“Looking back on it, there were a dozen other things that I could have done, but I was young… and  _ very _ angry. I drove back to my house and went inside, taking the car’s security marker with me.”

“But not Craig?”

“I told you I was mad.”

“So, the wayward son gets drunk and has to sleep in mom's hovercar outside his date’s house. Is that really enough to get everyone up in arms?”

“If that was all there was to it, I'd have been the one in trouble for leaving him outside all night. It's what happened _ after _ I went inside that will get Justin’s record cleared.”

“Rynna, you really have a way with keeping someone in suspense. Just tell me what happened!”

“You're the one who keeps interrupting me, DeeDee… So, anyway, I left him outside  _ very _ drunk. So drunk he didn't really know where he was. He threw up on my mom’s prize rose bushes, peed on the steps, then passed out on the front porch with his pants still down around his ankles… Which is where he was when my father came home from a trip to Mars at four in the morning!”

The two women broke into hysterical laughter, tears running down their faces, gulping air into their lungs. 

DeeDee was finally able to choke out a few words. “Ohmygod! What did your dad do?”

“He turned a lovely shade of purple, woke up the whole house to get the story, then called Craig's mother. Dr. Granier got an earful.”

“Your dad doesn’t strike me as a yeller. He usually just gets quiet and stern” 

“For the most part, you’re right, but even Admiral Paris would cower before my father when he’s furious. Think about it from his point of view. The boy who took his 15-year-old daughter to a dance is passed out on his porch with his pants around his ankles!”

“You’re right - I would have lost it, too. So what happened after that?”

“Dr. Granier was able to talk him out of filing a report with the police. Instead, Craig had to clean and repaint our porch and wash off the puke from the rosebushes. There was also other community service work, but I don’t remember what it all entailed. The part that really irritated me was that their agreement included the fact that it would all be kept secret.”

“How the hell did that get put into the mix? And how could you keep it secret?”

“Our closest neighbor was about a mile away, and it was too early in the morning for someone to have stopped by unannounced. No one would have seen it by accident. Dr. Granier was up for some kind of promotion. At that level, everything gets a political edge to it. If word got out about what happened, there was a chance that the promotion wouldn’t go through.”

“How did she convince your father to keep it silent? It’s not like he had anything to lose.”

“Truthfully, I think he had some concerns that the teenage rumor mill would end up going against me. He also knows how to play with the politics, so he banked a favor from a very influential person.”

“One who still doesn’t want people to know what her son did - or tried to do - with Admiral Janeway’s daughter. You think it’s time he cashed in that favor.”

“ _ I’m _ the one who had to deal with her nitwit son. It was really a favor owed to me. I think cashing it in on this situation is perfect.” She gave DeeDee a conspiratorial look. “You know… that was my first experience with confidential information. You’ve now been  _ read in _ , so you have to keep it confidential, too.”

“Does that mean we can’t tell the guys? Can you imagine their faces when we tell them no?”

“Exactly.” The two women began to laugh like small children. “You know, DeeDee, I think I needed this time with you just as much as my talk with Admiral Paris. Life has been entirely too serious recently.”

“We’ll have to make sure that we keep this up. Call it a regular date in Paris?”

“Justin will think I’m cheating on him.”

“Let him! You can defend me if he decides to come after me for it!”

The idea sent them into more peals of laughter. They spent the next hour telling each other funny jokes and making horrible comments about the holo-people sharing the park with them.

“We have to make sure we keep this kind of thing on the holodeck, Rynna. I’ve experienced enough ridicule that I wouldn’t ever put it toward a real person.”

“It’s been that bad for you?”

DeeDee waved her hand as if trying to wave off the idea. “People don’t like me for a lot of reasons. My mom was a complete disaster after my father’s death, and my brother was deaf and had serious burns that can never be healed. Top that off with a lot of people who don’t… appreciate… my personality or lifestyle, and you get someone ripe for ridicule. I’m more surprised that you take it so… non-issue.”

“Why the hell should I care who you sleep with? That’s your life and your decision - just don’t try to do to me what Craig Granier tried.”

The giggles had gotten to them, and that last image sent them into more laughter. 

“Can you imagine Justin’s face? Or your dad’s? If they teamed up together, I’d be dead - or serving a life sentence in Australia!”

“I’d come visit you - but not for one of those conjugal visits.”

“Alas, I’m forever stuck in the world of look-don’t-touch. Although… would you feel comfortable with a hug? That’s not really  _ touching _ touching, is it?”

Rynna hugged her without speaking. DeeDee held onto her tightly.

“Thank you, Rynna. I think I needed this time with you, too.”

“Then it’s a weekly date. Although I have to ask that we keep it to weeknights. I like being able to spend all weekend with  _ Justin _ instead of half my day with….”

“...Lt Tighe. I don’t blame you. I like  _ Justin  _ much better. Alright, we’ll keep it to weeknights. Any specific night?”

“Let’s keep that open. I may not be able to work past shift-end, but I don’t want you rushing to get out of the lab just to meet me in Paris.”

“Alright, but if it gets to Thursday and we still haven’t had our date, we make sure we spend at least an hour together.”

“Deal.” They cleaned up the remnants of their meals and headed back out of the holodeck. Rynna paused at the doorway. “I guess it’s back to the real world.”

Trench’s personality began to reassert itself. She looped her arm through Rynna’s and propelled her into the corridor and towards the turbolift. “Yep. Let’s go face the music.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

They emerged from the lift still arm in arm, joking and laughing like schoolgirls. When they rounded the corner towards Rynna’s quarters, they found Justin waiting outside her door. Rynna stopped in her tracks, but DeeDee did not, causing Rynna to stumble forward.

Justin jumped forward to catch her, but DeeDee waved him off. “Don’t you dare. She’s my date until I deliver her to her door.” 

Rynna spoke in a soft voice into DeeDee’s ear. “I’m not sure I want to do this right now.” 

DeeDee responded in a similar tone. “Would you rather do it when you arrive on duty tomorrow morning?”

Rynna sighed. “You’re right.”

When they reached her door, Justin, who had been watching their approach, held out his hand to Rynna. There were questions and apprehensions written all over his face. Rynna smiled softly and took his hand.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” He squeezed her hand. “Is your date over now, Trench? Can I have her back?”

“As long as you don’t spoil her mood. It’s taken me hours to get her this way.”

“If I do, I’ll call you and you can do it all over again.”

“Uh, uh. If you ruin it, she’s your problem.” She looked over at Rynna. “Goodnight, my friend, and thank you for a wonderful evening. Keep practicing your letters. There will be a test tomorrow.” With that, DeeDee turned on her heel and moved down the corridor.

Rynna watched her go, then turned back toward Justin. “We need to talk.”

He squeezed her hand again. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

She keyed in the code to her quarters and guided him inside. Once the doors closed, she turned to him and put her arms around his neck. “I missed you today.”

He gathered her up and kissed her gently. “I missed you, too. I’m sorry I upset you this morning.”

“No, Justin, it’s me who’s sorry. I’ve been so wrapped up in myself that I couldn’t see the bigger picture. You have feelings and fears, too. I should have considered that.”

“I shouldn’t have passed them off on you, though.”

“True. You need to tell me if  _ you’re _ uncomfortable, just like I need to tell you. Communication is a two-way street. I’ve also come to realize that I’ve been more touchy about everything than I normally am.”

They moved over to her couch and sat down. “How so?”

“This whole ‘being watched’ thing. It shouldn’t bother me as much as it is. I think I just don’t want people to…  _ see _ me. And I haven’t been acting like my normal self. I don’t think that the person I’m being right now would have stood up to you all the way back to that first week in the lab. Even if I had, it would have been more like how I treated Admiral Keleetha.”

“You got all that from  _ Trench _ ? Don’t get me wrong - she’s a great person - but she’s usually not that insightful.”

“She is more so than you think. But, no, it wasn’t her. Once again, my pedigree came in handy - it was Admiral Paris who helped me see the light.”

“Why do you say it’s your pedigree?”

“Because he never would have talked to me the way he did if I was just any other member of the crew.”

“First of all, Rynna, your relationship with Paris has nothing to do with a  _ pedigree _ . It’s based on a scholastic endeavor that earned his utmost respect. Second, that relationship has been made stronger and more personal because of a shared traumatic experience. There will always be a connection between you that transcends what you know with anyone else,”

“Like the Rangers.”

“Have you noticed that we don’t talk about friends outside of us? We can’t share the same connection. Polly tried once. It ended in disaster.”

“Then Trench really  _ doesn’t  _ have any female friends.”

“There are a few other female Rangers that she’s friendly with, but I’ve never seen her act the way she did in the hallway with you.” He cocked his head to one side. “It was nice to see her - and you - that way.”

“It was nice to  _ be _ that way, Justin. Too much of my life has been serious. I never realized just how nice it would be to let my hair down… We’ve made an agreement to hang out one evening each week so we don’t lose that feeling.”

“And what am I supposed to do with myself while you two are off frolicing?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know… play pool with Rabbit?”

“Maybe I’ll just catch up on my sleep. I haven’t been getting a whole lot if that.”

“I’m sorry Justin. I know that’s my fault, too.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’d rather you called on me than try to deal with that level of terror on your own. Your imagination is a little  _ too _ vivid for your own good.”

“Which reminds me - Trench said that they’re going to be teaching me a better way of self defense?”

“Yes, that’s part of the plan. We’ve decided you need to remember how to fight back - the right way. Self defense, Ranger style, is first on the agenda.”

“Ranger style?”

“There’s the regular, formulated self defense that’s taught at the Academy. Usually, that’s enough for any typical situation. Rangers get into  _ atypical _ situations, so we fight a little more… down and dirty. That’s what Polly is going to teach you.”

“I guess Polly would be the expert. He  _ is _ a security guard in the real world, too.”

“Each one of us is going to take a different avenue to get you back on track. Trench has a… comparable history. She's going to work with you on opening up about what happened - another woman for you to share with. Jeans is going to focus on making sure you eat properly to help keep your energy up. Spider is going to tackle this lack of confidence you’ve been exhibiting.” 

“And you and Rabbit will be…?”

“ _ I _ will be holding you tightly. Rabbit will be watching me to make sure I don’t hold on  _ too _ tight.”

She sighed and leaned into him. “My newfound attitude is forcing me to be alright with the fact that you have all been talking about me - and planning a ‘mission’ about me.”

He held her close. “Just know that we all care about you so much that we felt the need to help you find your way back.”

“You never mentioned whose job it is to make sure I don't dream.”

“That's your job, Rynna. No one can do that for you. We're going to make your waking hours as confident and secure as we can. Hopefully, that will transfer into your sleeping hours.”

“You think it's the opposite of what’s going on now.”

“There's more to what's going on than that, but it's a necessary place to start. You need to be able to rest properly so you can focus on the other things.”

She pulled his face down to her and gave him a deep kiss, then began a trail of smaller ones down his neck. In between them, she spoke. “You know, you could just stay tonight. Regardless of how it ended up, it was absolutely wonderful to wake up in your arms.”

“It  _ was _ wonderful to wake up with you. But I can’t stay with you every night. You need to face those demons and put them to rest. I can’t shield you from them forever.”

She’d reached the neckline of his shirt. Why was he always wearing a shirt? She loved his chest… loved the bumps and grooves caused by the scars dotted across its landscape. She’d be happy if he went shirtless for the rest of her life.

He helped her unfasten it so she could gain access to his skin, then ran her hands along the bare surface. There was a quick intake of breath as she glided over him, mapping the terrain and burning it into her mind.

“Staying here is part of what Rabbit is watching us for.” He gasped as her mouth found his nipple and began toying with it. “He’s threatened to check our bio-signs to make sure we’re in our respective quarters every night.”

He groaned and pulled her face up to him, capturing her lips in a passionate kiss. She moaned as his hands found their way under her shirt, breaking the kiss and sending his mouth down her neck. Tiny kisses and nips spread gooseflesh down her body.

But her shirt had a closed neckline that was in the way. Together, they raised it over her head, and he tossed it away. The cool air hitting her heated skin made her gasp that ended in a sigh as his lips returned.

Lips, tongue and teeth made their way down between her breasts. His hands smoothed up her sides, and she was lost in the feeling. Somehow, her bra disappeared and her entire torso was revealed to him.

“So beautiful…” She heard his whispered words as his thumbs stroked lightly across her hardened nipples. “So, so beautiful…” She heard him again, just before his mouth captured her breast.

Eyes closed so she could focus on the sensations, she let him guide her to lay down on the sofa. _ Let this never end _ !

Thumbs took over as his mouth left her breast and reappeared at her waist. Starting with her belly button, he worked his way up her body. Small nips were followed by soothing tongue. Tiny kisses wound their way up her torso. Tongue followed the groove between every rib.  _ This is what ecstasy is. _

She felt him settle himself against her. Hips cradled between her thighs. Swollen member pulsing against her wet hot core. No fear...  _ Bliss… pure bliss. _

Mouth finding breast again, tongue circling the nipple. Gently sucking, then grasping between teeth and flicking tongue across the tip. Hand moving down her leg, gently brushing across her core as fingers wrapped around to inner thigh to draw her leg around his hip, giving him closer access. Swollen member pushing against her core.  _ Rapture… euphoria… _

Hips unconsciously moving against him, seeking stimulation… completion. Nipple abandoned, mouth moving up to neck… along jawline to lips. Eyes opening to see his face…  _ share the rapture _ …

Dark figure looming above her… trapped… she was trapped… terror seizing...

“Get off! Get off me!” Hands pushing against shoulders… beating dark figure away… hurtling backwards… curling into sobbing, terrified ball.

“Rynna? Rynna, are you alright?”

Hand reaching toward her… hitting it away…

“Rynna, love, calm down… You’re safe. You’re with me… Justin… on board the Icarus. You’re safe…”

Desperate voice… familiar… loving… Justin.

“Gods... Justin… so sorry… you were right... DeeDee said... she was wrong… you were right…” Sobbing... only sobbing…  _ can’t move _ …  _ can’t breathe _ …

“Rynna, you’re  _ Safe _ . Remember you told me about  _ Safe _ ? How I’m  _ Safe _ for you? I’m here. You’re  _ Safe _ here…”

On and on… words… no meanings… fear… terror… “DeeDee said… you right… DeeDee wrong… so sorry… can’t… so sorry…”

Distant noise… “Tina to Rabbit. I need your help!”

 

Rabbit racked up the cue balls, again. It was one of  _ those _ nights. The others had bad dreams… nightmares. He didn’t get those. Instead, he got random restless, sleepless nights. There was no rhyme or reason to when they appeared, and there was no sleeping remedy that would fix it. 

If he was on Earth when he experienced one, he would call one of his female companions and spend the night alternately pounding into them and holding them tenderly. This was the origin of his team name. Rabbit - as in going at it like a rabbit. 

There were a few of these companions, scattered across the globe. When he was looking for company, he would start the list based on the one he was most in the mood to spend time with. If she wasn’t available - or interested - that night, he would move on to the next until he found one who was.

Each of the women were well aware of the situation. Each of them agreed. There was no romantic commitment, no expectation of exclusivity on either side, simply a willingness to be available on occasion. 

He was careful to keep himself clean of any diseases. He took extensive steps to ensure that he would leave no babies in his wake. The liaisons were for fun, with no expectation of them  _ lasting _ in any way.

Periodically, one would drop off the list - always by their choice. Some outright told him that they had found something more - or found that they now  _ wanted _ something more. Others simply stopped being available.

He always let them go with well-wishes... no hard feelings… some sadness at the loss of their companionship. Then he would move on and find another to fill the void.

In truth, he didn’t really understand why  _ any _ of them were willing to put up with him. They were each attractive in their own way, most of them with full and interesting lives.

Trench had been furious when she found out about his companions and the arrangements he had with them. She accused him of treating the women like prostitutes - requiring them to be available at the drop of a hat when he contacted them. He had never been able to convince her that it was the choice of each woman to be in this odd relationship with him.

Then Trench had gotten herself involved with a woman on a ship they had been posted on. The relationship had gone hot and heavy while they were on board. The attraction remained so strong that, even after the mission was over, Trench would drop everything to be with the woman while she was on Earth. She was furious when he told her that she had put herself in the same position as his companions.

Shortly after that heated conversation, her relationship with the other woman had ceased and Trench had become a one-night-stand kind of person. Something he also pointed out to her was similar - only he  _ knew _ the women he was sleeping with. They had called a truce and now avoided speaking of anything to do with romantic or sexual companions at all.

Regardless of Trench’s attitude, he was on board a ship. It was his policy to never get involved on one. There was often a woman on board interested in a one-night-stand, but there was always the potential for it to get messy. If things went south, there was no way to get away from the situation. Instead, he would spend the night playing pool, focusing on his game. He was a  _ very _ good pool player by now.

He lined up to break the racked group and sighed. Tonight was a particularly bad night, with anxiety joining the restlessness. 

This would have been a night when he contacted Milsendra first. Long-limbed and black as night, he loved the feel of her legs wrapped around him, seeing the contrast of his pale skin against her raven body. As an added bonus, she was always up for anything, and always gave as good as she got.

He had once spent an entire weekend with her - not because he needed all that time to work out his disquiet - but because he  _ wanted _ to. She’d made him breakfast while he took her from behind, sliding in and out of her slowly… tantalizingly, while she fried up eggs and sausage. 

When the food was ready, he’d laid her across the table and slid back into her, returning to the slow rhythm while he ate his breakfast off of her torso, licking the sausage grease from her nipples.

She’d returned the favor, trading places with him while she licked her pancakes and syrup off him… teasing and torturing him... stopping when he got too close… finally mounting and riding him until they each came with a roar. 

To this day, the smell of eggs and sausage turned him on. If ever there was a woman he would be willing to settle down with, it would be her.

Gods! He needed to stop! Just thinking about her, he was getting painfully hard. Perhaps a long cold shower with some nice slippery soap would be a better idea…

*Tina to Rabbit. I need your help!*

The desperate call came so loudly and unexpectedly, he jumped and crashed into the pool table.

“Justin, what the hell is wrong?” Now that the comm line was fully open, he could hear sobbing in the background.

*Mike, I… she… please come! I can’t calm her down!*

“Tell me what happened, Justin.”

*I… we were…* 

The sobbing was loud and distracting. He could hear broken words… *Justin… DeeDee said… wrong… you… right…*

*Mike, can you please come to her quarters and I’ll try to explain it when you get here?*

“I’m on my way Justin.” He cut the connection then opened a new one. “Computer, activate Ranger transports. Authorization Labbity Pi Delta Nineteen. Transport me to Ensign Janeway’s quarters. 

There were several beeps as the computer activated the special subroutines he had programmed into the ship’s transport system. It allowed the Rangers to transport to any area of the ship, bypassing any security or privacy protocols. It also left no trace in the computers. If what he’d just heard was any indication, this situation needed to be offline.

A moment later, he was trapped in the blue haze of the transport beam as it dissolved his molecules and reassembled them in Dash’s quarters. 

What he saw when he reappeared increased his concern. Dash was curled up into a ball against one arm of the sofa, sobbing incoherently, mumbling the random words he had heard over the comm. Justin was sitting at the other end with one hand reached toward her, pleading with her to realize that she was safe. Both of their torsos were bare. Their shirts and her bra were tossed on the floor in haphazard fashion.

“Justin! Explain! Now!”

“Gods, Mike! We were…”

“I can pretty much figure out what you were doing, Justin. How did things end up this way?”

“We were fine…  _ she _ was fine. I felt no hesitation in her at all. Suddenly she pushed me away and scrambled into the position she’s in now. At first, she heard me… she knows who I am - at least  _ then _ she did. I don’t think she hears anything, now.”

“Have you done anything else? Have you touched her?”

“No… nothing. I’m afraid to touch her… afraid to make it worse. I’ve only tried talking to her… trying to get her to come back… to realize where she is and that she’s ok.”

“Who is this DeeDee she’s talking about?”

“I have absolutely no idea. She’s never talked about a friend, let alone one named DeeDee. Mike… I…” Justin stood and began to pace frantically. “Mike… I did this to her! How could I hurt her? I… I  _ swore _ that I wouldn’t! Did I miss something? Did I get so wrapped up that I went further than she wanted me to? Did she try to tell me no and I didn’t listen?”

His pacing grew more frantic… his movements more erratic.  _ Damnit! I’m going to have two of them on my hands pretty soon. I need help. _

“Rabbit to Trench.”

*What’s wrong?* To Rangers, midnight comms meant one of two things - either there was a dangerous situation, or there was a fellow Ranger in need of comfort. 

“Dash and Tina have gotten themselves into a mess and a half. I need you to come take care of her while I get him back to his quarters.”

*Give me two seconds.*

“Ranger transports have been activated. Beam yourself here when you’re ready. Do you have any idea who DeeDee is? She keeps saying the name.”

There was a heartbeat of silence on the other end of the comm. *It’s me…  _ I’m _ DeeDee. I’m coming now.”

A moment later, Trench appeared in a haze of blue. Rabbit was shocked at her appearance - her hair was mussed… her clothing looking slept in. He’d never seen her like that. Even in the two seconds it took them to huddle after a call went out she’d always appeared fully dressed with her hair brushed.

It took her two seconds to take stock of the situation, then she headed straight for the sobbing woman on the couch. “I’ve got this. Get him out of here before he makes it worse.”

But Rabbit had a few more things to do. “Computer, Ranger transport Rabbit bag two.” Another subroutine he had programmed was the ability to call his medic bags to himself anywhere on the ship. Bag one was his typical mission bag. Bag two was the one where he kept the emergency medications for Tina.

He quickly loaded a hypospray from bag two and headed for Rynna. “She needs to calm down. I’m going to give her a sedative. Stay here with her. When she wakes up, open a line to me, then get  _ her _ side of what happened here.”

She gave him a shocked expression. “You don’t think...?”

“Look at them! I don’t know  _ what _ to think. We need to keep them apart until we know the full story.”

“Understood.”

“Rabbit to Ranger Team.”

Three voices responded almost simultaneously. *What’s wrong?*

“Something’s happened between Tina and Dash. We need to keep this under wraps for the moment.”

*Comms going direct. Do you want silent activations?* Direct comms pulled them off the ship’s internal comm system and put them directly in contact with other Rangers. Silent activations gave them the ability to simply tap their badges and it would open a line to another Ranger, or the whole team, depending on how it had been set.

“Yes, Levi. Set Trench’s to link to me only. And delete anything involving me from the last twenty minutes.”

*On it.*

*I’m opening security protocols. Do you want our quarters dark?*

“Yes, Polly. Silent mode for Tina and Dash.”

*Understood.*

“Spider, I need you to get in touch with Admiral Paris. The two of them need to be  _ off _ the duty roster for tomorrow before it becomes active. You’re going to have to make something up. Then I need you to beam yourself to Dash’s quarters to help Trench get her settled.”

*Not a problem. I talked to Paris a few times yesterday… he’ll cover for her without much question. Do you need me to bring anything with me?*

“Trench just needs a strong back to get her into bed. Rabbit out.” He grabbed his bag. “Computer, Ranger transport Tina and Rabbit to Tina’s quarters.” Rabbit and the still-pacing Tina disappeared in a haze of blue.

 

Rynna woke slowly. Her mind was foggy and her body slow to respond. Finally she was able to focus on the space around her. Her bedroom. No Justin. 

The previous night began coming back to her.  _ Joy… ecstasy… fear… terror… _ She didn’t remember getting into bed. He must have carried her in, then left her alone to deal with the morning on her own. She rolled into a ball while the tears came. 

“Rynna… please don’t cry.”

A soft voice worked its way into into the fog of her mind. Who…? Trench… no, DeeDee. That gentleness was DeeDee. Slowly, she straightened out and rolled over to find DeeDee sitting in a chair at the edge of her bed. The woman appeared… rumpled… wearing loose clothing that appeared to be pajamas.

“Why are you here?”

DeeDee smiled. “We…  _ I _ … didn’t want you to be alone. You had a bad night… can you talk about it?”

Rynna closed her eyes. “I don’t want to - not yet. Can we set it aside for the moment and have some coffee?”

“You and your coffee. It’s probably better that you wait until your head is clear. That sedative was pretty strong.”

“ _ Sedative _ ?”

“You were in hysterics, Rynna. Rabbit had to calm you down.”

“ _ Rabbit _ ?”

“Look… let’s get you some coffee so you can clear your head.  _ Then _ we’ll fill each other in on what happened last night.”

“OK.” Rynna sat up slowly. Her mind and body still sluggish from what she now knew was the sedative.

DeeDee disappeared for a moment and came back with a large pot of coffee and two mugs. “Can I sit next to you?”

“Sure.” Rynna scooted over so the two of them were side by side on the bed, leaning their backs against the headboard.

“Oh… that’s much better. That chair isn’t the most comfortable.”

“I’m sorry, DeeDee.” The only response she got was a light squeeze on her arm.

The two women sat in silence for a while, slowly drinking their coffee, enjoying the silent comfort of a friend.

“Where is Justin?”

“He’s with Rabbit, sleeping off his own sedative.”

“What happened last night?”

“You first.” Unseen by Rynna, Trench tapped her comm badge, automatically opening a line to Rabbit.

“We were talking. He told me he had to leave… that Rabbit was watching to make sure he left me alone. I didn’t want him to leave, so I… um… gave him a reason to stay.”

“You seduced him.”

“I don’t know if you would go  _ that _ far, but I guess it might fit somewhere into that spectrum. Anyway, he was… responsive…  _ very _ responsive. Oh, DeeDee, it was wonderful! The feel of him… his hands… his mouth… his body.”

“It was getting hot and heavy.”

“You have a gift of boiling things down to the bare truth, DeeDee… But… oh gods! I’ve never felt that way before… never felt anything like it! His hands… so gentle. His mouth… his tongue… doing things I never thought possible! The feel of his body - the weight of him - pressing into me! I closed my eyes so I could focus on it. I lost myself in the feelings.”

Despite the fact that Rabbit - and whoever else might be near him - could hear their entire conversation, DeeDee couldn’t resist. “He’s really  _ that _ good?”

“You’re the one who said I had no frame of reference, DeeDee, but I’m pretty sure that it could have been a great deal less... enjoyable… with someone else.”

DeeDee thought she heard a small snort come through the comm. She moved on, back to more solid and necessary information. “So you closed your eyes… lost yourself… What went wrong?”

“I opened my eyes and all I saw was a dark figure over me, pressing into me. Suddenly, everything was gone. Everything I’d been feeling… the joy of being with him… the feel of him… it was gone. I didn’t know who was there, couldn’t process anything other than fear. I pushed him off.”

“...And ended up at the far side of the sofa, wrapped up in a ball.”

“Is that what I did? I don’t really remember much after that.”

“Apparently, he tried to get you calmed down, but you weren’t listening. He called Rabbit for help. Rabbit called me. By the time I got there, Justin was in nearly the same shape you were in. Rabbit sedated you, then took Justin back to his quarters and did the same to him.”

“Oh.” Completely embarrassed, that was the only response she could give.

DeeDee must have realized how she was feeling, and gently squeezed her hand. “Only Rabbit and I know about the state you were both in. The others only know that something happened.”

“By now, all that transporting and comm-ing must have alerted the entire ship, DeeDee.”

“We took everything offline, Rynna. Everything is on Ranger lockdown until we know what happened.”

“ _ Know what happened _ ? What did you  _ think _ happened?”

“We didn’t know what to think. Both of you were in a serious state. Rabbit says that Justin was able to spit out something, but he wanted to make sure your stories added up before we decided to keep it dark.”

“Dark?”

“Rangers take care of their own, Rynna. All the ship knows is that you and Justin decided it was alright for the both of you to take the day off. Simmons is overjoyed - he thinks he won the battle.”

“Gods… Simmons! Did my dad get my message?”

DeeDee broke into giggles. “Levi says he turned several shades of purple and growled something about never forgetting who took you to that prom - or what happened. Levi is dying of curiosity.”

Rynna spoke through her own bout of giggles. “And did it work?” 

“It seems to have garnered the appropriate response. Neither Admiral Paris nor Lt Tighe are under any kind of danger about their actions.”

“Well, at least there’s that. But DeeDee, Justin didn’t do anything wrong last night, either. It was me. He would have had no way of knowing what would happen. I was thoroughly enjoying myself - no fear, no hesitation - until that point.”

DeeDee gently squeezed her hand again. “I’ll make sure Rabbit knows that. We’ll keep it dark - Rangers only, OK?”

“That’s more than OK with me. This whole thing is beyond embarrassing. I’d really prefer that what happens between Justin and me remain between the two of us.”

“I know… and I appreciate that - truly. We wouldn't ask if we didn't need to. This was an extreme situation, Rynna. We had to make sure that Justin didn’t…”

“Didn’t what? Rape me? Hurt me? Just snap altogether and take it out on me? He would  _ never _ do that to me. Never. I know that deep in my bones - with everything that is in me. You all - including Justin - need to know it, too.”

“Relax, Rynna. He proves that to us every day. What went on last night is further proof. It was his concern that he’d done something to you that sent him over the edge.”

“Then I guess that it's him that I need to convince.” Rynna took a deep breath and blew it out. “I need a good long hot shower. Do you mind hanging out? I’d really like the company.” She was afraid to admit that she really didn't want to be alone.

“Do I get to keep you company  _ in _ the shower?”

“Ha! Remember look don't touch?”

“A girl can still try.”

She slid to the edge of the bed and stood. “Try all you want, but it's Justin who gets to do things like that.” She headed to her bathroom, then stopped and turned back.

“Would you do me another favor while you're waiting for me? I finally wrote my report for Admiral Paris between matches yesterday. Would you read it over and see if I did it right? I was going to ask Justin to do it, but I think you’d be better.”

“Of course I'll do it. Why would I be better than Justin? He was there.”

“That's just it. He was there. His mind will fill in the blanks from his own memories. I need to know if there are any blanks that  _ need _ to be filled in.”

“Gotcha. Pull it up for me and I'll go through it to make sure it's complete and coincides with his.”

Rynna handed DeeDee a padd that she took from her tennis bag, then headed into the bathroom for a shower. “Take your time. I plan to be in there for a while.” 

 

When Trench heard the water turn on, she moved into the outer room and sat on the far side of the sofa. “So, did you get all that, Rabbit?”

“Trench! You are an incorrigible flirt!”

“Hey, she gives it right back to me. It's fun.”

“I'm sure it is… just as much fun as the  _ girl talk _ I was witness to. I'm not really sure I wanted to know that much about Tina.”

“You certainly did get an earful, Rabbit. Sorry about that, but you did say you wanted to hear what she had to say firsthand.”

“I did. And I'm glad to hear it went the way she said it did. Not that I necessarily like hearing she had such a severe reaction, I’m just thankful I don't have to take any action. He really  _ has _ been doing well.”

“How bad  _ was _ he, Rabbit?”

“Let's just say that what you saw last night was him while  _ under _ sedation.”

“Damn.”

“You know… I'd like to do a trade with you. I gave Tina more than I gave her - he's still out cold. Why don't you come over here so I can go there. I'd like to have my  _ own _ talk with Rynna.”

“I guess I can take her report and read it there. Do you want to know what she said?”

“Yes, and no. Just make sure she also didn't say too much, ok?”

“Already planned on it. See you in a second.”

Rynna got out of the shower feeling much better. The heat of the water had helped clear out some more of the lingering fog created by Rabbit’s sedative - not to mention easing the aching in her legs caused by all the tennis yesterday.

Come to think of it, she  _ could _ use an analgesic to get the worst of the residual aches.“DeeDee, could you see if Dr. Tillman released my access to meds? I could really do with some pain relief.”

“It's Rabbit now, Dash. I'll get you something even if he didn't do it. Why are you in pain?”

Did she catch a bit of apprehension in his voice, or was she just being paranoid? “That would be great, Rabbit. I played two full matches of tennis on the holodeck yesterday. It's catching up to me.”

“Ah… I know the feeling! I'll have a hypospray ready for you when you're dressed.”

Concerned about why Rabbit had replaced Trench, she dressed hurriedly and decided to leave her hair to air dry. As promised, he had the hypo ready and waiting when she came out of her bedroom.

Rubbing away the sting of the spray, she sat down on the chair. “What happened to Trench?”

“We traded places for a bit.” He leaned forward and handed her a padd. “She says to tell you that it's fine… whatever that means.”

“I asked her to read something over for me. I'll have to thank her later. So, why are you here?”

“I want to talk to you about Justin.”

“Didn't Trench tell you what really happened last night?”

“She did. I need you to understand _ why _ I had to sedate him, too.”

“OK.” Rynna sat back in her chair expectantly.

“How much do you know about what happened while he was held prisoner by the Cardassians?”

“That part, specifically? Only that he was there for three days before he escaped. Trench told me that he was nearly mad when he got back, and that he was in the hospital until he was assigned to me.”

“So, you haven't actually talked to  _ him _ about it.”

“Umm… we talked about his flashback and how severe it was. He did tell me that he had help when he escaped, but we weren't in the position to talk about the details then.”

“And you never got back to it.”

“There's been so much going on that it kind of fell to the wayside.”

“All the more reason he should have told you.  I tried to tell him that, but he was being a coward and waiting for you to ask him. I've decided that I need to break his confidence… enough to make you ask him for the rest, at least.”

“Rabbit, I don't want you to ruin your friendship just because of this. I'll ask him to tell me the full story when he wakes up.”

“First of all, Justin and I have been friends longer than anyone here realizes. It won't ruin our friendship. He'll listen to me when I tell him what an idiot he's been.”

“I just don't want to cause any more trouble than I already have. I feel like it would be easier for him if we weren't involved.”

“It may seem like it’s easier for him, Rynna, but the truth is that he cares so much for you it's actually helping. He can't just ignore what's going on around him like he was doing up until you were kidnapped.”

“Trench said you had a hard time getting him to wait for a plan.”

“He was out of his mind. They planned most of it because I had him sedated.” He held up his hand to stop her. “They didn't know - they thought we were just talking.”

“Alright, why does he get so upset, then? It's not just about me, is it?”

As he often did, Mike jumped in without further preamble. “He  _ did _ have help, Rynna, but she wouldn't come with him. In fact, his escape only worked  _ because _ she stayed behind.”

“ _ She _ ?”

“He was sent on a one-man mission to extract a female Ranger who was captured trying to get intelligence. It took 36 hours for him to even get to where she was being held. Another five hours for him to plan and infiltrate, then…”

“He was captured.”

The Gul who ran the camp had much more… creativity… than Ducat. Or perhaps he just had more time - we got you two out pretty fast. After Justin was implanted with that damn device and they had a chance to test it out, they threw him in a pen with her.”

“A  _ pen _ ?”

“He says it was a round space with a low fence, about seven meters across. Each of them was chained to opposite sides, with just enough chain to meet in the middle.”

“Rabbit, I'm not really sure I want to know this.”

“This is personal talk, Rynna. It's Mike.”

“OK,  _ Mike _ , I'm not really sure I want to know this.”

“It will help, Rynna. Trust me.”

She simply nodded her acceptance.

“Like you, Lamb was not implanted with the device. Also like you…”

“She  _ lost her shoes _ .” 

“She had already been there for almost two days. They’d had quite a bit of fun with her by the time Justin got there. With Justin's arrival the Gul upped the ante. He put them together so he could get two for the price of one.”

Rynna’s hands flew over her mouth in shock. “Meaning?”

“The Cardassians took turns with them, shortening their chains so they couldn't intervene and forcing them to watch the other during their torture… sessions. During times when they were left alone, Justin and Lamb did their best to comfort each other, curling up together to ward off the cold.”

“I guess it would have been nice to have another person with you.”

“Sure… until the Gul realized how to sour it.” Mike stopped to take a shaky breath and blow it out. “Justin’s device activated when they were trying to sleep. Lamb got dragged out of his arms while he was immobile from the pain.”

Tears ran unchecked down Rynna’s face. “No.”

Mike nodded somberly. “Right next to him. He could do nothing to help her.”

“Gods! Mike, please stop! I can't listen to this!” Sobs wracked her body and she doubled over in pain as her gut clenched.

Mike placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “I've told you everything I will. It's up to you to ask him how he got out.”

He gave her a few minutes to pull herself back together. “Do you understand why I thought it was important that you know the story?”

“It's why he got so upset when I was taken. He… knew what would happen… had actually _ seen _ it.”

“And why he gets so upset when you react badly when the two of you are… together. He was out of his mind last night. The mere thought of hurting you was more than he could handle.”

“He didn't hurt me. He never will.”

“ _ You _ know that, and  _ we're _ learning that. It will take  _ him _ some time to believe it.”

“You want me to slow down.”

A knowing smile crossed his face. “That would probably be like trying to stop a tidal wave. The two of you are magnets to each other. I’m just asking you to be more  _ aware _ .”

“And more  _ understanding _ .”

“Just know that he has as much healing to do as you.”

“Thanks Mike. You're a good friend - to both of us.”

“Just don't tell Trench that. She'll tell you the truth about me.”

“Which is…?”

“I'm a bastard who uses women for my own personal needs.”

“Honestly, I find that hard to believe. You have a kind and gentle soul.”

The man’s pale face turned bright red. “Thank you, Rynna, but I think Trench's opinion might be a little closer to the truth.”

“The way you take care of Justin - and me - tells me differently.”

“You can care for friends and still be a bastard, Rynna. We're on board a ship. I don't do some of the things here that I do when we're on Earth.”

“Such as?”

He huffed a sigh. “You're not going to let this go, are you?”

“Nope. You know  _ entirely _ too much about me. It's time I learned something about you.”

“Do you know that all of us carry… unhappy… memories?”

At her nod of acknowledgement, he continued.

“Some -  _ most _ \- of us experience nightmares, like you do.”

“Justin has alluded to that a few times.”

“Yes. But I don't get them. Instead, I have nights where I can't sleep at all.”

“Ah.. So you go in search of a one-night-stand.”

“In a sense… But mine are with women I know. Women I've… visited… before… for the same reason.”

“Do they know they’re not the only ones? Or do they think they're a girlfriend of a man who travels regularly?”

“They know what I do - and why I do it.”

“So you have a harem.”

“A woman in a harem is required to be exclusive and on-call whenever they're wanted. The women I know don't have those requirements.”

“I don't see how you are  _ using _ them, then. They're adults. They can say no. I'm willing to bet that they may be using you, too.”

“How so?”

“My time with Justin has been both wonderful and messy. There’s a lot of emotion and concern for another's feelings. It takes a lot of energy and can be very distracting.”

“You and Justin are an extreme case.”

“The principle still applies. These women may appreciate the freedom of seeing you periodically, spending a night going at it like rabbits, then sending you on your way. No awkward goodbye… no empty promises… no expectations other than a possible call some time in the future.”

“Going at it  _ like rabbits _ ? How long did it take you to figure out that part?”

“About the time you said you supposedly used women.” 

“It doesn't bother you at all?”

She shrugged. “Two consenting adults enjoying each other's company. Why should that bother me?”

“You will never cease to amaze me, Rynna.”

*Trench to Rabbit. He’s starting to wake up.*

“Give me one minute to get over there, then you can come back.” He looked at Rynna with a question on his face. “Unless you’d rather be alone, Rynna.”

“Of course I want her to come. Remember that it was her I was expecting to see when I got out of the shower.”

*I was  _ hoping _ to see you get out of the shower, too, Rynna.*

“You are both incorrigible. I'm on my way so you can get back here and keep doing whatever it is that you ladies do. Rabbit out.”

“Thank you for your honesty, Mike. I appreciate it more than you can know.”

“You are welcome, Rynna. All I ask is that you keep Justin’s secrets. I know you and Trench have become very close, but…”

“I won't tell her anything. Are you going to tell him what you said?”

“After he's fully awake and understands that you are perfectly fine, yes.”

“Good. Now get out of here so I can have my girlfriend back.”

“I'm going to tell her that you called her your  _ girlfriend _ !”

Before she could respond, he tapped his commbadge and called for a Ranger beam-out to Justin’s quarters.

A moment later, DeeDee appeared in his place, wearing a grin a mile wide. “I hear I'm your  _ girlfriend _ . What rights and privileges does that give me?”

“Companionship, laughs, hugs… and a shoulder to cry on when you need one.”

DeeDee’s expression froze for a second, then went soft. “Thanks, Rynna.”

Taking a page from her friend’s, Rynna changed the subject. “So, I hear you don't like the way Rabbit chooses to spend his time.”

“You can't tell me that you do! What a horrible way to treat women!”

“It's their choice, DeeDee. They're probably using him back.  _ Companionship _ is a two-way street.”

“Hmph. The man is a complete jerk.”

“I'm not going to fight with you about this. He’s a very good friend, and you know that. He's probably the only reason Justin is still sane.”

“No,  _ you're _ the reason Justin is sane. But I'm willing to bet that he's the reason we're all still in one piece. Truce?”

“Truce. Now, take me through the alphabet again.”

“Food first. It's past lunch and I'm starving. Private dining here, mess hall, or holodeck?”

“I'm really sick of the inside of these quarters. The ship thinks we're off duty, so there's no harm in going out to the mess hall… let's do that.”

“We need to swing by my quarters so I can get out of my pajamas, first.”

DeeDee had them transported to her room, took a quick sonic shower and dressed casually. The mess hall was crowded, so they moved into the lounge and secured a table in the back of the room.

“Time for your alphabet quiz. Show me what you remember.”

  
  



	11. Chapter 11

Rynna sighed and tried her best to  _ not _ trudge down the corridor to the Captain's dining room. She and DeeDee had spent a pleasant afternoon going back through the sign language alphabet, working the letters until Rynna was fully comfortable. By the time other crewmembers began to arrive for dinner, they had moved on to words and sentences.

Just as Jeans and Polly had joined them, she’d received a summons from Admiral Paris to join him for a private dinner. She knew what it was about. He wanted to check up on her. Taking a deep breath, she rang the chime.

“Ah… Katie! Come in. I hope you like leftover spaghetti and meatballs. Jeans was kind enough to leave things in stasis for us.”

She sat in the seat he had indicated and accepted the plate he dished out for her. “That sounds wonderful, Admiral. Sometimes the leftovers taste better than the fresh meal.”

“That, they do, Katie.” He sat down across from her and picked up his fork. “Bon appetit!”

They ate in silence for a moment, but Rynna was having trouble keeping her curiosity contained. “Admiral, may I ask why you invited me to dinner?”

“I'd like to tease you about my not needing a reason to enjoy dinner with my favorite pupil - which I don't - but I won't insult your intelligence… just as Chief Webb refused to insult mine last night.”

_ Do I act dumb? No… then  _ I _ would be the one throwing out the insult. _

“I take it that Spider didn't give you a reason when he asked you to take Justin and I off the roster for today.”

“You are correct, Katie. Now that you seem to be well-rested, I'd like an actual answer. As upset as you were yesterday about having to take the day off, I am surprised that you took another one of your own accord.”

“And that Justin also took the day off.”

“It did cross my mind that the two of you were looking for some extra time together, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Lt Tighe hasn't been seen since the Rangers went dark.”

“ _ Dark? _ ”

“Katie, please don't play dumb. About the same time I received the comm from the Chief, all their quarters disappeared from the security systems and their comms went off the grid. I don't know what happened, but I know that something _ did _ happen.”

She sighed and put down her fork. “Sir, before we continue this conversation, I need to know which position you are coming from.”

“I'm not sure what you mean.”

“Are you coming from the position of a commanding officer concerned about the welfare and actions of one of his subordinates? Or are you coming from the position of a… father figure… concerned about the welfare and emotional stability of the… daughter figure?”

“Interesting question, Katie. Would it change your answers? Could we simply say the conversation is off the record?”

“I'm sorry, sir, but being off the record will still give you different - or incomplete - answers.”

“So the origination of the same question is paramount to the answers provided.”

“Yes, sir. I'm sorry if this puts you in a difficult position.”

“It's not difficult. This entire meal is off the record and outside of Starfleet. Note that neither of us is in uniform, and we are not meeting in my office.  This conversation is definitely one stemming from a  _ father figure _ concerned about the emotional well-being of a young woman he cares for.”

“Thank you, sir.” She took another deep breath. “Would it be enough if I told you that Justin and I had a fight?”

“Couples have arguments all the time. Seldom are they severe enough to warrant what went down last night.” He studied her face closely. “Just what kind of fight was it?”

“Sir, if you are implying what I think you are, I need you to understand that Justin  _ has _ never and  _ will _ never hurt me. Please understand that. As for _ going dark _ , it’s possible that the team overreacted. The fight was heated, and we both were very upset.”

“Upset enough for an entire team of well-seasoned, elite Rangers to react the way they did? Honestly, Katie, I've begun to seriously reconsider my support of your relationships with Lt Tighe and the team in general.”

“Why did you support it in the first place? I doubt if my relationship with Justin would even exist if you hadn't told me about him. Without that relationship, I never would have become friends with the rest of the team.”

“To be honest, it was a bit of an impulse move on my part. By the time we talked that day, I already knew that there was no way you would ever talk to Sellers. I had also had a chat with the captain, who filled me in on the full story of what went down while we were away.”

“So, the captain tells you that Justin went crazy when he found out we were kidnapped, and you  _ impulsively _ decided to put us together?”

“Strip it down to the base truth and it might sound a bit like that. But there's more to it. I knew that you were going to need support, and how Justin felt about you. Justin and his Rangers could provide that support.”

“Putting the two of us together would put me in position for those relationships. The impulse overrode the concern of Justin’s stability.”

“Now I'm wondering if I should have kept my mouth shut. I need you to explain fully why I did the right thing.”

“First and foremost, you would have denied me a relationship with a wonderful man. Second, my friendships with the other members of the team are better than any I have had previously. And third… they  _ are _ helping me.”

“I'm glad that those relationships are so fulfilling for you, but that’s not what I'm concerned about. You are not a high-strung person. To know that you were in an argument so heated that you needed an entire team to step in to break it up is extremely worrisome.”

“On the contrary, I can be very high strung. It was me that pushed things over the edge last night. Justin's difficulty stemmed from his concern that he had hurt me.”

“And did he? Did the team step in because you had to hit him like you did before?”

“Before…? My father told you what I said to him. Sir, I know that from the outside certain things can look different than what they really are.”

“Then explain to me what they  _ are _ .”

“Sir, please understand that what you’re asking me about involves a personal relationship that I am not really comfortable discussing with you. That said, I appreciate your need to understand has been going on.”

“Can we work on finding a balance?”

“I’ll start at the beginning. The night I broke Justin’s jaw was the first night we talked. Honestly, it was a simple situation - he grabbed my elbow when I wasn’t looking. I swung around and hit him. He called it a check-hook, or something like that. I broke my hand and his jaw.”

“Why doesn’t sickbay have a record of this?”

“I didn’t want to go to sickbay and be forced to report the conversation. Justin wanted Rabbit to see what happened first hand, so that any subsequent report would include Rabbit’s direct observation of the situation.”

“So you asked Rabbit to heal both breaks. How did you end up in sickbay the next day with both hands broken?”

“The others didn’t believe I had done this check-hook move. They took me to the holodeck and tricked me into doing it again. I overreacted. The hologram died and I ended up in sickbay, facing Tillman’s wrath.”

“He  _ is _ rather testy sometimes.”

“That’s an understatement. I’ll be happy if I never see the inside of  _ any  _ sickbay ever again. But, the point here is that I wasn’t in any true danger in either situation. I was simply startled during a time when I shouldn’t have been.”

“Now walk me through the rest.”

“The rest is an assortment of poor sleep patterns. That’s all.”

“Poor sleep resulting in what ended up to be a scratchy throat that will never go away?”

“That was an extreme circumstance, but you can’t tell me that you haven’t woken up with a  _ scratchy throat _ at times in the past few weeks.”

“Touche, Katie. Now tell me about last night’s fight.”

“The fight centered around our relationship. How fast it was going… how fast each of us wanted it to go… where it would end up. I got very… agitated. Justin got worried when I wouldn’t calm down, so he called Rabbit.”

“He always calls Rabbit- why?”

“The two of them are longtime best friends… and Rabbit is his keeper - the one who makes sure he doesn’t go off the deep end. I thought you knew that?”

“No, not really. I knew that they came as a package deal - that’s all.”

“Why wouldn’t you have been told? It seems like a rather important point, doesn’t it?”

“Katie, so much about Justin is classified it borders on ridiculous. I’m willing to bet that you know more than even your father.”

“Rabbit knows even more… Do you see why they are a package deal? He knows what will set Justin off. In the case of what happened last night, it was Justin’s terror that he had somehow caused me to be so… agitated.”

“You need to help me understand why this is such a mystery. Why it had to be hidden from the rest of the ship - and SF in general.”

“Rangers take care of their own, sir. What happened between Justin and myself last night was  _ extremely _ personal. I’m uncomfortable with anyone outside of the two of us knowing anything about it. Luckily for me, only Rabbit and Trench know the truth. The rest of the team is in the same boat as you - they only know that  _ something _ happened.”

“And how am I to trust that that  _ something _ which is only known by four people does not include you being in any danger?”

“You know because you trust me. And because Rabbit would report even the slightest hint that something untoward happened. He fully investigated what happened last night. I had to give a full account this morning when I woke up.”

“That’s another thing, Katie…”

*Chief Webb to Admiral Paris.*

“Go ahead.”

*Sir, the Cardassians are on their way around the edge of the nebula. I understand that Dash is dining with you. Would you be willing to spare her? I think I’m going to need her help with all the data pouring in.*

Admiral Paris shot Rynna a look of alarm. “Go, Katie - straight to the lab. Skip the uniform. She’s on her way, Chief. I’ll contact Lt Tighe. Paris out.”

Rynna hit the corridor at a dead run. She knew without him saying it that Spider had already put the turbolift on priority express to ensure her quick arrival. She had to laugh when she rounded the corridor to find a very confused crewman standing in the open turbolift wondering why it wouldn’t respond to his commands.

 

Spider was right - the amount of data pouring in threatened to overload the lab computer’s capacity. They were forced to shut down several of the ship’s systems so they could reroute some of the data to those computers. Rynna’s ability to ‘analyze on the fly’ was put to the test as she worked to keep the necessary data streams together.

She barely noticed Justin’s arrival, only registering that he was suddenly working by her side, dumping the scientists’ data in a memory node to be dealt with later. Spider remained on her left, doing the same with the engineering data.

It was only when the massive chunks of data pouring in stopped that she looked up. She had no idea how long they’d been working. “How much did we get?”

“Nearly 35 minutes’ worth.” Admiral Paris’ voice came from behind her. The astonishment in his tone was hard to miss.

She turned to find him, the captain, and the entire Ranger team standing behind her. 

“We couldn’t resist coming down to watch. It was amazing seeing you work.” Trench’s voice held the same amount of awe as Admiral Paris.

Polly moved to an auxiliary work station. “Sir, the Cardassian ship is gone. They took off at warp five as soon as the data stream stopped.”

“You were right, Katie. All they wanted to do was play with us a bit.”

“And you turned the tables on them. Unbelievable… they had no idea what we were doing!” It was Jeans’ turn to chime in. “We'll be working on this data for months.”

“Wait until your father hears about it. He just might explode with pride… and excitement. Jeans, get a channel open to him right away.” 

Jeans took over Polly’s auxiliary station and began inputting commands.

Still in shock at the turn of events, Rynna looked to her left to find an elated Spider, who looked to be fighting the urge to jump up and cheer.

On her right was a haggard-looking Justin, who looked to be on the verge of collapse. She shot a quick look at Rabbit, who held her eye and gave a quick shake of his head. 

Justin was in bad shape. She had to get him out of here - fast. And she had to cover just how bad he was until the report to her father was completed. A report she was pretty sure he would be unable to give in his current state.

She jumped up and stood in front of Justin, partially blocking him from the others’ view. “Admiral, would it be alright if I was the one to give the report to my father? I'd like to see his face.”

In truth, she  _ did _ want to see his face. The viewscreen at the auxiliary station was meant for simple one-on-one communications. Unless she was the one speaking, she wouldn't be able to see much of him.

Paris smiled indulgently. “I think that would only be fair. Go ahead.” He waved her over to the small viewscreen.

Rynna shot another quick look at Rabbit, who moved to take her place in blocking Justin.

“That's it. Here he comes.” Jeans stood aside so Rynna could take his place.

Her father appeared on the screen, his eyes were slightly blurry and he was wearing the robe that resembled a uniform. She recognized the look - it was what he wore when he was pulled out of his bed for an emergency. They'd woken him up.  _ Just what time is it? _

When he realized it was her, his expression changed to one of worry. “Katie? What’s wrong?”

“We did it, Daddy. We got the data on the Cardassians.” A tear of relief and excitement rolled down her face.

“I knew you could do it! How much did we get? Ten… fifteen minutes?”

“Almost 35, Daddy. They had no clue.”

Admiral Janeway fell back in his chair and opened his mouth to respond, but couldn't push out more than one word. “Wow.”

Spider stepped up to her side so he could be seen. “It looks like a lot of engineering data, sir. We'll put together a preliminary report of what we were able to get, but the full analysis is going to take months.” 

“Where are they, now? Are you all in any danger?”

Polly spoke up, next. “As soon as they realized what we were doing, they blocked our scans and high-tailed it out of here at warp five, Sir.”

The conversation should have been led by Justin, she knew. It seemed that everyone was covering for him. Her mind began buzzing, looking for a way to remove him without being too obvious.

Admiral Paris spoke up. “Ed, the team is exhausted. Since we aren't in any danger, would it be alright with you if we held off on that preliminary report until after they've gotten some rest?”

“Of course, Owen. I'd rather have it from fresh minds, anyway. Could you and I speak for a moment more?”

“Of course… Jeans, transfer the connection to my office.” He turned to the rest of the room. “You heard him. Go and get some rest. The data isn't going anywhere and you need clear eyes to view it.”

Admiral Paris left the room, followed by the captain. The rest of the room seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. Rynna wasn't sure if Paris was covering for Justin or just being cautious, but she didn't care.

“Rynna.” Rabbit’s voice brought her back to the situation at hand and she moved over to where he still stood in front of Justin. 

“What’s wrong with him? Why is he in such a bad state?” She spoke in a whisper, even though she knew the others were aware of a problem.

“He still hasn't gotten over what happened last night. I haven't been able to convince him that he wasn't at fault.”

“Have you told him?”

“No. He never became calm enough that I felt he could handle it.”

Rynna looked down at the silent man still sitting where he had been throughout the data download. “It's my turn to help  _ him _ , Mike.”

“We'll do a replay of the other night - roles reversed. I'll transport the two of you to his quarters and have Trench send you something to wear.”

She held out her hand to Justin. When he took it, she pulled him up into her arms. “Whenever you're ready, Mike.”

They rematerialized in his quarters, but she remained standing with him still held tightly in her arms. 

“Rynna… I'm so sorry.” The words were choked out, pushed past the traumatized constriction in his throat. He buried his face in her neck and began to sob - his tears soaking her shirt.

“Last night wasn't your fault, Justin. I scared  _ myself _ . That's all.” She continued to hold him while the pained sobbing wracked his body.

After a while, the worst of it abated. She leaned back to see his face then gently cupped his cheek. “You need to let this go. It wasn't anything that you did. Not even I realized how I was going to react.”

“I hurt you - scared you. How can you forgive me so easily?”

“There's nothing to forgive, Justin.  _ You did nothing wrong. _ I closed my eyes... got myself lost… When I opened my eyes I was still lost. I forgot it was you… reacted instinctively. That's all.”

Still cupping his cheek, she pulled his face down to her and kissed him lightly. Letting him go completely, she grasped his hand in hers. 

“It's been a trying day for both of us. We're going to bed for some  _ real _ sleep.” She led him into his bedroom and let go of his hand.

“Get dressed for bed. I'm going to see if Trench sent over my nightgown.” She left him looking lost and headed back to his outer room. 

Laying over his couch was her nightgown and teeth-cleaner, along with a uniform for the morning. She shook her head in amusement. DeeDee had thought of everything.

She found him still wearing a lost expression, but changed into loose clothing for sleeping in, sitting on his bed. “Did you clean your teeth?”

He nodded silently.

“Then get under the covers. I'll be right back.” She headed into his bathroom to get herself ready for bed… All the while thinking how Rabbit had been spot-on about this being a replay of the night Justin had held her while she slept.

When she came out of the bathroom, she found him still sitting on the edge of the bed. “Rynna, I don't think this is a good idea.”

She sat down next to him and took his hand. “This  _ is _ a good idea, Justin. You need to remember how  _ right _ it feels for us to be in each other's arms. Now lay down. It's time for  _ me _ to hold  _ you _ while we sleep.”

She stood him up and pulled the covers back. Then she pushed him back down, keeping the pressure on him until he laid down completely. Climbing in on the other side, she scooted over until she was next to him.

Instinctively, he rolled toward her and she gathered him into her arms, resting his head on her shoulder. “Sleep, Justin. I will  _ never _ be afraid of you, and I know in my heart that you will  _ never _ hurt me. I'm not going anywhere.”

She felt him slowly relax until he fell into a deep sleep.

  
  



	12. Chapter 12

Rynna sighed and put the book down on the small table she had placed by the tub. She hadn't meant to stay in the tub this long, but the story had captivated her enough that she was unable to put it down. Besides, it had alleviated the crushing loneliness she had been feeling the past week.

The morning after they had gotten the Cardassian data, she’d woken up with Justin still wrapped in her arms. It had been a difficult night - she’d had to help him through several nightmares. 

She was glad that Rabbit had told her about what happened while he was held captive. From what she was able to grasp from his screams, the horrors that visited him were beyond what any one person should have to endure. What made it worse was that his sleeping mind had put  _ her _ in Lamb’s place.

She slid down in the tub until the water came up above her shoulders, letting the aromatic bath oils in the water soothe her. Midnight Sun… that was the name of the fragrance. It was an interesting mix of the earthy scent of night time in the woods, combined with a touch of citrus and sea salt. Each scent held its own against the other - if you focused on one, the other would all but disappear - but they also combined into something she really couldn't describe.

Despite the terrors of his slumber, Justin had woken with a clearer head. She had only had to reassure him twice that he wasn't at fault before he finally believed her. They’d joined the team for breakfast, then headed down to the lab to begin the tedious work of analyzing the data.

That was when things fell apart. Rynna was blocked at the entrance to the lab with the news that her security clearance with regards to the Cardassian data had been revoked - an action she now thought of as “Keleetha’s Revenge”.

Instead, she had been reassigned to work with Trench’s lab partner, providing the perfect cover story for Trench to be moved to the lab with Justin while they worked on the Cardassian data. Despite Justin and the team’s best efforts to keep her involved, they were unable to convince anyone to back down from the decision.

In truth, she understood at least part of the reasoning. The full analysis would take months - much longer than the scientific mission. Although her work could be covered while they were on board, their return to Earth would end it. She would have to be officially reassigned, but there was no way to explain why a scientist was being reassigned to an engineering project.

Ultimately, she acquiesced and moved her padds of cosmological data to Trench's lab. Her new lab partner was a sour woman who hadn't appreciated Trench's personality or life choices. 

Initially, the woman had ranted to her about Trench's ways. Once Rynna told her that the two of them were close friends, the woman had turned her back and refused to say anything at all. Now, they only spoke when absolutely necessary.

Thus began Rynna’s waking nightmare. They hadn’t taught the computer how to read the Cardassian data. The others worked long hours just trying to get the data compiled enough to make a preliminary report to her father. She still wasn't allowed to work outside of her duty shifts - not that she had any desire to remain in that caustic atmosphere in the first place. Unfortunately, this left her with a lot of free time on her hands.

Her friends tried their best to keep her from being completely alone. They managed to meet up for breakfast most mornings. Their promises were kept as much as they could manage. Polly took her to the training holodeck and showed her some preliminary moves and hand positions, but then programmed a beginner level trainer to take over.

Trench took her to their Paris program on the holodeck and began showing her some of the actual signs, along with some discussion about the grammatical aspects of the language. “I know you're going to study without me, Rynna. As much as it sucks that I won't be the one to show you everything, I will expect you to be able to sign to me on our next ‘date’ night.”

Jeans even made her some beef stew, but ended up unable to join her to eat it. Admiral Paris, who seemed to be in cahoots with the team, stepped in. To her relief, he’d kept the conversation focused on science and family - avoiding any mention of her relationships with Justin or the team. Instead, he’d gone on and on about his son's amazing piloting skills.

Oddly enough, her night spent helping Justin through his nightmares seemed to have calmed her own. She’d only had a few dreams but, although they could definitely be placed in the ‘nightmare’ column, she’d been able to handle them without much trouble.

It was possible, though, that her mind was switching to processing difficult situations through restlessness. Twice now, she’d found herself roaming the corridors of the Icarus in the middle of the night. Last night she’d run into Rabbit, who’d taught her how to play pool while she teased him about whether it made her part of his harem.

She sighed again. It was time to get out of the tub. The warmers might keep the water temperature stable, but her fingers were starting to pucker. 

Aside from a light dabbing with the towel to take up the majority of the water droplets, she let her body air dry. She’d learned a long time ago that drying herself completely would wipe off the residual bath oil, negating both the moisturizing properties and the fragrance. 

Reaching for her teeth cleaner, she caught sight of the one Justin had left behind. Justin… she missed him the most. Sure, he stopped by every evening to spend a little bit of time with her, but she was accustomed to dinners, long talks, and lingering kisses. Now he was usually tired and said very little. The shadows had begun to darken his eyes again, too.

She had just turned on the unit when her door chime rang. Still damp from her bath, she thought twice about answering the chime. But it was late. Too late for a casual visit.

“Computer, who is at the door?”

**Lt Tighe is at the door.**

“Computer, let him in.”

**Acknowledged**

She heard the doors swish open, then Justin’s welcome voice filled her quarters. “Rynna?”

“In here, Justin. Come sit on the bed. I was just about to clean my teeth.”

“I’m sorry to bother you so late.” His voice sounded weary.

“A visit from you is  _ never _ a bother, Justin. You are always welcome. I’ll be out in just a minute.”

The tone of his voice - along with the late hour - worried her. She quickly cleaned her teeth and threw on her robe. Exiting the bathroom, she found him sitting on the edge of her bed with his head drooped in his hands.

She looked around - he was bare-chested and shoeless - but could find no evidence of him having removed them after he arrived. There wasn’t even a robe lying over the chair, despite the fact that the only item of clothing he was wearing looked like pajama pants.

_ It looks like he just jumped out of bed and walked over! _  “Justin? Is everything alright?”

“I… I can’t sleep.” He raised his head to look at her and she was shocked at what she saw on his face. The shadows in his eyes were back in full force. The sharp edged obsidian flashed in the background. Dark circles underneath them blotched his face.

Wordlessly, she walked over to him and gathered him into her arms while he still sat on the bed. He held onto her as if his life depended on it, burying his face in her chest. After a time, she stroked his hair and laid a kiss on the top of his head. 

“What’s wrong, Justin?”

“It’s too much… just... too much…”

She’d suspected it. “The data - it’s too much focus for you to take right now.”

His only response was to tighten his hold on her waist.

She ran her fingers through his hair again and stroked his back, as if settling a distressed child.

“You’ve got to let it go Justin. Figure out how to leave it in the lab at the end of the day.” The hand stroking his hair moved until it cupped his cheek, pulling his face up to she could meet his eyes. “It’s alright to ask for a break, too. Mike will understand. He’ll cover for you. I’m willing to bet that they all would.”

She kissed him lightly on the lips, then laid more slow, gentle kisses on his eyes and forehead. Returning to his lips, she gave him a deeper kiss. “We’re out of danger, and the work you’re doing will help others  _ stay _ out of danger. It’s all good things happening right now.”

The small smile he gave her didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it was a start. “I wish it was that easy.”

“Someone very wise told me that we can’t let fear rule us - that it’s up to us to take away its power. You’re starting to let fear rule you… stop. You know it can’t unless you let it.”

This time, the small smile he gave her touched his eyes. “Someone very  _ wise _ ?”

“Someone who went through the gauntlet and came out the other side. Someone who conquers fear every day.  _ That _ someone is going to get in front of this and take it down before it gets a chance to grow any more.”

He let go of her waist to cradle her face in his hands. “Where did this brave, wise woman come from?”

“From my own gauntlet… and the man who saved me from it.”

“Crickets, Rynna…” He pulled her face to his and kissed her… softly at first, but then more deeply. The emotion of the moment caught them both up, leaving them breathless when the kiss finally broke. 

His arms moved back around her waist, hands gently smoothing across the silky material of her robe. Her fingers wove themselves back into his hair while her lips traveled along his neck. Small kisses… tiny nips… soothing tongue… All sent shivers across his body and he pulled her closer.

The scar on his shoulder - the first one she had ever explored - received special attention. Hands moved around and up her sides in response. The silkiness of the robe heightened her senses to his touch. Their mouths found each other again, joining in a kiss that spiraled out when his fingers found her breasts.

Thumbs gently circled her nipples and they puckered to attention. Her back arched in response.  The tie holding the robe around her waist came loose - the silky material giving it nothing to hold on to. The front fell away to the sides, revealing her entire naked body to him.

As if just noticing what she was wearing - or  _ not _ wearing - he leaned back and looked at her inquisitively.

“I had just gotten out of the tub when you arrived.”

His head cocked to one side. “You put perfume on when you get ready for bed?”

“Perfume?... Oh, that’s the bath oil. You don't like it?” The absence of his body touching hers made her feel somewhat bereft. She pulled him back in close to her and resumed kissing and caressing his body. 

“On the contrary.” He gasped as her tongue wound its way around his ear. “I love it… Even though I can't place the scent. One minute I think I'm on the beach with you that first day when you taught me that I was insignificant, the next minute I'm kissing you for the first time on the boat at Lake George.”

“I'd hardly say that you're insignificant, Justin. At least, not to me.” She sighed as his hands found their way under her robe and began caressing her bare skin.

Her mouth travelled down his chest and she pushed him backwards onto the bed. He moaned as her tongue circled his nipple, then her teeth grasped it gently and pulled back so they rasped softly against it. 

“I meant to the universe in general. You have no idea how comforting that thought was for me.”

He pulled her hips into his. She felt his erection pulsing against her. How she wished that she could join with him… satisfy his desire. But she wasn't ready yet. She knew that now.

She leaned back to tell him, then caught sight of his body. His pants were slung low on his hips, revealing the defined core muscles that narrowed down to a V between his hips and disappeared under the drawstring waistband. She’d been so focused on the mottled terrain of his chest that she’d never realized how well-muscled he was. 

Unable to stop herself, she traced their hills and valleys. He caught her hand up with his “Rynna…” There was a cautionary tone to his voice.

But she knew now just what she  _ could _ do for him. Her reading list in the past week had included more than just her usual poetry and fiction choices. She’d also spent some time researching the male anatomy - both scientific and fictionalized descriptions of pleasure points and pleasurable activities.

Turning her hand in his, she laced their fingers together and pressed his hand back into the bed. “Relax, Justin.” She ran her tongue from his navel straight up the central valley, then placed a kiss where it ended in the base of his breastbone.

He moaned and his hand tightened around hers. She could feel him pulsing against her.

The height difference between them had not been so obvious when she was standing in front of him while he sat. Now, with him prone on the bed, she realized that she couldn't reach his shoulders… or his mouth. She wanted to kiss him. “Scoot up.”

“What?”

“Scoot up on the bed. I need space… unless you want me to put my knee on your groin…”

Almost immediately, he let go of her hand and moved up the bed until he was almost at the headboard. She crawled up after him, returning her tongue to the spot at his breastbone where she had last been, then continuing its route up to his neck. Small kisses led her to his mouth, where he met her with his own lips.

The kiss was passionate beyond what she had known before. His hands smoothed up her skin, leaving the robe she was still wearing to drape over the sides of his body as she leaned over him. He removed the clip she’d used to hold her hair up out of the bath and her hair fell around his face.

“Rynna…” A small sigh escaped him, then he captured her lips again. His mouth moved down her neck then on further to capture her breast. Because she was leaning over him, the arch that curved into her back resulted in her hips pressing into his. The feel of him throbbing against her reminded her of why she had moved him in the first place.

She’d forgotten… had almost lost herself like she had done before. 

“Please keep me with you, Justin. Don't let me get lost again.” She whispered her plea against his lips.

“Do the same for me, Rynna. We don't know what will happen.” The fear in his voice was hard to miss.

“Deal…” She captured his lips again, then began her journey back down his body. Taking her time exploring the new terrain, she mapped every inch of it in her mind. The sound of his moans was like a melody to her.

Finally, she reached the waistband of his pants. Pulling the knot of the drawstring, she ran her tongue down the valley between his hip and the final point of the muscle that was about to reveal itself to her, then stroked lightly up his swollen member as it seemed to strain desperately to escape its confines.

He captured her hand again. “Rynna, stop. You don't have to…” His voice was breathless.

“I don't _ have _ to do anything, Justin. I  _ want _ to do what I'm doing. Will you let me? Are  _ you _ alright?”

“As long as you are.” He squeezed her hand, then let it go.

With the drawstring loosened, she was able to move his pants down over his hips. His erection got caught in the waistband, and she gently helped it out. It sprang to full attention when it was released, and she allowed herself a moment to study it - watching it twitch as she ran her finger down the large vein that ran its full length.

Once over his hips, the pants slipped easily down his legs and past his feet. She dropped them unceremoniously on the floor. Her fingers ran gently back up his legs. Gentle kisses moved up his inner thighs until she reached the object of her fascination.

Giving herself a few moments to let the scientist in her explore him, she catalogued what she found. There was the perineum… his heavy ball sack… his swollen penis with veins bulging. The music of his moans reached a high point at the gentle touches that accompanied her exploration.

Instead of her finger, she ran her tongue lightly up the large vein. His hands gripped the sheets to either side of his hips. She ran her tongue around the ring of flesh near the tip and was rewarded with a gasp and the unconscious bucking of his hips.

“Justin, are you still here with me?”

“Rynna…” The strangled sound of her name was all he could muster and she smiled. Her research had been good, so far.

The drop of pre-cum at his tip captured her attention and her tongue darted out to taste it. Salty… and sweet… like chocolate-covered peanuts. She ran the width of her tongue across the tip to lap up the rest of it. His hips bucked up against her at just the right spot for him to slide between her lips.

Quickly, she rolled her lips over her teeth and closed her mouth slightly, holding the tip of him inside her mouth while she ran her tongue lightly over the tip again.

“Oh gods!” He was panting, gripping large handfuls of the sheets.

Her mouth moved down his length, tongue pressed into the large vein, while he squirmed beneath her. On her way back up his swollen shaft, she wrapped her tongue around it, giving extra stimulation.

His panting grew faster and more shallow. Her research told her he was getting to the edge already. It was too soon for her liking - she had more things to try. She let him go for a moment and licked the hollow of his hip. 

In the process, her long hair dragged across the tip of him. The gasping groan that escaped him made her smile. She moved back to resume her task and was met by his hands.

Some of her research had included situations where the man grasped the woman’s head and took over - essentially fucking her face until he came. She didn't like the idea at all and, looked up to tell him… only to be met by his gaze. 

A thrill ran down her spine. His eyes were filled with desire. The warmth that usually glowed in their depths was a raging wildfire crackling and sparking like a supernova. Before she could speak, he gently caressed her cheeks then ran his fingers through her hair, fanning it out until it rested over his hips.

She held his gaze while she gently grasped his swollen member in her hand and ran her tongue lightly around the tip. The fire in his eyes sparked and his body twitched. Still holding his eyes, she took him into her mouth… lips held around him with light pressure… tongue again curling around him then running down the vein. 

Opening her throat, she took him all the way in until her lips met his pubis. His back arched and he moaned, losing eye contact with her. A giggle rose up at his response to her actions. The vibrations it brought to her throat massaged the sensitive end where his member was still pressed, earning her another loud moan.

She played for a bit… cradling his  ball sack in her hand… pressing her knuckle into his perineum… even pulling her lips back and running her teeth gently along his length. With each move, she cataloged his reactions for later use. She knew she would do this again… it was entirely too much fun to hold this pleasurable power over one man.

His panting breaths returned, growing faster and more shallow as she worked him with her mouth and tongue. Increasing the pressure with her mouth and increasing her speed, she began the final process of bringing him up to full orgasm.

“Oh, gods… Rynna. You have to stop I'm going to…”

She let go of him and looked up, catching his eyes again. “Then do it, Justin.” She returned her mouth to his twitching member and once again sheathed him all the way down.

Picking up the pace and pressure another notch, she moved her mouth back up to his sensitive tip. She used her hand to keep the pressure at the base and ran her tongue around the ridge, then ran the width of her tongue across the tip. 

His hips bucked and she knew he was at the edge. Keeping up the speed and pressure, his hips began moving against her. In a flash, his entire body went tense and his breath caught. She felt the warm flow of salty semen squirt down her throat.

Immediately, she slowed and softened her movement. Letting go of the pressure, she lightly massaged him with her tongue - milking him dry, then gently bringing him down.

Letting him go completely, she sat back to admire his form again. Gods! He was beautiful! Lying there spread out in front of her… chest still heaving trying to catch his breath… entire body covered in a sheen of sweat… she couldn't keep her hands off him. 

Her hands began tracing the muscles on his lower torso, feeling their movement as his body worked to calm itself down. Without warning, they tightened and bunched together, bringing the rest of Justin’s body up to face her.

He wrapped one arm around her, pulling her into him. He cupped her cheek and pulled her face up to meet his eyes. For a moment he did nothing but study her face. She had the feeling he was about to say something when he leaned in and captured her lips in a searing kiss.

Still holding onto her lips, he leaned backwards onto the bed. Hands grasped around her ribs, he lifted her up and brought her with him, settling her down against his chest when he arrived. She breathed a sigh of relief. They way he’d held her up off his body had made her feel like she was flying, but settling back down against him felt like… home.

The kiss broke… then another one started while his hands smoothed down her body, again settling her robe down so it covered them both. Was he cold? No… his hands and body were warm - still flushed from his orgasm. So why did he keep doing that…?

He finally let go of her lips and settled her into his chest, head tucked up under his chin.

“You can't tell me you've never done that, Rynna.”

She smiled against his shoulder. “I've never done that, Justin… but I've had a lot of free time on my hands. I did some research. I guess it panned out?”

“Ah…  _ more _ than just  _ panned out _ . I'll have to keep in mind just how good you are at  _ research _ . You have amazing…  _ grasp _ … of what you learn.”

She raised her head and gave him a mischievous smile. “I'm glad you enjoyed it, since I plan to do that again.”

“Any time, Rynna… any time at all.” he pulled her back down to him and began to nuzzle her neck. Soon, his hands were smoothing down her body again and his tongue was exploring her ear - and that special spot behind it.

Moving to run her hands up his shoulders, she found herself stopped by her robe. It had slipped down over her arm while Justin was kissing her neck. The time had arrived for her to take it off.

She sat up, straddling his hips, and slipped out of it, letting it pool against him. His roaming hands found her again. They tickled up her inner thighs, thumbs brushing past her core and sending shivers down her back.

As they continued their journey up her body, she leaned forward a little so he had better reach. A small sigh escaped her when his hands found her breasts again. He slowly caressed them… thumbs gently circling her nipples… teasing them to attention… finally gliding over them softly. 

Her back arched, bringing her chest closer to him, and his mouth captured one. His tongue played with it for a bit… alternately circling the nipple, then sucking it into his mouth.

“Eep!” She gave a small cry of alarm when - one hand on her hip and the other on her ribcage - he bucked his hips against her and she was airborne once again. Hips settled back against his abdomen, he pivoted the rest of her forward until he met her breast directly over his mouth.

She placed her hands on either side of his head to support herself. How the hell had he lined her up so perfectly so that her chest was directly over him? And why had she never noticed just  _ how strong _ he really was?

He teased and taunted her nipples - running his tongue around the outside, then across the tip, finally pulling the whole thing into his mouth and flicked his tongue over the tip - alternating between her breasts. Hands stroked up her inner thighs and pulled her hips into him. 

It felt wonderful… tantalizing… but she couldn’t get into it. The feeling just wasn’t there. Even closing her eyes and trying to let herself get lost didn’t work. It felt… wrong.  _ Something _ felt wrong. Then she realized what it was… she felt  _ exposed _ , somehow.

“Justin…” He stopped immediately - as always - and she smiled at his constant concern for her.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes.. and no. I… I don’t like it up here. Can you put me down? On the bed?”

His hands were back around her ribcage, then suddenly she was being laid gently down onto the bed next to him. “Better?”

She nodded and sighed. “Yes, thank you. I’m sorry…”

He gently touched her face. “Don’t be sorry. I need you tell me if you don’t like something.”

She looked up into his eyes… the fire was still there, but the intensity had receded somewhat. “It’s not really that I didn’t  _ like _ it, I just didn’t like where I was. Being up there… on top of you…” She shivered.

“You’re cold.” He sat up, pulling the covers out from underneath them and covering them up. Laying back down next to her, he pulled her into his arms. “I had expected that you would like it. That you would feel more in control.”

She burrowed into him, seeking the warmth and  _ Safe _ she could always find in his arms. “I thought so, too. To be honest… I… ah… liked what happened earlier… the… ah…  _ control _ … I had over it. But this time, I felt - I don’t know -  _ exposed _ would be the best way to describe it.”

“How about  _ unprotected _ ?” He pulled her closer into him and tucked her head up under his chin.

“Maybe that’s it… I don’t know… I only know I didn’t like it.” She sighed again and let herself melt into him.

They laid together quietly for a few moments while she soaked up his warmth, then she remembered the questions that had been running through her mind earlier. She ran her hand along his arm, registering for the first time the muscles that moved under his skin. 

Justin was built lean, with long limbs. Half the reason she hadn’t noticed was that his muscles were also long and lean. There was no bulk to his body - not like Spider’s. After what he’d done tonight, though, she had little doubt that he could take Spider down in one move.

“Why didn’t I ever realize just how strong you are? I mean, you lifted me up twice - no, three times - and put me back down gently and with some pretty spot-on precision.” She began tracing the outlines of the muscles on his arm and chest.

“I’ve never had to be strong like that around you. It’s not like I strut around flexing muscles at everyone.”

The mere thought of Justin  _ strutting _ made her laugh. “But you know that you are… which means that you work to keep the strength - and  _ muscles _ . You’re agile, like a cat, too.”

He leaned away from her a little so he could see her face. “Why the sudden catalog?”

“I’ve recently had a  _ thorough _ tour of your body, Justin. I  _ cataloged _ a lot of things.” She couldn’t help but tease him.

Mirth twinkled in his eyes. “Feel free to take another  _ tour _ anytime.”

“Oh, I plan to. Just not tonight.” She leaned forward to place a kiss on his chest, where she had been creating an ever larger field of gooseflesh. “I think I’d prefer if you were the one taking a tour right now.”

“Oh, really?” The mirth still twinkled in his eyes as he pulled her in for a kiss.

She loved his hands… loved the feel of them as they caressed her body. Forever gentle… and strong… they made her feel cherished. His mouth found her breasts again. This time she felt the passion his actions should have brought about the last time. Moaning, she threaded her fingers through his hair and pulled him closer.

His hand traveled down her body and curled gently around her thigh, fingers lightly skimming her core - which was quickly returning to the wet heat it had been before - and pulled it up, hooking it over his hip. Just like he had done  _ that night _ . She worked to forget what had happened  _ before _ , and enjoy what was happening  _ now _ . 

He must have picked up on it. “Relax, Rynna. You know where you are… who you’re with.”

“I… I know, Justin. I’m just afraid that it’s going to happen again.”

He sighed and cupped her cheek. “Let me try something? Can you trust me enough?” His eyes were a mixture of pain, tenderness, sorrow, and… something else she couldn’t quite name.

“I trust you, Justin.”

“Are you sure? It might scare you at first. I need you to be sure.”

“I trust you.” She kissed him lightly. “Do it.”

He caressed her face for a moment, then kissed her. His lips left hers and began a trail down her neck and to her shoulder while his hands caressed her body. Wondering what he was up to, she allowed herself to enjoy it… respond to it as she normally would have.

“Rynna, are you still with me?” His voice whispered across her neck, sending shivers down her spine.

“Yes, Justin.”

Slowly he rolled her onto her back - still kissing and caressing her. She was so caught up in the feelings he was invoking, she didn’t realize he was rolling with her until he settled himself between her thighs.

A thrill of fear ran down her spine. “Justin?”

“It’s me, Rynna. Relax… Trust me…” The kiss he gave her made her toes curl, and she tried to relax. But then he broke the kiss and rose up on his arms until they were straight.

A dark figure loomed over her… the fear began to build… she closed her eyes. “Justin?”

“Rynna, it’s me… Justin. Open your eyes and look at me.” There was a commanding quality to his voice that laid under the gentleness of his tone.

Justin… trust… she promised him she would trust him. She forced her eyes open… forced them to look at the dark figure that still loomed over her. “Justin?”

“It’s me, Rynna… Look at me… Tell me the first thing you see.”

“Dark… man…” She was shaking.

“Tell me what else… what detail do you see?”

“Arms… bowed slightly. Hair sticking up.”

There was a small chuckle. “My hair never will stay in one place.” 

He moved his hips against her and she tensed even more. “Touch me, Rynna. Put your hands on my chest. What do you feel?”

“Muscles… Scars…” Tears of fear were dripping from her eyes and rolling down her temples into her hair.  _ Trust him… I trust him… _

“Now look at me… Look into my eyes… focus on my face until you can see them.” 

Forcing herself to look into the eyes of the dark figure over her was only possible because Justin’s voice was coming from it. Finally, she found them... bright embers glowing in the night.

“I love you, Rynna. If you see someone over you in the dark, look for my arms… my hair… feel for my chest… my scars. You will know that that  _ someone _ is me. You will know that I love you. You will know that I will  _ never _ hurt you. You will know that I am _ Safe _ for you.”

In the shadowed darkness, his full face finally came into her view. Details… the shape of his nose… his hairline… the way one ear sat lower than the other. Her hands moved up from his chest and onto his face. Firmly-set jaw… chiseled features. “Justin…” She sighed his name.

“Yes, Rynna… It’s me… I love you and you are _ Safe _ with me.”

She threaded her fingers through his hair and gently tugged on him. “Kiss me.”

Seemingly unsure of her reaction, he lowered himself by bending his arms as if he was doing a pushup. Only close enough to capture her lips… but not touching her body… he kissed her gently.

She touched his arms, feeling the muscles bulge as they held him up, and wondered at the fact that they weren’t shaking with the strain. She ran her hands down his torso, then back up to wrap loosely around his back.

“Come here. It’s alright.” A small sigh of relief escaped him as he lowered himself down the rest of the way. “I know you, Justin.” She brought her thighs in closer to his hips, cradling him. “You love me… you’re _ Safe _ .”

He kissed her again, deeper than before, and rolled them to their sides so they were facing each other. “I will never hurt you… I will die trying to save you from harm if I have to.”

She touched his face and kissed him softly. “Please don’t say that, Justin. I love you too much to lose you.”

His breath hitched. “You love me?”

“Of course I do, Justin. Please don’t ever leave me alone in this universe without you.”

  
  



	13. Chapter 13

She woke spooned up against him and sighed with contentment. After their mutual declarations of love, they had remained where they were, touching and kissing. Justin had rolled over on top of her a few more times so she could practice recognizing him. At first, he warned her and talked her through it. After a while, he simply did it. Ultimately, she had been the one who pulled him on top of her, then wrapped her legs up around his hips.

Gentle snoring breathed in and out of her hair, and she let it lull her into an almost meditative state. He loved her. That had been the indecipherable look she’d seen in his eyes a few times. What’s more,  _ she _ loved  _ him _ . She hadn’t realized what her feelings for him actually were until he’d spoken of his own.

The snoring ceased and he moved slightly. A sure sign that he was awake. The hand that had been thrown over her waist began caressing her skin. Her neck was treated to small kisses.

“Did you plan on waking me up, or were you just going to have your way with me while I slept?” 

“I planned on waking you up. Tell me a better way to do it.”

“Mmmm…” His tongue had joined his lips at her neck. “This would have been a wonderful way… except I was already awake.”

“Listening to me snore? Am I as loud as you are?” He chuckled softly. His hand moved up her chest, finding her breast.

It was her turn to chuckle. “You said I was quiet… But, no, you’re not loud… I like the feeling of it rumbling in my ches… ahhh...” His fingers had begun tweaking at her nipple, making it pucker and her back arch.

There was no response, as his mouth had become involved with teasing her ear, running the tip of his tongue around it, then gently kissing and sucking at the tender spot behind it. It moved around to the back of her neck, but her hair was in the way.

He pulled his other arm from where it had been underneath her, shoulder supporting her head. The lack of support it left in his wake made her head fall to the side, giving him greater access to her neck. Then her hair was moved up and completely out of the way and the entire area was exposed to him.

She found herself rolling forward as he began to explore the back of her neck. Her breast and nipples were abandoned, the hand that had been teasing them grazing down her side to her hip, then up her back.

A small moan escaped her as he explored her entire back - gently kissing… tenderly stroking… His tongue ran up the length of her spine, making her gasp as her entire body tingled. The pool of desire that had been forming between her legs became a lake.

Propped up on one arm, mouth still on the tender back of her neck, his hand caressed down to her hip. One leg found its way between hers. He gently pulled her thigh back to rest across his knee, rolling her hips back toward him slightly.

His hand made a tender and gradual ascent up her inner thigh… heading toward where her pool of desire was running like a river. She wanted him there -  _ needed _ him to touch her.

“Don’t stop, Justin.” She was breathless and squirming with need.

“Anything for you, my love.” His response was whispered into her ear as his finger slipped between her folds.

She’d never felt anything like it. The desire… the intoxication… the euphoria… as his finger moved through her folds. Pressure was building in her body.  _ More… she wanted more... needed more… _ Instinctively, her hips began to move… searching for more stimulation.

Then it was gone… his hand had moved, leaving her feeling bereft. She whimpered at the loss.

“Patience, love…” He adjusted his hold and she found herself on her back, Justin’s mouth on one breast… hand on the other… knee between her thighs. Delightful as it was, it was not where she wanted him. She draped her leg over his hip, opening herself up and pulling him closer.

He chuckled against her breast. “Have it your way, then.” He moved again, ending up on top of her completely… spreading her thighs… mouth and hands working their way down her body.

“Oh, gods…” a strangled sigh came out of her as his mouth reached the dip between her thigh and her aching center. She felt him smile against her as he lingered there, running his hands softly down her inner thighs… spreading them wider and opening her up fully.

“So beautiful…” She felt his breath tickle across her as he whispered against her wet hot core. A groan escaped her mouth as his tongue swept the length of it, waking her entire body and making every nerve ending tingle.

Slowly, he played with her… running his tongue around her swollen nub without touching it, then sweeping across it, making her nerves tingle and her body twitch… then starting the process all over again. 

“Justin…  _ please _ …” She couldn’t stand it any longer. He responded by leaving the swollen nub completely, slipping his tongue into her entrance and caressing it along the front. Pressure began to build in her belly as his sweet torture continued.

Gliding out of her entrance, his tongue made its way back up her core until he held her swollen nub between his lips. She gripped the sheets on either side of her as he sucked it into his mouth and flicked his tongue over the swollen, sensitive tip.

The pressure built… the sweet torture continued… her hips moved against his face… begging for  _ more _ … she needed  _ more _ ... The speed of his ministrations increased to match the rhythm of her hips. His tongue slipped back into her entrance and pressed against the front of it… letting her own motion create the massage… then wound its way back to her swollen clit… sucking it into his mouth… holding it gently with his teeth… running and flicking the tip of his tongue across it. Suddenly her breath caught… her body froze…

The orgasm slammed into her like a tsunami… arching her back… bucking her hips… Justin stayed with her… tongue still caressing her... dipping into her opening… lapping up the juices that flowed from her body… carrying her through the wave train that continued to roll and crest through her.

When her body calmed and the waves settled into a gently rolling sea, he kissed his way back up her body and pulled her into his arms. She relaxed into him as she fought to catch her breath. Finally, she calmed down enough to speak.

“Gods, Justin… That was… wow…”

“So, you enjoyed it?” She could hear the gentle teasing tone in his voice.

She smacked him lightly in the chest and raised herself up onto one elbow, looking down at him. “ _ Enjoyed _ it? How the hell do people get through the day without wanting to stop every five minutes for another fix?”

He rolled onto his back in a fit of laughter. “Their  _ fix _ ?”

She flopped down on her back and laughed with him. The laughter quickly became contagious, each of them laughing at the other until they were out of breath.

**Ensign, the time is now 0500. Ensign, the time is…**

“Computer, silence alarm and reset for 24 hours.”

He rolled back up on his side, elbow propping him up, and stroked a hand down her body. “I’d almost forgotten.”

“Forgotten what?” Her hand found its way down his torso.

“That there’s an entire world outside of this room… this bed… you.”

She smiled. “I know how you feel. But we have to move… if only so we can clean our teeth… and get a cup of coffee.”

“You and your coffee! But I agree with you - at least about cleaning our teeth.”

Sitting up to look for her robe, she realized that he didn’t have one - that he really didn’t have anything to put on. “Justin, we have to hurry so you can get back to your quarters before too many people are out. You don’t have much in the way of clothes here, considering you only had pajama pants on when you got here last night.”

“Maybe I can get Rabbit to send something over for me.”

Rynna hurriedly cleaned her teeth, then headed to the outer room for a cup of coffee, while Justin finished with his. Cup for each of them in her hand, she turned to head back to her room, then spied something on her sofa. It was Justin’s uniform, along with a small padd meant for short notes.

“You won’t need to comm Rabbit, Justin.”

He appeared in the doorway to her bedroom. “Why? Have you decided to make me your slave and keep me locked in here for whenever you need a  _ fix _ ?”

“Ha! I wish! I think someone would eventually come looking for you. See for yourself.” She pointed to her sofa.

Shaking his head, he moved to the sofa and picked up the note padd. “It’s from Rabbit. ‘We’ll talk later.’ That’s all it says.” He groaned and gave her a sheepish look. “I think I’m in trouble.”

“The chaperones strike, again… Well, at least you don’t have to try to race out of here. We’ll have plenty of time to get ready.” She moved to him and gave him a deep kiss.

“Mmnn… You taste more like you, now.”

“Huh?”

“You taste like coffee.” He took the cups she still had in her hand and placed them on the end table, then pulled her in for another kiss.

“Eep!” She was airborne, again. He picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist, then headed back towards her bedroom. 

“Let’s see what we can do with that extra time.”

They ended up in the sonic shower together, the tingle of the sonic waves on their skin heightening the feel of each other. She took him into her mouth again, bringing him to orgasm while he tried vainly to grasp handfuls of the smooth shower wall.

As a result, they both had to clean their bodies and their teeth all over again. They finished too late to join the team for breakfast, so ate hurriedly from her replicator and headed out to the lab deck.

“It’s about time you joined us.” Trench spotted them first - and handled the situation with her typical directness. “We were thinking about sending out a search party, then we realized where you would be. What took you so long?”

The red that rose to Rynna’s cheeks was enough of an answer for her friend. She managed to sign ‘L A T E R’ to Trench before Rabbit joined in. 

He crossed his arms in front of his chest and gave Justin an accusing look. “Yes… What  _ did _ take you so long?”

“Can’t a couple decide to enjoy a private breakfast?” He returned Rabbit’s look with one of his own.

“I don’t know - we all miss her. You can’t hog her all to yourself, Justin.” Once again, Trench saved the day.

“Perhaps we can all meet for lunch - or dinner. Until then, I really must go. I think my  _ lovely _ lab partner might report me to Simmons if I miss even a minute of duty time.” She and Trench shared a mutual eyeroll.

Justin turned to Rynna and gave her light kiss on the cheek. Worried that, regardless of his current mood, he might still have trouble making it through the data, she took the chance to whisper in his ear. “Remember, O Wise One, you are the one in charge.”

“Thank you, my love. Comm me if you need a  _ fix _ .”

She let go of him and gave him a playful slap on his chest with the back of her hand, then headed down the corridor laughing.

 

Jeans shut his computer and sat back “I think it’s time we called it a night. Everything is starting to blur together.”

Tina checked the time and followed suit. “You’re right. It’s nearly 2000 hours.”

The team gathered up the various padds and entered the security locks on their data.

“At least we’re almost at the end. There’s only a few minutes of data left to compile.”

“All we’ve done so far is separate the data into categories, Rabbit. We still have to read it before we can give our report.”

“Relax, Polly. I think we can give Admiral Janeway a preliminary based on the categories, alone.”

“Yes, let him decide how far he wants us to go before we get home. Isn’t that what we told Dash?”

“You’re right, Spider. He does have an entire group of analysts to help out when we get back to Earth. The categories might be all he needs to organize just who he wants to touch it.”

With the lab cleaned up and systems locked, they all started to head for the door. Rabbit grabbed Tina’s arm. “I think it’s time we had that  _ chat _ I mentioned this morning. Let’s head to your quarters.”

Rabbit remained silent all the way there. Once inside, he started in.

“What the hell happened last night?”

“Other than the best night’s sleep I’ve had in what feels like forever?”

“Justin, I nearly panicked when I found only your comm badge in your quarters last night. Luckily, I thought to check Rynna’s for your biosignature before I set off any alarms.”

“I couldn't sleep… one of those nights when just closing my eyes is all it takes. It was building for a while.”

“I know. Why do you think I was checking on you? You’ve been slowly slipping all week to the point where I was about to pull you.”

“Rynna said you would understand if I needed a break.”

“She was -  _ is _ \- right. We all noticed it was getting to you.”

“All I could think of last night was Rynna. I needed  _ her _ . The more I tossed, the worse it got.”

“So you went to see her.”

“I don't remember deciding to go… or even going… all of a sudden I was in her quarters.”

“So you left without even thinking of taking your commbadge. I was afraid you’d left it behind on purpose.”

“Oh, I left more than my commbadge behind… I left without a shirt… shoes… even a robe. All I had on was my sleepers. Thank you, by the way, for sending my uniform and commbadge over.”

“How did she react when she saw you that way?”

“She reminded me of some things I had said to her… pointed out that what we’re doing will help keep others safe... threw my own words back at me.”

“Did you two talk about  _ why _ this always gets to you?”

“No.”

“That would have been a perfect opportunity to start that conversation.”

“Perhaps… but we didn’t.”

“Then what did you do?”

“You know, Mike, I think it’s time for the details of my private time with Rynna to become  _ private _ .”

“I would love nothing more than to be able to butt out of your  _ private time _ with Rynna. Except it seems that I keep getting emergency comms when you have some.”

“Once, Mike. Just once. We did talk about that last night. We worked through it… what happened that night isn’t an issue anymore.”

“There are going to be  _ other  _ issues, Justin. You can't keep it secret from her.”

“Why is it so important to you that she knows?”

“She’s not the only one of you still trying to come to terms with the Cardassians. You think you’ve fixed her problem from that night, but what if it had been  _ you _ that got upset? She would have had no idea what was going on.”

“I would never hurt her.”

“That’s not the message you gave me that night. You were half out of your mind because you thought you had. She needs to understand why I had to sedate you that night… why it took you two days to recover… why we watch the two of you and intervene when things go wrong.”

Justin sighed. “She would have been terrified if she saw me that way.”

“Exactly... If  _ she  _ has trouble you’re able to help her because you know what she’s been through. She doesn’t have that same information about  _ you _ .”

“What do you expect me to say to her? ‘Oh, by the way… I laid next to a woman while she was being gang raped and did nothing.’ That will be a lovely conversation!”

“Justin, you know that's not exactly what happened. You're leaving out one very important detail.”

“It's an  _ excuse _ … not a detail.”

“Crickets, Justin! If you're going back down this crooked path, I should have you locked back up!”

“What’s she going to think of me if I tell her, Mike? I don't think I can handle the look in her eyes… the anger… the disappoin....”

“Don’t you trust her?”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t you trust her to know who you really are? Are you afraid that she’ll run if you lift the rock up and let her see all the muck and mud on the underside? Face it - she’ll react to your story pretty much the same way I did.”

“Perhaps we should have you standing by with your med kit - I seem to recall that you broke your hand on the wall of my padded cell that day…”

“That’s not a bad idea - she might just do the same thing. Never underestimate Rynna, or her reaction to something you think might be a little too outside the norm.”

“Such as?”

“Such as her response to learning about my harem.”

“Ha! Your  _ harem _ ? Where the hell did you come up with  _ that _ ?”

“Rynna came up with it when I was explaining the origin of my name. I was afraid that she would deck me, but she shrugged her shoulders and said my companions probably used me as much as I used them.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“She said that love is messy and distracting, and that the women probably appreciated the freedom of not having to deal with that part.”

“She’s right… love  _ is _ messy… and distracting.”

“Why do you think I steer clear of it?”

“That’s a conversation we are not going to have tonight. You know I have my own opinions about your love life.”

“I can't chance it, Justin. It's better this way.”

“Love isn’t just  _ messy  _ and  _ distracting _ , Mike. It’s also  _ wonderful _ .”

“Crickets, now you sound like a romance novel.”

“I have half a mind to contact your favorite lady, myself, and let her in on your big secret.”

“Considering you have no idea who she is or where she lives, that’s a rather empty threat.”

“Oh, I know  _ exactly _ who she is - and where to find her. I’ve known for years. You really shouldn’t have joined me for Monthly Margaritas right after you met her.”

“Please don’t, Justin. You have it easy - Rynna knows who you are and exactly what you do. She’s even been on the receiving end of it. Coming and going… secrets… Even if she doesn’t like it, she’ll understand completely and without resentment.  _ I  _ don’t have that luxury. As long as she’s just part of the harem, I get to keep her - no secrets… no resentment...”

“No  _ wonderful _ , either Mike. You can find a way to do it - there’s always a way.”

“I can’t - won’t - risk it. Leave it alone… Please.”

“I was just teasing, my friend. I may not agree with your decision, but I appreciate why you would feel the way you do. I wouldn’t go behind your back like that.”

The door chimed and the two friends looked at each other with matching grins. “I’ll give you three guesses…”

“... and the first two don’t count!”

“Come in, Rynna!” 

 

Rynna bounced on her toes, waiting for the turbolift to deposit her on the deck where Justin’s quarters were. She’d been like this all day. The events of the past 24 hours were better and more exciting than the day her honors thesis was approved and the day she graduated from the Academy, combined.

Even the scowl on her lab partner's face had not been able to bring her down. The woman obviously knew nothing about love. That would certainly explain the constant sour look. 

Expecting that Justin would come to see her when the team broke for the night, she’d headed back to her quarters after her duty shift ended and proceeded to pretend to read. When her door chimed, though, it was DeeDee on the other side, looking for the story about why she and Justin had missed breakfast. 

Eager to see Justin, she’d given her friend a brief overview of Justin's late night visit, the idea that they had spent some ‘intimate’ time together ( _ No, DeeDee, we did not have sex. _ ), and the fact that they had told each other of their feelings.

DeeDee was excited and happy for her - and completely understanding of Rynna’s reluctance to have a long detailed chat. After a quick trip through the lounge (which was currently being used as the bar it was meant to be) for a cup of coffee, they parted ways.

The lift finally deposited on her deck and she set off down the corridor towards Justin's door. Luckily, his quarters were rather close to the turbolift she had used, so the distance wasn't too far. She wanted to see him… touch him… kiss him… hear him say ‘I love you’ again… feel his hands caress her body again…

She shivered with anticipation, then pressed the chime. 

The door opened to reveal Justin... and Mike. Her heart sank a notch - she’d expected Justin to be alone.

“H-hi! Am I interrupting?”

Justin stood and held out his hand to her. She took it and moved next to him. He bent to kiss her on the cheek, and whispered in her ear. “Never, my love.” 

Her heart sang…  _ My love _ … she didn't think she would ever get enough of hearing him say those words to her.

“We were just discussing your reaction to Mike’s nickname.”

“The harem? Quite a setup, isn't it?”

They settled onto the sofa next to each other. “You're really not bothered by it?”

She shrugged. “Two consenting adults enjoying each other's company…” She turned to look at Mike with a saucy grin. “Although, I'm thinking that you must be very good at… ‘keeping them company’… A boy-toy is only good for one thing.”

Justin doubled over in laughter as Mike’s fair skin turned bright red. 

“Is that how you got Trench to agree with you? By calling him a boy-toy?”

“Oh, she doesn't agree with me at all. We've called a truce.” She tipped her head to one side. “Although… now that you mention it, she might like that analogy.”

Mike stood. “I think the turn of this conversation is my cue to leave.”

“Don't go now, Mike. The fun is just getting started!” Still doubled over in laughter, Justin was having trouble speaking. “I want to hear what else she has to say!”

Rynna stood. “I had no intention of pushing you out, Mike. Please don't go just because I teased you.”

“Thank you, my dear Rynna, but no worries. I'm leaving because the two of you have more important things to talk about than picking on me.”

The two walked towards the door together, leaving Justin to gather himself back together on the sofa.

“More important things?”

“Justin and I got on the topic of my harem because of the rest of the conversation you and I had a few weeks ago. I think it's high time the two of you had that conversation, don't you?”

She glanced back at Justin. “I was waiting…”

“You're waiting… he's waiting… meanwhile, the whole topic sits like a black hole between you.” He leaned forward to place a brotherly peck on her cheek and took the opportunity to whisper in her ear. “He's terrified you won't love him if you know. Prove him wrong.”

With that, he squeezed her hand and let her go. “Goodnight Justin! Notice that Rynna has just proven my point - never underestimate her!”

She watched the doors close and took a deep breath. It seemed she was going to have to force a conversation she wasn't sure she wanted to have. She turned back to find a sobered Justin studying her.

“It seems you’ve been given your marching orders, too.”

Nodding, she moved to sit back down next to him. “I have - and he’s right. We do need to talk.” She took his hand and squeezed it. “I need to hear your story.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready to tell you, Rynna.”

“Are you not ready for me to know, or are you not ready for my reaction?”

He studied her face for a moment, then looked away. “For your reaction.”

“Then let me ease your fears…” She touched his face and gently brought it back to her. Kissing him gently, she held his eyes. “I already know, Justin.”

His eyes went wide with surprise and his hand gripped hers. “What? How?”

“Mike told me… the day after  _ that night, _ while you were still sleeping off your sedative.”

He let go of her hand and, jumping up, began to pace. “I can’t believe this! He had  _ no right _ to tell you! I told him what happened  _ in confidence _ and this is how he repays me?”

She remained seated, arms crossed in front of her, watching him pace. “He  _ repaid _ you by being a friend - by fulfilling an obligation on his  _ friend’s  _ behalf. I needed to know, Justin.”

“It still doesn’t give him the right!”

“He decided it was too important to wait until you recovered, that I needed to know right away so that I could _help_ _you_ recover. He was right. Do you remember the night after, when we slept here in your quarters?”

“Most of that day - and night - is a still a blur for me, Rynna.”

“You had nightmares all night… severe… terrible… horrifying… If I hadn’t known your story I would have been out of my mind, too. Instead, I was able to talk you through them… understand what you were talking about when your fear put me in Lamb’s place... recognize that it was your  _ own _ history creating those visions instead of a warped version of mine.”

Her calm, logical voice and refusal to get agitated, deflated his anger. He sat back down on the sofa, head hanging between his shoulders. “I should have been the one to tell you.” He said it almost under his breath.

“Yes, you should have. But you didn’t… and I didn’t force the issue when I could have. We both avoided it. Mike saw what had to be done, so he did it. Your  _ best friend _ laid his friendship with you on the line so that you and I could have a chance. You owe him your thanks - not your anger.”

“I didn’t want you to know… couldn’t bear the thought of you knowing how I failed her.”

“Tell me how you think you failed her? By not being able to move?”

“You told me you knew the story.”

“I know why you were there and what happened while you were there. Mike said it was for you to tell me how you got out.”

“I guess I’m supposed to thank him for leaving at least some of it to me? Crickets! That’s the worst part!”

Rynna laid a comforting hand on his arm and spoke softly. “He told me what I needed to know for the situation we were dealing with. That’s as far as it went. I need for you to be willing to open up for me… to tell me what  _ really _ happened.”

He covered his face with his hands. “Rynna, I don’t know if I can…”

She leaned forward and removed his hands from his face, replacing them with hers, and turned him to face her. “Justin, listen to me. I love you. I love you regardless of what happened. I love you even more because of how you were affected by what happened.”

“How I was affected?”

“I don’t think I could love a man who wasn’t upset about what you’d been forced to witness. Now, tell me the rest… get it out before it swallows you.”

  
  



	14. Chapter 14

Rynna sat on the sofa in the dark silence of Justin’s quarters, quietly crying. She’d just settled him down from yet another nightmare - the third in as many hours. She wasn’t surprised that he was having them after telling her his story. 

What Justin had shared with her was even more heartbreaking than what she'd heard from Mike. Without asking, Rynna knew that Justin had not told anyone else the full truth of what happened in that Cardassian camp. If he had, SF would  _ never _ have let him to return to duty - administrative… advisory… nothing. He would have been immediately  _ retired _ to the highest-security long-term psychiatric facility available and simply left there until he died.

Justin stirred where he rested against her shoulder, asleep but still dreaming fitfully. She paused her musings for a moment to run her hand soothingly down his face and whisper calming words in his ear. How did he sleep at all without dream suppressants? This was what he must truly have meant when he said he’d conquered fear.

Truth be told, she wasn’t sure if  _ she _ would be able to sleep - not with the knowledge of his story fresh in her mind. She sighed and rested her cheek on his head, going back over it one more time… hoping that the more she became familiar with it, the less it would shock her. It wasn’t working.

Mike had given her the impression that this side-by-side rape/torture had happened only once - that may be what he thought to be the truth. It wasn’t. 

After that first time, the two prisoners had realized they could use the situation to their advantage. The next time it happened, Lamb pilfered items from their pockets while the guards were on top of her - two knives and one of the torture device controllers - and passed them over to Justin. He fought through his torture to remain conscious and aware enough to hide the items in his pockets.

When the Cardassians were finished with that round of ‘fun’, Justin and Lamb had rolled toward each other like they always did. This time, instead of providing comfort and warmth to each other, they studied the device. They figured out how to work it so they could turn down the intensity of Justin’s torture - enough so he could function, but not so much that the guards noticed.

The plan was simple - Lamb would pilfer the keys to their chains and pass them to Justin, who would unlock his, then hers, kill the guard, then they would escape into the forest surrounding the prison camp. It was simple enough - each of them were only cuffed at one wrist, all they had to do was position Lamb so that her cuff was on Justin’s side.

Right as Justin was getting into position to remove her cuff, however, the guard wrapped her chain around her neck, pulling her hand up next to the guard's face and out of Justin’s reach. He couldn’t back out - Justin’s cuff had already fallen loose and there was no way to reattach it without being seen. 

Knowing that he was going to have to try escaping on his own, Lamb begged him to kill her. He slashed the guard’s throat then did the same with her - plunging it into her chest for good measure - then ran.

Once he got past the border, the guards gave up the chase. Not realizing he had one of the controllers, they simply assumed he would die quickly from extensive nerve damage caused by the torture device. 

Once he was in the clear, he circled back and snuck onto a supply freighter. He killed the pilot after they had cleared Cardassian security nets and set course for the nearest Federation planet.

That was it - a seemingly simple escape plan, if not for the horrors required to put it in motion. Justin had related the events to her in simple, matter-of-fact statements - no sugarcoating, but no embellishments, either.

Justin stirred again, mumbling something she couldn’t understand. She gently stroked his face, cupping his cheek, and whispering in his ear. Resting her lips on the top of his head, she decided that she would have to wake him up so they could move into the bedroom. This wasn’t working. She needed to hold him - for both of their comfort.

The faint crackle of electricity and soft blue glow alerted her to a transport. A padd appeared on the end table next to her and a small overnight bag appeared on the floor in front of it. Rabbit to the rescue, again. She turned on the padd to read his note.

_ Rynna, _

_ I always scan Justin’s quarters to make sure he’s sleeping alright. He’s asleep - you aren’t. Wake him up and get into bed. Trench packed you a bag.  _

_ According to Sarah’s sickbay records, you both came in with the Andorran flu tonight. You’re on bed rest for tomorrow. Get some sleep. _

_ I’m hoping from your positions that he has finally opened up to you. Do you need anything from me? I can send over a sleeping aid if he needs help getting settled back down. _

_ Forgive me one self-centered question - does he hate me? _

_ Type your answers at the bottom of this note, then hit the red button at the bottom of the padd. It will beam back to me. _

 

  * __Mike__



 

 

What a dear sweet soul! Justin was a very lucky man to have such a great friend in his life. She shifted her shoulder under Justin’s head so she could get both hands free to type a response.

 

_ Mike, _

_ Yes, we talked. It’s no wonder he didn’t want to tell me. _

_ He’s sleeping fitfully. I’ll comm you if he can’t get back to sleep once I move him. _

_ No, he doesn’t hate you. He was angry when he found out - and frustrated when he found out he actually had to tell me the rest. I think I got him to understand exactly why you did it. _

_ Thank you for the flu. I’ve never had it, so it will be an adventure, I’m sure. _

_ Thank Trench for packing my bag. Please tell her that she does not have permission to keep any souvenirs from my underwear drawer! _

_ You’re a good friend, Mike - to both of us. _

 

  * __Love, Rynna__



 

 

She laid the padd flat in her hand and, pressing the red button, watched it disappear in a crackling blue haze.

Turning her attention back to the sleeping man on her shoulder, she cupped his cheek again. “Justin. You need to wake up so we can move.” He stirred, but then settled again.

“I need you to sit up, Justin. My shoulder is falling asleep.” She jiggled her shoulder up and down underneath his head.

“Mmm?”

“Wake up. I’m cold and I want to lay down.” That did it. He sat up slowly.

“I’m sorry, Rynna. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you. How long have I been out?”

“A couple of hours. Can we move into bed, now? I don’t want to sound like a whiny admiral, but I’m cold and all I want to do is hold you.”

“I figured you wanted to leave, now.”

“Why would I want to leave? Are you kicking me out?”

“I’d love for you to stay, Rynna, but I understand if you don’t want to be around someone who would do what I did.”

“For heaven’s sake, Justin. You did what you had to do. You wouldn’t have had time to remove her chain once the guards knew you were loose… And I’m not sure she had any plans to go with you in the first place.”

He stared at her. “What do you mean?”

“Justin, I’m having enough trouble coming to terms with what I went through - and that was only once. She’d been there for how long? Had to endure that how many times?” She shook her head. “I don’t think she wanted to live anymore.”

He continued to stare at her for a few more moments, then dropped his head. “You told me how you felt after that dream…”

She touched his face and pulled it so she could see his eyes. “Exactly… I love you, Justin. That won’t change… ever.” 

A single tear rolled down his cheek. “I love you, too. I don’t deserve you…”

Wiping the tear from his cheek, she kissed him gently. “Now, can we go to bed? I’m still cold.”

Justin stood and held his hand out to her. “There’s nothing I would rather do, my love.”

Taking his hand, Rynna grabbed the bag that Trench had packed for her and stood. Justin eyed the bag, then looked at her with a question on his face. “Compliments of Rabbit and Trench… We both have the flu, by the way. At least that’s what sickbay records say.”

“The flu? Bed rest is usually what’s prescribed for that, you know.”

She led him towards the bedroom. “I know.”

“You know… it would be just like Trench to  _ forget  _ to pack you a nightgown.”

Laughing, she plunked the small bag on the bed and began rummaging through it. “Let’s see what I have… Teeth cleaner… clothes for tomorrow… ah! Nightgown  _ and _ robe.”

Arms slid around her waist from behind her and pulled her close into his chest. “I’m almost disappointed.” His lips feathered across her neck.

“Mmm… I don’t have to wear it, you know.”

Tongue joined lips, teasing around her ear, then settled in that sensitive spot behind it. “That would definitely minimize the amount of time it took you to get into bed.”

“Ahhh… you have a point…” She moaned as his hands found their way under her shirt. “Promise to keep me warm?”

“Always, my love… always.”

The nightgown dropped from her hands and back into the bag as his hands found the buttons on her shirt. “No sleepers for you, either. I want to feel your skin.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Her shirt slipped from her shoulders and fell to the floor between the two of them.

“Don’t call me ma’am… I don’t like... ahhh…” Her pants slipped down around her ankles and his hands found their way to her core… gently caressing it over her panties.

“Mmm… Let’s see… no Princess… no Hellcat… no Ma’am… What am I allowed to call you?” Her bra joined the ever-growing pile of clothes on the floor.

“My love, Justin…” She turned in his arms and kissed him deeply. “Call me my love for the rest of my life.”

“Gladly.” He was still in his uniform, so she began the tedious process of removing the many layers. Jacket… tunic… tank… all made their way to the pile at their feet.

Finally, she reached his bare chest… kissing it in the center, then running her tongue up his collarbone to his neck. “Much better.”

He kissed her deeply, pulling her hips into his. She could feel his erection pulsing against her belly. Pulling her hips slightly away from him, she palmed it through his pants, making him groan.

Unaccustomed to unfastening them from that angle, she struggled briefly with the fasteners for his pants… slapping his hand away when he tried to help her. When they finally fell to the floor, she discovered that he wore no underwear.

At her raised eyebrow, he shrugged. “Every second counts when you have to get dressed in a hurry.”

“Don’t they chafe?”

Another shrug. “You get used to it.” He kissed her again, then stepped back. “We need to clean our teeth. I’ll want to kiss you in the morning.”

Uncomfortable with walking around nearly naked, she grabbed the robe still laying on top of her bag and put it on. His expression was unreadable. “What?”

He shook his head. “Let’s clean our teeth, then I’m going to ask you for a favor.”

Slightly confused, she grabbed her teeth cleaner and followed him into his bathroom. The simple ordinaryness of standing side by side cleaning their teeth made her smile.

When they were finished, he led her back into the bedroom. He placed her bag on the floor in the corner of the room and pulled the covers back, but then sat down on the end of the bed, pulling her toward him. His hands traveled under her robe, smoothing over her skin, then pulled her panties down over her hips, letting them drop around her ankles.

She moved to take off her robe, but he stopped her. “Leave it on?”

Curious, she did as he asked. He moved back on the bed until he was near the top, then beckoned for her to join him. Laying down, he guided her over him then kissed her, running his hands through her hair and letting it fall to either side of his face. Smoothing his hands up her sides, he guided her robe to drape over him.

“Tell me you love me…” He whispered against her lips.

“You know I love you, Justin.”

A sigh came from deep within him, and she felt something loosen in him… like some of the tension he lived in every day had gone from his body.

“Justin? What…”

He cupped her face and kissed her deeply. “I have a confession to make… I understand what you mean by  _ Safe _ .”

A smile crossed her lips. “Really?”

“Here… with you over me… both of us under the silk of your robe… your hair blocking us from the world… This is _ Safe _ .  _ You _ are  _ Safe _ . I-I’ve never felt anything like it.”

She kissed him gently. “Freeing, isn’t it? Like some part of you can let go… trust in something outside of yourself.”

“Exactly… I’ll never doubt you again, Rynna. We all need to make our own level of safety in the outside world, but here… together... in our  _ own _ world…”

“We’re  _ Safe _ .” She laid down fully on top of him and rested her head on his shoulder.

After a few quiet moments, he slipped her robe off and tossed it over the edge of the bed. “You didn’t have to do that. You could have left it on.”

“It would get wound up around you while you slept.” He pulled the covers over them, then rolled them to their sides. “This is good enough.”

They kissed and caressed each other for a little longer, then finally settled down to sleep -  _ Safe _ in each other’s arms.

Neither one of them dreamed.

 

The boat rocked gently with the slow movement of the water. They had just finished a session of ‘lovemaking’ - as Rynna thought of it. Justin had made it halfway back up her body, and was now resting his head on her chest, idly drawing circles on her stomach.

“Justin.” She stopped running her hands through his hair.

“Hmn?”

“Are you ready?”

He lifted his head to look at her. “For what?”

“Sex. Are you ready for sex?”

Justin placed one last gentle kiss on her belly, then finished his journey up her body. “Are you?”

“I think so… Are  _ you _ ?

Sighing, he rolled their bodies to the side so they could see each other. “As long as you're sure, Rynna, I'm ready.”

“No, Justin. You have to be sure, too. I've heard that it hurts for some women. Are you ready to cause that pain? Can you handle it?”

Raising himself up on one elbow, he gently caressed her cheek. “I have some concerns about it, but as long as you're not afraid, I can work through them.”

“That's just the thing, Justin. I _ am _ afraid. I've realized that the only way to get past it is to go through the experience. Will that upset you?” 

He sighed. “You're right. Some fears can only be conquered when you face them head-on.” He looked into her eyes. “Just tell me that this fear is nothing more than first time jitters.”

“Of course, Justin.” She lied. Reaching up and cupping his cheek, she pulled him down for a kiss. 

 

This was it. There was no way around it. She was going to throw up.

Tonight was the night…  _ the _ night.

After some discussion, they had decided to wait until Friday. That way, they would have the time to recover - either good or bad - without interfering with duty shifts.

They also agreed to tell no one. This was between the two of them. Unless things went horribly wrong, there would be no call for help. No Rabbit or Trench to save the day with sedatives and comforting chats.

A ‘comforting chat’ would be really nice right now, though. She had been on edge all day. Fear crept in from all sides and it was everything she could do to keep it from growing into terror. Her lab partner had threatened to call Simmons if she didn't stop jittering.

The older woman had finally taken some padds and left in a huff, muttering about how the busy mess hall would be easier to work in. The departure had been both good and bad - Good because she no longer had to try restraining herself. Bad because that meant that she now had nothing to use as distraction.

About a half hour before her shift ended, she gave up and began clearing up the lab. The focus required gave her a bit of respite from her thoughts - for about 20 minutes. 

It was just enough time that she felt it was late enough for her to leave. She set out to wait for the team outside their lab. She needed to see Justin. She didn't want to wait the extra five minutes it would take him to meet her at her quarters.

Now that her father had decided that the ongoing analysis of the data should be done on a more focused basis, the team ramped their work hours back down to normal levels… which meant that they had more social time… which also meant that they could sneak out early on occasion.

It seemed that this was one of those days. She didn't have to wait the full ten minutes for them to appear. The door to the lab swished open to the sound of laughter.

“Rynna! Playing hooky, too?” Trench was always the one to count on loudly stating the obvious.

She tried her best to match her friend’s joviality. “My babysitter left early, so I figured I could do the same.”

“Hmph… babysitter… isn't it long past the time for that whole thing to go away?”

“You would think that, wouldn't you Jeans? I can't decide if he’s forgotten about it, or if he’s still trying to punish me for getting his complaints overruled.”

“Which reminds me. You never did tell me why that message about a prom date worked.”

A knowing glance passed between her and Trench. “I'm sorry, Jeans, that information is classified.”

“A  _ prom date _ is classified?” Spider shook his head. “Starfleet royalty is beyond me.”

“Yeah… I guess that whole thing about not getting you out of trouble isn't always true.”

Justin emerged from the lab. “It wasn't her that benefited from that. It was me and Admiral Paris. She was just cashing in on a favor - something that had very little to do with pedigree.” He bent and kissed her on the cheek. “Hi, love.”

It was official - she would never get over the thrill of hearing him call her that. “You know? How did you find out?”

“I asked at just the right time for them to be open about giving me the truth.” He looked more closely at her face, then leaned in close to her, again. “Are you alright?”

“I'm fine. Just… my stomach is a little upset.”

“You're still coming to eat with us, aren't you? We're having a picnic on the holodeck. Jeans was going to ask you about your mom's coleslaw.”

The mere thought of food made her stomach turn over and she swallowed hard to keep the bile down. She hadn't even been able to get down the smoothie she’d replicated for herself at lunch.

Justin jumped in before she could respond. “How about I take her to her quarters to get changed and try to settle her stomach, Polly. Then we can go from there.”

“I'll give you the replicator code for the coleslaw, Jeans. You can have it whether I'm there, or not.” Her mother would probably kill her for giving someone else access to the recipe, but hopefully, the woman would never find out.

Justin put his arm around her waist and guided her to the turbolift. Just being with him made her feel a little better. 

As soon as the turbolift doors closed he pulled her close. “Are you sure you're alright? Your face is pale and you're shaking.”

“I'm fine, Justin. Really. I'm just… nervous.”

He was silent for the remainder of the ride and the walk down the corridor. When they finally made it inside her quarters, he pulled her gently into his arms.

“Rynna, maybe this isn't such a good idea. If you're so nervous that you can't even eat…”

“I said I'm fine, Justin. I'm going to be nervous, regardless.”

“How about a compromise? We'll change the focus to  _ if _ instead of  _ now _ . We're going to say that there is no holding back if the time is right, but we're not going to put any specific time or day on it. Ok?”

She sighed. He was right. As much as she just wanted it to be over with, she wanted to enjoy it, too. In her current frame of mind, she wasn't going to enjoy anything.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she turned her face up for a kiss. “Deal…” 

“Now, let's see about getting your stomach settled.” The kiss he gave her set her on fire, and she moaned into his mouth.

Parts of her uniform began sliding off her body… jacket… tunic… tank… finally her bra topped the pile on the floor at their feet. As each item fell away, the newly-revealed skin was met with his mouth. Tiny kisses… gentle nips… soothing tongue.

He ran his thumbs over her taught nipples, then wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off the floor. Without letting go of his mouth, she wrapped her legs around his hips and kissed him while he walked them into the bedroom.

“Eep!” She let out a small squeal when he tossed her on the bed. The sound ended in a moan as his lips found her again… traveling down her torso… following as he pulled her pants down her legs… skimming softly over her panties drenched with desire… following her panties as they, too, slid down her legs. 

He placed her feet on his shoulders. As he moved back up to her core, kissing and nipping her inner thighs, her knees bent and fell to the sides… opening her up for him completely.

“So beautiful…” The words whispered across her sensitive nub before he ran his flattened tongue over her entire clit. Her body spasmed, already so close to orgasm that she nearly went right over the edge.

They’d spent quite a bit of time exploring each other and what gave each of them the most pleasure. She suspected he’d done that to get her to relax and enjoy his ministrations. It worked.

He brought her back from the brink, then back towards it again and again, coaxing her to abandon. She was writhing on the bed consumed with need - too far gone to even be able to beg. 

Finally, he brought her over the edge with one final tug on her swollen nub, grasping it lightly between his teeth and flicking the tip of his tongue over the tip.

The orgasm hit her like a freight train… rolling over the tracks in rocking shudders and gasping breaths. He brought her down gently, then moved up to hold her as her body swayed, then finally stilled.

It took her a few moments to catch her breath. “Crickets, Justin. Your idea of how to settle a queasy stomach is much better than anything Tillman would be able to come up with.”

“Are you saying that it should be entered in the medical logs as a viable option for a cure?”

She stroked his face, then cupped it, pulling him towards her. “Not if it means I have to share you.” She whispered against his lips just before he captured hers.

“I love you, Rynna. Please don't ever get yourself so worried that you get sick.”

“I'll do my best. I love you, too, Justin.”

*Trench to Tina. How's she feeling?*

Despite her nakedness, Justin was still fully dressed in his uniform. The hail came almost directly into her ear where it was resting on his chest.

Tapping his badge, she answered for him… voice still lazy from her release. “ _ She's _ better Trench. We should be there in a few minutes. Dash out.”

Turning to look up at Justin's face she smiled. “How the hell am I going to explain the goofy grin on my face, when I'm supposed to have been sick?”

“It's probably best to just admit the truth. You know Trench will see through any excuse you come up with.”

She smacked him lightly on his chest, then rolled them over so he was on his back with her above him. “Perhaps I should just leave you locked up in here and let Trench announce all kinds of ideas about what I've done to you.”

“Perhaps  _ I _ should be the one doing the  _ locking up _ . He ran his thumbs lightly over her nipples, then captured one in his mouth.

Despite her recent mind-blowing orgasm, her body came alive once more. Her hips began rocking against his, the friction causing him to harden.

She leaned forward and captured his lips in a passionate kiss, then sat back up, bringing him with her. Still rocking her hips against his, she began removing his uniform. His moans were punctuated between kisses and nips to her neck and breasts.

The last piece of his uniform tops made it off his his body, leaving her plenty of skin. She made good use of the access and placed her own kisses and nips on it, nails grabbing into his back as he caught her nipple in his teeth and ran them gently over it.

Reaching down, she unfastened his pants and slid her hand inside to stroke his rock hard penis. He stopped her.

“Either we comm Trench back and tell her we're not going to make it, or you need to stop.”

She couldn't still the movement of her hips against him. “I don't want to stop, Justin.”

“Truthfully, I don't want you to stop, either. Find my jacket. I'll tell her you fell asleep just after you ended the connection.”

Bracing herself against his shoulder, she reached over the edge of the bed to find where she’d tossed his jacket, commbadge still attached.

Using one hand to still the movement of her hips, he tapped the badge. “Tina to Trench.”

*Hey, what's taking you so long?*

“She dozed off right after she talked to you. I don't think we're going to make it.”

*Dozed off? Sure she did.* The sarcasm in her voice was unmistakable. *Will we see you for breakfast?*

Rynna sucked his earlobe into her mouth, letting it drag lightly back out between her teeth.

“Ahh…” He struggled to keep his voice even. “We'll see how she feels in the morning.”

*Sure you will… Trench out.* 

He tapped his badge and placed it on her nightstand. “You're evil.” 

“You know she didn't believe a word you said.” Her hips were once more moving against him.

“I was at least able to make it sound convincing until you… ahhhh.”

Her hand had slipped back into his pants and was stroking him again. 

He laid back on the bed, pulling her with him, then rolled them over so he was on top of her. She reveled in the feel of him… his weight on her… surrounded by his essence.

Supporting himself on one elbow, he eased his pants over his hips then pushed them down his legs. In a move well-practiced over the past weeks, she hooked her foot on the waistband and pushed them the rest of the way down.

Kicking them off his feet, he pressed his hips back into hers and returned his attention to her breasts… toying with her nipples… circling them with his tongue… sucking them gently through his teeth… flicking the tip with his tongue.

Her hips were still moving unconsciously against him. His throbbing member sliding through her wet folds along her sensitive nub. 

It had happened several times before. She had enjoyed it each time, but had never felt any need to go further. This time was different. This time she realized that she wanted to feel him sliding  _ inside _ her - not just  _ against _ her.

“Now, Justin…” Her voice was breathy with desire.

He let go of her breast and stared at her. “Are you sure? We decided there was no pressure. You're sure this isn't just because…”

She cupped his cheek. “More than sure… I want to feel you…” She pulled his face in for a deep kiss, then whispered against his lips. “Now…”

He studied her face for a moment as if trying to determine the truth of her intent. She ran her tongue around his ear, then pulled the lobe into her mouth. 

A moan escaped him as his eyes slid shut in ecstasy. She let go of his ear and began running small kisses down his neck. He throbbed and twitched against her, making her moan in response.

Oh, yes… she was  _ definitely _ ready. 

Resting his weight on his elbows, he reached down and positioned himself at her entrance.

“Rynna, look at me… please don't look away.”

“I won't, Justin. I love you.” She grabbed hold of his biceps and willed herself to not be afraid.

“Relax, my love.” Capturing her lips in a gentle kiss, he slowly pressed into her, withdrew a little, then pressed forward again - this time a little further in - then repeated the motion. All the time watching her face to make sure she was alright.

It stung a little as she felt the tissues stretch to accommodate him, but it didn't truly hurt. The friction she felt as he moved into her was delicious.

Finally, their hips met and he was fully sheathed within her. His head dropped to her shoulder.

“Rynna…” His voice was strangled… she could tell that he was holding back.

One hand moved from his bicep to thread itself through his hair. Her heart sang… not only had it not hurt, what had actually caused her terror hadn’t happened. 

She’d lied to Justin about what she was really afraid of. Of course there was that typical nervousness that anyone had, but what she’d feared was beyond that. When the Cardassians had ‘tortured’ her, she’d felt like she was being ripped in half. She hadn't been able to understand how that would feel  _ good _ \- even if you loved the person you were with.

But this… it was different. Sure, there had been some discomfort as the repaired tissues stretched around him, but instead of feeling ripped in half, she felt… full… complete… loved.

She wanted to cry with relief.

“Are you alright?” Justin’s voice was soft as he lifted his head from her shoulder to study her face.

“I’m fine, Justin. It didn’t really hurt at all… it feels… wonderful.” She caressed his face.

He grinned at her. “Next step, then. Rotate your hips a little. Not a lot… just gentle movements.”

They both groaned as she moved her hips. The friction caused by her movement sent tingles along her spine. 

“Crickets, Justin!” She  _ definitely _ wanted more, and pulled his face in for a hungry kiss. “What’s next?”

His gentle laughter tickled her neck as his lips moved along it… feathering small open-mouthed kisses down to her collarbone. “Next... you do it again.”

This time, though, he mirrored her movements with his own, doubling the friction - and the pleasure. Her mouth found its way to his neck… her hands went to his chest… her nails gently scraped down his torso. His body quivered in response.

Breathless with need, she wanted  _ more _ . “What now, Justin?”

His eyes black and filled with the raging fire of desire, he cupped her face. “Now, you do what you want, love… whatever feels right… gives you pleasure… I’ll follow wherever you go.”

It was only then that she realized what he was doing. Knowing she didn’t like being on top of him, he’d found a different way to give her the power and control she needed. 

Inexperienced as she was, she’d been ready to follow his lead - to do what he told her to. Instead, he’d given her guidance to start with what gave  _ her _ pleasure and was now telling her to follow whatever path she chose…

Something loosened within her… the expectation of the ‘appropriate course of action’ fell away… instinct took over.

Her hips began moving against him… the friction increased and she moaned again. He moved to kiss her - capturing her moan in his mouth - then began slowly moving his hips against hers… meeting her rhythm with his own.

Still, she wanted  _ more _ …  _ deeper _ … yes - that was it. Her knees came up higher… spreading herself open further... legs wrapping around his hips… feet pressing on his buttocks… encouraging him to go deeper.

He responded, pressing himself deeper into her with each stroke. He found her breast and began teasing the nipple - tongue circling… teeth gently rasping… mouth gently sucking.

The zing of electricity that ran down her spine caused an onslaught of raw physical desire that spurred her on… hips increasing the pace as she moved against him. Again, he matched her pace.

Her nails raked down his torso again, not as gently this time, and she delighted in the gasping moan that was his response.  “Kiss me.” She hadn’t meant it to sound like an order...

His mouth captured hers in a ravishing kiss… plundering hers with his tongue as he ran his hand down her side then grasped her thigh... pulling it out and toward him… opening her up even further. Her hands moved around to his back… nails pressing into his skin.

The  _ connection _ she felt with him was powerful. He’d tried to describe it to her once when she’d asked how making love felt to him. She hadn't really understood it. 

Now, she did. Every touch... every kiss… was magnified as the electricity thrilled through her body. The movements of their bodies mirroring each other as if they were each half of a whole.

_ Faster _ … yes,  _ faster _ …  _ more _ … Her pace increased… he matched it. The electricity spread out within her, creating waves of pleasure throughout her body. The pressure began to grow in her belly.

It still wasn’t enough… She increased the pace again… he followed… their bodies now slamming into each other… She still wanted  _ more _ .

Her fingernails sunk into the flesh on his back… she sucked in his earlobe, then raked it out through her teeth.

“ _ More _ , Justin…  _ deeper _ …” It was an order this time. His grip on her thigh tightened as he pulled her hips closer… pounding into her in a frenzied race to fulfillment.

“Rynna… I don’t think I can…”

_ Damn _ . She wasn’t quite there yet. “Just another minute, Justin… please.”

His mouth returned to her breast, sucking it in, then pulling away, raking his teeth not-so-gently along it.  _ Yes _ …  _ that’s it _ ! Her inner muscles tightened… the pressure built.

“Rynna… I… I can’t…” She felt him falter… tried desperately to keep up the rhythm and pace… 

The feel of his orgasm… his hot semen washing through her… was what finally sent her over. Her inner muscles clenched around him… the feeling causing her own orgasm to last longer than she was accustomed.

Finally, both their bodies stilled, leaving them both panting and covered in a sheen of sweat. He collapsed onto her, forehead resting on her shoulder, while he tried to catch his breath. 

After a moment, he tried to roll off of her, but she held him there on top of her… relishing in the feeling of his weight pressing her into the bed… the  _ Safe _ she found being completely covered by him. She felt him soften and slip out of her and nearly whimpered at the loss.

After another moment, she let him go and rolled with him until they were laying on their sides face to face. He pulled her in close and gave her a long, lingering kiss, then held her tenderly to him.

They laid there together, lost in  euphoric aftermath , for some time. Finally, Justin spoke.

“Where the hell did she come from?”

Rynna raised her head quickly, looking around in fright. “Who?”

He chuckled and pulled her face to his. “That lustful woman I just made love to.” He kissed her gently.

Her face grew hot with a deep blush. “You said I should do what I wanted…”

“Yes, I did… But I would  _ never _ have guessed that  _ that _ was what you wanted.”

Now, she was afraid… he didn’t like what had happened. Unable to meet his eyes, she looked away. “I-I’m sorry… I just…”

“Hey… there’s nothing wrong with it -  _ absolutely nothing _ \- I’m just surprised. That sensitive, apprehensive woman I’ve gotten to know over the past few months disappeared in a nanosecond, leaving behind a brazen sex kitten.” He grinned at her and kissed the tip of her nose.

Fear abated, she grinned back. “I told you to never call me a cat.”

“What other kind of animal has claws like that?” He leaned back to display the red welts down his chest - courtesy of her fingernails.

She clapped her hand over her mouth. “Ohmygosh! I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize…”

He silenced her with a kiss. “Did you hear me complaining? I actually liked it a little more that I ever expected I would.” He kissed her again. “We might have to keep a dermal regenerator around.”

They laughed together until her stomach grumbled. “It seems I really did cure that upset stomach.” He kissed her again and sat up. “What would Madam Kitty Cat like to eat? A bowl of milk? Perhaps some  _ tuna _ fritters?”

She threw a pillow at his retreating back. “Careful, mister. Payback can be hell!” Laying back on the bed to wait for him, she gave herself a moment to think.  _ What the hell had she been so afraid of all this time? _

She forced herself to admit that she’d been afraid long before the Cardassians. She’d never thought of herself as being afraid of anything - any amount of fear usually spurred her on. But this… she’d buried it beneath her insistence on focusing on her future - on avoiding what happened with Chet. Yet, even with Chet, she’d refused…

“You’re so far away, I think you might be back on Earth.” Justin’s voice softly broke her reverie. “Are you alright?”

She sat up and leaned against the headboard, taking the tray of food he was carrying so that he could join her. “I was just thinking… I can’t figure out just why I was so afraid all this time… all these years… long before this mission...”

He took the tray back and handed her a mug of coffee. “I can tell you why - if you want.”

Taking a sip from the mug, she let the hot brew linger on her tongue, then luxuriated in the feel as it burned its way down her throat. “At the risk of sounding like Keleetha… enlighten me.”

“You’re a controlled person, Rynna. Everything about your life has been about following a set of goals you set for yourself at a very young age. But sex, in and of itself, is a  _ loss _ of control. You let go… allow your baser senses to take over. There is no plan… no map to follow. For someone like you, it’s exceptionally difficult.”

There was silence for a moment while she let his words sink in. “I  _ was _ in control, Justin.”

He gave her a sly grin. “You were in control of  _ me _ , Rynna, but it was your body leading the way, not your mind.”

Dumbfounded, she stared at him. He was right. She’d told him what to do based on what her body had told her it wanted.

Laughing, he handed her a plate of chicken and rice. “You won't always be the one in control of  _ me _ , either.” He grinned at her. “Keep that in mind.”

She swallowed hard, unable to decide if the thrill she got from his words was of fear… or excitement.

They ate in comfortable silence until she became aware of a more material aspect of sex. She was sticky. “I think I need a shower, Justin.”

“Oh, I'm sorry, Rynna. I was so focused on getting you something to eat, I forgot.” He took her plate and set it down on the tray at the foot of the bed. Standing, he held his hand out to her. “C'mon, let me get you cleaned up.”

They took a warm water shower - something she couldn't remember doing with him. He lathered up the washcloth and lovingly washed her legs where their combined juices had begun to dry, then moved on to the rest of her body. Next, he washed and conditioned her hair.

Electricity sparked through her at his tender touch… hands gliding over her body slick with soap… fingers combing gently through her thick hair and working out the ever-present knots.

Leaning her back against him, he faced her toward the water to rinse off the last of the soap. She could feel him growing hard against her backside. 

Taking the washcloth from his hands, she lathered it up and proceeded to return the favor. She placed a gentle kiss on each of the welts her fingernails had left on his chest, then was embarrassed to find that she had left similar marks dug into the skin on his back. 

Kissing each of them in turn, she moved down his legs, then turned him and moved up his front. By the time she reached his thighs, he was fully erect. Teasing him by slowly running the soapy cloth over every glorious inch and in every nook and cranny, he was groaning and twitching by the time she was finished.

When he was rinsed off, she moved to take him into her mouth, but he stopped her. “Not this time, love.” He pulled her back up on her feet and kissed her hungrily and pressed her back into the shower wall.

Open-mouthed kisses spread down her neck and breast, capturing a puckered nipple. Moaning, she felt his hands smooth down her sides and pull her hips into his. She could feel him rock hard and twitching against her.

A vision of him taking her up against the shower wall flashed through her mind.  _ Crickets, yes! _ She wrapped a leg around his hip, pulling him in closer to her. He laughed as he let go of her breast, gently capturing the nipple between his teeth and tugging it for a moment before he set it free.

Head falling back to rest against the wall, she moaned and rocked her hips against him.

“Patience, love. All in due time.” He captured her lips in another hungry kiss then backed off slightly. Taking her knee off where it was hooked over his hip, he knelt in front of her and placed it over his shoulder.

The water flowed over her as he made love to her with his mouth, taunting and teasing her until she was ready to explode. Then he let her go and stood up.

“Justin?” It came out in a breathless whisper.

His lips spread wide in a cheshire grin, then slammed against her mouth, tongue sweeping through it, devouring her. Her hands threaded through his hair, pulling his face closer, devouring him in return.

Before she realized it, he’d hooked her knee back over his hip, then did the same with the other. Now she was held up by his body pressing into the shower wall and her legs wrapped around him. The feeling was exhilarating.

“Stop me if…” His words were cut short by his own groan as he slid slowly into her.

She knew what he meant to say, but had no intention of stopping him. Instead, she pushed her heels into him and rolled her hips forward, making it possible for him to go deeper. His hands slid down to cup her buttocks, pulling her hips closer to him.

He began to move in and out of her… she met him halfway. Still on the edge, it only took a few thrusts and she came, inner muscles clamping around him, breath catching.

Still, he was thrusting into her, bringing her back up again without even giving her a chance to come down.  _ Crickets! _ He brought her back up quickly, then slowed his pace - teasing her again.

Suddenly he was gone and her feet were being set back down on the floor. All she could do was whimper at the loss of him. By now, though, she knew he was still teasing her.

Hands skimming along her body, he slowly turned her until she was facing the shower wall. He pressed his body up against her while running his tongue up her neck and kissing behind her ear, then whispered into it. “Ok?”

It took her a moment to realize what he was asking. What he planned to do would leave her with very little control. She nodded. “Trust you…”

He pulled her hips toward him and slowly slid into her from behind. A moan escaped her lips. The feeling was completely different… the change in angle making him touch different parts of her.

With her body pressed up against the wall, she could do nothing but arch her back to better accept him and enjoy the new sensations as he slid in and out of her dripping wet heat.

Sinewy arms holding her captive, his mouth moved along her neck and ear… kissing… licking… gentle nips giving way to more insistent bites… whispering words of love in a breathless voice.

“More…” As breathless as he, it was all she could get out.

He slowed. “How much  _ more _ do you want?” 

“Everything, Justin… everything.”

Her response made him groan. “You can have everything I am, my love…  _ everything _ .” He picked up the pace again while one hand moved around from her hip to slip through her folds, matching his rhythm.

She gasped. The stimulation along her sensitive nub was delicious… definitely _ more _ . But she still wanted  _ everything _ … 

Pushing her hips slightly away from the wall, she opened her legs wider and pushed against him… giving him deeper access and more stability to push against.

Groaning at the deeper access, he picked up his pace. One hand gripping her hip, the other still playing with her sensitive nub, he pounded into her, coaxing her to abandon.

She felt herself let go... felt the warmth of his arms… felt his finger moving against her… felt the pressure of the still-new sensation of him inside her… felt the hot gush of his seed as it filled her.

Together, they rose in the flames and danced on bright embers until colors exploded in her head.

Spent, he collapsed against her, pressing her flush against the shower wall again, then slid down it, pulling her with him until they landed on their knees on the floor. They stayed there for a few minutes, the sounds of their ragged breathing mixing with the sounds of the water still pounding on their bodies.

Breath finally caught, he moved them back into a seated position, with her in his lap.

“Crickets, Rynna… what you do to me!”

She chuckled softly and shook her head. “No, Justin, it's what  _ you _ do to  _ me _ .” Turning in his lap, she pulled him in for a gentle kiss.

He lifted her up to her feet, then followed suit. “Come on, I want to curl up with you in my arms and your bed is much more comfortable than this floor.”

She felt their combined juices run down her leg and looked up at him with a mixture of humor and sarcasm. “I guess we need another shower.”

In an effort to make sure they made it out of the shower this time, they opted to wash themselves instead of each other. Once out, and wrapped in towels, he insisted on drying her hair for her so she didn't get a chill in her sleep.

Finally, they made it into bed where he gathered her to him and kissed her. “Happy dreams, Rynna.” 

She kissed him back and burrowed into his warmth. “The same for you, Justin.”

They were both sound asleep in minutes.

\------

 


	15. Chapter 15

*Rabbit to Tina.*

*Trench to Dash.*

*Jeans to Tina.*

The multiple hails finally wormed their way into her sleeping mind. Rynna’s commbadge was still in her outer room where Justin had stripped off her uniform. His was on the nightstand, so she answered that one.

“What do you want, Jeans?” She didn’t even bother trying to hide the sleepiness in her voice.

*Are the two of you meeting us for breakfast?*

“Considering you woke me up, it’s a good bet that we won’t be there. Have fun. Dash out.” She tried to feel bad about being so short with Jeans, but she was too tired to care. Putting Justin’s commbadge back on her nightstand she yawned and rolled over to face him.

Her breath caught at the look on his sleeping face. He was breathing evenly in an unusually deep sleep, but that wasn’t what had caught her up. The features of his face were fully relaxed. In the number of times she had woken up next to him, she’d never seen it like that.

The Justin she knew lived in a constant state of tension - awake  _ and _ asleep - making his features tight and angular. But this… his face was soft, his shoulders melted into the bed, hands curling softly like a baby’s. He was gorgeous... beautiful…  _ vulnerable _ . 

How she wished she had known him before the horrors he’d endured! But, no. It would break her heart more to have lived through the change in him. She had no idea how Rabbit was ever able to reconcile it.

Yawning again, she moved back into his sleeping arms, glad that she had turned down their friends without a second thought. His arms moved around her automatically, enfolding her gently into his warmth. She let his serenity engulf her and she joined him in sleep.

 

She awoke to the sight of his eyes, looking at her. They still wore a touch of the tranquility she’d seen in his sleeping form earlier. The peace held in the soft glow of his eyes washed through her.

She smiled. “Hey.”

He smiled back. “Hey.”

“We missed breakfast.”

“We’re about to miss lunch.”

As if on cue, their commbadges crackled to life. 

*Spider to Tina*

*Rabbit to Dash.*

She rolled her eyes. “You’d better answer. I was a little… short… with Jeans when they commed for breakfast.”

He gave her a quizzical look while he reached for his badge. “They commed for breakfast?”

Smiling, she gave him a tender kiss. “You slept through it.”

He kissed her back, then tapped his badge. “Tina here, Spider. What can I do for you?”

*Glad to hear you’re in a much better mood than Dash was earlier.*

“You woke her up out of a sound sleep, Spider. What did you expect?”

*She could have at least given him a chance to apologize!* Trench’s voice sounded in the background.

“I expect that she was probably more interested in getting back to sleep, Trench”

*Alright, you two.  _ They _ know that we’re sorry for disturbing them, and  _ we _ know that being woken up for nothing more important than breakfast on your day off is liable to make anyone grumpy.* As always, Rabbit was the voice of reason.

“Now that we’ve got that settled, what are you looking for, now?”

*We decided to give you two a heads up so you could make it for lunch.* Polly’s voice sounded hopeful. 

They looked at each other for input on what the other wanted to do. Rynna didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to lose the quiet, peaceful bubble that had formed around them. The look in Justin’s eyes told her he felt the same.

“I hate to disappoint you all, but I think Rynna and I are going to spend the day together - just the two of us. We’ll see you tomorrow. Tina out.” He cut the connection before any of them could respond.

“Hmm… the whole day… just the two of us?” Kissing the center of his chest, her hand ran up his thigh and around to his back. “What are we going to do with all that free time?”

Catching her roaming hands, he held them against his chest. “For starters, I’m going to get you something to eat so your stomach doesn’t grumble in the middle of whatever  _ other activities _ we decide to enjoy.”

He rolled over and sat up against the edge of the bed. She smacked him on his bare butt as she stood. “Coffee, too, mister.”

He turned back towards the bed and placed on knee on it. “Your wish is my command, Princess Kittycat.”

“You  _ do _ realize there are two strikes against you in that new nickname, don’t you?”

Sly grin spreading over his face, he leaned in close to her. “And what do I get on the  _ third _ strike?”

A matching grin spread across her own. “Do you  _ really _ want to find out?”

“Yes…” He whispered into her lips. “I want you to show me… later.” Without kissing her, he leaned back and headed back toward her replicator.

Rynna stretched, luxuriating in the calm peace that permeated her quarters - and her. The sense of comfort that had settled between her and Justin over the past few weeks had blossomed into that sense of  _ connection _ she’d felt last night - a feeling that remained even now.

What he’d said to her in the shower last night sent a tingle down her spine.  _ Everything… you can have everything I am… _ She couldn't decide if his words were heartwarming or terrifying.

After another moment’s reflection, she sat up. He’d been gone longer than she expected - and there really was no reason why she couldn’t join him in the outer room. She got up and threw her robe around her, thinking that she really should replicate one for Justin since he had nothing here except his uniform.

She found him standing in front of her sofa - wearing his robe - and reading a small note padd.

“Did you leave that here?”

“Huh?”

She fingered the sleeve of his robe. “This. I don’t remember you leaving it here. Where did you get it?”

“Ah… well… this would be from Rabbit.” He held out the note-padd to her. “Along with this.”

Taking it from him, she read it out loud. “Dinner at 1900 or breakfast at 0900. Your choice.” She rolled her eyes. “The chaperones strike again.”

“So it seems… So what’ll it be? Dinner or breakfast?”

“I don’t want to see anyone but you today.”

He gave her a mock lecherous grin. “I like how you think… So, I’ll say breakfast at 0900, just you…”

“And Trench.”

“...and Trench…”

“Here.”

“...here in Rynna’s quarters. Sound good?”

“Yep - unless there’s a way to say ‘now leave us the hell alone’ nicely.”

“Ha! I don’t think there is.” He pressed the red button on the padd and they watched it shimmer as the transporter took it.

Turning, she headed for the replicator. “Now, about that coffee…”

“And food, Rynna.” He caught up to her at the replicator. Wrapping his arms around her from behind, he whispered in her ear. “You’ll need your strength.”

The suggestive tone in his words thrilled through her. “Well, then, you need to feed me… completely.” Looking at him out of the corner of her eye, she let her words hang in the air between them. 

He groaned. “So, what'll it be? Breakfast? Lunch?” He pressed his mouth against her ear and whispered softly into it. “You?”

She shivered at his words. “I think you're right about needing food first. Then we'll take a look at what else is  _ on the menu _ after that.”

They settled on a brunch of vegetable omelets with toast and fruit. At first, they spoke very little, allowing the comfortable silence to fill the air.

Ultimately, Justin broke the silence. “Did I really sleep through their morning comm?”

“You were deep asleep, Justin. I don't think I've ever seen you that relaxed.”

“But, still, it worries me that I could sleep through it. I need to be on my toes in case something happens.”

She got up and walked around the table to stand in front of him. “You needed the rest, Justin. I doubt you've slept properly in more than a year.”

Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her in close. “You're right, but it still doesn't…”

She kissed him to stop his words. “They knew where you were. If they actually _ needed _ you, they would have come here.”

Opening her robe by sliding his hands up her sides, he began fondling her breasts with his tongue. “I wonder what Rabbit would have said if he beamed in last night.”

She ran the tip of her tongue around the edge of his ear, then sucked the lobe in through her teeth. “What  _ Rabbit _ would say? How about  _ Trench _ ?”

He groaned as she worked the knot to untie his robe. “You're right. That would definitely have been worse.”

Having finally managed to get his robe open, she began to spread tiny open-mouthed kisses down his neck while her hands caressed his chest. “We would never have heard the end of… ohhh…” 

His hands had moved to her thighs, thumbs caressing the apex between them. She was swimming in desire.

Unbidden, her legs parted for him. “More, Justin.” 

Slipping his thumbs into her wet heat, he chuckled. “More. It's always  _ more _ with you. I think I'm going to start calling you Princess Kitty _ more _ from now on.”

Breathless already, she could only manage a brief response. “Only in private.”

She felt him smile against her hip, where his tongue had been tracing its outline. “Yes, ma'am.”

A small, evil laugh escaped her. “Ma'am? That's strike _three_ , Mister.” She pulled her hips away from him. “Time for your _punishment_.”

The welted scar on his shoulder was sucked in between her lips while her tongue ran forcefully over it. His breath caught.

“ _ This _ is punishment?”

Lips traveling down the beautiful landscape of plains, tight abs and scars of his torso, she ended up on her knees in front of him. “Oh, I'm not finished, yet.”

She gave a nip to his side, then pulled on his hips, urging them toward the edge of the chair and giving his legs the room to fall open. The nips continued down across his hip and down the inside of his thigh.

Shuddering at her touch, his breath became rapid as she fondled his swollen length. Using her newfound knowledge of his likes, she rasped her nails gently down his thighs as she took him into her mouth.

His hips bucked in response and a gasping groan escaped his lips. Slowly, she released him from her mouth… teeth grazing gently along his length… hand taking over to stroke him.

“Look at me.” When he complied, she caught his eyes and held them while she slid her mouth down his length again… tongue running down the bulging vein on the underside of him... opening her throat and taking him in completely.

“Ungh…” The groan came from deep in his throat as he looked down at her. “Rynna, do you know what the sight of you there does to me?”

She chuckled, knowing that the vibrations it caused in her throat would transfer directly through him, then slowly slid her mouth back up his length and let him go.

“Yes, I do, Justin.” Then she stood and walked away from him, leaving him gasping for air.

“Rynna…?”

Looking back at him, she gave him a saucy smile. “You wanted to know what  _ strike three _ was. That's it.” Turning back around, she headed for her bedroom.

He was on her in an instant, catching her up in his strong arms from behind. “Lesson, learned, my love. Now it's time for your own…”

Her knees went weak as he fondled her breasts and ran kisses and nips across her neck and down her shoulder. Her robe slipped off her shoulders and fell to the floor, and his rock hard cock settled itself between her thighs. He began to slide it along her.

Without letting her go, he turned her slowly and moved her back towards the table. His hand found its way to the apex of her thighs. One finger slid through her folds, finding her dripping with need.

Her knees buckled as he fondled her swollen nub… his other hand went to her rock hard nipple… rolling it between his fingers… pulling it lightly as he rasped his fingernails along it.

Consumed with want, she was putty in his hands. They reached the table. He rested her hips against it, then slowly bent her over it until she was laying on it with her feet still on the floor.

His hands ran down her sides as he laid kisses and nips along her back. She felt him nudge her feet apart until she was spread out before him.

Hands running down her legs, he paused to tease her core with his tongue. She groaned and tried to rock her hips toward him, but was stopped by the edge of the table. 

She was completely at his mercy. She was dripping wet. She wanted him.

“More, Justin…” She gasped then groaned as she felt his smile against her core.

He pulled his tongue away just enough to speak. “Princess Kittymore…” Lips still touching her, his words vibrated across her sensitive, aching nub. “Haven't you realized yet that you don't get to give orders right now?”

Spreading one final lick along her entire dripping clit, he let her go and stood behind her. “But, since I was already going to move on, you'll get your wish.”

The delicious feel of him filling her made her moan uncontrollably. “Goddsss…”

His small laugh resonated through her body. She rolled her hips backward and, bracing herself on the table, pushed back against him. She’d get her  _ more _ one way or the other.

It was his turn to groan as her movements buried him more deeply inside of her. There was no gentle start as he began slamming into her. 

Both of them were so close to the edge, there was no time for finesse. The urgent need of fulfillment was their only guide as she met his powerful thrusts with her own, rolling her hips back to meet his. 

The edge of the table dug into her hips with each roll as dishes from their forgotten meal crashed to the floor, but she didn't care. Her only thought was the raw, carnal lust that radiated between them.

Shock waves of pleasure sizzled between them as they climaxed together, his body spurting his hot seed into her as hers clamped around him. 

Spent, he collapsed onto her, his ragged breathing matching her own as it vibrated through her back. The table beneath them his only support to stay on his feet.

Breath finally caught, he laid several small kisses down her spine, then stood. She followed suit, groaning as the bruises and scrapes she’d received from the edge of the table made themselves known.

When he realized what had happened, he was beside himself. “Rynna, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so…”

She laughed softly and cupped his face. “That ‘stop me if you're uncomfortable’ rule still applies. Did you hear me complaining?”

He grinned at her. “Rynna, you wanton, lustful woman… You will never cease to amaze me.”

Kissing him lightly, she stepped back and surveyed the mess of broken dishes around the table. “Next time, we'll clear the table first.”

Together, they cleaned up the broken dishes. When everything was cleared up, he brought a bowl with warm water and washcloth to sponge of their combined juices from between her thighs.

“Something tells me we'll be in and out of the shower all day.”

She grinned. “Something tells me that you're probably right.”

He  _ was _ right. Whether it was making up for lost time, or if it was her true nature asserting itself, it didn't really matter. The defeat of her fears had stripped away her restraint and she became the ‘lustful’ woman he had called her.

They spent the day making love, exploring each other and their likes and dislikes on this new level.  They stayed in their robes without bothering to dress - the clothes would have just come off again. 

Justin discovered that he really did like the added stimulation of her fingernails - and being surprised. When he dozed off while they were sitting together on the sofa, she managed to tease him fully erect while he slept - only waking when she straddled him and slowly impaled herself on him.

She discovered that, despite her Cardassian experience, she liked being restrained. Pulling her robe down around her elbows, he effectively trapped her arms behind her. Pressing her up against the bulkhead and pulling her knees apart, he took her forcefully. She came almost immediately then moaned and begged for  _ more _ until he brought them both over the edge.

They fed each other dinner while she sat astride him, slowly riding him until they were each shuddering from the prolonged restraint. He ended up throwing their plate on the table and toppling them to the floor, where they rode each other to a shattering climax.

Finally spent, they helped each other into the shower and washed the sweat and other fluids from their bodies. 

Justin was appalled to find the bruises that had started to appear on Rynna’s body. Not only were there the welts and bruises from the table, but there was a large handprint on her thigh from the previous night as well as other small scrapes and bruises from the various positions and locations they had found themselves in. The final glory were the rug burns on her backside from where he had pushed them onto the floor after dinner.

For her part, Rynna was embarrassed to find all the claw marks she had left across his body - scrapes down his torso and along his thighs, deep gashes in his back. There was even a bite mark on his shoulder from when he had her arms trapped behind her. He also had rug burns on his knees from the same after-dinner romp on the floor.

\-------

She woke slowly, her mind gradually letting go of the nether regions of sleep and dreams. She was curled up into Justin's side, his deep breathing telling her that he was in that same peaceful sleep he’d been in the previous morning.

Quietly rolling away from him, she stretched and sat up. She had to stifle the groan that tried to escape her lips. She hurt… all over. 

It wasn't just the bruises - although they contributed plenty - it was the muscles she had never used, or had at least never used in the way she had in the previous 36 hours.

Coffee… yes, it was definitely time for coffee… coffee fixed everything.

Returning with her second cup - having chugged down the first - she found Justin splayed out on the bed. The sheet covered only his hips, displaying the rest of his form. 

She sat down at the foot of the bed to admire the full length of his powerful physique. Sinewy muscles covered every inch, from his strong arms, past the well-formed abdominals, and down his legs. She’d seen all of them at one point or another, but the peaceful sleep that softened his face also smoothed out the normally chiseled landscape of mountains and deep valleys into rolling hills and gentle hollows.

For the second time she wished that his life experiences had been different… that his sleep could normally be this restful. But the reality was that she might never have met him otherwise. Would she give that up in order for him to have had a peaceful life? To her chagrin, she couldn't answer her own question.

He stirred… the movements causing his muscles to tense… returning to their more typical chiseled state... destroying the vision she had been studying.

“How long have you been awake?” His voice came quietly from the pillows.

She held up her mug. “Only long enough for a second cup.”

Propping himself on one elbow, he held out his hand toward her. “Why don't you come back up here and join me?”

She moved up to the head of the bed, but remained seated instead of lying down. When she leaned over to kiss him, he wrapped one arm around her

As good as his warm hands felt as they caressed her bare skin… as much as she wanted to simply fall into his arms and make love with him in these still hours of the morning… they had guests coming soon - and plenty to do before that happened.

She resisted his pull and released his lips. “I don't think that's the best idea right now. We have guests coming in about an hour.”

He looked crestfallen. “And? We can be ready and dressed in less than fifteen minutes.” His hand was still moving along her bare skin… thumb barely grazing her pebbled nipple.

She almost gave in… almost let him pull her down to meld her body to his… then a sudden image of trying to explain the state of her quarters to Trench and Rabbit stopped her cold.

She kissed him again, then pulled his hands away from her body. “Were you planning on wearing your uniform, or your robe? Because that’s all you have here with you.”

He groaned and let his head fall back against the pillow. “I forgot about that.”

“Mmm hmm… and I wouldn't like to be the one who explains why  _ my _ uniform is laying in a heap on the floor - with my commbadge still attached.”

“...Or exactly  _ how _ that dinner plate ended up flying across the table and ending up on the floor… among a dozen other things that need to be cleaned up before they get here.” He sat up, shaking his head. “Trench would be in her glory.”

“What do you think Rabbit would say?”

He opened his mouth to answer... then shut it… then shook his head. “I don't even want to think about it. Come on… maybe we'll have time when we're finished. I'd at least like to hold you for a few minutes.”

Rynna picked up the pieces of her uniform that had ended up strewn across the room as they stumbled through the original pile during their ‘activities' the previous day. Retrieving her commbadge, she tossed the uniform in the refresher, then did the same with his.

Justin tackled cleaning up the dinner plate he had tossed across the table, earning himself a deep cut when he didn't realize the plate had chipped. They’d broken a leg of her end table when her foot tipped it over, and he managed to prop it up so it looked undamaged.

Together, they straightened the pillows and knick knacks around the room, then headed to the bedroom to make the bed and straighten the picture frames. By the time everything was finished, they had just enough time to take a quick sonic shower and get dressed.

Rynna was just fastening her commbadge to her shirt when the chime rang. Justin, who had come across some difficulty finding a shirt with a high enough neckline to cover both the scratches that covered his chest and the bitemark she’d left on his shoulder, was still putting on his pants and waved her out. “Don't make them wait!”

The door opened to reveal Rabbit and Trench - who were in the middle of arguing about Rabbit's companions.

“There's nothing for you to say about it. It isn't your life or your choices!”

“Honestly, Rabbit, I have no idea  _ how _ you get these women to agree to it!”

“Did it ever occur to you that you might have it backwards?” Rynna couldn't keep herself from getting involved.

“ _ What? _ ”

“How would you feel if a someone from a fabulous one night stand sent you a message, asking to meet up for another because they wanted to be with you again?”

“Hmph… Flattered and expecting more than another one night stand.”

“Would you  _ really _ ? You're  _ you _ in this scenario, Trench. As much as you want great sex, you don't want to have to deal with all the complications that come with a relationship.”

For once, Trench was speechless. Rabbit remained silent.

“So you agree to meet - for conversation - one that will set parameters so you can each have the best of both worlds.”

“For  _ him _ maybe, but they're still the ones left sitting by their comm units.”

“Are they? Would you be? Face it, you’d be off doing something - or some _ one _ \- else. You’d only say yes to him if you happen to be both home  _ and _ in the mood.” 

Trench was silent, head cocked to one side, studying Rynna’s face. Suddenly, she swung back around to face Rabbit. “Is is reciprocal?”

“ _ What? _ ”

“Is it reciprocal? Can they comm you if  _ they _ are in the mood?”

“Er… ah… none of them have ever  _ has _ . But they have a comm address where they can leave messages.”

“Hmph! Let me know when they do. Maybe then I'll believe this bullshit.” She stalked over to the sofa and plopped down on it, scowl still marring her features.

“Congratulations, Rynna. I don't think anyone else could have gotten through to her.” Justin emerged from the bedroom, finally dressed.

“I'm not sure about this, Tina. Part of me thinks it would have been better leaving well enough alone. Now she's going to stalk me until I get a message on that address.”

“At least she'll be looking forward to it, instead of driving the rest of us nuts when you disappear.” 

Trench managed to get herself out of her grumpy mood and was ready to change the subject. “It's about time you showed up. I was beginning to think she’d chained you to the bed.”

“If I had him chained to the bed, I certainly would  _ not _ have invited you over, Trench. Besides, it's not like you would have had that much interest.”

Trench dipped her head to one side. “Hmmn… true.” She turned to Justin and hooked her thumb in Rynna’s direction. “If you ever decide to tie  _ her _ up, let me know. Now, what are we eating. I'm starving.”

Justin shot a look at Rynna and quirked an eyebrow. “Now, there's an idea…”

She leaned in close to him and spoke softly. “Tying me up, or eating?”

Eyes glittering black, he leaned in closer. “Both, my love… at the same time.”

A thrill went down her spine.  _ This had better be the shortest breakfast ever eaten. _

 

The meal lasted quite a bit longer than she had hoped. Neither Rabbit nor Trench seemed at all interested in leaving. In fact, their entire focus seemed to be watching Justin and Rynna. She felt like an amoeba stuck in a petri dish.

Finally fed up with the unending scrutiny, she stood to clear the table - and found that all her sore muscles had stiffened while she sat. It was everything she could do to keep moving without groaning.

Instead, while her focus was on her stiff muscles, she knocked into the table - at the spot on her hip where yesterday's activities had left painful scrapes and a deep bruise. 

“ _ Hssssh! _ ” The plate in her hand clattered back to the tabletop.

Both Justin and Rabbit jumped up to catch her.

“Are you alright?”

“I'm fine, Justin. I just caught it wrong.”

“That's a hell of a reaction for a simple swipe against a table's edge.” The note of caution in Rabbit's voice was hard to miss.

“I'm _ fine _ Rabbit. I just…” The pain was distracting and she couldn't figure out a good cover story.

“She hit the table in the same spot yesterday. That's all.” Justin put a possessive arm around her and leaned in close to whisper in her ear. “I'm so sorry, love.”

“It's my fault, too, Justin. Just let it go.” She thought they'd been quiet enough, but their ‘chaperones’ had their sensors at full strength.

“Let me take a look at it Dash. Perhaps it’s bad enough that it needs to be healed with a regenerator.” Rabbit’s tone of voice had moved a notch up towards suspicion.

Rynna hesitated. Showing her injuries to Rabbit was the absolute  _ last _ thing she wanted to do.

“Uh… thanks, Rabbit, but I'm sure it's fine.”

“Why don't you let me make that determination.” His voice was hard and unyielding.

“Mending the bones in her hand is one thing. I'm not really sure how I feel about you inspecting my girlfriend’s bare body.”

“It's just her  _ hip _ , Tina. Rabbit has seen me almost completely naked, and I don't even  _ like _ him.” Trench's arms were crossed. She was digging in…  getting out of this wasn't going to be easy.

“I'm willing to bet that was an emergency situation in the field. This is a  _ bruise _ on a starship that's not even engaged in a confrontation.”

“Fine, Dash, then let's head to sickbay and let Tillman take a look.”

“You can't be serious! It's just a  _ bruise _ !” Justin was getting more agitated than the situation called for.

Rynna couldn't figure out why they were also getting so heated.  _ Is he that upset about Rabbit getting a peek at a more private part of my body? Or is it that he doesn't want Rabbit and Trench know details about what we've been doing? _

Then it hit her. Trench and Rabbit’s real problem was not as much about  _ what  _ they’d been doing, but whether she was… alright with it. Why did it never occur to her that, as far as other people were concerned, Justin would always be under suspicion?

“Alright, everyone, that's _ enough _ !” She turned to Rabbit. “If you think it's _ that _ important, come with me. I will pull down the waistband of my pants just low enough that you can see the bruise.”

“I'll go with you.” Justin turned to head for her bedroom. 

“You stay here with Trench, Justin. We'll be right back.” She knew he was feeling overprotective of her, but his concern for keeping her modesty was overriding his better judgement. He still hadn't picked up on the situation.

Once in her bedroom, she turned to Rabbit and crossed her arms in front of her. “Mike, I want you to know how very uncomfortable I am with this. I'm only agreeing to it to prove a point.”

With that, she unfastened the waistband of her pants and pulled one side down far enough for him to see the deepening bruise and scrapes.

He took one look and gave a small whistle. “No wonder it hurts.” He touched her hand where it was holding on to her waistband. “Will you move it down a little further?”

Sighing, she complied. Her hip was now exposed almost all the way down to where her thighs met. 

Rabbit studied the marks a little more closely, then straightened up. “I bet the other one hurts just as much.”

She flushed from head to toe. “Th-the other one?”

“Come on Rynna, I'm a thirty year old man with the nickname  _ Rabbit _ . I know how you got those bruises. I just need to know if it was consensual.” His eyes caught hers and held them.

“Tell me, Mike, are you  _ ever  _ going to trust him?”

“Rynna, you love him and trust him. I love him and  _ want _ to trust him. But I saw him when he came back. I can  _ never _ completely trust him, again.” The tears in his eyes matched the pain in his voice at this admission.

"Then trust  _ me _ , Mike. I would never allow that kind of behavior.”

“Possibly… but I'm afraid you love him  _ so much _ that you would try to cover for him.”

“Alright… I'll make you a promise. If he ever acts any way other than the wonderful, compassionate man he has always been to me, I'll  _ at least _ tell you.”

His shoulders dropped and he breathed a sigh of relief. “It's a deal. Now… let's get you fixed up.” He tapped his commbadge. “Computer. Ranger transport Rabbit bag one to my location.”

The blue haze and electric crackle of a transport heralded the arrival of Rabbit's medic bag. It took a moment of him rummaging around in it - muttering about how people needed to stop getting injured so he had a chance to organize it - but he finally retrieved a dermal regenerator.

“Come over here.” Sitting down on the bed so he had a better view, he beckoned her over and began running the unit over the deep purple mark on her hip.

There was silence while he worked, then suddenly. “Pillows.”

“What?” She’d been so focused on watching the bruise fade, his sudden word startled her.

“Pillows, Rynna. Put a pillow along the edge of the table. You might still get bruises, but they'll be bearable.”

“Um… ok.” This conversation was getting surreal.

“Now, for the other one.” She could tell that he was in ‘healer’ mode as he gently returned the first side of her waistband, then pulled down the other one. She didn't object - it was like having a trusted doctor work on her.

The marks on the other side were almost gone when he stopped. “Hmn…” Standing, he moved around behind her and placed his hand on her bare hip.

“Ah… Rabbit?”

His hand flew off her skin as if it was on fire. “Crickets, Rynna! I'm sorry, I… well… you've got another mark here.”

Looking down, she could see the faint outline of a hand wrapped around her hip - slightly bruised at some point when Justin had pulled her hips into his.

She felt her face go hot. “Well… um…”

Laughing softly, he shook his head. “Something tells me that there's a few more that I haven't seen. Don't worry! I'm not going to ask. I am, however, going to give you a crash course in the most effective way of using a dermal regenerator.”

He sat back down and finished healing her injuries from the table, walking her through the steps that would ensure the most even healing pattern and showing her how to read the necessary depth. She healed the faint marks from Justin's hand while he watched to make sure she had understood his instructions.

When she was finished, she turned the regenerator unit off and held it out to him. “Thank you.”

He pushed her outstretched hand back towards her. “Remember those  _ few more _ I mentioned? I suspect Justin has a few, too. I'm not going to ask how, where, or what. Just keep this and use it.”

She put it down on her nightstand. “Thanks, Mike. I'm actually a little worried about one of them.”

“You know, Rynna. If you're going to keep up these kinds of activities you should probably get one of your own. Wait until we get back to Earth and are officially set loose from being  _ monitored _ , though.”

“You really  _ are _ a very good friend, Mike. I need you to know how much I appreciate what you do for us. I have no idea what you would ever need from me, but if there ever is something…”

“Just keep that look in his eyes, and we're even. It took me all morning, but I finally figured out what it is. I haven't seen it since I first met him.”

A thought occurred to her. “Justin told me that you two had known each other longer than anyone realized. Why is that? And how long  _ have _ you known him?”

“Justin's high school did a summer exchange with my school on Mars. We stayed in each other's homes during the exchange and became pretty good friends.”

“Why is that a secret?”

“It's not really a  _ secret _ , it's just not necessary information for anyone else to have. We fell out of touch when we graduated and he went to the academy.

“Didn't you go to the academy, too?”

Rabbit shook his head. “My grades weren't good enough… and I wasn't really interested at the time.”

“What was he like as a teenager?”

“Tall, handsome, smart as a whip, and… rather popular with the girls. He never studied, but he had high marks in all his classes. He was as skinny as Polly, and spent most of his time hanging out.” 

“And you?”

His fair skin flushed a deep pink. “Short, squat, and socially inept. I was much more interested in football than studying. My grades were barely enough to get me through school. He forced me to study… and introduced me to my first girlfriend. When he had trouble passing the physical tests for the academy, I took him to the gym with me and showed him ways to increase his strength and stamina.”

There it was - the missing piece to the bond between the two men. She got an image of a shy teenaged Mike following along behind the dashing Justin.

Justin had taken him under his wing, giving him that quiet strength Mike needed in order to grow past his insecurities - much the same as Justin had done for  _ her _ . In return, Mike made it possible for Justin to attain his dream of going to the academy.

“So you each gave the other one what you needed the most. How is it that no one knows about it?”

“We grew apart after high school. The academy required most of his attention, and I went off the deep end for a while. Nothing serious - I just got in with a rougher crowd… decided to travel the quadrant with them. I ended up working as a bouncer in a bar on Delvus IV.”

Rynna was shocked. Delvus IV was a planet just outside Federation space, used almost exclusively by freighters carrying illegal goods. Being outside of the Federation meant that SF had no jurisdiction over what happened there, so the illegal activities were allowed to flourish. “How the hell did you end up  _ there _ ?”

He chuckled softly. “I ended up there because I was out of credits to get anywhere else. I took the job as a way to earn enough to get out. I stayed because it was the first thing I found that I was really good at.

“So how did you end up as a Ranger?”

Another chuckle preceded his explanation. “That's a long, convoluted story… It’s amazing how quickly you become inured to the illegal activities around you - especially when it's the driving culture. The people there were rough… hard… there was little compassion for even their shipmates.”

“That sounds like a great place to live.” Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

“It was better than some others... I was breaking up fights all the time. Often, the same captains were involved - usually a payment dispute. It got to the point where I started patching them up. I became… friendly… with some of them. They started talking more freely around me - even asking me to invest in some of their… schemes.”

His face grew a little pink. “I almost did, until I realized that the ‘goods’ they were talking about weren't supplies or material possessions.” He glanced at her, tears in his eyes, then went on softly. “The ‘goods' were  _ people _ .”

Rynna's jaw dropped… trafficking of _ people _ ?  _ Slaves _ ?

He caught sight of her face, then nodded and dropped his head. “I nearly threw up on the captain's lap when I found out. Luckily - in a way - the people they were dealing were Federation citizens. I contacted SF.”

“They could get involved, then.”

“Yes… They sent a few undercover operatives and asked me to get them in with the traffickers. One of the operatives was Justin. I was so surprised, I didn't even think… I greeted him as what he was to me - an old high school friend. Luckily, it worked in our favor.”

She nodded. “You could vouch strongly for him and no one would think anything of it.”

“Exactly… They ended up being able to get the worst of the offenders with my help. When it all came down, though, my cover got blown. The Rangers took me with them for my safety. On the way back to Earth, Justin and I had a lot of time to talk.”

“About you becoming a Ranger?”

“Yes, and no. We caught up on old times. I told him how I'd ended up on that damn planet, and he told me about how he’d ended up as a Ranger. He also told me that he needed a medic, and that I had a natural skill - I’d had to patch him up once.”

“So you signed up?”

“Hell, no. We got back and I went to the nearest bar… got drunk… and ended up their bouncer to pay off my debt - I'd left Delvus IV in a hurry and without my credits.” He shrugged. “At least it was a nicer place.”

“But Justin wouldn't leave you alone.”

“He kept coming into the bar, trying to convince me that the Rangers would be a good fit for me. Finally, I gave in and told him I'd at least check it out.” He grinned. “I never went back to that bar.”

“So, SF trained you as a medic…”

“...And as transporter tech so I would have a cover position.” He sighed. “Despite all the horrible things I've seen, I love my job, Rynna. I get to fix those horrors, like the situation on Delvus IV. I was part of freeing those people. It felt -  _ feels _ \- good.”

His breath caught and tears came to his eyes again. “I owe it all to Justin, Rynna… everything I am now is because of him. I will spend the rest of my life trying to repay that debt - and I never will.”

She touched his arm. “Mike, I don't think he expects you to  _ repay _ him.”

“Did you know that they called me in when he got back?”

“Not really, but I have wondered how it was that you know so much.”

“He wouldn't talk to anyone… kept mumbling my name. Finally, the doctors gave in and sent for me. It was  _ me _ he told about what happened. Oh, both of us knew we were being recorded, but he would only let me be in the room with him while he talked. I broke my hand on his padded wall at one point.” 

By this time, Rynna had wrapped her arm around his shoulder. Now, she hugged him outright. 

She saw the entire picture, now. It wasn't just the other one's teenaged self they had saved - it was their adult selves, as well. Justin gave Mike a purpose… Mike gave Justin his sanity.

Their needs for each other were so entwined, she wasn't sure if either one could survive without the other. 

Doing her best to shake off her morbid thoughts, she remembered that Justin and Trench were waiting in the other room. It wasn't going to be much longer before one - or both - of them came looking.

Letting Rabbit go, she gave him a pat on the back and tried to lighten the mood. “I guess I'm stuck with you forever, Mike. It's a damn good thing I like you.” She forced a playful grin.

He responded with one of his own. “It's a good thing I like you, too, Rynna. Can you imagine Justin stuck between us if you hated me like Trench does?”

The thought put a genuine smile on her face. She leaned in close to whisper playfully in his ear. “He’d probably lock himself back up in his padded cell!”

Arm in arm, laughing loudly, the two friends exited her bedroom to rejoin Justin and Trench.

“It's about damn time you two came back. I was beginning to think I was going to have to keep Tina from killing you for molesting his girlfriend.”

Retaking her seat next to Justin, Rynna laughed. “I thought we already established the fact that I can defend myself, Trench. We just got to talking and forgot about the two of you.”

“Oh, no. What stories has Mike been telling you? I guarantee they're only about half true… and the ones that  _ are _ true also involve him!”

Despite his teasing manner, she could feel the edginess in his voice. “Don't worry… I didn't believe a word of it… except for that one thing… Well, we'll talk about it later.” Leaning in to give him a kiss on the cheek, she whispered in his ear. “Everything is fine.”

Pulling back, she saw his face relax and his smile reached his eyes.

Noticing that Rabbit was holding his medic bag, Trench gave Rynna a searching look. “All patched up?”

Rabbit jumped in with a grin. “No worries. She just bruises easily. I told her she should get her own dermal regenerator when we get home. Just in case she decides to slam her hips into a table again.”

It took Trench no time at all to pick up on what Rabbit was trying to say. One eyebrow raised she gave Rynna a look. “Do we need to get baby bumpers to cover the edges of the table?”

Rynna couldn't stop herself. “No, thank you, DeeDee. Rabbit advised pillows when needed. I think that's a better solution for us.”

Trench's jaw dropped. Rabbit guffawed. Justin turned bright red. Rynna sat quietly, arms crossed in front of her, with a triumphant look on her face.

“Coffee, anyone?”

  
  



	16. Chapter 16

Rynna sat on her bed behind Justin, quietly healing each of the marks her fingernails had gouged into Justin's skin. 

Although Rabbit had walked her through how to heal a bruise, she’d had no visible cuts for him to teach her how to heal them. Justin had shown her the setting, then had her practice on his cuts from the broken dishes.

It seemed a straightforward kind of task, but she was learning how much skill - finesse, even - it required. There was depth and width to consider, angle of direction - even a setting for disinfection.

She’d only made it through three of the marks so far, and it wasn't going well.

He flinched. “I'm sorry!” She’d gotten the depth wrong, again. She sighed, smoothing her hand over his back. “Maybe you should have Rabbit heal these, Justin. You're going to have scars… especially the bite.”

Turning slightly, he caught her hand gently in his. “If there are scars, so be it. It's not like I don't have any already.” He turned around more completely and cupped her face. “At least they're happy reminders.”

Smiling softly back at him, she leaned in for a kiss. “I'll finish these, but I'm really worried about the bite. I really think…”

“I can see most of it, Rynna. We'll get a mirror and work on it together, alright?”

She nodded. “Alright.” she pointed the instrument at another mark, trying her best to keep from hurting him. Each one seemed a bit easier and she began to relax a bit, placing small kisses on them as she finished them.

Reaching the point where she couldn't work on them from the angle they were at, she turned the instrument off.

“I'm going to get a mirror so we can work on that bite. When we're done, you can lay down and I'll get the rest of these.” She handed him the regenerator and headed to her bathroom to get the mirror she used to check the bun on the back of her head before she left for her shift.

When she returned, Justin directed her to sit behind him again. “We're going to work with the disinfection setting, first. This part is simple - no pain involved. I'm going to hold the mirror so I can see while you work. We'll switch when we move to the healing part.”

While she worked, he directed her on smoother patterns and angles to hold the tool so there would be less chance of her missing her mark. By the time that step was complete, she was feeling more confident.

“Now you hold the mirror and I'll work on the healing while you watch.”

It was fascinating watching his hands while they smoothly ran the regenerator over the wound. It was  _ more _ fascinating to watch  _ him _ through the mirror. It was an angle she wasn't used to, and the sight was incredible.

“Rynna? You're not going to get any better if you don't listen.”

“I'm sorry, Justin. I got distracted watching you in the mirror.”

He grinned. “Fascinating, isn't it? I never realized that you bite your lip when you're concentrating.”

She blushed. It was a habit she’d had since she was a child, and had never been able to train herself out of it. “Yes, well… let's get back to this before I forget what you just taught me.”

Attention refocused, they got back to making sure that the wound was properly healed. When they finished, she was pleased to see that there was no scar - and she had only made him flinch once.

As she had done with the small marks on his back, she placed a small kiss where the injury had been.

He groaned. “It's even more fascinating to watch you do  _ that _ in the mirror.”

She glanced up, and caught his eye through the reflective glass. “Let me see.” Keeping her eye on the mirror, she placed another kiss on his shoulder… then another… then ran her tongue up his neck.

“Wow. I get to see your face while I'm kissing you.” She sucked the sensitive spot just behind his ear. He shuddered, then moved the mirror away.

“If we keep this up, we're never going to finish.”

Grinning, she leaned forward to kiss his cheek. “We're going to revisit this at some point, though.”

Her suggestion was met with another groan from him. “Just as long as we  _ both _ get to try it out.”

A small thrill ran down her spine, but she forced herself to move back. “Put the mirror down on the nightstand and lay down on your stomach. I need to get the rest of these.”

When he complied, she set to work healing the rest of the small notches decorating his back. The complexity of healing the bite mark made the notches easy by comparison, and she was able to move more quickly through them.

She worked in silence, concentrating on what she was doing. As before, she placed a kiss on each mark as it was completed. Once finished with his back, she ran her hands along his legs to make sure there were no other bruises or cuts that needed attention.

“Turn over. I need to get your knees and those scratches on your chest.” When he complied, she found that he was fully erect.

Raising an eyebrow, she gave him a grin. “What's this?”

He shrugged. “You've been kissing and running your hands along the entire back side of my body. What did you think was going to happen?”

“Hmph. Well, you're just going to have to keep  _ that _ to yourself for the time being.” Her frustration was feigned. All she wanted to do at the moment was take him into her mouth… then her body.

Taking a deep breath, she got to work on his knees where the carpet had left abrasions. Each knee got a small kiss, then she worked her way up his thighs, healing the scratches she had put there. He groaned as she placed kisses on each one, her hair sliding across his swollen member.

“Doesn’t  _ that _ get a kiss, too?”

“Only injuries are getting kisses, right now.  _ That _ is going to have to wait its turn.”

She was getting better at healing, so the marks on his chest were done in no time.

“Now, let’s see about making  _ that _ feel better.”

“Oh, no…” He sat up, stopping her with a kiss and taking the regenerator out of her hand. “It’s time to heal all of your wounds. Lay down on your stomach.”

One by one, he healed each of the bruises she had on her back from being pounded into the walls. He found smaller abrasions neither one of them could remember her getting, then healed the carpet burns on her backside.

As she had done to him, he placed a light kiss on each healed wound. He smoothed his hands along her body, looking for additional injuries… and making her skin tingle.

“Time for you to roll over, love, you’ve got a few on your front side that need attention, too.”

Finding matching bruises on each of her inner thighs, he sighed and quietly healed them. Moving on, he discovered a long narrow bruise running from hip to hip, crossing over her mons. “How the hell did you get that?”

She rose up on her elbows and dipped her head to one side. “You didn’t think I was going to let Rabbit heal  _ that part _ , did you?”

“This is from the table?” When she nodded, he dropped his head. “I think we need to calm it down a bit. This is getting out of hand.”

She sat up and cupped his cheek. “We can if you want, but I’ve enjoyed every minute of the reasons those marks are there.” Kissing him lightly, she laid back down.

He healed the mark, then gently moved up her torso. Watching her face for pained reactions, he ran his hands over her skin, searching for unseen injuries. A pained sigh escaped him when he found red welts from his teeth running along her breasts. 

When he could find no other injuries, he placed the regenerator on her nightstand, then laid down next to her. Cupping her cheek, he gave her a long, liquid kiss and caressed her newly-healed body.

Pulling him towards her, she matched his kiss, sharing in the heart-stopping tenderness that radiated from him. A gentle peace surrounded them as tender touches and gentle kisses replaced the scratching nails and rasping teeth they had shared before.

Although they had been gentle with each other before, there had always been the sense of a need for completion - a tease to bring about the highest climax… the most mind-blowing orgasm.

Now, there was only the love between them… the desire to bring the other quiet pleasure. They worshipped each other’s bodies with reverence... touching… tasting… exploring their most sensitive places.

She’d thought she understood the connection she felt with him when they came together the first time two nights ago, but this… this was on a different plane altogether. 

They wrapped themselves in a web of magic as they molded their bodies intimately against each other. The connection growing deeper as they continued on… so deep it became more than physical… more than emotional. 

The connection became soul-deep. She knew that they would be forever tied to one another. No matter where they were in the universe, there would always be an invisible cord connecting them.

He finally entered her, fusing his flesh with hers. They became more than… everything. They were no longer a mirror… no longer two halves of a whole - they  _ were _ the whole. Their bodies melded together as they began to move in unison.

Coherent thought had long ago departed, leaving her only with the sensations being shared through their bodies. The goal of simply being as one remained. The only desire - the only satisfaction - was to be  _ with _ . Nothing else existed.

It was the most sensuous experience of her life. 

The climax came over them in gentle waves lapping at the edge of a boat. They rocked along with it, still moving with each other.

When the waves calmed, he remained where he was, on top of her. Sliding his hands between her body and the bed, he held her firmly to him and buried his face in her neck.

“Marry me, Rynna. Be my wife. Be with me always - no matter where we are. Make babies with me. Grow old with me. You are my universe.”

She held him tightly to her. “Yes, Justin. I’ll be your wife. Be my home - my port in the storm forever. We’ll make babies together. I’ll grow old with you. You are  _ my  _ universe.”

The intensity of the moment was too much for him. His shoulders shook with silent sobs as hot tears slid down her neck. She continued to hold him tight, her own tears sliding down her temples to be soaked up by her hair.

Nudging his hip with her leg, she got him to move off of her, rolling together to their sides. She continued to hold him, his head on her shoulder, their lower bodies still wrapped tightly around each other, tears still leaking out of their eyes.

 

*Polly to Dash*

Justin was fast asleep, still with his head on her shoulder, still holding tightly to her. She’d been in a light sleep - dozing, really, gently combing her fingers through his hair. The hail slipped easily in her consciousness.

Glad that she’d placed her commbadge on her nightstand, she twisted gently - trying not to wake him - and retrieved it.

“Dash here, Polly. What do you need?”

*I was just wondering if you were going to keep our standing date in the training room.*

Before she could respond, she felt Justin stir and his grip on her loosened. “She'll be there in a few minutes, Polly.”

*That's great! And you'll both join us for dinner? I have it on good authority that chili is on the menu.*

Rynna couldn't help but laugh at his excitement. “Count us in, Polly. There's no way I would miss that chili. I'll see you in a few minutes. Are you already at the training room?”

*I'm headed there now. See you in a couple minutes. Polly out.*

Putting the commbadge back on her nightstand, she turned to Justin. “I didn't mean to wake you up.”

He caressed her side. “It was more Polly's hopeful tone that woke me up. He misses you - they all do. Trench said dinner last night was depressing because there were two empty seats.”

“That's really sweet. I guess we  _ have _ been ignoring them. But, still…  I'm not sure I feel like leaving right now.” She cuddled back into him.

Running his hand up her back, he laughed. “You know, we're going to have to surface at some point. I think I'd rather ease into it with our friends than go through the abrupt change from  _ this _ right into our uniforms and duties.”

She sighed deeply. “Are you sure we can't do our research from here?”

“In order for me to do that, we’d have to have the team here, anyway. Besides…” he nuzzled her neck. “My wife may be able to defend herself from  _ me _ , but I want to make sure she can do that with  _ anyone _ .”

Her breath caught. “You really were serious?”

He leaned back to see her face, fear in his eyes. “You thought I was joking?”

“No… not  _ joking _ , just... caught up in the moment.”

The fear was still in his eyes. “And you? Were you  _ caught up in the moment _ ?”

She cupped his face and kissed him softly. “I wasn't joking at all, Justin. I would love nothing more than to be your wife, make a family with you, and grow old together.”

Joy returned to his eyes and he breathed a sigh of relief. “That's settled, then - which means that you still need to meet Polly in the training room”

He sat up, bringing her with him. “Now, go… get a quick shower, get dressed in workout gear, and head to the training room.”

Laughing while she stood, she turned to look at him. “You're bossy.”

He laid back down and folded his hands behind his head. “I have to get it in now, before you can  _ really _ take me out.”

She took one last look at him laid out on her bed naked, blankets only covering his hips. It took everything she had to keep herself from crawling back into bed with him.

 

The holographic Ktarian slammed to the floor, and she put her knee into his upper chest, holding him down.

“Excellent job, Dash. You're going to be taking out Klingons in no time.”

“Are you going to teach me how to use a Bat’leth?”

He shook his head. “I don't really know enough about how to use them for me to teach you. Spider knows, though. He could probably teach you. Come to think of it, he could teach both of us together,”

“Why does Spider know? It's not like he's going to run into any of them at his ops station. At least not any Klingons who are a danger to the ship.”

Polly grinned. “His family was friends with a Kingon family when he was growing up and he went along for the lessons with the other kids. He also gets included in security details for difficult diplomatic missions.”

“Like you do.”

“Yes - although I'm usually included if we are not involved in a mission. Spider only gets brought in when the situation is particularly tenuous.”

“He  _ is _ a little imposing.”

“Especially with a Bat’leth in his hands. He's pretty damn accurate.” Polly shuddered. “It's kind of… creepy.”

“Creepy?”

“His bearing changes, and he gets an odd expression on his face.” Justin's voice came from behind them. “It's almost like he  _ becomes _ a Klingon when he uses it.”

Justin walked over to her and gave her a small kiss. “Hi, love.”

“Hi. What are you doing here?”

“Can't I come watch you beat people up?” He leaned in closer to whisper in her ear. “Or, perhaps I just wanted to be able to tell which bruises are from me.”

“Oh, for crickets sakes, you two. There  _ are _ things outside of your quarters, you know.”

She swore there was a hint of jealousy in his tone. Moving over to him, she placed a light touch on his arm. “Of course there are. I'm not just here for the beatings, you know.”

It was difficult to tell because of his dark skin, but she was sure she saw a tinge of pink color his face. “Glad to hear it. We all kinda missed you.”

“I'll admit, we've been kind of MIA for the past few days. It's time to find a balance, don't you think, Justin?”

“That sounds like a solid plan. Speaking of which, I _ did _ actually have a reason for coming. It’s almost time for dinner, and I'm about to beat Trench in the ‘I‘m starving’ competition.”

Rynna looked down at her sweaty clothes. “It'll take me a few minutes to run to my quarters for a shower and fresh clothes.”

Justin handed her a bag. “I packed a change of clothes for you. You get fixed up in the locker room while I wait.”

“Where's my bag, Tina? Don't you love me anymore?” The teasing tone was back in Polly’s voice.

“I love you like a brother, Polly. That doesn't mean I'm going to rifle through your drawers for clean underwear.”

A dramatic sigh escaped him. “Alas, I will have to find me a Dash of my own! Meet you two there.” Polly left with a smile and a wave.

Rynna hurried into the locker room to get showered and dressed. When she discovered what he had packed for her, though, she became irritated.

“Justin, get in here.”

He peeked around the corner of the locker room entrance. “Doesn't it fit?”

She huffed and rolled her eyes. “A  _ dress _ ? Justin, when have you  _ ever _ seen me wear a dress? I'm not sure I even  _ own _ one!”

“I replicated it for you. I wanted to see you in it, and I thought it might be a nice change.” His face fell. “You hate it. I'll get you something else to wear.”

“No, Justin. I'll wear it. I just… never really liked dresses. I've always preferred pants.”

His head tipped to one side. “But you wear nightgowns, not pajamas. I figured you hadn't brought any dresses because you didn't see a use for them on board a ship.”

His comments brought her up short. She  _ did _ prefer nightgowns. Pajamas always felt… confining… to her. Perhaps it was part of what he’d mentioned before - pants during the day when she needed to feel in control and ‘dresses’ at night when she relaxed.

She held up the dress to look at it. It was a deep sapphire blue, sleeveless, with wide shoulder straps, a loosely-fitting bodice and flowing skirt. Almost like a sundress, it was made in a lightweight cotton material.

“I thought the blue would bring out your eyes.” Still unsure, his voice was hesitant.

Her heart went out to him. All he wanted was to make her happy and feel beautiful, and she’d jumped all over him.

“It's beautiful, Justin. I'll wear it tonight.” She shrugged slightly. “Who knows? I've changed quite a bit in the past few months. Maybe the new me will like it.”

Relief passed over his face. “Just be honest with me if you don't. Next time I'll get you a blouse in that color.”

Still clad in only her panties and bra, she sauntered over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Thank you, Justin, for thinking of me.”

The kiss she gave him threatened to spiral out of control. Reluctantly, he dragged his mouth from hers, then rested his forehead on hers. “You’d better get dressed before Trench comes looking for us.”

“Hmm, yes. It's not like this is private space. She wouldn't even have to knock on the door.” Reluctantly, she pulled out of his arms. “Now, go. I need to make a grand entrance.”

He disappeared around the corner, leaving her to contemplate her new outfit. It really  _ was _ a pretty dress. Slipping it over her head, she turned to look at herself in the mirror.

She had to admit, it looked nice on her, highlighting her better attributes. The cottony material was soft and the skirt draped gently over her hips. And it was very comfortable.

Feeling a little like a showhorse up for auction, she came around the corner of the locker room. 

“Well? What do you think?” She looked down to smooth the skirt. When he didn't answer, she looked up to find him staring at her, speechless.

“Hellooo… Justin… wake up and tell me what you think of your present.”

Swallowing hard he caught her eyes. “Perhaps you're right about not wearing it tonight.”

Her stomach clenched. She’d thought she looked good in it, but he didn't. “Ummm… well… we can swing by my quarters and get something else.”

Shaking himself, he went to her and grabbed her hands. “You look beautiful, Rynna. Stunning. I'm not sure you should wear it because I'm not sure I will be able to keep my hands off you.”

Still holding her hands, he wrapped his arms around her, trapping them behind her. He gently propelled them against the wall forming the entrance to the locker room.

The driving force of his kiss ignited the hunger for him which constantly floated just below the surface of her being. She matched it with her own passion, sucking his tongue greedily into her mouth.

His mouth left hers to rain sensuous, open-mouthed kisses down her neck and across her collarbone. He let go of her hands, leaving them still trapped between her body and the wall, and ran his hands up her sides.

She was breathless with need. “More, Justin.”

“Computer, lock holodeck doors.” He mumbled the order as his thumbs found her pebbled nipples through the dress. Her back arched toward him, encouraging his touch.

One thumb disappeared from her breast as he lowered the straps of her dress and bra, allowing the loose bodice to slide down her torso and exposing her breasts completely. His mouth captured an exposed nipple.

Moisture pooled between her legs and she felt his erection pressing against her belly. She wrapped a leg around his hip, pulling him against her, and rocking hers against him.

“Rynna…” His words were choked with desire. Hands sliding down her legs and back under her dress, he bunched the skirt up around her waist. As he slid her panties off her hips, she unhooked her leg from his hips so they could fall to the floor.

She stepped out of them and kicked them away from her as he unfastened the waistband of his pants and let them fall to the floor.

Grasping her buttocks, he slid her up the wall, raising her up to the level of his hips. Rolling hers towards him at just the right angle, she wrapped her legs around his.

Reason tumbled to oblivion as he impaled her with his swollen, throbbing shaft. Almost of their own volition, their bodies began slamming against each other, each striving for climax and completion.

This was no gentle, loving drive… no passionate coming together for each other. This was a carnal, desperate need for their own bodies’ pleasure - a frenzied race to fulfillment.

Rynna was out of her mind, her body taking what it wanted from him with a reckless, savage lust. His mouth left her breast and was panting hot puffs of breath into her neck as he slammed his body into hers.

She needed the stimulation of his mouth. “Kiss me.” The order was undeniable, and his mouth slammed into hers. His ravenous tongue forced its way through her lips and matched the rhythm of their bodies.

She came with the force of a photon torpedo, her body blown apart by the heat between them. He followed behind her, his body pulled over the edge by the clamping of her inner muscles, his seed spurting into her in hot bursts.

Breathless and panting, bodies still convulsing with their orgasms, they remained wrapped around each other. Finally spent, he let go of her and she slid back down the wall until her feet touched the floor again. 

Brain still unable to completely focus, she was only able to speak one word. “Wow.”

“Crickets, Rynna. I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me.”

His words brought her world back into focus. “Justin, did you hear me complaining? That was… amazing. I had no idea how much  _ fun _ that could be!”

He smiled tentatively. “You're not upset? What just happened was kind of… selfish. I normally like to make sure you're happy before I…”

She looked up and cupped his face, placing her thumb over his mouth and stopping his words. “I was plenty happy. Crickets, I'll wear a dress every day if that's the reaction I'm going to get!”

Kissing him gently, she gave him a slight push. “Come on, we're late and we still have to clean up.”

 

“You're late - again.” Trench heralded their arrival with a note of frustration in her voice.

“I thought you brought her clothes so you  _ wouldn't _ be late.”

“That was the intention, Polly, but I think we would have been better off if I let her pick her own outfit.”

“You look beautiful, Dash. What was the problem?”

“Well, Spider, I've never really liked wearing dresses. Justin had to convince me to wear it.” She glanced at Justin, trying to hide a grin. “It took a few minutes.”

“Well, I'm glad he did. You really  _ do _ look beautiful - that color looks great on you.” Rabbit leaned in to kiss her cheek, taking the opportunity to whisper in her ear. “Do I need to check for bruises?”

She flushed. “Ah… thank you, Rabbit. I think I'm alright - with the dress. The ah… color…  _ is _ really nice.”

“Alright everyone, have a seat! The cornbread is getting cold.” Jeans began dishing out bowls of chili and passing them around the table.

In an unprecedented move, he took the seat next to Rynna. “Everyone else has gotten to spend some time with you. I haven't.” His explanation was almost shyly given as he slipped into the seat.

Touched, she smiled softly and laid a gentle hand on his arm. “I've missed you, too, Jeans.”

The meal was delicious - the company even better. She leaned over to Justin. “We really need to find that balance. I think I've missed them just as much as they've missed us.”

“ _ You _ , Rynna. They've missed  _ you _ . But we can look for that balance.”

 

Rynna strode furiously down the corridors of the Icarus, angry feet taking her nowhere in particular. 

She and Justin had spent the past week focusing on their friendships with the other members of the team. She’d spent more time in the training room with Polly, working on her self-defense moves. The whole team had joined her in Bat’leth training with Spider. Then both he and Polly worked with her on reading an opponent’s face.

Jeans had started the arduous task of teaching her how to cook. So far, he’d had her simply preparing ingredients, but was threatening to have her make an entire meal on her own.

There hadn't been a question about keeping her weekly girls’ night with Trench. Despite all that she’d missed in favor of time with Justin, she had never skipped one. 

“Hrumph… perhaps I should have. It would have saved me a lot of time and trouble.” 

Tonight was supposed to have been the time for the two friends to let their hair down and laugh while they talked about nothing and everything. Rynna had been looking forward to it. So much had happened since their last girls’ night and she wanted to share some of it with her friend.

It had started out fine. They went over her sign language lessons, then moved to discuss Rynna's take on Rabbit's companions. Trench had confessed that Rynna’s take on the situation made sense.

The subject of what had been going on between Rynna and Justin had eventually made it into their conversation. Trench chided Rynna on her failure to open up to someone about her original, overwhelming fear of how it would feel. They agreed that she was lucky everything had worked out.

Ultimately, Rynna had worked through her shyness about discussing her sexual experiences, then opened up with some details of what had been going on. Trench had been delighted and hung on Rynna’s every word.

Then it had all imploded.

“I should never have told her that we were getting married! Some  _ friend _ she turned out to be!” She rounded another bend then punched the button to call the turbolift.

“It's true that we haven't been together very long, but I know this is  _ right _ !” She got on the turbolift and barked her order for deck five.

“I  _ know _ it will be difficult for us to stay together when we get back to Earth! I'm not stupid! Justin and I have talked about how difficult it is for Rangers to maintain relationships, but we have a head start. I know what he does - he doesn't have to hide it from me!” She exited the turbolift and strode down the corridor.

_ When the real world hits, one of you might decide that this isn't right and leave the other one in a tailspin. _

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? We're going to get our feet on Earth and suddenly decide we don't love each other anymore? What a load of cow crap!”

She’d intended to head to her quarters when she stormed out of the holodeck - Justin was supposed to be waiting there for her - but her angry feet had had other ideas. Now she was… where was she?

Somehow, she had ended up in the deserted lounge. “Might as well play a game of pool. Maybe it will help clear my mind like it does for Rabbit.”

But setting up the game didn't help her mood at all. Whoever had played last hadn’t even bothered to put away the cue sticks and gather up the balls. She was forced to clean it all up, including tracking down the chalk.

By the time she had everything racked up and ready to go she was furious all over again. In her anger, she hit the cue ball so hard it bounced out of the table and crashed into the bulkhead.

“Argh!” She almost snapped the stick in half when someone ripped it out of her hand.

“This is supposed to be a meditative activity, Rynna. If you want to smash something, go to the holodeck and beat up a few Cardassians.”

“Leave me alone, Rabbit.” She kept her back to him, too angry to look him in the eyes.

“Did you and Justin have a fight?”

“No.”

“It's Girls’ Night. The fight must have been with Trench.”

“All I wanted was for her to be happy for me - for us.”

“She’s upset because the two of you had sex?”

Rynna couldn't help it - his incredulous tone made her smile. It calmed her down a bit and she sighed instead instead of yelled. “She's upset because I told her we were getting married.”

He set the pool stick down on the table and took her hand. “Come here.” They sat at a table - Rabbit sitting across from her so she was forced to look at him.

“Justin and I had the same argument earlier today.”

“You too, Rabbit? Why can't you just be  _ happy _ for us? Why do you think we shouldn't be together? Why have you been pretending to support us?” Angry tears burned just behind her eyes and threatened to pour out in great waves.

“Don't put words in my mouth.” His voice was quiet but hard. “I've never said or done  _ any _ of those things. On the contrary, I've supported the both of you every step of the way. Don't forget that I put my friendship with Justin on the line for you two.”

She sighed. He was right - he  _ had _ done that. Her fury went down another notch. “Then, why…?”

“Because we're worried. The two of you have been through the gauntlet. It makes for a powerful bond, but that bond doesn't always survive the tedious day-to-day rhythm of regular life.”

“I love him, Mike… and he loves me.”

“I never said that you didn't. And I'd be saying this same thing to two friends who had met each other under perfectly normal circumstances. The two of you need to give yourselves some time. You've rushed through so much. Let the rest of it happen a little slower.”

Calmer now, she looked into his eyes and saw only concern. No disdain… no judgemental attitude… just tenderness. The rest of her anger deflated.

He reached across the table to take her hand. “Being in a committed relationship with a Ranger is difficult at best. The fact that you know who he is makes it somewhat easier, but he's still going to have secrets.”

She shrugged. “My dad has secrets, but that hasn't interfered with his marriage to my mom.”

“Has it? Do you know  _ everything _ about them? I doubt if they would have let you see it.”

“I’ve seen them have arguments and I suspect that she's been just as frustrated by his absences as my sister and I, but they're still married. They still love each other. I've seen the joy in their eyes when he comes home.”

He let go of her hand and sat back. “You'll never be able to tell your mother who Justin _ really _ is, you know. You'll have secrets, too. But… I don't know… you have the family history… and your father knows… you have a better chance than most. Just  _ please _ give the real world a chance to get in between you.”

“And if it doesn't? Get in between us, I mean.”

“Then I'll proudly stand up next to him when you say your vows.”

Tears threatened again, but these weren't angry ones. “Thank you, Mike.”

“Another word of advice… Go easy on Trench. She's got her  _ own _ history.”

A deep sigh rushed through her body. Once again, she’d been so self-centered that she didn't think about where another person was coming from. “I owe her a huge apology.”

He smiled gently. “I suspect you do. But not tonight. She needs to stew a bit, too.” He stood. “Now about that pool game. Fancy a round if we can pry the cue ball out of the bulkhead?”

The two friends played a few games of  _ meditative _ pool. Under Rabbit's tutelage, she was getting rather good. As far as she knew, no one was aware of these midnight lessons, and she wondered if she could shark Spider or Jeans.

At around 0200, he sent her back to her quarters. “0700 is going to come pretty quick. Get a little rest. Talk to Trench in the morning.”

She found Justin fast asleep in what was quickly becoming the  _ their _ bed, and took a moment to study him. She loved him so much it almost hurt. 

Much as she hated to admit it, though, Rabbit was right. They needed the time to experience what real life would throw at them.

Undressing in the near-darkness of the room, she tossed her clothes on the chair without bothering to put them in the refresher. She could do that in the morning.

She didn't even bother with her nightgown, and simply crawled into bed and curled up next to him. Either he came partially awake or it was just instinctive, he reached out and gathered her into his arms.

She was asleep in minutes.

 

“Time to wake up, beautiful.” Justin's words were accompanied by a gentle stroke of the back of his fingers down her cheek.

She felt like she’d just fallen asleep. “How about you lay back down with me, instead.” Her words slurred out in a sleepy mumble. 

There was a soft chuckle. “You remember we agreed that inviting the team into our bedroom to work was out of the question.” He leaned forward and gave her a light kiss on the lips. “There's more where that came from if you wake up.”

She rolled to her back and stretched. “Promise?”

Another chuckle. “Promise. Just open your eyes and sit up.”

When she did so, she discovered that he was already dressed in his uniform. “Am I late? How long did you let me sleep?” She threw back the covers in a panic. He caught her before she flew out of bed.

“You have time to get ready at your regular pace, but you'll need to eat breakfast here instead of joining everyone in the mess hall.”

“Ohh… I was supposed to apologize to Trench at breakfast.” She groaned and flopped back onto her pillow.

“Apologize?”

“We had a fight. I need to apologize for overreacting.”

“What happened?”

She opened one eye to look at him, then closed it again. “I told her we were engaged. She took the news about as well as Rabbit did.”

“How do you know about Rabbit?”

“I ran into him in the lounge. He saved the pool table from my wrath, then calmed me down enough to listen.” She opened her eyes again. “I hate to admit it, but they're right. We need to take our time and get accustomed to how we will work when we get back.”

He sighed and took her hand. “I agree with them, too. It's going to be hard, Rynna. Our lives are... different.” He closed his eyes and dropped his head. “Maybe I should have waited… maybe I _ did _ get lost in the moment and rushed things.”

That got her moving. She sat up and grasped his face between her hands. “Do you regret asking me? Or do you just regret the timing?”

“The timing, Rynna… just the timing.” His black eyes glittered as they bored into hers. “I will  _ never _ regret asking you to marry me.”

She sighed with relief. “Then the timing is a good thing. We know that each of us is committed to making this work, so we can't get lazy or take the easy way out.” She pulled his face down for a deep kiss, then rested their foreheads together. “We'll make it, Justin.”

He pulled her into his lap and held her close for a moment, then stood her on her feet. “You’d better get moving, then. You have an apology to make.”

She raced through her morning routine and made it to the mess hall just before the team left for the lab. The look of pain in Trench’s eyes hit her like a rock in the gut. Taking the other woman's hand in hers, she led them over to a corner of the room.

“I'm incredibly sorry for the way I treated you last night, DeeDee. You were trying to be a good friend and I jumped all over you. You didn't - don't - deserve to be treated that way. Can you forgive me?”

A single tear ran down Trench's face. “You were pretty mean last night, Rynna. Can you promise to listen before you jump to conclusions?”

“I can promise to  _ try _ … and I definitely promise to keep my nasty comments to myself. I had no right to say what I said to you. I don't know what you've been through - what difficult decisions you've had to make.”

There was a pause as DeeDee studied Rynna’s face. Then she sighed, her body drooping as the breath left her. “Apology accepted.”

Relieved, Rynna pulled her friend into a hug and held on to her for a moment. “Thank you.”

“Sorry to interrupt, ladies, but Dash needs to report for duty.” Rabbit's soft voice brought them back to reality and they separated with smiles on their faces.

“We’d better hurry, or your babysitter will contact Sellers and we'll all be in trouble.” Trench grinned at Rynna, then looped arms with her. “Hazard, yet forward… or something like that.” The two friends led the way out of the mess hall.

In a break with their typical pattern, the team escorted Rynna to her lab. “It’s not fair that you always have to walk alone. We have each other to keep us company. Besides, you'll be late if we didn't go this way.” Spider's voice boomed through the corridor.

At the doorway to Rynna's lab, Justin placed a muffin in her hand and, kissing her cheek, whispered in her ear. “Good friends are hard to find, Rynna. I'm glad you found one.”

“I'm glad I did, too, Justin. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Enough, you two. Dash, get in there before all our efforts go to waste!” Polly gave her a playful shove towards the door.

She walked through the door laughing.

 

A week later, word came down that the Icarus was ‘pulling anchor’ and heading back to Earth. As much as Rynna was looking forward to being home and seeing her mother, she was nervous about facing the world outside of the little oasis that the Icarus had become for her.

In what felt to her like a race to the finish line, the team stepped up efforts toward the Dash Project. Polly increased the frequency of her self defense training sessions, pulling in the others to give her a variety of angles to work from. He and Spider also worked more with her on how to read faces, so she could predict the attitude and movements of someone else long before any action had been taken.

Spider gave up the Bat’leth training, though. Rynna found the weapon too large and unwieldy for her size. Not to mention that the look on Spider's face when he held it was just as scary as Polly told her.

Jeans also gave up trying to teach her how to cook, declaring her a ‘menace to kitchens everywhere’. He did ask her to prep for him, saying it was his only chance to see her.

Girls’ night went on as usual, but the two friends also met more often to work on Rynna's sign language tutoring. She was getting fluent enough that she and Trench could hold simple conversations without having to be corrected.

Unfortunately - or fortunately - she couldn't decide - she and Justin also got to practice allowing his world to interfere with their relationship. In preparation for the team’s imminent arrival, he was pulled into several classified meetings - some of which he returned from in a decidedly negative and pessimistic mood. She found herself in the position of having to comfort him without any idea about what was causing the trouble.

By the time the ship entered the Sol system, she felt like a completely different person than the Katie Janeway that had left Earth over a year ago. 

She had been abducted by Cardassians and survived, even taking part in her own rescue.

She had fallen in love and learned how to be intimate with someone.

She had developed deep friendships with a group of people she would trust and count on for life.

She had defeated all of the intermediate training opponents and most of the advanced ones. 

Her sign language skills were strong enough that she could converse with anyone who knew the language.

Her ability to read another person was  beginning to rival that of some ambassadors.

Her pool game was strong enough that she sharked Polly and Spider and even beat Rabbit once.

She was feeling strong - the level of anxiety she had often felt when approaching something withering in the face of her newfound confidence. Gone was the confident but brittle, naive Katie. Rynna/Dash could do whatever she put her mind to.

Two days before they were scheduled to enter Earth’s orbit, she was called to join the team in a classified meeting and her wonderful new world fell apart.

The conference room was just as she remembered it: the half-circle table facing a viewscreen…  Justin at the head of the curve in the position of authority, Admiral Paris to his left, and the rest of the team filling the remaining seats.  The viewscreen showed three faces as before, but Admiral Patterson’s was replaced by a man she did not recognize.

When she arrived, Rabbit was in the middle of reporting the status of his removal of the Ranger subroutines he had programmed into the ship's transporter systems. The dark, pensive look Justin gave her as he silently waved her to her seat tightened the knot that was already present in her stomach. Trench gave her a similar look when she took her seat. 

A quick glance at the viewscreen showed her father staring at her with worry written all over his face. The knot tightened. She was sure she wouldn't be able to eat for a week.

Rabbit finished his report, and the unknown officer on the screen asked a few clarifying questions, then called on Polly to make his own report about the dismantling of the security enhancements they’d made to the Icarus.

The man on the screen was obviously in charge - easily overruling Justin in a way the Fleet Admiral hadn't been able to - but she had never seen him before. His uniform and insignia were different from that of a SF officer. Taking advantage of the fact that Justin wasn't running the meeting, she messaged him. 

_ What’s going on? Why am I here? _

Justin shook his head.  _ I have no idea why you were called in, but I've got a bad feeling about it. _

That got her nowhere. Time to take a new approach.  _ Who is that other officer on the screen with my dad and Keleetha? _

The question earned her a wry smile.  _ That's my permanent CO, General McIntyre. Your dad's only in charge of us for this mission, Rynna. McIntyre is the forever boss. _

Why hadn't she known that? Would it have ever occurred to her to  _ ask _ ?

The sound of McIntyre’s reedy voice brought her back to the present, and she chanced a look around the table. Everyone on the team was tense and wary. Paris refused to meet her eyes and looked as if he was about to be sick. 

A glance back at the viewscreen showed her father still cloaked in worry. Keleetha looked… if she went off what Polly and Spider had taught her about reading faces, she would say that he looked victorious. McIntyre read as commanding, stern, and unyielding. She doubted if the man could bend at all - even to tie his own shoes.

His reedy voice cut back through her reverie and she forced herself to focus on his words. “Well, Lieutenant, it seems that the technical footprint of your team has been eliminated from the ship. This leaves us with the more difficult aspect of the  _ social _ footprint.” He leveled a hard look at Justin. “You've been playing it rather fast and loose, haven't you?”

Anything Polly and Spider had taught Rynna about how to read faces went in the recycler when watching Justin. His entire body went still and seemingly relaxed. In truth, he was tense and poised to strike… his eyes turned to obsidian blades… the panther had come out to prowl.

“I saw no reason to maintain any type of cover once we mounted the rescue of Ensign Janeway and Admiral Paris. The action created a large stir on a vessel crewed by people unaccustomed to being in dangerous situations. Furthermore, along that same line, I felt our resulting visibility necessary to the crew’s sense of well-being going forward.”

“Being visible is one thing, Lieutenant.” He sent a pointed look at Rynna. “Fraternizing, however, is a completely different state of  _ affairs _ .”

It didn't take training to sense the sudden tension emanating from the Rangers. The knot in Rynna's stomach cramped tighter. Neither her father nor Admiral Paris would look at her.

After a moment, Spider’s deep voice broke through the deadly silence. “Excuse me, sir. I was under the impression that our personal relationships were of our own choosing, and outside of anything to do with our positions.”

“While that is true in general, Lieutenant Webb, association of a personal nature with a rescuee who is also the daughter of a well-known member of the Admiralty is much too high-profile to suppress.”

Rynna stared, open-mouthed, at the screen. Her father still wouldn't look at her, but his face had gone deep red. Was it anger or embarrassment? Keleetha, who still hadn't uttered a word, looked positively gleeful. McIntyre’s stern and unyielding expression had added annoyance to itself.

“Sir? Would this decision be the same if Ensign Janeway was not related to a member of the Admiralty?”

“Considering a fair portion of the reasons for her association with you is  _ because _ of that, I would have to say there is no way to separate it, Ensign Birdo.”

“Admiral Janeway had nothing to do with our being friends with his daughter, sir. She was included in the mission because of her expertise in the subject of study and kidnapped in a fluke situation because she happened to be on the shuttle that was captured. We became friends with her because of her actions during during her escape.” Rynna cringed. Rabbit was sticking his neck out too far for her.

“General, if I may?” Keleetha was finally speaking up. At McIntyre’s nod, he continued on. “The origin of Ensign Janeway’s association with you is not at issue here. What causes SF alarm is the danger she has been in while in the process of fraternizing with the Ranger team.”

“ _ Danger!? _ ” Jeans almost jumped across the table.

“Sit down, Crewman, or I will have you removed!” Reedy as it was, McIntyre’s voice carried brutal authority.

“Hrumph… as I was saying… Since returning from her captivity, Ensign Janeway has endured several serious injuries. The first of which was healed in secret and would never have been made known to SF were it not for a subsequent, more severe injury. We have no way of knowing how many other injuries were also healed in private. In addition, she has missed several days of duty shifts for reasons that remain unclear. Furthermore, her emotional and psychological recovery has been hampered due to the complete disregard of her counselor’s orders.”

Rynna's heart sank into her stomach and tied itself around the ever-growing knot there. Keleetha hadn't said anything untrue, and how he painted it  _ did _ make it look as if her  _ association _ with the team was causing her harm. She chanced a look at Justin, then wished she hadn't. Anguish radiated from him in large waves while the sharp knife edge of his eyes looked like they could cut through steel.

Trench's hands flexed on the table. “Exactly what is being said here?”

“What we are saying is that continued association between the Rangers and Ensign Janeway has been deemed too dangerous - to both the security of the Rangers’ identities and Ensign Janeway’s health and wellbeing.”

“You're barring us from being  _ friends _ ?” Despite his anger, Polly's tone was incredulous.

Keleetha nodded while McIntyre spoke. “As of the moment you leave this room, your association will cease. Permanently.”

“That is  _ not _ going to happen.”

“Excuse me, young lady, but it is.”

Rynna hadn't even realized she was speaking out loud - didn't even recognize the steely voice emanating from her mouth - but the knot in her belly had finally let loose… exploding like a volcano spewing lava. She stood.

“No. It isn't. Justin and I plan to be married. I will  _ not _ give that up - for anything.”

  
  
  



	17. Epilogue

Lieutenant Janeway sat on a bench, looking at the building that housed Starfleet’s Command School. It had been ten months since her father and Justin died on that icy moon. Although she was still grieving, the crippling effects had lessened, and she was on her way to rebuilding her life without them.

 

Admiral Paris had raised an eyebrow when she appeared in his office requesting that he sponsor her for Command School, but made no actual comment. The next session was not due to begin for another four months, so she had been assigned interim desk duty - compiling scientific data from various missions. 

 

She’d found it both interesting and boring. Trench had been right when she said that Dash would never be able to sit still. There was just too much to see  _ out there _ to spend your days sitting at a desk.

 

She was still living at her mother's house in Indiana. Each of the three Janeway women had come up with an excuse to remain together. Starfleet would not allow her puppy in the quarters they provided, and she needed to be around to train it. Phoebe was working on a new piece that took up most of the spare bedroom, and moving it would be more difficult than remaining there. Gretchen needed them there to help take care of the house. The reality was that they were all still relying on each other to dull the remaining grief.

 

Her mother hadn't understood her abrupt change in career direction, and it was impossible for her to explain it. The circumstances around the development of her relationship with Justin were still classified. Yet, everyone whose opinion she respected - Justin, her father, Uncle Teddy, Admiral Paris - the people who knew all that had happened during her fateful first mission - had made it all too clear to her that she was destined to move in this direction.

 

Even the other Rangers had alluded to the idea on occasion. She missed them. Although her ‘three admirals’ had successfully lobbied for her and Justin to remain together, Fleet Admiral Keleetha and General McIntyre had remained steadfast in the rest of their joint edict. Once they had returned to Earth, her direct contact with the team had been severed. Justin had still passed messages back and forth, but the moment she lost  _ him _ , she lost  _ them _ . 

 

She’d caught sight of Spider and Polly working security at her father's funeral. Seeing them there had boosted her more than anything anyone else had tried. The  _ need _ for them - their strength, their understanding, their love - had been so deep, she’d even dreamed that Rabbit and Trench were by her bedside at Medical. The best she could hope was that they were supporting each other. 

 

She shook herself. It was no use dwelling on the past. She had to move forward. She was certain that this was the best direction for her. Now that Justin and her father were gone, there was no  _ Safe _ for her. She wasn't sure if  _ Safe _ would ever exist again.

 

When she had told Justin about  _ Safe _ she hadn't really understood his response.

 

_ I'm glad you feel safe in my arms, Rynna, but you can't rely just on that. You have to make your own  _ Safe _ to survive. _

 

She understood  _ now _ , though. She had to be in charge of her own  _ Safe _ . The best way to do that was to be  _ in charge _ of what went on around her. The best way to do that was to be  _ in Command _ . So here she was, preparing to be just that.

 

She stood and gathered her things. It was time. As she walked toward the entrance she realized there was one more thing that she was certain of. 

 

Rynna no longer existed. 

 

Justin had been right - when you went through a defining experience, you were no longer the same person. That new person needed a new name to go with them.

 

_ Kathryn _ Janeway walked through the doors and into Command. 

 


End file.
